


The Stories We Tell

by salamisato



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Ableism, Abuse, Angst with a Happy Ending, Childhood, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Healing, Implied/Referenced Torture, Lea-centric (Kingdom Hearts), M/M, Neurodiversity, Organization XIII is a Cult, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Burn, Universe Alteration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-13
Updated: 2019-12-28
Packaged: 2020-12-14 10:23:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 157,702
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21014219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/salamisato/pseuds/salamisato
Summary: Lea was a problem child who made messes and never sat still. Isa was the weird kid no one wanted to talk to. It was fate that brought them together, and fate that tore them apart. But to stick together and work through all of life's messes isn't up to fate. It's a choice.ORSnippets of Lea and Isa's lives from childhood to adolescence; to the events leading up to the fall of Radiant Garden; and to the struggles of adulthood and picking up the pieces after the war.





	1. Runt of the Litter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic is going to explore some heavy themes throughout (as indicated in the tags). If those things make you uncomfortable, please be wary of it if you plan on delving into this fic. I'll be giving specific warnings in the author's note as well. Please stay safe, everyone!

**TWENTY-ONE YEARS AGO**

* * *

Lea stared at his reflection and growled, putting up his hands and pretending they were claws. He bared his teeth. His _baby_ teeth. He frowned, sighed, then tried puffing up his chest.

"I'm Lea," he said in the deepest voice a boy of six could manage. He put his balled-up fists on each hip and tried his best grin. "Oh, me? I'm just, you know, hanging out. It's what heroes do."

A loud snort startled him away from the mirror and made him jump. He whipped around to see his older brother Theo standing by the door, badly hiding a laugh behind his hand.

"Ugh." Lea scowled. "Get out of my room, Theo."

"'It's what heroes do'," Theo mocked in a whiny voice. He snorted again then let out an obnoxious cackle. "Where'd you get that from, Little Red?"

"Shut up," said Lea. "And don't call me little!"

"Why not?" Theo shrugged. "It's true." He shook his head. "Whatever it is, you're not gonna impress anyone in the playground with whatever it was you were doing."

"Hey." Lea pouted. "I thought it was cool. I saw it on TV..."

"Well, 'fraid to break it to you: it wasn't," said Theo, then walked off.

"What?" said Lea, rushing to the door and watching as Theo walked down the hallway to his own room. "You just come in to tell me that and leave?"

Theo shrugged.

"Ugh. I hate him," Lea mumbled to himself.

"What did Theo do this time?"

Lea turned around to see his eldest brother coming up the stairs at the other end of the hallway.

"Hey, Cyrus," said Lea, staring at his feet. "He was just being mean. He called me little."

"You are little," said Cyrus with a smile.

"I'm just growing!" said Lea.

"Okay, okay," said Cyrus. He ruffled Lea's hair as he passed, walking toward his own room.

"Cy," said Lea. "You don't have any advice do you?"

"Advice?" Cyrus stopped and turned. "What about?"

"Making friends," Lea mumbled.

"Oh," said Cyrus, rubbing his chin. "Right. You’re starting school tomorrow right? Well, I think the best advice I can give you is to be yourself, Lea."

Lea slumped his shoulders. "That's it?"

"I'm sure you'll make plenty of friends," said Cyrus. “Hopefully real ones this time.”

“Biscuits is important to me, okay!” said Lea.

“Biscuits isn’t real, Lea,” said Cyrus, shaking his head. “Just don't get into trouble this time. Otherwise Iona will have to pull you out and change you to a new school again."

"I wasn't making trouble," said Lea, stomping his foot.

Cyrus gave a half-hearted smile and went into his room. The lock clicked.

Lea sighed. He turned around and headed downstairs instead, running towards the front door.

"Hey!" shouted his foster mother’s voice. Her name was Iona, a stout woman with greying brown hair tied into a bun as stiff as she was. She glared at him from where she stood in the kitchen, hands on her hips and lips pursed in her everlasting frown.

"And where do you think you're going?" she said.

"I'm just going outside to play."

"It's late," said Iona. "And I don't want you coming to dinner all covered in mud like last time. Or bringing back any raccoons as your new pet."

"But—"

"I said _no_. Now come help me with dinner instead of wasting your time with nonsense games."

Lea crossed his arms. "It's not like I'm gonna get myself in trouble."

"That's what you always say," Iona sighed. "Then we get the castle guards appearing at our front door. Do you know how many times I had to apologize to Lieutenant General Dilan? The shame you bring me! Making fools of us all in front of a man of his stature."

"Yeah, yeah," Lea muttered and walked away.

“Hey, now! Did you hear me or didn’t ya? Come here and help me set these plates. Once you’re done with that you can go along.”

Lea pouted and did as told.

“Be careful with them! We don’t want to have to buy new plates if you break them.”

Lea glared at her when her back was turned. He then glared at the plates, wishing he _could_ break them. Once he was done, he bounced in his spot. “Can I go now? Please?”

“Hmph. Go on then. But stay downstairs so I can keep a better eye on ya.”

Lea grinned and bounded off towards the living room, hoping to catch his favourite cartoon on TV. But when he came in through the archway, he found his foster father, Connor, sitting by the fire and cleaning his shotgun. The pungent smell of gunpowder filled Lea's nose and made him cringe.

"Ah, Lea," said Connor as he saw Lea approach. "Like to join me?"

Lea frowned but went to sit across from the burly man anyway. When Connor looked up, he chuckled.

"What's the matter, squirt?" said Connor. "Smell too strong for ya?"

"No," said Lea. "It's stinky."

"You get used to it," Connor said. He held the gun up and grinned. "Would you look at her shine? She's a beauty. Don't you think?"

"It's a gun," said Lea, staring at it and finding nothing of note in it.

"It's more than a gun," said Connor gruffly, bringing it back to eye level to resume polishing it. "You just can't appreciate it 'cuz you've never seen it in action."

"In action?" Lea repeated, eyes widening. "D'you use it to fight bad guys like on TV?"

"What? No," scoffed Connor. "I don’t use it to shoot people, son."

Lea deflated a little but still watched Connor work on the gun in fascination. "Then what?"

"Hunting."

"Animals?" Lea frowned. He pictured the bunnies and puppies in the cartoons he watched. "But animals are nice. They don't hurt anyone. Why do you wanna shoot them?"

"Food, for one," said Connor. "And for that." He jerked his chin toward the deer head plastered on the wall over the fire.

"Wait, that's real?" Lea exclaimed. He shot up and crawled onto the table closest to the fireplace to get a better look.

"Whoa, whoa." Connor stood and grabbed Lea just before he managed to climb onto the fireplace mantel. "Easy there. Here." He lifted Lea under his arms and hoisted him up onto his shoulders, inducing a giggle from Lea.

"So high up!" he said, spreading his arms wide, as if he was flying. "Take me closer, Connor!"

Connor obliged him, and Lea got close enough to touch the deer's large antlers.

"Wow," he said, looking into the deer's beady eyes as they stared right back at him. "I always thought this was just a cheap knockoff."

"How dare you," laughed Connor, just before setting Lea back down onto the floor. "If you want, I could take you next time I go. Could be a bonding trip. You, me, your brothers too."

Lea frowned. "Ugh. Why do they have to come?"

"You aren't still fighting with them, are you?"

"They're mean to me." Lea crossed his arms and huffed. "They always call me little."

"That's 'cuz you are." Connor laughed.

"I'm not!" cried Lea. "I'm just growing! I drink my milk all the time too. You'll see! One day I'll be as tall as you, Connor. No. Taller!"

"I believe you," said Connor. “You’ll be a real man one day.”

Lea grinned. “Yeah?”

Connor chuckled, ruffling Lea’s hair. “Yes sir.”

"Boys!" cried Iona's voice from the kitchen a few rooms over. "Dinner!"

"Go on," said Connor. "Help her out."

Lea nodded and ran out the room, just as Connor yelled, "Slow down!"

Lea sped through the kitchen and around Iona's legs to grab a bowl from a low cabinet.

"Lea!" Iona yelped, then muttered, "I swear. Why do the Lights test me with such a child?"

"Don't worry, I got it!" said Lea. He grabbed a large bowl and filled it up with the stew from the pot to serve on the table.

The sound of the front door opening and closing came, followed by Lea's brothers, the twins: Cas and Paulo. They were the closest in age to Lea; just three years older.

"Hey!" said Lea. He turned to Iona. "How come they got to go out and I couldn't?"

"Oh, pipe down," said Iona. "I just sent them to the store to buy us some bread for the stew." She glanced at Lea and shook her head. "Stop pouting. Go and call Cy and Theo. Then wash your hands and sit down."

Lea grumbled and stomped his way up the stairs, barely listening to Iona’s low rambling on his lack of manners. Lea went to Theo's door first, then Cyrus' and banging on each one.

When everyone finally gathered around the table, Iona muttered a short thanks to the Lights for blessing them with the food, then told them all to dig in. Lea, whose stomach growled at the sight of the stew in front of him, was more than happy to oblige.

"Lea," Iona scolded. "Chew your food. Don't gulp it all down at once."

"But it's stew," Lea said around a mouthful of food. "How'm I s'posed to chew water?"

"Lea," said Connor with an edge of warning to his voice. "Do as you're told."

_Ugh_, Lea thought. _Who cares anyway?_ But Iona was glaring at him, so he swallowed his food and muttered, "Okay."

* * *

Lea awoke an hour earlier than his alarm. His heart thumped in his chest as he looked out the window, wondering what his new school would be like.

"Please," he begged, looking up at the stars still up in the early morning sky. "Let me make a friend today."

Iona later found him sitting by the front door, all dressed in his new uniform with his backpack on, biting his nails as he tapped his foot anxiously.

"Stop biting your nails," was all Iona said before turning to make breakfast.

Lea didn't eat—couldn't—because he was so nervous. Or was it excitement? Either way, he couldn't sit still, not when his thoughts were already pinging around the walls of his brain like a bullet. Would he make friends? Would he impress people with all his knowledge about his favourite TV shows? Would he—

"Lea," said Iona as she put on her hat and grabbed the keys. "Let's go."

He grinned and raced past her legs through the front door before she even made it to the foyer.

Lea walked ahead of Iona the whole walk to the school, skipping, leaping, walking backwards, and even marching, earning more than a couple of sighs from his foster mother. Every so often he would stop while several feet ahead of her and turn around to shout, "Come on, Iona! You're so slow!"

That earned him more than a few pinches from Iona, which eventually managed to get him to slow down. Just a little.

"Have you been there before, Iona?" he said. "What's the place like? Is it nice? Bigger than the last school? Smaller? Just the same? Are the teachers nice? I know you didn't meet them all but I mean from the ones you met do you think they were nice? I hope the kids are nice. It wouldn't matter if the teachers are nice if the kids aren't because then I—"

"Lea," Iona sighed. "Please. Can we just walk in peace?"

"It is peaceful, Iona. See? The birds are chirping and flowers are blooming and..."

Lea continued to ramble on, oblivious to his foster mother’s exasperation.

* * *

The school was bigger than the last one, much to Lea's amazement. He jumped up and down as he waited for Iona to finish settling the adult stuff she said she had to do. When she exited the principal's room, she regarded him with a worried look.

"Try to behave this time, Lea," she said, crouching down to his eye level.

"I always behave, I told you. I never did anything wrong the last ti—"

"Enough." She put up her hand and Lea bit his lip. She heaved a sigh and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Just... Try to listen to the teachers when they tell you to do something. Or to _not_ do something. _Especially_ when they tell you to _not_ do something."

"Huh?"

"Forget it." She straightened his shirt and put her hands on both of his shoulders. "Just listen to whatever they tell you, alright?"

"Okay." Lea waited for a second, and when Iona didn't continue, he piped up. "Can I go now?"

"Yeah. Come on. I'll bring you to the classroom."

When they reached the room, Iona knocked and a teacher came out to greet them.

"Ah, you must be Lea and his mother," said the teacher. "I'm Miss Violet."

"Foster mother," corrected Iona. "It's nice to meet you, Miss Violet. Please try to be patient with him."

"That won't be a problem, Mrs..."

"Miss. Miss Iona."

"Of course, Miss Iona. Lea will be in good hands. We'll just be going over basic numbers and counting today. I'm happy to have him in my class."

"I hope so," muttered Iona. "Well. I'll be off." She looked at Lea. "Remember what I told you?"

"Yup!"

"Good. Goodbye now, Miss Violet."

As Iona left, Miss Violet escorted Lea into the classroom, which was full of kids happily chattering among themselves and shouting across the room. A grin stretched across Lea's face.

"Quiet down now, class," said Miss Violet.

She brought Lea to the front and centre of the room. She clapped her hands together three times, and the noise began to quiet down as the kids sat back in their seats. As they stared at him, Lea's hands began to shake and sweat, jittering at his sides.

"Class," began Miss Violet, "this is Lea MacRoy. He'll be joining us for all our lessons from here on out. I hope you give him a very warm welcome." She looked at Lea. "Lea, take a seat now and we'll begin the activity, alright?"

Lea scanned the room. Each table seated two students, and there were plenty of empty chairs, but only two of the empty chairs were next to another student. He went to the seat closer to the front, next to a girl with black hair, but she put her bag on the chair as he approached.

"My friend's sitting here," she said.

"No one's there," said Lea.

"She's sick today. But this is her spot."

So he ended up sitting near the back, next to a boy with blue hair. When he sat down, everyone seemed to laugh, but Lea was more focused on his new deskmate—and hopefully, new friend. As Miss Violet went to her desk and explained the day's activity, Lea turned to look at his deskmate, who didn't seem bothered with Lea's arrival, seemingly absorbed in a thick blue book. Lea tried a smile.

"Hi," he said softly, so Miss Violet wouldn't hear.

The boy turned just slightly, not fully facing him.

"Hi," Lea repeated.

"Are you talking to me?" asked the boy.

"Yeah," said Lea. "Duh."

"Oh. Hi."

"I'm Lea."

"Okay."

"Uh, what's your name?"

"Isa."

"It's nice to meet you."

The boy nodded, then returned to his book.

Lea frowned and looked at his hands on the table, all his previous energy blown out like a candle. Lea spent the rest of the class not listening as he turned over the same question in his head over and over again: _What did I do wrong?_

"Lea?"

Lea looked up from the desk to see Miss Violet looking down at him. When had she appeared in front of his desk? He hadn't even noticed her moving.

"Is everything alright?" she asked, as she handed them each a few pieces of paper.

Lea glanced at Isa, who was still focused on his book.

"Yeah," Lea mumbled.

"Okay," said Miss Violet. "Now, like I said earlier, I want you to pick anything—it can be an animal, or an item like flowers or pencils or even a car—and I want you to draw twenty of those things. You can mix it up. Maybe five animals and fifteen flowers..."

Miss Violet continued to explain the task, but Lea couldn't help but look at his deskmate. He seemed completely absorbed in that book of his, even with Miss Violet in front of him.

"Lea?"

"Yes, Miss Violet?"

"Do you understand?"

"Yeah."

“Now, where are your manners?”

Lea cocked his head.

“Say ‘yes, Miss Violet’.”

“Yes, Miss Violet.”

"Good." She then went over to stand across from Isa, but she crouched down to meet his eyes when she talked to him. "Isa," she said softly. "Do you understand the task?"

"Yes, Miss Violet," Isa muttered, still looking at his book. Miss Violet placed the sheets of paper right in front of it. "Here you go. Can you close your book, please? Just until you finish the activity, okay?"

Isa nodded and took the paper. She patted his head and went to pass the papers on to the rest of the class. Lea continued to watch Isa as he took out his crayons and colour pencils and placed them neatly on his desk, perfectly lined up in straight rows.

Lea bit his lip, wondering if he should still try to make a conversation with the boy. He didn't seem interested in being Lea's friend at all, but maybe he was just shy. Lea wasn't that bad, was he?

Lea looked at his own paper and took out his own crayons. He tried to sort them into neat rows too. Maybe that would impress Isa to be his friend. But he couldn't get them all perfectly straight because he kept knocking one and making them all roll no matter how hard he tried not to.

"It won't stay still because they're round."

Lea startled and looked at Isa. Isa carefully drew out a pine tree on his paper without looking at Lea.

"Huh?" Lea said.

"Your crayons," Isa mumbled. "They're round. That's why they keep rolling around."

Lea grinned. "Oh! They're rolling a-round!" He laughed.

"What's funny?" Isa said, frowning.

"It's a pun."

"What's that?"

Lea rubbed his chin. "Hmm... It's hard to explain."

"Oh..."

"Wait, wait! Let me think first." Lea began to sketch on his paper. "It's like, when you say something but what you're saying could mean another thing." He paused. "No, no. It's like... A word that means two things. Or it doesn't have to be just a word. It could be like a phrase or a word that's made up to sound like another word I think?"

As Lea continued to list out a bunch of puns he could think of, Isa took out a small box with a bunch of buttons from his bag. Lea trailed off from his long explanation and watched as Isa’s hands pressed the buttons and rolled the box around in his palm.

“What’re you doing?” asked Lea.

Isa didn’t say anything. He just continued to play with the strange box.

Lea’s brain rattled off into a million different scenarios and he gasped at the thought of them all. “Is that a special device or something?" he said. "Is something gonna explode? Are you contacting someone? Are you a secret agent? Who are you working for?”

Isa shook his head.

“Then what is that?”

“Dad gave it to me,” Isa mumbled.

“Oh. What’s it do then?”

“Helps me.”

Lea watched, head tilted to the side, in a trance. Then he blinked and shook his head.

“O-oh, uh, anyway” said Lea. “What was I saying before?”

“You were explaining what a pun was,” said Isa absently.

“Right!” said Lea. “So did you get it?"

"No."

"Oh." Lea slumped into his seat.

"You talk a lot."

"Yeah..." Lea frowned. _You’ll never make friends by talking their ears off,_ his brother Theo had said. He tried to blink away the wetness he felt welling in his eyes, hoping it wasn’t obvious to Isa. _Cry baby_, said his brothers’ voices in his head. "Sorry," Lea said. "Didn’t mean to."

"Sorry? Why?"

Lea snapped up from his paper and looked at Isa again, who was smiling softly as his hands continued to play with the strange box, still avoiding Lea's gaze.

"You’re different,” said Isa, as plainly as saying the sky was blue.

Lea kicked his feet against his desk and frowned again.

After a while, Isa spoke again. “You’re nice.” Another long pause, then, “Nobody else talks to me. Or wants to be my friend.”

Lea gaped, at Isa, at his paper, then back at Isa. “Well, I’ll be your friend!”

Isa nodded but didn't say anything else. Lea grinned, tried his best to wipe his eyes as discreetly as he could, then focused on his drawing. In the end, he drew blueberries, blue flowers, blue cars, blue books, and a blue heart.

* * *

When recess came around, Lea happily handed in his work and bounded off with the other kids onto the playground. Once there, he looked around for a head of blue hair and came out empty. He stood on his tiptoes to look over all the other kids who were, to his displeasure, taller than him, but couldn't find his new friend anywhere. He'd assumed Isa had just come out with the rest of them when the bell rang.

"Hey, Lea!"

Lea turned around and saw a group of some of his classmates calling him over. He ran towards them.

"Hi!" Lea grinned.

"Wanna play with us?"

"Yeah!" Lea bounced on the back of his feet. "It's nice to meet you all! I'm Lea but you already know that so what's all of your names?"

"I'm Zack," said the one who had called him over. He had jet black hair and was taller than the rest of them, so he was like a giant next to Lea. Zack motioned to the other two boys in the group. "That's Cloud and Squall." Then he poked a thumb towards the girls. "And that's Yuffie, Tifa and Aerith." He bent to whisper to Lea's ear. "Don't let them fool you. They're all mean."

"Who?" said Lea.

"The girls." Zack stood up straight again and patted him on the shoulder.

"Come on!” said Aerith. “Let's play already!"

"Yeah, let's play tag," said Yuffie. "You ever play?"

"Uh huh," Lea said, unable to contain his smile.

"Okay," said Yuffie in a sing-song voice, slowly backing away. "Then... You're it!"

All at once, the group ran off into different directions, bumping into each other as they did and laughing the whole time. Lea grinned and chased after them.

Just as he was about to sneak up on one of them, he stopped in his tracks. A familiar blue head of hair sat at the very edge of the playground near the fence, all alone as he crouched over a small puddle in the grass.

"Isa?"

Without hesitating, Lea skipped over. Isa looked up just slightly, then went back to staring at the puddle.

"What're you doing all the way here?" asked Lea. "I couldn't find you before, but now that you're here, let's play tag! I'm it now. But now you're it!" He tapped Isa on the shoulder. Isa flinched. "Oh! Did I hurt you? Sorry. Iona says I'm always too rough when I play around..."

"No," said Isa. "It's okay. You go. I don't want to play."

"Aw, why not? Tag's lots of fun!"

Isa shook his head. "Too loud."

"What is?" Lea looked around.

"Everything," said Isa.

Lea opened his mouth to protest before pinching his own lips together. “I can be quiet,” Lea said in a hushed voice. “See? Now let’s play.”

"You play. I'll stay here."

"Staring at a puddle?" said Lea. Then he remembered he had to keep his voice down. "Why? But that's so boring."

Isa didn't say anything, just kept staring into the puddle's contents, one hand clutching a rock. Lea scratched the back of his head. He then crouched down across from Isa and stared at the puddle too.

"What's so interesting about a puddle?" Lea said.

"It's what's inside." Isa pointed at the puddle's edge. "They're tadpoles."

Lea bent down real close and put his head a mere hair's length away from the water as he looked in.

"Whoa!" he said. "Yeah! Wait. What's a tadpole?"

"Baby frogs."

"Oh. You like frogs?"

Isa shrugged. "Not really. But they're better than people."

"Huh?" Lea laughed. "How are frogs better than people?"

"They don't laugh at you," Isa mumbled.

"I'm a people. Er, person. I don't laugh at you. Well I just did. But it wasn’t _at_ you. Okay from now on I promise I won't. Won't laugh at you. Unless you make a joke, then I'd laugh, but that's not _at _you, more like _with _you. Or if you stumble on a banana peel or something, I guess I'd laugh because that's silly, but I guess that's not really nice, huh? 'Cause even if it's a banana peel, you can still fall and get hurt... Okay, if you trip on a banana peel I'll try my very best not to laugh. Promise!"

Isa didn’t say anything, and Lea regretted opening his mouth at all. He couldn’t help it that words just tumbled out.

Then Isa looked up, meeting his gaze for the first time. The regret in Lea’s gut washed away instantly. Lea found himself just a little bit breathless as he finally got a clear look at cerulean eyes. They sparkled like the glitter Lea had poured all over his classroom project.

Isa smiled, and that was enough to make him forget entirely about the game of tag.

Afterwards, Zack and his friends complained Lea's ears off about how he’d made them run around in circles for nothing. But Lea just shook it off and rattled all the new facts he’d learned about tadpoles.

"What are you talking about?" said Yuffie. She looked at the others. “You were hanging out with that weird kid, weren’t you?”

“Isa’s not weird!”

The rest of the group just shrugged and shook their heads, leaving him alone for the rest of the day.

_It’s okay,_ Lea told himself. _I have Isa._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Buckle up, folks. It's gonna be a long ride. Find me at @malazyian on Twitter where I ramble about writing fic.  
Also as a side note, just letting you know that any neurodivergent behaviour displayed by the characters throughout the fic are based on my own personal experience. Because like a wise denizen of the Internet once said, "This baby can fit so much self-projection in it!"  
New chapters will be posted twice a week (Saturdays and Wednesdays) ~


	2. Mnemonics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Childhood’s most memorable moments are both the best ones and the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter goes out to Ana ([@lichtenstrange](http://twitter.com/LichtenStrange_)) and also Siti, my lovely beta reader who's always there to yell about my fic with me <3

“So," said Lea, trying to catch his breath as he caught up to Isa outside the kindergarten. He sat down on the pavement next to Isa and grinned. "I've been wondering. What's the book about?"

Isa kept his gaze lowered, not even turning to face Lea.

"You know," Lea continued, "the book I saw you reading in class. It was like, huge and blue and I think the pages were made of gold like one of those ancient books in the movies."

"Oh," said Isa. He smiled. It was a tiny smile, but Lea found it hard to make Isa smile at all, so Lea was grateful for what he could get. "It's gold leaf. Thin sheets of gold. My dad likes to put it on the book edges to make them look nice. The pages are made of paper. The gold leaf is just on top."

"Oooh," said Lea. "Wow! You sure know a lot of stuff, Isa."

Isa mumbled something under his breath.

"Huh?" said Lea.

"Um." Isa shrugged, pulling on his sleeve. Lea noticed he did that a lot. "I like to learn new stuff."

"And you memorize them all?" Lea gawked.

Isa shrugged.

"Whoa, that's awesome!" Lea exclaimed. "I wish I had a memory like that! I walk into a room and forget what I wanted to do there… Iona says I need to eat raisins or I’m gonna get dentistia when I’m old."

“Dentistia?”

“Like when you forget everything? I think.”

“Oh. Well, my dad says you have to practice to train your memory."

"How do you practice something like that?"

"Just keep repeating it until you remember."

"Ugh, that sounds boring," said Lea, kicking a pebble on the ground. "There's gotta be a better way to it. Something more fun!" He closed his eyes and thought hard. "Oh, oh, I know! What about a game? We could play together!”

"A game?" said Isa.

"Yeah, a game. I like to win, see. Winning something just makes things more fun to do." Lea shrugged. “Besides, everything’s funner when it’s a game. Iona likes to play a game called the ‘Stay Quiet’ game.”

“I don’t know how to make a game out of this,” Isa mumbled.

“How about Match Match? I always wanna play but I don’t have any cards at home and nobody wants to play with me.”

“Match Match?”

“It’s like… You have a bunch of cards with pictures on ‘em and you lay them all face down and shuffle ‘em. Then you arrange them into rows and you have to flip them over to find out what’s underneath! Each card has a pair and every turn, you get to choose which cards to flip, and if the cards are a pair then you get a point! And whoever gets the most points wins.”

“I thought you never played it before.”

“Yeah but… I saw the other kids in my old school play it a lot.”

“Oh. I don’t know if I have any cards at home. But I can ask my dad.”

“Awesome!” Lea grinned.

“What happens if you win?”

Lea put his hands on his hips and thought, humming. "Let me think... Okay. If I win, you gotta buy me ice cream. And if you win, I'll get you one."

"My mom and dad always buy me ice cream." Isa brushed a strand of hair behind his ear. "But I guess if you win, I can ask them to buy one for you. _If_ you win."

"Yeah!" Lea pumped his fist in the air. "I am _so _going to win."

"I doubt it."

“Oh yeah?”

“Mm.” Isa nodded.

“Well just you wait then! You’re gonna eat your words!” Lea cackled like one of the villains from his favourite superhero cartoons.

“You can’t eat words.”

“Sure you can!”

“How?”

“I… I don’t know! But people say that all the time so I guess you can.”

"Isa," called a voice. Lea looked up to see a well-dressed man with a briefcase approach them; he had long black hair, a thick beard, and wore a suit and tie. Once he reached them, Isa stood up and grabbed the man’s hand, moving to stand behind the man’s feet and angling his body away from Lea.

"Who is this?" said the man as he regarded Lea.

"That’s Lea," said Isa.

"You made a new friend?" the man asked, a warm smile growing on his face.

"Hi!" Lea grinned. "Are you Isa's dad?"

"That's right," said the man. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Lea."

"You too!” He then realized he was slouching and sitting with his legs stretched wide open. Remembering his manners, he shot up and held a hand out to Isa’s dad. _A firm handshake is a good judge of a man’s character_, Connor had told him once. “It’s nice to meet you. I like your suit. It’s fancy.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you too, Lea. Call me Mr. Sahar,” said Isa’s dad. He looked at his tie and brushed it down. “And, thank you, though it’s not very fancy at all. Are you new here?”

“Uh huh,” Lea nodded vigorously. “I like it here. It’s nice and Isa’s here and Isa’s nice!” Mr. Sahar beamed and Lea went on, “Isa and I made a bet! I’m gonna win!”

“It’s a card game, not a bet,” said Isa quietly from behind his dad’s legs.

“Oh?” said Mr. Sahar.

“I’m trying to practice my memory,” said Lea. “Iona is always scolding me for forgetting stuff. But Isa remembers everything! So I thought if I could beat him in a memory game, it would help me remember stuff better.”

“Reward as motivation,” said Isa’s dad, stroking his short beard. “I see.” He chuckled. “So what game is this anyway?”

“Match Match!” Lea said. “It’s a matching game. I used to see the kids at my old school play it all the time.”

“We need cards, dad,” Isa said, tugging on his father’s pant leg.

“We have some board games and cards at home. Maybe Lea can visit sometime and you boys can find what you need. Would you like that, Isa?”

Isa turned red, nodding his head just slightly.

“Really?” Lea exclaimed. “I can come visit?”

“If your parents don’t mind,” said Isa’s dad. He looked down at Isa and patted his head, then looked back to Lea. “Now, we should be getting home. Isa, your mother is cooking lasagna tonight.”

Isa smiled, then looked to Lea before quickly staring at his shoes. “Bye, Lea.” He paused, fidgeting and tugging at his dad’s pant leg. “It was nice meeting you.”

“Yeah! It was great meeting you too.” Lea waved his arm wildly through the air as they walked away. “Bye, Isa! See you tomorrow!”

Lea went home feel a giddy fluttering in his chest that had him smiling all through the rest of the day.

* * *

As the days went by, Lea continued to sit at the back of the class and talk Isa’s ears off. But Isa never seemed to mind, and every now and again, he’d add something to whatever Lea said. Still, Isa was too quiet and Lea’s unending energy had him flitting around the class to spend time with the other kids. Isa, on the other hand, always sat alone and unmoving at his desk.

By the end of his first two weeks in his new school, Lea already became known as the class clown, the loudest of the bunch, with the most exciting stories to tell.

“And then I raced down the street—_zoom_!” he exclaimed. All his classmates surrounded him, gasping ‘ooh’s and ‘ah’s and ‘wow’s. “But I was too slow,” he continued, “and the dog caught me! Ripped up my arm off! Blood was flying! Everywhere! It was like stepping in a pool of ketchup!”

“All that blood,” muttered Squall, sounding faint.

“But with the last of my strength,” Lea continued, acting out his story with all the drama he could muster, “I punched the mad dog and it flew off of me! My brothers found me and I had to go to the hospital and the doctors told Connor and Iona that they had to chop the rest of my arm off!”

The crowd gasped. Squall started crying.

“Wait a minute,” said Cloud. He pointed an accusing finger at Lea. “This isn’t real, is it? You still have your arm!”

“Uh, _yeah_, because my brother had to donate his to me,” huffed Lea.

“What?” said Cloud. “That doesn’t make sense.”

“Sure it does!” said Lea. “Anyway—”

“_Lea MacRoy!_”

Everyone jumped and turned at Miss Violet’s thundering shout. She stood at the door of the class, hands on her hips, nostrils flaring. Lea gulped.

“What do you think you’re doing?” fumed Miss Violet. “Look! You made Squall cry!”

“But—”

“Time out.” She pointed sternly to the corner of the class. “Now!”

Lea sulked and dragged his feet to the corner. He slumped into the stool and crossed his arms.

“You will sit there and you will pay attention until the day is over,” said Miss Violet. “Do you understand?”

“Yes, Miss Violet” Lea mumbled. His eyes felt wet as tears threatened to spill. _I was just having fun, _he thought. Class time went by and Lea sat in his stool, not even listening as he watched his classmates have fun without him.

When class ended for the day and everyone left to wait outside for their parents, Miss Violet kept Lea inside. Isa hovered by the door and turned around to look at him. Lea offered him a small wave. Isa waved back and exited the classroom.

Lea stood at the window. He saw Miss Violet waiting outside until Iona arrived. They talked, Miss Violet gesturing to the classroom and Iona’s eyes growing wide as she shook her head and started rattling on about things Lea heard in muffled bits and pieces, his mind filling in the blanks.

“Please, forgive me, Miss Violet. I’ve tried my best with that child but he never listens!” he heard Iona say. “He watches too much television… It fills his mind with such nonsensical stories... Once he told all our neighbours that a monster was coming to attack. He sent everyone into a panic! You can’t believe a word of what comes out of his mouth...”

The rest was inaudible, but he was too familiar with her chastising words that he could guess. His chest tightened at the thought of what else Iona could be saying about him. Then, his ears picked up another piece of their conversation.

“I am so sorry for his shameful behaviour,” said Iona.

“I understand... A child without a real family. It must be difficult. I’m sure you’re doing the best you can for him...”

His eyes filled with tears as he watched them through the glass. Finally, Miss Violet escorted Iona inside. Iona took one look at him and scowled. When he didn’t move from his seat, she strode towards him and pinched his ear.

“Ow!” he cried, tears spilling from his eyes.

“What an insolent child,” she said. She turned to Miss Violet. “I promise you this will not happen again.” She then turned back to Lea. “As for you. No more TV for ya. Understand?”

Before Lea could say anything, she dragged him out by the ear as he cried.

* * *

For the days that followed, Lea tried his best to behave in Miss Violet’s class. His classmates stayed away from him. Isa sat quietly in his seat as always. Lea sighed and tried his best to focus as Miss Violet started handing out papers and explaining the day’s activity.

But there was electricity coursing through his veins. If he didn’t let it out, it would knot up and grow and grow until he felt like he would burst.

“Lea!” scolded Miss Violet. “What have you done with the paper I gave you? You destroyed it before I even let you all start the activity.”

“It’s not destroyed,” said Lea. “It’s ori… origa…”

“Origami,” said Isa quietly from beside him.

“Yeah, origami!” Lea took another paper the stack in Miss Violet’s hands and folded it into a paper plane. “I saw it on—” He remembered that he wasn’t supposed to watch TV at home. But that hadn’t stopped him from stealing glances from the television shop window. “In a magazine! Saw it in a magazine.”

“Lea. Whatever that is, is not origami,” said Miss Violet. She gave him another piece of paper. “Here. This is the last one you will get. If you ruin this one, I’ll put you in time out. Do you understand me?”

“But—”

“Lea.”

“Okay, Miss Violet,” said Lea, sinking into his seat with a pout.

When Miss Violet returned to the front of the class, Isa slid the paper away from Lea’s desk. “I’ll hold it for you,” said Isa. “Until we start.” He then took out his strange box with buttons and passed it to Lea.

“What’s this for?” said Lea.

“For your hands,” said Isa. “To do something while you wait.”

Lea blinked and cautiously reached for the box. As Miss Violet explained the activity, he played with the buttons like Isa had done while listening to the briefing.

When Miss Violet clapped her hands and let them get to work, Isa passed Lea back his sheet of paper and started arranging his drawing supplies into neat rows as usual. Lea stared at his paper, then spared a glance at Isa.

“Thanks,” Lea said, ducking his head and smiling. “For saving me from time out this time.”

“You’re welcome,” said Isa. “...You’re different. Like me. ...Just that you’re louder.”

* * *

After school ended, Lea waited with Isa like he had on the first day. When they both approached the waiting area, the other kids who were already there moved away, leaving a gap between them and their classmates. Lea ignored it and looked at Isa.

Isa tugged on the long sleeves of his shirt. “Umm. So when would you like to come over to play the card game?”

“Really?” Lea gasped, then bit his lip. “I mean, you want me to come over?”

Isa nodded. “You can ask your parents and then you can come over. We have lots of games I never play.”

“What? Why not?”

Isa shrugged. “It’s boring to play with your parents all the time. They always make me win.”

“Isn’t that a good thing?”

Isa shook his head. “I want to win fair and square.”

“Well too bad! You’re gonna lose fair and square when you’re up against me!”

Isa smiled, the sight of it quickly becoming one of the highlights of Lea’s days.

When Lea went home and asked Iona and Connor about visiting a friend’s, they both seemed surprised.

“I’ll have to meet his parents first,” said Connor.

Lea took it as a yes and bounced up and down, repeating ‘thank you’ over and over as he ran up to his room to plan all the fun things they could do at Isa’s house. He wondered what games Isa had and if he had lots of movies to watch. He stayed in his room and drew pictures of him and Isa doing all the fun things he saw best friends do on TV. He smiled, telling himself he’d show Isa the drawings when he came over.

When the weekend rolled around, Connor walked with Lea to Isa’s house as planned. The address Isa had given them was in the North Borough, a part of the city that Lea rarely stepped foot in. It looked so different from Lea’s neighbourhood in the East Borough. The floor here was made of mosaic tiles and the Sage-King’s castle loomed over the houses from behind.

“Wow,” said Lea. “The castle’s so big up close.”

Isa’s house stood out from the rest of the block, its walls painted a bright yellow and its lawn filled with blossoming flowers and vegetable plants. Lea followed Connor to the front door and jumped to reach the doorbell, missing every time. Connor shook his head and rang the doorbell for him.

The door opened and revealed Isa’s dad, looking so strange in a casual jumper instead of his usual suit.

“Hi, Mr. Sahar!” said Lea, waving his hands as he jumped up and down from behind Connor, who stood like a giant between them.

“Why, hello, Lea,” said Isa’s dad, his face lighting up. He then turned to Connor, looking him up and down. “You must be Lea’s father,” said Mr. Sahar. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“Foster father,” said Connor. They shook hands.

“Would you like to come in for some tea?” Isa’s dad stepped aside and gestured for them to come in.

“No,” grunted Connor. He cleared his throat. “It’s, uh, alright. I’m just here to drop Lea off.”

“Ah, I see,” said Isa’s dad. “Well, we’re glad to have him over. Isa is very excited.”

“Where is he?” Lea said.

“Come on inside,” said Isa’s dad. “He’s upstairs, down the hallway, first door to the right. Just knock on his door.”

“Yay!” Lea moved to run in but a strong hand held him in place.

“Lea,” said Connor. “Behave yourself. Alright?”

“I will, I will!” Lea shook Connor off and bounced. “Can I go see Isa now? _Pleeeease_?”

“Alright, alright, have fun,” said Connor.

That was all Lea needed to race past Isa’s dad and up the stairs to Isa’s room. He took a deep breath, unable to control himself from smiling so hard, then knocked softly on the door.

“Isa?” he called. “It’s me, Lea.”

The door opened and Isa stepped out, hair covering most of his face as he stared at his feet. “Hi,” he muttered.

“Hi.” Lea grinned. “I like your house!”

“Thanks.” Isa brushed his hair away from his face. “Do you... want to come inside?"

"Sure!"

Isa hesitantly stepped aside to let Lea come in. Lea’s jaw fell to the floor. Isa's room was so full of _stuff_. He had shelves of books, a desk, a tall wardrobe with engravings in the wood, and a big soft-looking bed. Lea flopped onto it, feeling it bounce under him. It was so _soft_. He stood up and began jumping, giggling all the while. As he bounced on the bed, he saw glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling and drawings taped onto the bright blue walls. He stopped jumping immediately. “Oh no!” he said.

Isa frowned at him, eyes wide.

“I forgot to bring the drawings I made yesterday!”

“...Drawings?”

“Yeah!” said Lea, hopping off the bed. “I drew pictures of us yesterday. I wanted to show you…”

“Oh.”

Lea smacked his forehead and sighed. “Oh well. I’ll show you on Monday at school.” Then he noticed a shelf behind Isa that grabbed his attention. "Ooh!" He scampered towards the shelf. It was low enough for him to reach at his height. On it were rows and rows of rocks. He turned around to look at Isa, who was twisting the front of his starry sweater and staring at the floor. "You collect rocks?" Lea asked.

"Y-Yeah..."

"Oh, wow! That’s so cool!" Lea turned back to the rocks, picking each one up and inspecting them. They weren't just average rocks. Lots of them had swirly patterns or shone a certain colour in the light. "They're so pretty! Where'd you get 'em from?"

"Mmm. The forest. There's lots of weird stuff out there."

"Really?” Lea gasped, inhaling a huge amount of air. “That’s. So. _Awesome_!"

"Awesome?"

"Yeah! I never been to the forest. Connor said he wants to take me and my brothers on a hunting trip but that’s in like, _forever_. Man! I wish I had a collection of... something."

Isa nodded. "...Um. Do you... want to go to the library? That’s where the games are.”

“Yeah!” said Lea, pointing up to the ceiling. “Well, even if you don’t have Match Match we could always play something else. Ooh, d’you have Old Maid?”

Isa nodded.

“Yes! Just lead the way!”

Isa nodded, then hesitantly reached out to Lea and took his hand, literally leading him to the library. Lea felt like he was going to blast off through the roof.

The library was downstairs behind a pair of thick wooden doors engraved with stars. Isa halted in front of the door and turned to Lea, voice hushed. “Dad says we have to be real quiet in libraries.”

“I can be quiet!” Lea blurted out, then slapped his hand to his mouth. He whispered, “I mean, I can be quiet.”

Isa nodded and opened the door. He was a few inches taller than Lea, but still had to stand on his tip-toes to reach the brass knob.

Lea gasped when they stepped inside. “_Whoa_… It’s. Huge.”

Lea bounded off to examine the wooden shelves lined with thick leather-bound volumes, eyes wide with wonder. He ran his hand over the spines.

“Ah, there you two are.”

Lea spun around. Mr. Sahar stepped inside the library and shut the door, the sound echoing throughout the vast room. Isa’s dad was frowning slightly but when he looked at Lea, he smiled.

“Mr. Sahar, it’s incredible!” Lea exclaimed. His hands shot to his mouth. “Sorry,” he whispered. “Mr. Sahar, where did you _get_ all these books? There’s so much!”

“So _many_,” Mr. Sahar corrected, but there was no scolding bite in his tone, and his smile was kind. “Isa’s mother and I collect them from just about anywhere. Before we settled down here in the city, we used to travel a lot. Some were gifts, some we found, some we bought. Each one telling not just the story within its pages, but of the memories we made when we got them.”

“Wow,” said Lea. He didn’t really understand what Mr. Sahar meant, but he could tell it was something important. “Some of these books look _ancient_.”

“And some of them are,” said Mr. Sahar. “Would you like to see one?”

“Yeah! Something cool!” said Lea.

“Let’s see,” said Isa’s dad, scanning through the shelves as he stroked his beard. As he browsed, Lea and Isa took a seat on one of the library’s plush sofas.

“Lea,” said Isa, frowning. “What about the game?”

“Hold on, I wanna see what a bunch of dead people wrote,” said Lea with a laugh.

Isa grumbled, crossing his arms.

“Lea,” said Mr. Sahar. “Isa told me that you’re a fan of larger-than-life stories. Is that true?”

“The largest of life!” said Lea, kicking his legs in the air. Isa shushed him and he slapped his palm to his lips. “Sorry.”

Mr. Sahar chuckled. “I think I have an idea of what you’d like.” He went to the edge of the room and bent to search through the bottom shelf, then picked one and pulled it out. He walked back to Lea and Isa and offered it to them.

Lea breathed out and carefully took it with both hands. It was _old_, its bright yellow cover creased at the edges and its print slightly faded. Isa leaned over Lea’s shoulder to get a closer look.

“‘Tales Across the Worlds: A collection of short stories, poems, and songs from this World and beyond’,” Lea read aloud.

“Across the Worlds?” Isa repeated. “There’s only one world.”

“Other cities or countries,” Mr. Sahar explained. “There aren’t any superheroes or action stunts in it, but there _are_ scary monsters.”

“Wow,” said Lea, staring at it like it was an artefact from an ancient tomb. He flipped it open to a random page and read aloud, “‘The Ballad of Twilight.’”

“That one is a classic,” said Mr. Sahar. He took a seat across from them and fished out a pipe. “Why don’t you boys try reading it aloud?”

Lea nodded and cleared his throat. Then he read:

> “Where light and dark live in harmony,
> 
> Together like milk and honey
> 
> that coats the trees and streets like gold;
> 
> Painting silver lining to behold.
> 
> When sun and moon meet,
> 
> They dance and kiss, tender and sweet,
> 
> Cradling the stars above and life below;
> 
> Their nurturing embrace sows and lets grow.
> 
> How many eternities spanned, still spent together,
> 
> Neither night nor day nigh in yonder;
> 
> Even when Darkness shall pervade and the last star fade,
> 
> They hold each other’s face and say, ‘I will stay.’”

Lea paused, eyes going through the text again and again. Finally, he said, “I don’t get it.”

“Me neither,” said Isa.

Mr. Sahar took the pipe out of his mouth and smiled. “It’s a love story between the sun and moon. According to the poem, they loved each other so much that neither of them wanted to leave the other’s side, making the sunset last forever.”

Lea cocked his head to the side.

“That’s silly,” said Isa. “If the sunset lasts forever, how do people tell the time and go to sleep if there’s no night time?”

Mr. Sahar nodded. “I suppose it’s not very logical, is it? But most of the time, love rarely is.”

“I don’t get it,” said Isa.

“That’s alright.” Mr. Sahar chuckled. “I suppose you boys are too young to understand anyway.”

Isa hummed and closed his eyes, deep in thought.

“Now,” said Mr. Sahar, stretching and standing up. “I should return to my study. Don’t you boys have a game to play?”

“Oh, right!” said Lea.

“Don’t tell me you forgot,” said Isa.

Mr. Sahar then left them both to play. As it turned out, Isa’s parents did have the Match Match game. Isa took the box and brought it out to the backyard garden where they sat and played. Isa won, no contest. Lea was stuck flipping the same few cards over and over the whole time.

“Now you owe me ice cream,” said Isa.

“Aw, man!” Lea groaned, falling backwards against the grass. He sighed. “Fine. I guess you won. Fair and square.” He sat up and looked around. “Now what? You have other games to play?”

“Sure.”

They spent their time after that playing Old Maid. But halfway through, Lea sighed and put his cards down. “I’m bored,” he said.

“Me too. This game isn’t very fun.”

“What do you usually do for fun?”

Isa stood up and walked over to the flower hedges at the end of the garden. He then beckoned Lea over.

“What’re we doing?” said Lea.

“This is what I usually do for fun.”

“Stare at plants?”

“My dad likes to garden.” Isa pointed at the different flowers they had and rattled off all their scientific names and facts about each flower. Lea listened, eyes wide with wonder.

“Wow, Isa,” said Lea softly. “You’re really smart. I wish I could be as smart as you.”

Isa’s face flushed into a light pink. “I just read it from a book.”

“Got it all memorized, huh?” Lea laughed. “So you really like nature stuff? Like plants and rocks and animals and stuff?” Lea lay on his stomach, leaning in close to inspect a caterpillar crawling up a flower stalk.

Isa nodded. “They’re okay.”

Lea crawled back onto his knees and dusted off the stray blades of grass that stuck to his shirt. “Just ‘okay’? Then what do you really like?”

Isa hummed, closing his eyes in thought. “I really like space.”

“Space?”

“Outer space.”

“Like the stars and moon and stuff? Like in that poem.”

“More scientific than that poem,” said Isa with a small smile.

“Hello there, boys!”

They both turned and found a woman standing at the door to the house. She waved at them and came over. She flapped her hands and smiled at Lea.

“Hi!” Lea stood up and held out his hand. “You must be Isa’s mom.”

“That’s right,” she said, eyes not quite meeting his. She stared at his held out hand. “Oh, that’s alright. I, um, I’m not good at handshakes.” Lea tilted his head as she continued. “You can call me Mrs. Sahar, or Idana, whichever suits you fine. It’s very nice to meet you. I’m glad Isa is making friends.” She looked at Isa. “Are you having Lea over for dinner?”

“If he wants,” said Isa. He glanced to Lea. “It’s theatre night. Do you wanna stay?”

Lea bounced up and down and nodded, grinning like a madman. “Yeah, I’ll stay!” Then he paused. “What’s theatre night?”

Mrs. Sahar smiled. “You’ll see.”

Lea and Isa continued staying outside as Isa told Lea astronomy facts, Lea holding on to every word, picturing everything in his head. When Isa started talking, he never seemed to stop, and Lea appreciated that since it was so rare for Isa to open up. Lea decided that Isa should open up to more people, so he introduced Isa to Biscuits. Isa asked Lea if Biscuits was using some sort of camouflaging device which was why they couldn’t see him, and Lea said yes. Isa waved to Biscuits and said hello.

When dinner rolled around, Mrs. Sahar served chicken casserole, and it was the best food Lea had ever tasted. With their bellies filled, Mr. Sahar gathered them in the living room and Lea realized what theatre night meant. Sat in front of the fire, Mr. Sahar narrated mythical stories of monsters and epic battles while Mrs. Sahar acted them out by making her hands into shadow puppets.

And even though Isa insisted that they were too illogical to be enjoyed, he seemed just as immersed as Lea was, their eyes wide with wonder and gasping at every turn of events. During the suspenseful parts, Isa clutched Lea’s sleeve. Heart thumping in his chest, Lea took Isa’s hand and squeezed it. Fingers intertwined, they watched and listened to the tales Isa’s parents weaved. Lea had never felt happier in his life.

At the end of the night, Mr. Sahar walked Lea back home. Before parting, he passed Lea the book he’d showed them earlier. Lea gawked at it.

“You’re letting me keep it?” Lea said.

“I heard that you’re banned from watching TV,” said Mr. Sahar. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t still enjoy good stories.”

“But… I thought all your books are super special,” said Lea. “I’m not—”

“We have plenty. Please. Keep it.”

* * *

Weeks later, Lea brought along his copy of the book Mr. Sahar had given on the hunting trip with Connor and his brothers. They journeyed past the gates of Radiant Garden, into the forest past the Old Village and the fields. They set up camp in a small clearing surrounded by thick wood.

"Why are you so obsessed with that stupid book?" said Theo in the tent shared among Lea and all four of his brothers.

"It's not stupid," mumbled Lea as he tried to wrap his head around one of the poems.

"Whatever it is," said Cyrus, "you better focus when we actually find some game. Poems won't do you any good out there. All that matters right there and then is your aim and your guts."

"Guts," laughed Cas, one of the twins. "Like the animal's guts we're gonna spill."

"You think there'll be a lot of blood?" said Paulo, the other twin. "And entrails?"

"What's entrails?" said Lea.

Cyrus smacked both twins on the head. "Don't. You'll scare him."

"I don't get why he's even here," said Theo, rolling his eyes. "This is a man's job. No place for a puny brat."

"I am a man," said Lea, putting his book aside and sitting up straight.

"You're a loser," said Paulo.

"And you're like, what, three?" said Cas.

"I'm six." Lea pouted. "You're nine. That's only—” He counted with his fingers. “—three years older than me!"

"Shut up, all of you," said Cyrus. "Connor wants Lea to come because this is a bonding experience. Now go to sleep."

The next day, they left the camp bright and early, setting off to follow deer tracks that Connor had found. Lea, Cas, and Paulo were too young to even touch the shotgun and only watched as Connor instructed Theo on how to aim for the deer in the distance.

"Cy,” said Connor. “if you get this one, Theo can get the next one."

"You're so sure there'll be a next one," said Theo.

"If there isn't," said Connor, "I'll teach you how with birds."

Theo shrugged. Cyrus crouched low in the bushes and readied the gun at the deer.

Lea watched in excited amazement, hands jittery as he held them over his ears as told. Cyrus pulled the trigger. Once, twice, three times. The gunshots echoed throughout the forest. The deer wailed, a sound of fear as it attempted to run still. It was a sound full of sadness. And then it stopped.

Connor motioned for the boys to follow as he went to inspect it.

All the excitement Lea had felt seeped out in an instant. In its wake, Lea felt only terror. The deer’s mouth was open and its eyes were glass. It seemed to stare at him, peering into his soul, almost as if asking him ‘why’. It was so beautiful, its soft fur drenched red.

Lea cried, weeping and wailing until Connor had to drag him aside and crouch close as he pointed a stern finger at Lea.

"Lea, what's the matter with you?" Connor said.

"I-Is it dead?" Lea choked out. "Is it really dead? You killed it."

"What did you think would happen?" said Connor, shaking Lea's shoulders.

"I-I don't..." Lea hiccuped. What _did _he think would happen? He cried even harder.

"Lea," Connor scolded. "Snap out of it. Look at you, crying like a baby. I thought you said you were a man."

Lea hiccuped and snivelled.

“Lea!” Connor barked. “Are you gonna man up or aren’t ya?”

Lea nodded quickly.

"Then stop your senseless crying! Get back out there!"

Connor dragged him back to where the deer lay, Lea still sniffling as he wiped his tears and snot on the collar of his shirt.

His brothers laughed and took pictures with the deer. All the while, Lea looked into its eyes, and its dead eyes stared back, empty and glistening.

* * *

The following Monday at school, Lea and Isa sat together during recess eating their lunch boxes across each other.

"You're quiet today," said Isa softly.

Lea shrugged and picked at his sandwich. He didn't feel hungry at all. He'd barely eaten since the previous weekend.

"Lea? What's wrong?"

"I'm not good at anything." Lea pouted, tears welling in his eyes.

"Just because you're not good at remembering doesn't mean you're not good at anything."

Lea cried, burying his face in between his bent knees, ice cream melting in his hand.

"Lea...?" A moment passed, then two, then three. "I didn't mean it in a bad way. Sorry. I didn't... Please don't be sad. Here, you can have my oranges. You said you liked them..."

Lea shook his head. "No, it's not that." He wiped his tears on his shirt and took a deep breath. "I have to be a man. My brothers are always making fun of me."

"They're mean," said Isa plainly.

"No... You don't..." Lea sighed. "You don't get it."

"I don't get a lot of things," said Isa. "But you always explain it to me anyway."

Lea blinked, taken aback. Isa was the one who knew more than Lea did. Isa was the smarter one. Lea looked at Isa, then ducked his head again. "I'm a runt," was all Lea managed.

"So?"

"So that means I'm weak and that means I'll never amount to anything!"

They sat there for a long while, neither of them eating their food.

Finally, Lea shook his head and stood up. "You're my witness, Isa. From here on out, I'm going to get stronger."

"How?"

"I... I don't know yet. But I will. You'll see! I'm gonna be tough." He puffed out his chest. "Like a real man. You'll see, Isa. One day, I'm gonna be strong. And I won't cry about silly stuff anymore. I'll show you. I’m gonna be a real hero!" He turned to Isa and grinned, tapping his temple. “Got it memorized?”

Isa opened his mouth into an ‘O’ and nodded.

Lea spun around and kicked and punched at the air, crying out “Take this!” and “How’s that for ya!” until he ran out of breath. He then leaped into the air for a jump-kick and fell, tumbling towards the dirt. "Ow..." he groaned, rubbing his head.

Isa laughed. "My hero."

"Hey!" Lea cried. "I just started off, alright? I'll get better."

But Isa just continued laughing, and Lea couldn't help but join in. They laughed until their stomachs hurt. Even when the bell rang and all the other kids went back inside, their laughter still hung in the air.

* * *

Lea continued to visit Isa’s house more frequently to the point that it was just a part of his day. Mr. Sahar let Lea borrow a bunch of books to bring home and read too. But still, his favourite was the first one Mr. Sahar had gifted to him, and he read it every night until he memorized everything in it.

One day when Lea came to visit after school, Mrs. Sahar was at her parents’ house and Mr. Sahar had to go out to run errands. Despite Lea assuring that he was used to being home alone, Mr. Sahar refused to leave them both unsupervised. So he brought Lea and Isa along as he ran errands around town. As Mr. Sahar went inside a shop, Lea spotted an ice cream cart just across the street and remembered he still owed Isa ice cream. He dragged Isa over there.

“Two ice creams please!” Lea said to the ice cream man.

When the ice cream man passed the ice cream to each of them, Lea made Isa hold his while he paid. But as he dug through his pockets, he found he was short on change. His face grew hot and his fingers began to shake. “I thought I had enough!” he cried.

“You must’ve used some of it when you lost that bet to Aerith,” said Isa.

“Don’t worry,” came a familiar voice from behind them. Lea whirled around and saw Mr. Sahar standing there with a warm smile. He took out his wallet and passed the cash to the ice cream man. “My treat.”

“B-But Mr. Sahar!” said Lea. “I was supposed to pay. I lost the game.”

“Don’t worry about it,” said Mr. Sahar, putting a hand on Lea’s shoulder. “We spent the whole day out running errands when you both wanted to play at home. So consider it my treat for helping me out.” He smiled. “The icing on the cake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The box with buttons is actually a fidget box and when Lea mentions 'dentistia', he meant to say dementia.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter [@malazyian](http://twitter.com/malazyian) where I constantly ramble about LeaIsa. Comments and kudos are always appreciated!
> 
> Also a huge thank you to [@Myed89](http://twitter.com/Myed89) for making [art](https://twitter.com/Myed89/status/1186685906939461634?s=19) for this chapter! 💖


	3. The Abominable Grit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea learns that violence can't solve everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning:** Child abuse and ableism  
There's art for this chapter! [[Twitter](https://twitter.com/haidadraws/status/1185566218146607104?s=19) | [Tumblr](https://haidadraws.tumblr.com/post/188447709938/the-stories-we-tell-chapter-3-is-out-heres-some)]

**SEVENTEEN YEARS AGO**

* * *

"I spy with my little eye... something green."

"Tree."

"Ugh, Isa," Lea whined, setting down the binoculars and leaning against the outside wall of the cabin of the lookout post. "There's only trees to look at. I'm bored. There's nothing to do here."

"Just seconds ago, you shouted, 'this is the best place ever'," said Isa, shaking his head. "I thought you wanted to come with us to the lookout."

"I do!" Lea sighed and flopped down onto his back. "I just thought it'd be more fun here." He crossed his arms and stared up at the endless skies above him. "But I guess it's better than staying at home with my brothers when you’re gone for a whole week."

"Maybe we can—No, mom won't like that. Hmm..."

“Hmm…”

The clock from the inside the cabin ticked, annoyingly loud in the silence of their boredom. Lea groaned. Isa followed, then lay down next to Lea on the floor outside the cabin. The cabin was a nice place, despite the lack of electricity and the fact that it was initially a fire lookout. Isa’s parents had decorated the cabin’s interior after coming to camp out here every summer. They always brought Isa along and this time, Lea had the honour of joining them. That's what he had thought at first anyway. He hadn't expected it to be so boring. But at least the view was nice. The cabin sat atop a mountain overlooking the whole forest.

"What do you usually do when you're out here?" said Lea.

"Read," said Isa. "Or walk around and look at the flowers and stuff. Or cloud watch, like we're doing now. I like the quiet out here."

Lea smiled. "Okay, then. I guess I could cloud watch with you then."

Isa pointed up at the sky. "I like to draw out shapes from the clouds."

"Oh!" Lea stared at the clouds, scanning for any funny-looking ones. Then he found one. "Aha! Look at that one. Looks like a lizard."

"Hmm. I'd say more like a salamander."

"A giant salamander that destroys buildings?"

"No." Isa paused. "One that works in a cubicle and always files his taxes on time."

Lea laughed. Isa joined in.

"That one," Isa pointed at another cloud. "Looks like... a sock."

"Oh, maybe when we lose one sock, it's actually because one of the socks died and floated up to heaven and became a cloud."

"I thought it's because trolls steal our socks."

Lea giggled. "I thought you didn't believe in fairy tales."

"I don't. It’s just a story."

"If that is someone's missing sock up there, whose do you think it is?"

"Kadaj."

"Wow, Isa!" Lea cackled.

"He deserves to get his socks stolen by trolls and thrown into the sky to become a cloud."

"Yeah. That guy's a big jerk. Same goes for his brothers." Lea shot up.

"Hey, did you do something to them?"

"What? No! I want to though."

"Then why do they hate you so much?"

Lea grumbled. "'Cause I'm..." He hated even saying it. "'Cause I'm small."

"So?"

"So, if I were bigger, _I'd_ pick on me too!" Lea heaved a frustrated sigh and covered his face with his hands. "Why can't I just grow taller already? I'm still the shortest in class—"

"And skinniest."

"And skinniest—_hey_!" Lea whined. His hands balled up into fists and he slammed one against the floor. "I'm sick of it. You're already like three inches and three-quarters taller than I am!"

"Wow. When did you..."

"I took a ruler and measured when you were busy looking at those dogs in the pet shop."

"You just carried a ruler with you?"

"I was a man on a mission."

"Well, I guess you succeeded."

"It's not a success! You're way taller than me."

"Sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?"

Isa shrugged. “I didn’t know what else to say.”

Lea sighed and stood up. "You know what? Even if I'm short, I've been brushing up on my moves. Next time those guys try to pick on me, they won't see me coming."

"Because... you're too short?"

"Isaaaaa," he whined, but his whining was cut short by his own fit of laughter as he flopped back to lie on the ground.

Isa laughed too. "What was funny?"

"Not funny," said Lea. "I just like talking to you."

Lea regained his breath and looked up at the sky. A few moments passed when he noticed how quiet Isa had gotten. "Isa?" He angled his head to look at him, and saw Isa’s face had turned beet red.

"You okay?" said Lea.

"I'm fine," said Isa, a little too quickly. "It's just the summer heat."

"Yeah, I guess it's getting pretty hot, even though we're so high up." Lea stood up, fanning himself as he leaned against the bars of the railing that surrounded the cabin. "But man. Even if this place is boring, it sure is beautiful. We can really see everything from up here."

Isa stood up next to Lea to get a look at what Lea was seeing.

"Yeah," said Isa.

Lea pointed into the distance. "You can still see the Sage-King's castle from here."

"I wonder what he keeps in there.”

“Yeah. What do you do with that much living space?"

"Libraries?"

"That many?" Lea whistled. "I'd renovate it to have a game room and a swimming pool and a private theatre and maybe even a disco room."

"Who still dances to disco?"

"What's wrong with disco?" Lea stood up and started dancing the typical moves he saw from TV.

"Are those the moves you said you're brushing up on to fight back against Kadaj's gang?"

"No!" Lea burst into laughter.

"_I'd_ be scared if I wanted to punch someone and they just started dancing."

"Scared?" Lea laughed some more. "Why?"

"It's just so unexpected. It'll throw them off."

Lea continued to laugh, and Isa just stared. But as Lea lurched toward the floor, stomach hurting and eyes filled with tears, Isa smiled and began to laugh too.

After they calmed down, Lea wiped his tears and shook his head.

"You know," said Lea. "Maybe that's not a bad idea. But after a while, he'll come to his wits and still throw a punch. So I still have to fight back."

"I guess dancing won't solve all your problems."

"Nope," Lea giggled before standing up again. "That weekend when you were sick and couldn't hang out, I spent the whole time watching a bunch of action movies. I've been practising. Watch."

Lea kicked and punched the air as Isa watched. When Lea got out of breath, he faced Isa and saw him smiling. Isa clapped.

"Not bad," said Isa. He then stood up. "But you could do better."

"Aw, come on, Isa, give me a break!"

"You always said you do better when you're competing, right?" Isa stepped back and took a deep breath. He threw swift kicks and nonstop jabbing punches in the air, finishing it with a strong uppercut and a tiger roar for emphasis. "How's that?" Isa said in between heaving breaths.

Lea beamed and gave whooping applause. "Whoa, Isa! Where'd you even learn that?"

"I watched that movie you talk about so much. The one where the hero beats ten guys up with just a spatula?"

"Really?" Lea gasped. "You watched The Abominable Grit?"

"All five of them," Isa nodded.

"I thought you hate those movies."

"You like them," mumbled Isa. "Though I don't know why. They got really repetitive."

Lea grinned from ear to ear. "That was _amazing_, Isa."

"Thanks." Isa tugged on the long sleeves of his shirt and looked at his feet, his ears turning pink.

"But," said Lea. "I think I can do you one better."

"Bring it on then." Isa smiled.

The two of them started beating and kicking at the air simultaneously, gasping for breath between laughter and punches. They were standing with a good amount of space between them, but Lea accidentally swung too hard and ended up socking Isa right in the face.

"Oh crap, oh crap," Lea hissed. "Isa, I am so sorry!"

Isa rubbed his cheek and finally faced him, revealing a large, swollen red mark across his cheek.

"Isa," Lea cried, the tears spilling out without warning. "I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, I promise! I just—"

"It's okay," said Isa, voice thick. "When I go back to school, I can tell people I fought a bear in the woods."

Lea choked out a laugh in between his sobs and hugged Isa. "I'm sorry," he said into the crook of Isa's neck and shoulder.

That was how Isa's parents found them when they came back into the cabin; Lea crying into Isa's shoulder and Isa reassuring him despite Isa being the one who got injured. Lea managed to calm down after Mr. Sahar told him that it was going to be fine, and that there was no permanent damage done. He brought Isa an ice pack and turned to Lea, putting a hand on Lea’s shoulder. “Don’t worry,” said Mr. Sahar. “We aren’t angry at you. Accidents happen. Just try to be more careful next time, okay? No more fighting.”

Mrs. Sahar brought them both a stick of ice cream from the freezer, which they both ate in silence as the sun slowly began to sink into the far-off mountains.

"I'm sorry," said Lea.

"I told you, it's fine," said Isa, still holding the ice pack to his face while he bit into his popsicle. "Besides, I was right."

"Huh?"

"All you needed was some motivation and you managed to land a good hit."

"I was never supposed to hit you! If anything, I'd wanna fight to _protect _you..."

"My hero." Isa smiled, rolling his eyes. “I don’t need you to protect me, Lea.”

"But I want to! And heroes don't punch their friends in the face, even if it is by accident."

"I guess. But from all my dad's stories, and I guess from your action movies too, I learned that heroes make mistakes. This is just one. ...Though I guess you make a lot of mistakes."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

"You're welcome."

Lea sighed. "Does it hurt?"

"Not with the ice on," said Isa. "Don't worry about it."

"How can I _not_?"

"You can watch the sunset with me."

"I'm already doing that, genius." Lea bit down a smile.

"And the moonrise."

"I'll sit with you until all the stars come out and you can name every single constellation if you want, you dork, but—"

"Promise?"

"Promise what?"

"That you'll stay," said Isa. "Until all the stars come out and I get to name every single constellation."

Lea laughed. "Course!" He perked up. " 'Even when Darkness shall pervade and the last star fade, they hold each other’s face and say, ‘I will stay.’ Got it memorized?"

Isa paused for a long time. "I didn’t think you still remembered that silly old book,” he finally said.

“Course I do! I still have it y’know. ‘Sides, my memory’s in tip-top shape.”

Isa fixed him with a look.

"Okay, fine, I lied. My memory's still bad and Iona still gets mad at me for misplacing all my stuff. I lost all my comic books already."

"That's bad."

"Yeah, it is." Lea scratched his head. "Don't know how you keep your memory so sharp." Lea chuckled. "Though I guess that's a good thing. Means you'll never forget me when we grow up and find our own families and turn all old and grey."

"That's a long way to go." Isa fidgeted with the sleeves of his shirt. "I don't want to grow up and turn old and grey..."

"You'd look better as an old man than you do now," Lea snickered.

"You think so?" Isa paused. "Wait. Hey!"

Lea laughed and swatted Isa's shoves away. "I'm sorry, I was joking!" They both laughed until the sun shone its final rays of light upon their faces, casting Isa in a warm glow, the side of his face covered by the ice pack unseen from where Lea was sitting. Lea's stomach flipped.

"I guess you're right though," said Lea softly. "I don't want to grow up just yet either."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I wish it could just be like this forever.”

Isa smiled, and Lea wished he could keep that smile forever.

"Me too," said Isa.

* * *

Time passed and the rest of the summer went by. Some nights, Isa's parents brought them both out for dinner and stargazing out in the fields past the Old Village on the outskirts of the city, just a ways off from the forest. Nights spent stargazing were a hallmark of summer since that first year they'd met.

"That one's called the Black Trident," said Isa, tracing the sky with his finger.

"Why black?" asked Lea. "The stars aren't even black."

"Because that's the colour of the grim reaper's cloak," said Isa.

Lea hummed. "Like the one in the stories? But why the grim reaper?"

"Because those stars are predicted to die soon."

"What? How come? Poor stars."

"They're near a supermassive black hole," said Isa. "They call that black hole the Grim Reaper himself. They say it gets bigger and bigger and soon it'll even eat up our own planet."

Lea gaped and felt a chill, but couldn't help but be amazed that something like that existed right above them.

"Actually," Isa went on, a smile in his voice, "the stars in the Black Trident might already be dead. Light travels fast, but not fast enough to reach all the way from space to our eyes. So the stars we see could actually be gone by the time their light reaches us."

"Whoa," Lea breathed, feeling equal amounts of awe and terror.

"Uh, boys," said Mr. Sahar, laying with Isa's mom a small distance away from them. "Could you lighten up a little?"

"One day," Isa continued, "I hope I can see them for myself."

"The stars?" said Lea. "How?"

"Space travel is becoming a big possibility," said Isa. "I think that's what the Sage-King is working on when he talks about his research in his speeches."

Lea imagined Isa surfing through space and smiled at the thought.

"If you ever go," said Lea, "get me a souvenir. From the moon. Oh, oh! Or from the sun!"

"The sun's too hot to visit, silly," said Isa with a small chuckle. "If you even get close, you'll be fried worse than that egg you tried to make this morning."

They laughed. "Well," said Lea, "if space travel's possible, who knows? Maybe they'll make some super special armour that keeps you safe from the sun."

"Armour will be about as useful as wearing a trillion layers of sunscreen. You'll still get burned."

"Nah. I'm so hot that when I meet the sun, the sun will look like a limp jelly bean."

Isa snorted and burst into laughter.

Beneath the million lights hanging from the galaxy above, Lea felt like he might float as he lay there he talking and laughing with Isa. And when Isa reached out his hand, Lea easily took it and entwined their fingers. He breathed an easy sigh, wishing this summer would last forever.

* * *

On the nights Lea spent alone in his house, shut away by his brothers, Lea spent his time reading the latest books he’d borrowed from Mr. Sahar.

Eventually, the leaves began to fall from the trees and the days grew chillier as autumn's visit to Radiant Garden inched closer. Lea had insisted they put off doing homework the whole break. It wasn't until the last week when Lea finally gave in and forced himself to finish it before Iona had his neck. Isa nagged Lea the whole time Lea stayed over while they tried to finish their work, but Mr. Sahar offered to patiently help them through each question until they completed every last one.

When Lea came home afterwards, he headed up to his room. The house was quiet. The twins had a baseball match today, he recalled, so no one was home except for Theo, who'd gotten into a huge coughing fit this morning and ended up being too sick to go. Lea had almost been forced to attend, but when he'd explained he had to finish his homework, Iona seemed proud and let Lea head to Isa's place.

Lea sat in his room, pleased that no one else was home to interrupt him as he immersed himself in the books. But when he sat down, he couldn't find the book he’d wanted to read.

"Ugh," he said. "Theo! Stupid idiot. It’s not funny!"

He ambled out of his room, tired from a long day's work, and went down the hallway to Theo's room. He didn't bother knocking.

"Theo, I told you to stop—"

Lea cut himself short and found himself frozen in his spot. Theo was lying on his bed in nothing but his underwear. On top of a girl. The girl wasn’t wearing anything at all. She screamed.

"What the fuck, Lea?" Theo shouted. "Get out of here!"

"You’re not sick!" said Lea.

“Get out,” Theo said, striding towards Lea. “And if you tell Connor and Iona, you’re dead!”

“But—”

Theo struck Lea across the face, shoving him out of the room until Lea fell to the floor. The door slammed in his face.

The tears spilled at once. Lea scrambled to his feet and ran.

He ran to the only place he knew he could go, his short legs going as fast as they could take him. He rapped on the door and jabbed the doorbell button until the door opened.

"Lea?" said Mr. Sahar. “Did you leave somethi—”

Lea hugged him, only reaching up to the man's stomach, and cried all over his shirt.

"Shhh, there, there," Mr. Sahar cooed and led Lea inside.

Mrs. Sahar popped out of the kitchen and gasped when she saw Lea. The next minute, she pushed a warm cup of hot chocolate into his hands as he sat on the wooden floor of their living room.

"I know it's unconventional," said Mrs. Sahar. "Hot chocolate in summer. But it seemed right." She flapped her hands as she waited for Lea to take a sip.

"Thank you," said Lea with a smile, voice still thick from crying. "I really appreciate it, Mrs. Sahar."

She smiled. Isa came downstairs not a moment later.

"Lea," said Isa, sitting on the ground next to Lea. "What happened? Why are you crying?"

Lea shook his head. "Nothing," he muttered. "I guess I'm just being a cry baby."

"You're not a baby just because you cry," said Isa, fidgeting with the fabric of his shirt. "Even heroes cry. Like Agent Enigma in The Abominable Grit. He cried in all five of his movies." He offered a soft smile and looked Lea in the eye, a rare occurrence that Lea never took for granted.

Lea choked and smiled until his cheeks hurt. He sniffed and wiped his tears as they dried.

“I have an idea,” said Isa. “My dad told us a story once. About a man who lost the love of his life and was so hurt that he couldn’t bear crying anymore. So he met a witch, asking if she could turn him into stone forever.”

“I remember that one,” said Lea. He cleared his throat and recited dramatically, “‘Oh, for I have lost my love. And with her, my heart! I seek solace in becoming one with the statues of stone, for these fragile legs of bone cannot stand another minute apart from she who held my heart.’”

“Exactly,” said Isa. “But the witch couldn’t turn him to stone. So instead the witch gave him these upside down tears on his face to stop the flow of tears. That way, he wouldn’t feel the pain of her loss.”

“But he did end up becoming stone right? He watched over his lover’s grave for so long that he became frozen there.”

“Yeah, but maybe you could wear those marks too,” said Isa. “The upside down tears like in the story.” He stood and fetched a marker, then came back and sat closely across from Lea. “You ready for this?”

“Hit me,” said Lea.

“Why?”

“Just do it, Isa.”

“Okay…”

Isa slapped Lea on the shoulder.

“Ow!” Lea yelped. He rubbed his shoulder. “I didn’t mean—Ugh, guess that’s my fault. I meant, draw the marks.”

“Oh!” Isa turned a deep red. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.” Lea grinned. “I guess that’s payback for the bruise I gave you during our trip at the lookout.”

Isa’s lips tugged up in the corner. He leaned closer and slowly drew the marks on Lea’s face. This close, he could feel Isa’s breath on his cheeks. Lea’s face grew warm.

“Hey,” said Lea. “You think I’ll become stone now too?”

“No,” said Isa. He capped the pen and leaned back. “Something stronger.”

“Can I hug you?” Lea blurted out. He immediately regretted it. “Actually nevermind. I know you don’t really like people touching you so just—”

“You can,” said Isa softly. “I don’t mind.”

Lea bit his lip to stop himself from blurting out something more stupid, then pulled Isa into a hug. He heard Isa exhale through his nose as he hesitantly returned the hug. As Lea held Isa in his arms and breathed in the smell of Isa's pine-scented soap, he thought the Grim Reaper could swallow Lea up tomorrow and he wouldn’t mind; the light of Isa's smile would still be able to pull him out.

When Lea went home much later, Connor and Iona treated him with a long and rambling lecture. Apparently, Theo had told them that Lea had stormed out crying after Theo made an 'innocent joke'. Iona grounded him from leaving the house until summer ended. Connor dragged Lea aside and grabbed his belt. Lea braced himself for the pain.

The tears that fell wiped off the marks on his cheeks in an instant.

"What have I told you?" Connor said. "You can't just cry and run away every time. You're not a baby anymore. Now stand up and stop snivelling."

* * *

The school term came too soon. Whether Lea liked it or not, he found himself stuck in boring classes again, except this time, Isa wasn't in most of his classes.

"This sucks," Lea said during recess. "Class is no fun without you."

Isa nodded. "My classes are way too quiet that everything just becomes so loud."

Lea kicked his shoe against the ground. "I heard you had a meltdown today."

"Yeah..."

"Sorry I wasn't there with you," said Lea.

"Yeah," said Isa. "I got detention for walking out of class."

Lea scratched his head in frustration and kicked a rock away. "I should've been there. Then I could've told the teacher and—"

"Lea," said Isa. "It doesn't matter. I'm used to it."

"I know but... I wish..."

"Wish what, little runt?"

Lea spun around. He glared. _Kadaj and his gang of silver-haired jerks._

"Go away, you guys," said Lea, balling up his hands into fists. "Now's not the time."

"'Now's not the time,'" mocked Kadaj. "You hear that? Little maggot thinks he's all tough."

Loz and Yazoo laughed from where they stood behind Kadaj. Loz punched his own palm, sneering down at Lea. Despite being the same age as Lea and Isa, the boy was already huge.

"Heard blueberry here had another of his tantrums today," Kadaj said with a mocking pout. Then his voice lowered. "Freak."

"Don't call him that," said Lea, forcing himself to stand in between Isa and Kadaj.

"Looks like the maggot wants to play hero," said Yazoo in a sing-song voice. "How cute. He's like a widdle chihuahua."

The three silver-haired boys laughed. Lea glared at them, seething and trying his absolute best to push the oncoming tears back.

"Aw," said Yazoo. "He's gonna cry."

"Of course," said Kadaj. "That's what babies do."

"What a couple of weirdos," Yazoo laughed. "You're just perfect each other. A blue creep and a red runt."

"Stop it," Lea said through gritted teeth. "Just leave us alone."

"Aww, did you hear tha—"

Kadaj crumpled onto the ground with a loud wail, clutching his face where he'd been hit. Lea gawked at Isa, whose fist was red from the punch.

"What the hell?" said Yazoo.

Loz came forward and growled but was thrown off his feet in seconds. He cried as he hit the floor in a loud thump.

"You meanie!" cried Loz, clutching his knee.

"He told you to stop it," said Isa, standing over the two fallen boys.

"You're both freaks!" Yazoo yelped. He fled.

Lea gawped at the whole scene, stuck in place.

"Isa," he breathed. "You... How did you..."

Isa panted. Then, finally said, "The Abominable Grit was very educational.”

The teachers came not long after, shrieking and calling for assistance as they crouched over Kadaj and Loz. Lea and Isa were sent straight to the principal's office. Mr. Sahar, Iona, and Connor came not long after. When their parents and teachers demanded answers, Lea and Isa both said in unison, "They deserved it."

“Isa?” Mr. Sahar said, disappointment clear in his face as he squatted to meet Isa’s eye level. “How could you do such a thing?”

“It was me!” Lea said, putting himself between Isa and Mr. Sahar. “Isa had nothing to do with it. It’s not his fault.”

“Lea,” Iona hissed. “Out of all the stupid things you’ve ever done.” She grabbed his ear and pinched hard. She slapped him, leaving his cheek throbbing. “Disobedient, foolish, insolent child—”

Tears fell down his cheeks unbidden. Isa’s worried face became a blur in Lea’s vision.

“There he goes again,” said Connor. “Every little thing and you cry. Look at us! Listen to Iona!”

“Hey now,” said Mr. Sahar. “Don’t talk to him like that.”

“You stay out of this,” Connor grunted. “You take care of your own son.”

“Excuse me?” said Mr. Sahar.

“You raise the poor boy however you like,” said Iona. “And we’ll raise ours. No need to meddle in our affairs.”

“Meddle?” Mr. Sahar scoffed.

“It’s because of you and your son that Lea’s turned soft,” said Connor. “He needs to toughen up and deal with it. He should know by now that if he messes up—”

“Toughen up?” Mr. Sahar exclaimed. “He’s a boy! Not even ten years old!”

“Now, now,” said the principal, standing up from his desk.

“He won’t be a boy forever,” Connor continued, “so he can’t keep acting out and just get away with it. He has to learn. In the real world, no one’s gonna protect him.”

Mr. Sahar laughed. “Do you hear yourself? He is ten years old. He made a _mistake—_”

“Maybe you just let your child off the hook,” said Iona. “But Lea is normal. He doesn’t need someone standing up for him just because he’s—”

“Because he’s what?” Mr. Sahar said, voice seeping with venom.

The shouting overlapped then, each one of them yelling over each other that Lea couldn’t make out any words. He sniffed and suppressed a sob as he wiped his face with his arm. He then looked at Isa, whose hands were pressed tightly against his ears as he rocked back and forth in his chair.

Then Lea’s own tears didn’t matter anymore. Lea took hold of Isa’s hand and gently brought him to his feet to lead him out the room.

“Hey!” shouted Connor. “Where do you think you’re going?”

“Come on,” Lea whispered, but Isa was too far away, his eyes glazed over. He probably couldn’t hear Lea, but they had to get out of here. He squeezed Isa’s hand, hoping to get Isa to budge as he pulled him out of the room. Then he ran. Isa in tow, he ran and ran until he could barely breathe and his legs hurt, out through the school gates, through the mosaic-tiled streets of the central city, until they reached the fountain square just before the city gates.

“I’m sorry, Isa,” Lea said when they finally got to sit, crouched and hiding behind a pillar. They sat in the shade, where the ground was cooler. “I know you can’t hear me. But… it’s gonna be okay. I wish I had some water for you or something.” He sighed. “I hope the shade helps at least.”

Lea sat there in silence as he waited with a trembling heart and racing thoughts for his friend to come back to the surface. He didn’t look at Isa, the reassurance of hearing his breathing beside him, and hearing it gradually steady out as he rocked back and forth was all he needed. He didn’t know how long they spent hiding behind that pillar. He knew Connor and Iona were going to have his head on a platter for sure. _What if they don’t let me see Isa again?_

He didn’t pray to the Light like Iona did. In fact, he never prayed to anything. But he did now. _Please_, he begged to whatever divine being was or wasn’t out there. _Don’t make him leave. Don’t let me lose him._ But he wasn’t an idiot. He knew how Connor and Iona were.

Maybe it was hours later when he felt Isa’s cool hand reach out to his and lace their fingers together. It took a while longer before Isa spoke, his voice thick and low.

“I don’t want them to separate us,” said Isa.

“They can’t separate us,” said Lea.

“Yes they can,” Isa whispered. “And they will.”

“Not if I run.”

“What are you talking about?” Isa shook his head and buried his face in between curled knees.

“I’m not leaving you, Isa.”

Isa’s hand tightened around Lea’s, but Isa said nothing. The sun had long since set when city guards found them and dragged them away from each other and to their parents, who stood amongst a gathering crowd of civilians and guardsmen alike in the city square in front of the castle. Lea watched Isa leave with Mr. Sahar while Iona dragged Lea by the ear as he kicked and cried and screamed.

“I don’t want you anywhere near that boy anymore, understand?” said Iona. “He’s a bad influence. I don’t want his illness rubbing off on you.”

“He’s not—”

“Quiet!” she said.

“It’s for the best,” grunted Connor. “I never liked that father of his. Soft-minded. Thinks he’s better than everyone else just because he has more money than we do.”

When they reached home, Iona tugged him through the door and let go of his ear in a swift motion that knocked him off balance and left him falling to the ground.

He saw his brothers watch from the stairs. Lea squeezed his eyes shut and tried to prepare himself for what came next. He heard the belt unbuckle. He screamed.

* * *

That night, Lea ran and never looked back.

The city guards found him and threatened to drag him back, Lea begging and crying for them not to. Then they saw his bruised face and arms and gasped. They brought Lea to the guard station then, tending to his wounds and putting a blanket over him.

“Don’t worry,” one of the guards told him. “You won’t have to live with those people anymore. No one’s going to hurt you now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Twitter [@haidadraws](http://twitter.com/haidadraws) where I post art! Comments and kudos are always appreciated~


	4. Boys Will Be Bugs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ah, puberty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _I'm a dumb teen boy, I eat sticks and rocks and mud_  
_I don't care about the government, and I really need a hug_  
_I feel stupid, ugly -- pretend it doesn't bother me_  
_I'm not very strong but I'll fuck you up if you're mean to bugs_  
_Don't mess with me, I'm a big boy now and I'm very scary_  
_I punch my walls, stay out at night, and I do karate_  
_Don't message me 'cause I won't reply, I wanna make you cry_  
_Ain't that how its s'posed to be? Though it isn't me_  
_Boys will be bugs right?_  

> 
> \- [_Boys Will Be Bugs_ by Cavetown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uREGk0fT0GQ)
> 
> **Warning:** ableism

**FIFTEEN YEARS AGO**

* * *

Lea frowned at his marked test paper, glaring at the large ‘F’ scrawled onto the front in thick, red ink. Lea sighed and stuffed it in his bag as he headed for the cafeteria. _Out of sight, out of mind._ He got his lunch—a meager bowl of rice and some soup—then scanned the room. He spotted Yuffie waving and grinning at him from the table at the very center of the cafeteria. Lea grinned back and sauntered over.

“Hey guys,” he said as he slid onto the bench with Squall, Cloud, Tifa, Yuffie, Zack, and Aerith.

“Hey, Lea,” said Zack. “What do you think of the new transfer student?”

“Huh?” Lea scratched his head. “Oh. The girl with black hair, right?”

“Yeah,” said Zack. “You think she’s cute?”

Lea shifted in his seat. His leg bounced up and down beneath the table. “Yeah, totally.” He coughed and put on a grin. “She’s hot.”

“Finally!” said Zack. “Someone who gets it!”

“I thought you were trying to set her and Squall up?” Aerith chuckled.

“Squall doesn’t seem to want her.” Zack shrugged. “I have no idea why! Have you seen her?”

As the others continued to go back and forth, Lea’s mind wandered. He stared at them as they talked, but found himself disinterested and unable to focus on what they were saying. Instead, he wondered what Isa was doing. _He's probably in the library studying_. He imagined Isa sitting alone in the library, nose buried deep in a book. A part of Lea wished he was there instead, trading whispered jokes in the peaceful quiet of the library. Then he pushed that feeling aside. He had a whole _group_ of friends now. Why should he want to be stuck in a stuffy old library? Sure, Squall and the gang weren't exactly popular by school standards, for they were outcasts just like Lea, born and raised from the slums of the East Borough. But they were respected in their own right and everyone knew not to mess with anyone in their group. Lea was proud to call himself part of them, and yet... _No. __What am I doing? _Stop_ thinking about him and his stupid blue hair and pretty eyes and soft smile and—_Lea felt his face grow hot.

“Lea?” said Tifa.

He blinked a few times, focusing his vision as he looked at her. “Huh?” he said.

"Are you okay?" said Aerith.

Lea's eyes went wide but he stuffed a giant spoonful of rice into his mouth. "Yeah'm fine," he said around his food. "Why?"

"You look kind of... red," said Squall. "And I don't mean your hair."

Lea shrugged and played it off by growing a sudden interest in the grains of rice on his plate.

“Anyway,” said Tifa, “as I was saying, what do you think?”

“About... Squall and the new girl dating?” said Lea.

“What?” said Aerith. “No. We stopped talking about that ages ago. About our history teacher.”

“Oh,” said Lea. “Yeah, he’s a huge jackass.”

Zack barked out a laugh. “Well, you’re not wrong! But we were talking about him getting married!”

Squall flicked him on the forehead. “Were you even paying attention?”

“Of course not,” Yuffie snickered. “When does he ever? Lea the Space Cadet is what our math teacher calls him.”

“Sorry,” said Lea. “I was just, uh, thinking about homework.”

“The guy who never does his homework,” said Cloud, “was thinking about homework.”

“He’s thinking about all the ones he hasn’t done,” Squall chuckled.

“You mean all of them?” said Zack.

They all laughed and continued to throw jabs at him. Lea laughed along half-heartedly and bit his lip as he stared down at his empty tray, leg still bouncing beneath the table.

Eventually, lunch ended and they all shuffled back to their classes. He checked his schedule as he took his books from his locker. Science class. He cursed under his breath and sighed. He hated science class the most. The teacher just droned on and on and on and he never understood a single thing. Not like the textbook made much sense either. He balled his hands into fists and almost considered skipping it, then remembered what had happened the last time he skipped a class. So far, Polly and Bill had never touched him, but he didn’t want to take that chance. He gulped, then dragged his feet over to class.

“Mr. MacRoy,” said his teacher Mr. Rivers when Lea came in. “You’re late.”

“Sorry,” said Lea with a bow. “Had to go to the bathroom. Diarrhea.” Some of his classmates snickered. He turned to them and smiled. “Don’t eat the gravy, folks.”

“Just sit down,” said Mr. Rivers. “Don’t make me send you to detention. Again.”

“Yes sir,” Lea said. He scanned the room for an empty seat. His eyes accidentally met with eyes of clear cerulean, but it lasted for only a split second. His breath hitched, but he forced his head down and headed to a seat in the back.

As Mr. Rivers continued with the lesson, Lea began to space out. He tried his best to force himself to listen to what Mr. Rivers was saying, but the words were like raindrops on a windshield: there for a second then wiped out in an instant. It didn’t take long for him to tire from forcing himself to focus. His gaze wandered away from his teacher at the front and to a familiar head of blue hair. Lea sighed.

He knew it wasn’t doing any good to keep staring at Isa like this. He knew it would just fuel the vivid dreams Isa starred in that Lea tried so hard to push away. Isa had started questioning Lea's behaviour to the point that Lea had just stopped talking to Isa completely to try to rid his mind of the thoughts that plagued him. It's not like he _wanted_ to. He missed Isa no matter how hard he tried to convince himself that he didn't, that he _shouldn't._ He just wanted those terrible dreams to go away so they could go back to normal. But he couldn’t help it. And avoiding Isa was even harder than trying to focus in class. Lea was a speck of metal and Isa was a magnetic force too strong for him to resist.

Lea watched Isa hunched over his desk, diligently jotting down notes as always. With Isa’s amazing memory, he always earned the top score in every test. And yet, Lea still heard people whispering about him, about the weird kid who would storm out of class every other week. “He still has temper tantrums at his age?” Lea had heard one of the older kids say. “You have to be nice to him. He’s an invalid,” someone else had said.

Lea’s chest tightened. At last, he pried his gaze away from Isa and tried to focus on the lesson. No luck. Electricity knotted up in his mind, turning everything that entered into static. He grit his teeth and clenched his fist, leg bouncing under the table. He couldn’t stand it. He just wanted to leave. To stand up and do something. But he couldn’t.

Taking a deep breath, he reached for a pen and tried to write notes. Even if he couldn’t keep the words in his mind, at least he could stick them onto paper. But as the clock ticked on, his handwriting got worse and the scribbled notes turned into doodles instead.

A hand snatched the paper away.

“Hey I—”

“Mr. MacRoy.” Mr. Rivers glared down at him. “What did I say? I told you in our previous class, the next time I see you not paying attention, you head to detention.”

“That rhymes,” Lea blurted out, against his own better judgement. “I’m sorry! I—”

“Let me guess,” said Mr. Rivers. “You didn’t mean it. That’s what you always say. Once or twice I can tolerate. But you, Mr. MacRoy, are an impossible case.”

Lea saw Connor's face in his mind and his eyes widened, heartbeat quickening.

“I won’t do it again, I promise!” said Lea.

“Is he gonna cry?” he heard someone whisper, followed by snickering laughter.

“I—” His face grew red-hot.

“Enough,” said Mr. Rivers. “I’m sick and tired of hearing your excuses, young man.” He leered down at the paper he’d snatched from Lea. “What’s this? ‘I’ plus ‘L’ in a little heart shape.” The laughter grew. “My, it seems our class clown has a crush.”

“Oooh,” his classmates said, giggling and staring at him.

Lea said nothing, face on fire as he blinked away wetness and stared at his desk. The laughter only grew.

“Detention,” said Mr. Rivers. He pointed to the door. Lea took his things and left, tears spilling out the second he exited the class. He could still hear the laughter coming from behind the door.

* * *

Lea scrubbed the wooden floorboards and scowled at the dirty stains that refused to go away.

“Oi,” said Polly, his new foster mother. “What's with the face, huh? Watch that attitude. I don’t want you doing your chores looking like that.”

“I’m already doing it,” said Lea. “What’s it matter what look I have on my face?”

“Watch your mouth, yeah?” she said. A hand shoved his head down. “Do your work. And use your hands, not your mouth.”

“But I—”

“What did I just say? Get on with it or it’s no dinner for you.”

He sighed and did as told. Polly and her husband Bill were the third foster parents he’d had since Connor and Iona.

He’d heard teachers around school whispering about him for it. “You know how these kids are,” they’d said. “Thrown around in the system all their lives. It’s sad.”

He still had foster siblings each time around too, but he never cared much for any of them. Many ran. Only few got adopted. He barely even remembered most of their faces now. Did they remember his? Would it be like this forever? Getting tossed around and cast aside, forgotten?

He continued to scrub the floors until he was called into the kitchen to help prepare dinner. He sat quietly and still throughout dinner, just as he’d been taught.

“Lea,” said Bill. “Are you going around in public like that every day?”

Lea swallowed. “Like what?”

Bill pointed a thick finger at Lea. “Your hair. You look like a girl.” He turned to his wife. “You let him go out like that?”

“I keep telling him to tie it up at least,” said Polly with a shake of her head. “He never listens. Won’t let me bring him to the barber without throwing a tantrum either.”

“Hmph,” said Bill.

Bill didn’t say anything else after that. He just stood up and left his uneaten plate on the table. Lea breathed a sigh of relief and finished the rest of his dinner. After washing up and clearing the table, he made his way to the living room to watch some TV before bed. But Polly had other plans. She grabbed him and stopped him from moving any further.

“Oh, no you don’t,” she said, dragging him away from the living room.

“Where are we going?” said Lea.

“Bill is gonna cut your hair. Come now.”

She brought him to the bathroom, where Bill was already waiting by the tub with a pair of scissors and a razor. Try as he might, Lea couldn’t run. Bill easily held him down with one hand while the other worked at Lea’s scalp. The buzz of the razor drilled into Lea’s head. As clumps of red strands fell into circles around his feet, he refused to let any tears fall with them.

When it was done, Bill made him look in the mirror. Lea didn’t have to. He already knew he was bald. Knowing didn’t make the sight any more pleasant.

“Now that’s what a man should look like,” said Bill.

Lea glared at the man through the mirror’s reflection for a long time, but Bill paid him no mind. Seeing the man look so smug and unbothered by Lea’s anger just made him seethe even more. He was nothing but a weedy boy of twelve, but in that moment he felt a bomb beneath his skin ticking its final seconds. But when his eyes moved and landed again on his own reflection, that flurry of anger vanished. A dreadful thought sunk in, freezing him on the spot with a look of horror on his face; _I’m ugly._

* * *

The next day, everyone laughed as he walked into class.

“Didn’t know clowns could be bald,” one of his classmates cackled.

“Guess he forgot to wear his wig today,” said another.

As they kept laughing, Lea took a deep breath. "Whoops," he said, in the most sarcastic tone he could manage on the brink of tears. "Guess you can call me Forgetful the Fool." He sauntered to his desk as everyone laughed at his ridiculous pun._ Well, _he thought, _if you can't beat them, join them._

He sat with his back straight and didn’t look away from the board for the entire class. He didn’t hear anything from the lesson. He _did_ hear every single jab that his classmates threw his way. He also felt Isa staring at him the whole time, making the situation that much worse. He wanted to run and hide and never show his face again. But he sat still as stone, determined not to let them see any cracks.

* * *

“Ta-da!” said Lea as he stood on his hands. His classmates laughed and clapped as he bounced back to his feet.

“They teach you all those stunts in clown school?” laughed Cloud.

“Sure do!” said Lea with a grin and a bow. “They have to! The school I went to only teaches the best clowns there are. Training’s vigorous, you know?”

As he laughed along with everyone, he noticed people turning around, the laughter dissolving into murmurs instead.

“It’s that weird kid,” said one of them.

“Another one of his hissy fits?” another laughed.

“What else is new with that freak?” said another.

Lea peered through the crowd and spotted a head of blue hair slipping past the crowd of students emerging from the school entrance, books pressed tightly to his chest as one hand tugged incessantly on his other sleeve. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy.

The wires in Lea's brain met and a jolt of rage coursed through him. “Don’t talk about him like that,” he snapped.

His classmates looked at him with wide eyes filled with confusion and fear.

“Whoa, dude, calm down,” mumbled one of them. “We were just joking.”

“It’s not funny,” Lea growled. “I’m a _clown_, remember? I should know what’s funny and what isn’t. And if you say that crap about him again, I'll beat all of you up and you're gonna know why people are so afraid of clowns.”

Without even waiting for their reactions, Lea ran after Isa. Lea's own stupid feelings be damned. Isa’s well-being was more important than his stupid crush. The school grounds were still pretty crowded even though school ended a while ago, but it was easy enough to spot Isa's head of blue hair. But Isa must’ve seen him too because his pace only quickened. “Isa!” Lea called.

Isa ran, but Lea gave chase, squeezing his way through the growing crowds as they made it to the bustling streets of central square. It wasn't until they reached the quiet streets of Isa’s housing area in the North Borough that Lea finally caught up to him. He ran in front of Isa, blocking his path and stopping him from going any further. “Isa,” Lea said softly.

“What do you want?” said Isa, voice thick.

Lea opened his mouth and found himself at a loss of words. Isa walked away. And again, Lea followed. “Isa, wait!” Lea called.

“Why?” said Isa. “What do you want?”

“What I _want_ is to know you’re okay.”

“Leave me alone.”

“No.”

Isa walked faster. Lea jogged after him, thoughts racing faster than the loud thumping of his heart in his chest and even faster still than his feet carried him.

“Isa. Look, can we just talk?”

No response.

“Isa! I'm sorry, okay? Please, just hear me out!”

Still nothing. Lea gritted his teeth, feeling his frustration boil.

"Isa!" The frustration in Lea's veins poured out of him. “I miss you, alright!” Lea blurted.

Isa stopped in his tracks but didn't turn around. Lea breathed heavily, thoughts ricocheting off the walls of his brain at light-speed. _What the hell did I just say? _His ears grew hot, embarrassment overtaking him. He hadn't meant to say _that_. Besides, it hadn’t even been that long, had it? How long since those dreams started and he’d started avoiding Isa like the plague? Weeks? A month? More? He supposed it didn't matter how long it was. Even a few days without his best friend felt like far too long, though Isa didn't need to know that. He wished he could take the words back. But it was too late. Lea gulped.

“I miss you,” Lea said again, slowly.

Isa clutched his books tighter to his chest. He remained silent for a long while. Eventually, he said, “You stopped talking to me.”

“Yeah...” said Lea. The words then poured out of him like an avalanche. “I’m sorry. I'm really really sorry, alright? I was stupid. I was being a douchebag, but it wasn’t because of _you_. It was me. I was just having these weird—Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I’m sorry. I’m _really_ sorry. But you’re still the closest friend I've got and I still care about you and it doesn’t matter if I’m having these weird... _things _happening to me because I still want to be your friend and I _hate_ not talking to you because you’re the only person like you! Everyone else is boring and they don't _get _me and all they do is laugh at me. You don’t laugh at me. Okay sometimes you laughed at me but—No, you laughed at me a lot. But it was different when you did it! You were always different. But in a good way! But people don’t get that and they laugh at you and I hate when they do that and that’s why I ran all this way and… And... I… I’m rambling.”

Isa stared at the middle distance and said nothing.

Lea sighed. “Sorry. I know I’m not supposed to do that anymore.” He looked at Isa and found him still unmoving. “I guess that’s… That’s all I wanted to say,” said Lea. He sighed. A long silence stretched between them, Lea shifting where he stood and Isa still pulling on his sleeve.

When Lea considered if he should just go, Isa said, “I missed your rambling.”

Lea was determined not to cry in front of anyone ever again. But the tears he’d kept in had only collected enmasse, and Isa had single-handedly broken the dam. Lea shook his head and said, “Can I hug you?”

Finally, Isa faced him, though didn’t look him in the eye. Slowly, cautiously, he nodded. Lea wrapped his arms around Isa and sniffled. After a moment, Isa hugged him back. After all those years, Lea had still barely grown. Isa stood half a head taller than Lea, making Lea the perfect height to bury his face in Isa's shoulder.

“Now what?” said Lea.

“Can we go back to the way we were before?” Isa whispered, clutching Lea tighter. “I mean… if whatever it is isn’t still bothering you.”

“It won’t.”

“What is it anyway?" Isa mumbled. "Why didn’t you just tell me? I thought you always tell me everything...”

“Yeah but… It’s…" Lea groaned, feeling his face grow hot. "It's _really_ embarrassing…”

“Is it about the test scores?”

Lea blinked, eyes wide. Isa had just handed Lea a lie on a silver platter. “O-Oh. Uh, yeah. You know about that?”

“Everyone does,” Isa said, finally pulling away. “Was that all it was? I can help with that you know...”

“You - You would do that?”

“I always helped you before.” Isa frowned.

“Aren’t you mad at me?”

He ducked his head, brows furrowed. “I’m… I’m not mad. But...” Isa sniffled. "I just... I thought... that you stopped wanting to be my friend. First you started acting all weird and then you stopped talking to me. Suddenly everything changed. I hate that _everything_ is changing. I didn't want us to change too."

"Hey," Lea said, voice hushed. He pulled Isa into another hug. "I don't want us to change too. I'm not gonna leave you again, okay? I'm sorry. I was being stupid. I promise not to do it again."

Isa nodded into Lea's shoulder. "Can we go back to how we were?" he said, voice thick. "Before everything changed?"

Lea pulled away and smiled softly. "I want that more than _anything_."

Isa wiped his nose and nodded. “So if... If you're worried about your grades, I can help you. You can come to my place like you always did and I can tutor you.”

Lea smiled. “That sounds perfect.”

Isa smiled too, the sight enough to throw the butterflies in Lea's stomach in a frenzy. 

* * *

Isa frowned as he looked through the working in Lea's book. “You really are awful at this,” he said.

“Come on, Isa,” said Lea. “The classes are really boring.”

“I know,” said Isa. “It’s hard for me to focus too.”

“What?” Lea scratched his head. “But I always see you so busy writing notes all the time.”

“They _are _notes. But not of the class. Just space facts.”

Lea laughed. His ears felt warm. “Got any new ones? I missed hearing about them.”

Isa's face turned pink.

Lea cleared his throat. “Or nevermind! Anyway... Uh. If you don’t pay attention in class, how come you still manage to get an A+ on every test?”

“I read the materials and do the exercises every night. And my dad helps check my work.”

“You spend your time at home learning everything they teach in school? How do you have the time?” Lea whistled and shook his head. “Wanna know what _I’ve_ been up to?” He reached into his pocket and felt around until he pulled out a coin. He put it on the table and showed it to Isa. “Watch this.” He put his palm flat on top of it then lifted his hand up.

“It’s gone!” said Isa. “How did you do that? Magic?”

“I wish,” said Lea. “It’s just a trick. I can show you how to do it if you want.”

“We’re here to study, Lea.” Isa looked back at his book. Lea slumped back into his chair and pocketed the coin. “Although,” said Isa, “if we have time after we’re done, I’d like to learn it.”

Lea grinned.

They concluded their tutoring session two hours later, with some time to spare before Lea had to go home. They left their books on the table and sat on the floor in front of one of the bookshelves.

“Ta-da!” said Lea. He flipped his hand around so Isa could see there was no coin. “Now you try.”

Isa did. But he ended up awkwardly twisting his fingers around as he tried to hide the coin. “I’m bad at this.”

“Aw, come on, you’re not that bad.”

“Yes, I am.” Isa sighed. “Let’s try something else.”

“Okay,” said Lea. “What do you wanna do?”

Isa shrugged, looking at the floor and drawing circles in the carpet over and over again.

“Hey, Isa.” No response. Lea continued, “Remember that time we pulled that prank on that wizard?”

“Merlin?”

“Yeah.”

“What prank?” said Isa.

“The science experiment.”

“That’s not a prank,” said Isa. “We wanted to see if putting mixing castor oil and aloe vera would create a chemical reaction. Merlin was the only one with aloe vera so we borrowed his. We thought nothing happened so we returned it to him.”

Lea counted in his head. _One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight—_

“Hey!” said Isa. “So you’re saying when he started growing hair all over his—”

“Yeah…” said Lea. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have tricked you.” Lea chuckled sheepishly. “It is still funny though. Not tricking you. But seeing Merlin panicking because he thought he was turning into a werewolf. That was funny.”

“He thought he had lycanthropia and said the only cure in its early stages was soaking the infected areas with cat pee.”

“Then, it was a good thing that he only used the aloe vera to moisturize his _hands _and nothing else.”

“I really thought he was turning into a werewolf.” Isa punched Lea on the shoulder.

“Ow!” Lea rubbed the spot where Isa hit him. “Man, you still pack a punch. Though I guess I kinda deserved it.” He laughed.

“Next time we’re pulling a prank, tell me.”

“Nah. I don’t think pranks are really your thing anyway.”

Isa hummed thoughtfully.

“Don’t worry,” said Lea with a grin. “We’ll find something else that’s fun to do.” Lea snapped his fingers. “Hey. Read any new stories? I read all the ones I borrowed from your dad already. And all the movies on TV these days are really lame.”

“Hmm. I did read this one story for literature class.”

“Can you tell it to me?”

“Yes.” He paused for a long time, and Lea waited. Then he sat up straighter and cleared his throat. “I’m warning you that it won’t be as fun without the shadow puppets like when my parents do storytelling.”

“It’s fine,” Lea said, smiling.

“Okay.” Isa cleared his throat, then began the story: “‘Once upon a time, there were four animal friends living in the forest. A porcupine, a skunk, a tortoise, and a bunny. They all lived and loved each other very much, and every night they would feast under the moon as the moon goddess watched over them. But one day, a famished wolf found the friends feasting from afar. The wolf was jealous and wanted the food for himself.

“‘So one night, the wolf painted himself to disguise as a fox. The four friends never met a fox before, and believed the wolf and let him join their feast on the condition that he had to contribute to the food they gathered. ‘To gain you must give,’ said the chipmunk. But the wolf thought the friends foolish and said, ‘I only wish to gain. If you will not give me what I want, I will take it for myself.’

“‘So the wolf lashed out and ate all their food. But then, the wolf said, ‘I am still hungry.’ So he ordered the friends to find him all the food the could find in the forest. Afraid of the hungry look in the wolf’s eyes, the four friends scavenged through the forest and brought every morsel they could find back to the wolf. But still, the wolf said, ‘I am still hungry.’

“‘ ‘But there is no more food in the forest,’ the four friends told him. So the wolf said, ‘Then I will have to eat you. Only then will I be satisfied.’ But the porcupine said, ‘You cannot eat me. I am too spiky. You will choke on my needles.’ And then the skunk said, ‘You cannot eat me. I am too smelly. You will faint from my odour.’ And then the tortoise said, ‘You cannot eat me. My shell is too strong. You will break your teeth from one bite.’ And then finally, the bunny said, ‘You can eat me. My fur is smooth. I have no odour. And my flesh is soft.’

“‘But when the moon goddess saw the bunny’s selfless act, she saved the bunny and brought him up to live among the stars. The modest bunny asked, ‘O beautiful goddess, why have you saved me?’ And she said, ‘While it might be true that to gain is to give, to love is to give without gain, for love is selfless. And so I know that your love is true, thus I have saved you.’

“‘However, back on earth, the wolf was angry. He cursed the goddess for taking his meal away from him. So every night, you will hear the wolf howl at the moon, begging her to return his meal.’”

Isa finished the story and closed his eyes.

“What?” Lea exclaimed. “That’s so sad…”

“Why is it sad?” said Isa. “The bunny was saved and got to live with a beautiful goddess.”

“But the bunny got separated from his friends. Won’t his friends miss him?”

“Maybe one day the goddess will bring them up to live with the stars too. If they try to sacrifice themselves like the bunny did.”

“But won’t she think that they’re just faking it to get a VIP spot in the stars?”

“VIP spot in the stars?” said Isa. “VIP…” Isa laughed. “Do you think they have limousines and fancy clubs in space?”

“Maybe!” said Lea. “Maybe all the gods and goddesses up there just spend all their time partying.”

Isa laughed even harder and clutched his stomach. “That’s ridiculous! Deities are supposed to be holy beings. Not party animals!”

“But the bunny is an animal,” Lea continued, grinning at the sight of Isa so happy. “So maybe he introduced them all to the concept!.”

“Lea!” Isa gasped between fits of laughter. “That’s so—” He snorted and cackled.

Lea didn’t find it _that_ funny, but from seeing Isa laugh so hard, he couldn’t help himself from bursting into a fit of laughter too. He laughed and laughed until his stomach hurt and tears formed in the corners of his eyes.

“Isa?”

Lea shot up, mouth snapping shut as he saw Mr. Sahar enter. Isa took a moment longer to recover from where he was rolling on the floor. Mr. Sahar’s eyes went wide when he saw Lea.

“Dad,” said Isa, still breathless as he wiped a tear from his eye.

“Lea?” said Mr. Sahar. “Oh! I haven’t see you here in a while.”

Lea chuckled awkwardly. “Yeah... Um, Isa was tutoring me. I hope it’s okay that I’m here.”

Mr. Sahar blinked, stunned. Then he smiled. “Of course it’s okay. We’re glad to have you here. But just… Keep it down a little, okay?”

“Sorry,” Lea whispered, followed by Isa mumbling the same.

Mr. Sahar chuckled and nodded before walking out of the library.

Isa looked at the ground and fidgeted with the long sleeves of his shirt, frowning.

“Hey, Isa,” said Lea.

Isa turned just slightly to show he was listening.

“I like your laugh.”

Isa turned a bright red, but didn’t say anything. He didn’t need to. Lea smiled, feeling a rocket lift off in his chest, ready to take him to the moon. But there was no need. His moonlight was right here, shining as radiantly as ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Follow me on Twitter @malazyian where I ramble about fic or @haidadraws where I post art! Comments and kudos are always appreciated~ Thank you to all my readers, I appreciate every single one of you ❤


	5. Star-Crossed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They call it puppy love. But they'll never know how a young heart really feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There's a song featured at the end of this chapter which can be heard [here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8MV7zhlkukU&). The English translation in the chapter is adapted from the literal Japanese lyrics.

**THIRTEEN YEARS AGO**

* * *

Lea waited with his hands shoved in his pockets, tapping the tip of his shoe against the tiled floor. He whistled to pass the time, often drawing people’s attention without meaning to. He just waved as they stared while passing him by. He checked his watch and clicked his tongue. _How much longer is Isa going to take? _He stole a glance over the flow of students filling the hallway. He didn't have to stand on his tiptoes anymore. It was easy to spot Isa's blue hair amongst the crowd. After all those years, Lea had finally gotten his growth spurt when he'd turned thirteen. Now he had a good few inches over Isa, though Isa didn't seem to mind when Lea had rubbed it in his face. "I'm still better than you at everything else," Isa had said.

Isa stood by his locker, still talking with the same girl since class ended. She was pretty; raven-haired and tanned. He'd heard Zack and the other guys in his class talk about how mesmerizing she looked. But Isa's eyes were firmly fixed on a point in the distance, never once turning to face her.

Lea tapped his foot, then bounced on his heels. When the girl showed no sign of leaving, Lea shook his head and made his way over there. "Isa!" he said.

Isa blinked and turned to Lea, smiling and ducking his head. "Lea," he said. "Where have you been?"

Lea shrugged. The girl didn't have to know he'd been waiting for her to leave. He smiled at her. "Hi there! I'm Lea."

She smiled. "Hi! I'm Krista."

"It's a pleasure to meet your acquaintance, Miss Krista." Lea bowed dramatically.

Krista giggled and faced Isa again, but Isa turned to Lea. "Will we be getting lunch then?" said Isa.

"Duh!" said Lea.

"Oh," said Krista. “Are you two going to the cafeteria? I’d love to join you.”

"Oh, um..." Isa fidgeted the fabric of his sleeve.

"Oh!" said Lea. "Actually... Isa, I have something to talk to you about. You know. That thing about…” He cleared his throat. “My rash."

"Oh my," Krista gasped. "Um, nevermind then. I'll just talk to you later, Isa." She winked and put a hand on Isa’s arm, and Lea noticed Isa’s hands twitch.

When she left, Lea whistled. "Wow, Isa, look at you. Lady-killer."

"Hey! I was nice to her," said Isa. Lea waited. "Oh. Sorry. You meant that as a compliment. Lady-killer here means a man who attracts women. Correct?"

“Yeah. Maybe I should’ve said ‘heartthrob’ instead.” Lea chuckled, ignoring how his own ears felt red by saying it. "What were you two talking about anyway? I was waiting to talk to you after class but I saw you two looked busy, so I thought I'd leave you to it..."

"We were just talking about physics." Isa frowned. "She said she admires my work and was hoping to get a private lesson."

"Private lesson?" Lea laughed uneasily. "Damn. You really are a lady-killer."

"What does tutoring have to do with... that?"

"It's called an innuendo, Isa," said Lea. "I'll explain it to you. But first, are we going for lunch or what? I'm starving."

"Yeah. Mom helped me cook curry for me to bring today. I made enough for us both."

Lea grinned, feeling a fluttering in his stomach. Or was that a growl? Lea had just planned to get some biscuits from the school store. Mrs. Sahar’s cooking was a major upgrade, and having to share with Isa made it all the better. They headed to the school courtyard and sat under a tree. Isa unpacked his lunchbox and took out a spoon for each of them.

"You still didn't explain what an innuendo is," Isa said as they ate.

"Ah, okay," said Lea with a mouthful of rice and curry. He gulped it down, then explained what a sexual innuendo was. Isa's face flushed a deep crimson. Lea bit down a smile at the sight, his stomach doing backflips.

"That wasn't what she was implying, I'm sure," Isa sputtered.

"Sure it wasn't," said Lea sarcastically, making sure to say it in a tone Isa would get.

"She's not like that. She wouldn't imply something so..."

"What?"

"Crude."

Lea laughed. “Yeah, well, that stuff seems like all everyone cares about these days. Everyone sure is getting busy around here." Lea shook his head and chuckled.

Isa’s face twisted into a grimace. "What about you?"

Lea almost spat out his food, followed by a few minutes of sputtering. “What?” he said.

“Have you kissed anyone?” said Isa, mouth curled into a frown.

“I... “ Lea coughed. “Well. No.” He scratched his head. “Haven’t even gotten to go on a date with anyone, let alone, well—you know.” He coughed again.

Isa sat with his arms crossed, a pensive look on his face.

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” said Lea, using his spoon to pick around the remainders of the lunchbox.

“It’s stupid,” Isa mumbled.

“So? I’m stupid. You still hang out with me.”

“You’re _not_ stupid.”

Lea laughed. “Yeah, well my grades say the opposite. C’mon, Isa, tell me!”

Isa angled his face away from Lea, mumbling something Lea didn’t hear. After a while, he spoke up. “I heard the girls in class talking the other day. They were doing a quiz in a magazine about relationships, trying to determine what your ‘type’ is.”

“O-Okay?”

“And there were such ridiculous questions," Isa said. "Like 'what's your 'ideal date'?' And the options were only things like 'fancy dinner', 'going to the movies', 'visiting museums', and 'having a picnic'."

“Okay...? And?”

“And I just find that so limiting!” Isa huffed. “Are those the only options for a date? They sound so... I don't know! I wouldn’t want to go to a fancy dinner when I still barely know the other person. Or watch a movie with them. What if the movie is bad? Then what? And why does everyone keep talking about dating and relationships like they’re so important anyway? What if I don’t even have a ‘type’? What if I don’t want to have to _date_? I mean, trying to get to know someone just for the sake of... what? Holding hands?” He huffed again.

Lea frowned, feeling something plunge in his chest. “Well… I mean… I’m sure that’s fine. But what’s so bad about wanting a relationship?” His ears grew hot.

Isa mumbled something again, then quickly shook his head. “Can we just talk about something else now?”

“Uh, yeah, sure,” said Lea. He scratched the back of his head.

“So I saw a video on the internet about some new Abominable Grit theories,” said Isa. “Apparently there were some clues in the secret ending about an upcoming space exploration arc.”

“Oh yeah?” said Lea, perking up again.

They spent the rest of lunch discussing the movies and joking around. But the whole time, Lea felt a pit in his stomach he tried to ignore. It felt painful. It felt like heartbreak. When they walked back to class later, that same feeling still continued to leech on him. But as Isa gushed about all the things he’d spotted with his new telescope, Lea smiled despite himself, eyes fixed on Isa's lips.

Then he slammed his face into a door.

"Lea!" Isa said.

"Ow," Lea groaned, rubbing his forehead.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" A girl had been standing behind the door and opened it without noticing Lea. She rushed over and leaned in to inspect Lea's face for injury.

"It's fine," said Lea. He sighed, then lifted his hand away from his face and looked at the girl. Well, looked down at her. She was about a head and a half shorter than him and her violet eyes were wide with concern. He smiled and waved a dismissive hand. "Don't worry about it."

"I'm surprised no bump is growing from your head," said Isa. "That sounded painful."

"Oh, no!" said the girl. "It's all my fault. I'm sorry. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah," said Lea. "Ask Isa here. I've gotten hit with a lot worse."

Isa smiled, closing his eyes. "Yeah. Like the time you almost lost all your toes."

Lea and Isa laughed. Then Lea remembered his manners. He turned to the girl and held out his hand.

"Nice to meet you," he said. "Or, uh, slam into the door you opened I guess? I'm Lea. This is Isa."

The girl giggled and shook his hand. "I really am sorry. I'm Marie."

"Well, Marie. I had a great time slamming my face into a door but I gotta head to class. See you around, door girl."

"See me around?"

"Huh? Sure." He shrugged.

"I just slammed a door in your face. Aren’t you angry?"

"What are you talking about? It's a great way of starting a friendship."

"Are they now? I never heard of that."

"Sure it is! Well, you must not know a lot of people."

"How dare you!" Marie laughed. "I know plenty of people. Though none of them had doors slammed into their faces, so I guess their brains work better."

Lea grinned. "You implying that I got brain damage from that?"

"Well..."

"Please. As if that had anything on being dropped as a baby."

Marie burst into laughter. "You're weird."

"It's the best way to be remembered!" He grinned.

"I'm pretty sure there are better ways."

"Nah. It beats being known as all the other things people call me."

"Lea," Isa said quietly. "Come on. You’re going to be late."

"Alright," said Lea. "Till you slam another door in my face then, Marie." He waved her goodbye as she laughed, and made his way to class. Lea laughed as he and Isa walked together in the emptying hallway. “What a way to make a friend, huh? Oh! By the way, before I got my face hit by a door, I was about to say that maybe we should go stargazing again sometime, huh? I think you’d get a clearer view in your new telescope in the fields than from your bedroom window.”

Isa frowned and mumbled something, tugging on his sleeve.

"Huh?"

“Nothing,” Isa snapped. “Forget it. I have to get to class."

“Wait a minute, Isa—” But Isa just left, leaving Lea to gawk at him as he walked away as the pit in Lea’s stomach grew. Frustration boiled under his skin, Isa’s rejection hitting him in the face harder than the door had.

* * *

Lea opened the front door of his house and made a beeline to his room.

"Hey," said Polly from the kitchen. She sat at the table, filing through a bunch of papers. "And where do you think you're going?"

"My room," said Lea, frowning. "What do you want?"

"Oi. Watch the way you speak to me." She shook her head. "Your final exams are coming soon, aren't they? You better be studying."

“Yeah, yeah.”

She turned to him, eyeing him over her reading glasses. "You know you'll end up jobless at the rate you're going."

"Hey!" said Lea. "I haven't failed anything for the past couple years."

"Congratulations then. You're doing what you're supposed to be doing. Really, Lea. Great job at meeting bare minimum standards."

Lea huffed and stormed up the stairs to his room.

"Go off and slam some doors and throw your bloody tantrum, why don't you? Ungrateful boy. I'm trying to help you. And what do I get? Back-talk and horseshit attitude. Fine, if that's what you want. If you want to end up like all the other failures and dropouts and end up collecting trash for a living, be my guest!"

He slammed the door shut and locked it. He hid under the sheets, choking out a sob, her words still echoing in his ears.

* * *

"I think Warren Might was a great addition to the franchise," said Marie as they walked together through the hallways one day.

"What?" Lea said. "Are you kidding? Don't get me wrong. Frazer Tabes is a great actor. But the lines they gave him were just awful. They could've done so much with his character." He stopped and noticed Isa at his locker. Their eyes met and Lea grinned at him from across the hallway, but Isa just looked away with a frown tugging at his lips.

"Isn't that your friend?" said Marie.

"Yeah," said Lea. He frowned, watching Isa collect his books into his bag. He looked upset. Not just his regular resting face, but _upset._ People who didn’t know Isa just thought he was in a bad mood all the time, but that was just his face. Lea could tell when Isa was actually upset or angry. Of course he could. They’d known each other for so long. Plus, Lea was the only one Isa opened up to and talked to about anything. Sure, he still had trouble expressing his emotions even with Lea. But that didn’t make Lea worry any less.

“Lea?” said Marie.

Lea turned to Marie absently, eyes still fixed on Isa. "Yeah," he said.

"What do you mean 'yeah'? I asked what you thought about that scene."

"Which scene? He was in like every single one."

"He? The shark? It had like one scene. Unless there were easter eggs I missed..."

"The shark? Oh, right. Yeah. I thought the shark scene was cool."

Marie continued to talk about the movie, but Lea's eyes drifted back to Isa, who now watched him intently. When Lea raised his hand to wave, Isa shut his locker and walked away, his blue head of hair eventually getting lost in the sea of people crowding the hallway. The awful pit in his chest only seemed to grow every time he saw Isa these days. _He’s avoiding me. Why is he avoiding me? What did I do? What did I say? _Then his train of thought took an abrupt turn. _I didn’t even do anything. What’s his problem?_

"Hey," said Marie, cutting through his train of thought. "Want to grab something to eat? We still have some time before free period ends."

"Uh. Sure."

Lea spent the rest of free period and the remaining school day fidgeting with everything he got his hands on as he thought and overthought, two sides of his mind tearing him apart. And at the centre of his spiralling thoughts was Isa. By the end of the day, he wanted to explode. He kept his fists clenched the whole time, leg bouncing as he gritted his teeth. After school, he waited outside Isa's class until students began to file out of the door. He leaned against the wall, tapping his foot against the ground with his arms crossed. The waves of people coming out from the room lessened little by little, his patience hanging by a thread. Isa was the last to leave.

Lea jolted upright and stormed over to Isa as he made a beeline toward his locker. Isa made no hint of acknowledgement towards his presence. "Isa!” he said, unable to keep the anger from spilling into his voice.

"What?" said Isa without turning towards him. He opened his locker and began sorting out his books.

"What’s going on?" said Lea. "Is there something wrong or—"

"Lea. I'm fine."

"Yeah, _right_. Can’t you just be honest with me?"

"I _am_.”

"You're a terrible liar!” Lea snapped. “Look, if I did something wrong or something, you can’t just _avoid_ me like—”

"Final exams are in two weeks," Isa cut him off. "I’ve just been busy studying,” he mumbled. “You should be busy studying too, Lea."

Lea watched Isa walk away. Then he growled, the sound evolving into a shout. He slammed his fist against the locker.

* * *

The days passed and Isa continued to avoid him. Lea still tried chasing after him. But Isa was elusive and managed to slip through his reach every time. Lea grew fed up. Final exams weren’t a viable distraction either. So he hung around with Marie. He even introduced her to Squall and Aerith and the others. When finals did come around, he did what he did every exam: he winged it. It was a relief to leave the classroom on the last day of exams, but with Isa still avoiding him, the joy was short-lived.

He met up with the others in the school courtyard instead.

"Summer vacation, here we come!" said Zack with a loud whoop. "Man, I can't wait!"

Yuffie whistled and leaned back against her chair. "Me too! I have so much ninja training to catch up on!"

"Ninja training?" said Squall. "Your parents finally agreed to sign you up for that martial arts class, huh?"

"Yup!" said Yuffie. "Just you wait. When summer vacation ends, everybody will have to make way for the Great Ninja Yuffie!"

"I'd like to work on my magic as well," said Aerith. "Merlin already agreed to help when this term ends. Though I'd have to balance lessons with volunteering at the shelter…"

"Wait. Merlin?" said Cloud. "That old kook?"

"What's wrong with him?" said Aerith. "He's a nice man and an excellent wizard."

"Yeah," said Squall. "Unlike those uppity apprentices at the castle."

"Guys," said Zack. "While all that sounds great and all, I think you've all forgotten the best part of summer!"

"Oh!" said Tifa. "The festivals!"

"And guess which one is coming up first," said Zack. "The lovers' festival." He waggled his eyebrows at the rest of the group. "Any of you planning to bring a date?"

"I don't really care for that," said Cloud with a shrug.

Yuffie punched Squall lightly on the shoulder. "I'm sure Squall's bringing Rinoa, aren't you, Squall?"

"Maybe," said Squall with a slight cough.

"Who are you going with?" asked Aerith with a giggle as she poked Zack on the shoulder.

"Hmm, I don't know yet," said Zack. He winked. "And you?"

Aerith laughed while Tifa pursed her lips next to her. Tifa then turned to Marie and Lea.

"What about you two?" she said. "Are you both going together?"

"Huh?" said Lea. "To the... festival? Uh..."

"Oh! I'd love to go," said Marie, clapping her hands together. She grinned at Lea. "I've never been to the festival with anyone before. Let's go!"

"Whoa, whoa, wait," said Zack. "Are you two dating? Lea, you never told us! I thought you guys were just friends."

"I thought so too," said Squall, cocking his head to the side.

"W-We are!" said Lea. "Just friends I mean. Not dating." He laughed nervously.

"People can go to the festival as friends, you guys,” said Aerith with a roll of her eyes. “Hey. Why don't we all go to the festival together? That'd be fun, huh?"

"Oh, I agree," said Tifa, smiling softly at Aerith. "I think it's a great idea.”

"Me too!" said Yuffie. She nudged Squall. "Don't worry. You can still bring Rinoa along!"

Everyone continued to discuss the upcoming festival. It was an annual event in Radiant Garden. Lea never cared much for it. Isa never went either, but his family still went out to celebrate the day on their own every year, and Lea always tagged along. They’d go to the lookout in the forest watching the fireworks, far from the crowds that were too loud for both Isa and his mom. They’d all dressed in traditional garments for the day too. Lea was far too gangly in his. But Isa pulled the traditional look off perfectly. And every year, Mr. Sahar would strum along on his shamisen as he sang the song of the two star-crossed lovers the festival was based on. Lea had the lyrics memorized by heart now. As the night had worn on, Lea and Isa would play board games and talk while Mr. and Mrs. Sahar danced a slow dance to whatever was on the radio. Lea loved celebrating the special day with Isa and his family. But then again, Isa was still avoiding him. Would Lea still be coming with Isa’s family to the lookout then?

"Lea!"

"Huh?" Lea blinked and saw everyone staring at him.

"There he goes," laughed Cloud and knocked on Lea's forehead.

"I said," said Zack, "that the girls should all wear traditional clothes for the festival. Cloud and Squall agree. What do you think?"

Lea blinked, then looked at the girls, whose arms were crossed and mouths twisted into frowns.

"I think," he said, "that the girls should wear whatever they like. And so should we."

The girls all grinned and clapped.

"Thank you!" said Tifa with a roll of her eyes.

"Ugh, what?" Zack whined. "Come on, Lea."

"Or we could all just wear the same thing,” said Lea. “I mean why do only girls have to dress all traditional? Doesn't seem very fair to me."

"That's absolutely right!" said Yuffie.

As they continued to discuss plans for the festival, Lea felt Marie staring at him. He flashed her a grin, earning him a giggle in response, then turned back to the discussion at hand despite his drifting thoughts.

Later after school, Marie caught up to him as he walked back home.

"That was really nice of you," she said.

"Huh?"

"Sticking up for us girls. That was sweet."

"Oh." He smiled and shrugged. "Don't worry about it. It was nothing."

"You're a good guy, Lea."

He blinked at her and beamed. "Thanks."

She smiled.

Then the next thing he knew, they were kissing in front of the front steps of the school. He hesitated for a while, wondering if he should pull away. He didn’t like Marie like _that_. But she was nice enough. And Isa wasn’t even talking to him. Not like Lea even stood a chance. Isa had been so dismissive of any romantic relationship at all. Why would he like someone like Lea? Especially now that Isa had upgraded to heartthrob status. Lea's crush on him had always just been the product of silly daydreams anyway. Marie was _real_ and Marie wasn't the one _avoiding_ him.

Lea ended up closing his eyes as he kissed her back. Feeling his hands dangling awkwardly at his sides, he tried to hold her. But where? He tried holding her shoulders. Then her arm. Then her waist. None of it seemed to work. He let his arms dangle again.

There were no fireworks. No butterflies. Wasn't that always what it was like in the movies? He should feel over the moon as triumphant symphonies played as they kissed.

But he mostly just felt... awkward.

When they pulled away, Lea blinked, uncertain of what to do next. Marie batted her eyelashes and smiled down at her shoes, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. He stared at her.

"I'll see you on Monday," said Marie, her cheeks flushed pink.

"Uh, okay. Bye."

He waved at her as she walked away. Shifting his feet, he looked around and caught the gaze of cerulean eyes, wide as they stared straight into Lea's own. Just as Lea wanted to call out to Isa, Isa turned and ran off.

Lea stood there glued into place as he tried to process everything that just happened. His mind replayed the image of Isa staring at him from across the schoolyard, the hurt clear on his face.

* * *

Lea looked at his reflection in the mirror. He still looked far too gawky in the traditional garment. He paired the crimson robe top with loose knee-length shorts of an identical pattern. He'd given up on trying to get his hair to be less unruly than its usual bird's nest. At least he wasn't a runt anymore. He sighed and turned away from the mirror and made his way downstairs.

"So you're going to the festival tonight?" said Bill as Lea sauntered down the stairs.

"Yeah," said Lea, scratching the back of his head.

"The word around town says he's got a girl," said Polly, not looking up from her crossword puzzle.

"Is that so?" said Bill. He gave a hearty chortle, making Lea shift uncomfortably in his robe. "I'm proud of you, son.”

Lea coughed. "Yeah. Sure. Well, I'm going now."

"Don't come back too late," Polly called after him as he walked through the front door. "Make sure to bring that girl back before her curfew."

Lea frowned as he closed the door behind him, unsure or how to tell them that Marie wasn't exactly his girlfriend when Bill actually seemed proud of him for it.

He made his way to the city square. The others were already there when he arrived, dressed in similar robes as him, some of their robes reaching past their ankles and some paired with pants or shorts like what Lea wore. Marie beamed as he approached them. She wore an ankle-length robe with bright pink and white flowers patterning the fabric.

"Not too shabby, everyone," said Lea.

"Not too bad yourself, Lea," said Aerith with a warm smile.

"Finally," said Zack. "Took you forever. Thought you were gonna flake on us."

"With the promise of fried food on skewers?" said Lea. "No way."

"Ah, so it's the food that matters most," said Tifa with a laugh.

"Admirable priorities," said Squall.

"Oh, Squall," said Lea. "I thought you were bringing Rinoa."

"She came with her family," said Squall. "I'm meeting her by the bridge later."

"Aw, how romantic," said Zack, followed by obnoxious kissing noises. "Damn, Squall. Aren't you a charmer?"

As they all laughed, Marie scooted to stand closer to Lea.

"You look handsome," she said softly. Her cheeks were rosy in the warm light of the lanterns shining overhead.

"Oh, thanks," said Lea. He looked at his feet and scratched the back of his head. "You too. Pretty, I mean. You. Look pretty."

"Come on, guys!" Aerith exclaimed. "I'm hungry. Let's get some food already!"

_Thank you, Aerith,_ thought Lea as he let himself be dragged to a food stall.

The festival was crowded with people and the smoke from the multiple fried food vendors mixed with the humid summer air made him feel like he was being burnt alive, but his robes were loose enough to let the night breeze in. Colourful lanterns, paper streamers, and various origami creatures floated through the sky. Lea grinned up at them in amazement.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" said Marie.

"Yeah," Lea breathed.

"You've never been to the festival before?"

"No." Lea coughed, shifting uncomfortably. _I always go to the lookout with the Sahars_. He sighed.

“Are you okay?” said Marie.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he said and waved a dismissive hand.

Music played on flute and shamisen drifted through the night as Lea and his friends laughed and talked the night away while munching on assorted fried foods. As the night wore on, the crowd around them slowly dispersed, the upbeat music from before now a slow croon. One by one, each of his friends went home until it was just him and Marie. They strolled around for a bit, then stopped at the bridge over the pond. He leaned over the railing and watched the fish swim underneath the water.

"It’s getting late," said Marie. "I should get going too.”

“Oh,” said Lea. “Yeah. Don’t wanna make your folks upset.”

Marie smiled. “I had a lot of fun tonight."

"Yeah, me too," said Lea with a lazy grin. "Goodnight. Say hi to your folks for me."

"I will," she said with a soft smile. "Goodnight."

She leaned in to kiss him. But before she could, he grabbed her hand and shook it more vigorously than was appropriate.

"Well, goodnight, buddy!" he said too loudly to be casual. "See you!"

She stared at him with wide eyes until he finally let go of her hand. She then stared at her hand and nodded slowly. "O-Okay... Um... See you..."

He held her breath as she walked away. When she was finally out of sight, he leaned against the railing again and let out a deep sigh.

"Fuck.” He slapped his forehead. "What the hell is wrong with me... 'Goodnight, buddy'? Ugh. Real smooth going there." He smacked his forehead again. "Dumbass."

"Agreed."

Lea jumped around. Isa stood before him at the end of the bridge, fidgeting with the long draping sleeve of his indigo robe. His hair was done up in a bun, and he stared at the ground, avoiding Lea's gaze.

"Isa," said Lea, standing slowly and taking in the sight of his friend in the long traditional robes. Lea suddenly felt breathless and far too hot despite the cool night air. "You... You look... Wow." Then he came to his senses. "What are you doing here?" he snapped.

"My parents and I just came back from celebrating at our usual place."

"At the lookout."

"Yes. We were heading home. Then I saw you. So I came over."

Lea scoffed, crossing his arms. "Where are your parents?"

"Buying snacks."

There was a long pause, then Lea shifted uncomfortably where he stood. Isa walked over to stand next to him in the middle of the bridge. Lea avoided his gaze, instead watching the glittering lights reflected in the water. After a while, Lea cleared his throat and spoke up. “You didn't hear any of that stuff with me and Marie, did you?"

"I heard it. I saw it. Not a very good way to treat your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend!" he said quickly. "I-I mean…” He groaned. “Forget it.”

“I’m sorry,” Isa said after a while.

“Huh?” Lea blurted.

“For not speaking with you lately. I’m sorry. I…” Isa coughed. “I missed you.”

“O-Oh.” Lea's thoughts raced and he almost blurted out accusing questions. Then his throat dried as he wrapped his mind around the implication of Isa's words. Things clicked. “_Oh_.”

They stood there like that, awkwardly standing there on the bridge, both fidgeting and refusing to look each other in the eye. Isa's ears were red, and Lea's face burned.

"Do you want to dance?" The words rushed out of his mouth, tumbling against each other. His face was on fire. He gulped, then held out a shaking hand.

Isa hesitantly looked at Lea's outstretched hand. "Dance?"

"Dance," Lea nodded. "I-I mean, music's nice and slow. Seems like a good time for it. Right?"

Isa bit his lip, hand still tugging at his own sleeve. "I suppose," he finally said after a long while. "Is it alright?"

"Huh? What? I'm the one asking you."

"I mean, you wouldn't mind? If people saw you… dancing with me."

Lea let out an unsteady breath. "I honestly couldn't care less right now."

Isa stared at the hand for a bit longer and Lea wished the ground would swallow him up if he had to stand in this position for any longer. He wasn’t sure if his heart was ready for that kind of rejection. But then Isa smiled. He took Lea's hand. It was just as sweaty as Lea's.

Slowly, awkwardly, they began to dance, swaying together to the soft music. They were close enough in each other's space that Lea could hear Isa's breathing, but an inch of distance between them prevented their bodies from pressing against each other. To Lea, that one inch felt like miles away.

“So, um… When you were avoiding me—”

“I wasn’t _avoiding_ you. I was just, trying to… not… see you.” Isa sighed. “I suppose I was avoiding you.”

“Yeah, so… You still haven’t really told me why.”

“It’s stupid,” Isa mumbled.

“You keep saying that. If it’s bothering you, it’s not stupid. Come on, Isa. You gotta talk to me.”

Isa took a deep breath. “Fine. Marie. You kissed her."

Lea gulped, feeling butterflies flutter in his stomach. "Okay. And?"

"And... I didn't like it."

"Okay." He took a staggering breath. "Why?"

Isa didn't say anything for a long time. The song changed, this time playing an even softer tune, almost like a lullaby.

"I was jealous," Isa finally said.

"Of me?" said Lea, still trying to force his hopes down.

"Of Marie."

Lea gulped, feeling like he would combust any second. "For kissing me?"

"Yes."

"So that means..."

Isa didn't continue.

"Does that mean," Lea rephrased, "that you - want to kiss me?"

Isa came closer, closing that one inch of distance between their bodies, then leaned his chin against Lea's shoulder. "I'm not answering that."

"You're going to be the death of me, Isa,” Lea breathed.

"Why’s that?"

"Because. In case you haven’t realized yet: maybe—probably—very likely—I want to kiss you too."

Isa inhaled sharply. "What about Marie?"

"She's not my girlfriend. I told you. Besides, I’ve been crushing on you since we were like, what? Twelve?"

"...Really?"

Lea laughed. “Lights. Yes. It's so embarrassing.”

“...Did you mean it? That you want to kiss me?"

"Lights, Isa. _Yes_.”

Isa tilted his head up to face Lea. And wow. Their faces were _really _close like this, close enough for Lea to see every pore and blemish on Isa’s face. But none of that mattered. Lea’s eyes were locked on Isa’s cerulean eyes. They almost seemed to glow like the cosmic dust Lea had seen in the photos Isa had taped in his room. Lights, he was _beautiful_. Lea’s breath caught in his throat as their faces came closer, his eyes fluttering shut and hands so unbearably sweaty as he prepared for the fireworks—

His lips met with Isa’s hand. His eyes flew open and he jerked backward.

“I don't want things to change between us yet,” Isa said softly. “_Yet_,” he repeated. "I do like you too. _Like _like you. It’s just that right now, I don't think I'm ready for us to change. Not so soon.” He took a deep breath. “Will you… Will you wait for me?"

Lea took a minute to process the words. Then he smiled. "Yeah. Yes, Isa. I’ll wait for you."

Isa licked his lips and swallowed. "Promise?"

"Promise. I’ll wait for you, Isa."

Lea pulled Isa closer again, Isa returning to rest his chin on Lea’s shoulder. They continued their dance with only the music accompanying them, the songstress' lilting voice soft and soothing as she sang the festival’s song. Lea hummed along to the tune, then sang along, just loud enough for Isa to hear. “‘_Branches of bamboo rustle and sway; leaves that dance the night away. Twinkling stars from way up high, like gold and silver sand in the sky_’."

“‘_Colourful strips of paper notes_’,” Isa sang along, “‘_filled with the wishes we wrote_’.”

They then sang together, “‘_Twinkling stars from up above, falling in love and watching us. Twinkling stars from up above, falling in love and watching us_’."

They continued to dance even as the songstress retired. In lieu of a live band, Mr. Sahar played his shamisen. Its strums played in tune to the motion of their dance and the steady beating of their hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can tell by the song, the festival is based on the Japanese Tanabata festival and the Chinese Qiqi Festival, which is known as Chinese Valentine's Day. And a shamisen is a type of Japanese stringed instrument.
> 
> As always, follow me on @malazyian or @haidadraws on Twitter. There's art loosely based on this chapter [ [Twitter](https://twitter.com/haidadraws/status/1159156458753163265) ; [Tumblr](https://haidadraws.tumblr.com/post/186843192208/what-if-we-held-hands-on-a-bridge-during-the) ] Comments and kudos are appreciated~ Thank you to all my lovely readers!
> 
> The coming chapters are just going to keep getting heavier from here. Buckle up, folks!


	6. Down the Rabbit Hole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea and Isa find Wonderland and discover why curiosity killed the cat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _Fell down a rabbit hole_   
_You held on tight to me_   
_'Cause nothing's as it seems_   
_Spinning out of control_   
_Didn't they tell us don't rush into things?_   
_Didn't you flash your green eyes at me?_   
_Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?_   

> 
> -_Wonderland_ by Taylor Swift
> 
> **Warning:** Description of meltdowns.
> 
> Watch me pull canon apart and make paper mache out of it. Sorry, Nomura. Also, note that this chapter is long.

**ELEVEN YEARS AGO**

* * *

It was nice to be in the forest again, though the circumstances bringing him here were much different than the trips to the lookout with the Sahars. As they hiked up the mountain, Lea gasped for breath with each step. He noticed the others weren't nearly as out of shape, and seemed to have no problem with all the physical activity.

"Must be nice," Lea muttered through heaving breaths.

"This sucks," said Cloud from way up ahead.

"What's wrong?" said Squall, following closely behind. He didn't even look like he broke a sweat.

"Of all things, we got stuck with a camping trip," said Cloud. "Last year, our seniors got a day trip to the Inverted Falls to watch fireworks and the year before that, they got a tour of the castle. Imagine getting to see General Braig and Lieutenant Dilan sparring in the courtyard up close! Why’d we get stuck something this lame?"

"I agree," said Yuffie. Lea looked up to find her sitting on a branch of a tree, squinting into the horizon. "I'd love to see Lieutenant Dilan fight up close, you know? That'd be awesome.”

“I heard it’s because the school doesn’t have the money to bring us anywhere else,” said Squall.

Zack came up from behind Lea and grinned at him as he bent over to catch his breath. He patted Lea on the back. "Hang in there buddy," he said, then went ahead to join Squall and Cloud. "Hey, have you guys heard of the rumours?" he asked them.

"What rumours?" said Squall, crossing his arms.

From way up ahead, Aerith's voice called, "What are you guys doing? Hurry up! The others have all reached the campsite already!"

"Relax," said Zack. "We're waiting up for Lea. Right, buddy?"

Lea managed a meagre thumbs up as he continued to take deep breaths.

"I know what rumours you’re talking about," said Yuffie, changing the subject back. "They say that if you walk by the castle postern past midnight, you'll hear _spooooky_ stuff." She wiggled her fingers as she imitated a ghost.

"Ghosts?" said Squall. He laughed. "That's ridiculous. Ghosts aren't real."

"They are if you want them to be." Cloud shrugged.

"I heard that they're the ghosts of the criminals imprisoned in the castle's dungeon," said Zack.

"Lea?" came Isa’s voice from up ahead. Everyone's attention turned to Isa as he walked over to their group with a petulant look. "Mrs. Mavis told me to come and check on you," said Isa, awkwardly gesturing to all of them. "She's complaining that you're all lagging behind."

"Whoops, sorry about that, Sahar," said Zack. "Well, you can blame your buddy Lea here."

Isa turned to Lea and shook his head. "I did hear that you were the cause."

"Hey!" said Lea, but he couldn't help his grin. "I'm exhausted, okay? Give me a break."

"The campsite is just a little ways ahead," said Isa. "Don't tell me you can't walk that short stretch of dirt."

Lea exaggeratedly fell to the ground and groaned, reaching an arm out to Isa weakly, as if to grab his ankle. "Can't," he whined. "Too. Tired. Go on. Without me." He closed his eyes and buried his face in the dirt.

"Hah, gross!" Yuffie laughed from up in the tree.

Lea heard clapping.

"Brilliant performance," Zack said.

"Bravo," added Cloud.

"I don't see why you're being applauded for collapsing," said Isa, his voice suddenly very near.

Lea looked up to find Isa's face looking down at him with concern. Lea grinned. "Because I'm a brilliant actor."

"You are?" said Isa. "I never realized. My dad always said you're a ham."

Zack, Cloud, Yuffie, and Squall burst into laughter.

"Gah," said Lea, pushing himself up. He dusted himself off. "Fine, fine. I'm coming. Just give me a sec. My feet are killing me."

"Are you sure you're alright?" said Isa softly.

"I—"

"Lea wants you to carry him," Zack said as he struggled to hold back laughter.

"Bridal style," Cloud added.

Isa blinked, then turned to Lea. "Is that what you want?"

"No!" Lea exclaimed. "Look, I'll be fine, alright? I can manage." He lightly punched his own chest. "I'm tough."

"_Sure_ you are," Yuffie said, rolling her eyes.

"Then let's go," said Isa. "Mrs. Mavis is really angry."

"Ever the teacher's pet," said Zack with a light chuckle.

"What do you mean?" said Isa.

"Nothing!" said Zack, then hurried along the path to catch up to the rest of their group.

* * *

That night, everyone had to eat the dinner they'd cooked themselves. Lea's food tasted god-awful that he gagged just sniffing the stuff. He didn't know curry could turn out so wrong. Isa just shook his head and offered Lea some of his.

"You're really good at this," said Lea with a mouthful of food.

"Thank you," said Isa. "My mom's been teaching me."

"That's great!" said Lea. "Your mom's cooking's the best."

Isa tugged his shirt sleeve and returned his attention to his food.

"Lea!" called Yuffie's voice.

Lea looked up to find Yuffie waving at him from one of the smaller campfires that had been set up, where the others were lounging around as well.

"Come on," said Lea, taking his plate and standing to go over to them.

"Me?" said Isa.

"Huh?” said Lea. “Yeah, you. Come on. Let's sit over there."

"You go," said Isa quickly. "They're not really..."

"It's fine," said Lea. Then he noticed Isa bunching up the fabric of his shirt in one hand. "If you don't want to, then I'll just sit here with you."

"No," said Isa. "You go. I'm sure you want to spend time with them. It's fine."

"I'm not going if you're not," said Lea with a shrug.

"But..." Isa bit his lip, then turned to the group sitting around the campfire. "Will they be okay if I sit with them?"

"Of course!" said Lea. None of his other friends had ever minded Isa. Sure, as kids they had some things to say about the way Isa acted. But as they grew up, Squall and the others stopped making such comments, understanding that Isa was the way he was. Still, Isa was adamant that they would rather not have him around, so Lea didn’t push him. But now it seemed like Isa was actually considering hanging out with them, so Lea tried his luck. "Look. They won't laugh at you or anything, okay? If they do, they'll get it from me."

"Get what?"

"A beating." Lea shrugged. "Or a stern talking-to, I guess."

Isa let out a small laugh. "I doubt you could go up against any of them. Especially not all of them."

"Hey, watch it." Lea laughed.

"Sorry." Isa shook his head. "Let's go then. Since you want to."

Lea opened his mouth to argue that Isa didn't have to force himself to do anything he was uncomfortable with for Lea’s sake. But Isa stood with his plate and hauled Lea over to the campfire.

"Hey, guys," said Lea when they approached the group.

"Hey," everyone said in varying degrees of lukewarmness.

"Hi, Isa," said Aerith with a smile. "I'm glad you're joining us."

"Oh," said Isa, not looking up to meet her eyes. "Yeah. Thanks." He looked around to find space to sit on one of the logs around the fire until Lea opted to sit on the ground, then Isa followed suit.

"Hey, Isa," said Yuffie. "You know, I always thought Squall and Cloud never smiled, but you definitely beat them both."

Isa blinked slowly a few times. "What do you mean?"

Yuffie laughed. "I mean that I have never seen you smile once. Like ever."

"I do smile," said Isa.

"Oh, yeah?" said Yuffie. "Prove it."

"Yuffie, come on, cut it out," said Lea.

"I'm just telling him to smile!" said Yuffie.

"Ignore her," Squall said to Isa. "It's her hobby to be irritating."

"Is not!" said Yuffie.

"I-It's alright," said Isa quickly. "I can smile." He gulped and fidgeted with the fabric of his shirt, then, as he faced no one but the flames of the campfire, he gave the most awkward smile Lea had ever seen. Yuffie laughed. Zack and Cloud did too.

"What's funny?" Isa whispered to Lea.

"Nothing's funny," said Lea loudly enough for the rest of the group to hear.

"Isa, Isa!" said Yuffie. "Tell a joke."

"A joke," said Isa. "Why?"

"For fun!" said Yuffie. "Come on. You don't know any jokes?"

Lea rolled his eyes. “Look, Isa. You don’t have to tell a joke if you’re not comfortable with it. Quit it, Yuffie.”

"It’s fine, I-I do know a joke," Isa stammered. He bit his lip, eyes filling with panic, trying to find a suitable joke.

"What about that time we accidentally let all those chickens loose?" Lea whispered to Isa.

"That's not a joke," said Isa.

"It's a funny story," said Lea with a shrug. "It counts."

“I’m not good at telling stories.”

“What? You’re always telling me stories.”

“That’s reciting! It’s different.”

“Come on,” groaned Yuffie. “What are you two whispering about? Just tell us the joke.”

“Lea’s right,” said Aerith. “You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I-It’s okay,” said Isa. The rest of the words tumbled out of his mouth all garbled. "Um, so this one time, Lea and I went to the library and there was a whole truck of chickens outside. They were on their way to the slaughterhouse and I cried when I found out. And then Lea started crying too. So we decided we had to free them and we did. But one of the chickens flew into Lea's pants and started pecking him so he screamed. Then we got caught and we had to chase the chickens and were forced to put them all back. Aaand then we cried again. The end."

Everyone stared at Isa in silence as Lea had to refrain from the impulse to smack his forehead. He just hoped none of them made fun of him.

"For real?" said Zack. "Did that, like, really happen?"

"Y-Yes?" said Isa.

Zack blinked, then after a long moment, he burst into laughter, causing everyone else followed suit. Lea looked around at them in surprise, feeling a smile creep on his face. He breathed a relieved sigh, then beamed at Isa.

"It worked," Isa whispered to him, eyes wide.

"Good job," said Lea, grinning from ear to ear. "I'm proud of you. You're my clown protege."

Isa frowned. "You're not a clown."

"Will you all quiet down?" scolded Mrs. Mavis from her tent. "You'll wake the whole camp!"

"Sorry, Mrs. Mavis," everyone said in unison. Then they all turned back to the campfire.

"Man," said Zack, wiping his eye. "That was something."

"Anyone else got stories?" said Tifa.

"Oh," said Aerith. "Does a horror story count?"

"Not this again," said Squall with a shake of his head. "Come on, Aerith."

"It isn't the same one I told you last time," said Aerith. "Besides, it's a perfect night for a horror story, don't you think?"

"I say go for it," said Cloud with a shrug.

"Alright," said Aerith, clapping her hands together. "Gather round, everyone. Because this one's about something we're all very familiar with. The Sage-King's castle."

"Ugh," said Squall. "We _did _hear this one. We talked about it earlier on the hike up here."

"Oh, about the wails, right?" said Tifa. "I heard that deep beneath the castle, there's this underground chamber filled with ghosts. And that's where all the wailing comes from."

"Ooh, ooh, yeah!" said Yuffie. "I heard that if you go there yourself, the ghosts of your loved ones will come out and you can talk to them. Apparently, some of our seniors tried to do that before."

"Ghosts aren't real," said Squall.

"I heard about our seniors doing that too," said Cloud. "Their dead mom appeared in front of them. Pretty freaky."

"That was Fujikawa, right?" said Squall. He shook his head. "I heard of that. He was grieving so much that he rushed at the chance to see his mom again when there was talk of ghosts coming to life."

"I did hear of that," said Lea. "It was a hot topic in school for weeks."

"So if it wasn't a ghost he saw, what do you think it was then?" said Cloud.

"I think that grief does things to people's minds," said Squall. "And that people find unhealthy ways of coping. That's just one of them."

"Wow, should we call you Dr. Leonhart now?" Cloud laughed.

"Shut up," Squall groaned.

"I don't know about any of that," said Zack. "'Cause from what I heard, the ghosts are from prisoners. The ones who died a long time ago in the dungeons."

"Come on, you guys!” said Aerith. “Are you going to let me tell the story or not?”

"Okay, okay," said Zack. "Go on then.”

"Okay," said Aerith, closing her eyes and dropping her voice to a serious tone. "So from what I heard, the wails come from prisoners. But they’re not ghosts." Her voice fell into a harsh whisper. "They're all still alive. And they’re there to serve one purpose..." Everyone gulped, eyes wide and fists clenched as they leaned in. Aerith eyed her audience, then said in a hushed voice, "Human experimentation."

A shiver ran down Lea's spine.

"The Sage-King wouldn't be doing something like that," said Squall with a shake of his head. "He's a good man to his people."

“Is he though?” Tifa frowned. “All he does is sit up there in his castle all day. We don’t even know what he looks like.” She crossed her arms. “I mean, we all came from the East Borough.” She glanced at Isa, face softening a little. “Well, except Isa. But we all know what it looks like.”

"Yeah!” said Zack. “And what about the apprentices?" He scooted closer to the group, excitement clear on his face. "We don't know much about them either. It could be one of them. Or all of them."

"That's ridiculous," said Squall.

Aerith laughed. “It's just a conspiracy theory. I doubt the Sage-King would actually allow anything like this. But it makes for a cool horror story, doesn’t it?”

"It's pretty interesting though," said Lea, stroking his chin, eyes wide. “I mean… if it’s not that, then what _could_ the wails be?”

Tifa shivered. “Can we talk about something else please? Squall, don’t you have a story? Preferably not one based in our city?”

“Ugh, whatever.”

As Squall told a story about a zombie goat, the gears in Lea’s mind turned. Isa turned to him. "I know that look."

"What look?" Lea said.

"It's the look you get when you've got an idea."

Lea snickered. "I'll tell you later."

Everyone continued to share stories—some funny, some strange—but the discussions always led back to the mysterious rumours about the castle.

When Mrs. Mavis yelled at them all to retire to their tents, they all said goodnight and went their separate ways. Lea got to share a tent with Isa, which he was grateful for, but he frowned at the fact that it was only because no one _else _wanted to share with Isa. When they lay in their respective sleeping bags, staring up in the darkness of their tent, Isa spoke.

"So," said Isa, "what's this idea of yours?"

Lea bit down a smile. "It's simple really. What if after we come back from this trip, we go check out the castle and see those rumours for ourselves, huh?"

"The rumours _are _curious," Isa mumbled. "Do you think they're really ghosts? Or like what Aerith said. Prisoners?" Isa inhaled sharply. "It can't be... That would be..."

"I'm not even sure if those wails that people are talking about even exist. Maybe they're just hearing things. Maybe it's like, owls or something."

"Owls hoot. They don't wail."

"I dunno. The human mind can make a lot of things up when they're scared."

"We can agree on that." Isa paused. "I wonder..."

"What?"

"What if they're something else entirely?"

"Like what?"

"_Aliens_."

Lea laughed. "You've been watching too much sci-fi."

"And whose fault is that?" Isa stuck out his tongue.

"You like them!" Lea laughed. “I wouldn’t keep recommending them to you if you didn’t.”

Isa mumbled something incomprehensible, then said, "Bill and Polly would never let you out that late. And I don't think my parents will either."

"Duh! That's why we'll have to sneak out."

"Teenage rebellion..." Isa hummed thoughtfully. “Just like in the movies…”

"Yeah, totally. It'll be fun! It'll just be a little while and it's not like we'll be doing anything _illegal_."

“Trespassing is illegal," Isa said flatly.

"Aw, come on, Isa."

"And it’s irresponsible.” Isa paused. “We can't just jump straight in. We don't even know how to get in."

"So then what?"

"We need to survey the place in the day time. To secure a way in. Then we hatch a plan. _Then _we sneak out at night."

"Aaah." Lea snickered. "Good to know I have a mastermind on my side."

"_Someone_ has to plan things through."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm reckless, I know."

"We'd have to sneak past the guards... Hmm."

"What?"

Isa mumbled a series of mostly incomprehensible ideas of how to sneak into the castle. Lea squinted in the darkness to see Isa twirling the fabric of his shirt sleeve around his finger.

Lea grinned, listening to Isa's unintelligible mumbling as he concocted a plan.

* * *

It took many tries. Too many to count. Each had ended up in them getting caught trespassing the palace grounds and thrown out onto the street by the castle guards, some times rougher than others. But once Isa set his mind on something, he was a mountain, unbendable no matter what. Lea had wanted to throw in the towel more than once, but he never could. Isa wouldn’t let him.

How their school senior had made his way in was a mystery. Isa wondered if Fujikawa had worked this hard, or had just run straight in, or had just made it all up.

But weeks turned to a month, then two, then they were forced to give it up. Isa’s examinations were coming up and his father had high expectations for him. No matter how much Isa wanted, mischief had to be put on the back burner while he heeded the call of adulthood.

At the very least, Isa was lucky to have a professor as a father. It made studying a lot easier. Dr. Yerik Sahar was one of the best professors in the city, and he was Isa’s personal tutor too. Yerik stayed up with Isa every night and went over equations and battle strategies and philosophies of old to study for Isa’s general entrance exams. Isa’s mother, Idana, was less involved. She always had a frown on her face as she peeked into the study room. Isa wasn't sure why and wasn't sure how to ask, but he got his answer in the middle of the night a week before the examinations started.

"Why are you pushing him so hard?" Idana's voice came from downstairs.

Isa sat at the top of the stairs and peeked down through the railings to get a glimpse of the scene, but all he saw were their shadows against the floorboards.

"I'm not," came Yerik's voice. "He's doing just fine. He likes it. It gives him a routine. He's not even stressed. You should look at his work, Idana. Our son is a _genius_."

"I don’t understand why you’re pushing him into this."

"This is a great opportunity for him and you know it. It’s an unbiased assessment of his abilities. You know how people are towards him. It won't be easy for him to find work once he finishes school. At least, if he does well in the exams, he’d have a better chance."

"He shouldn’t even have to take these exams for another two years! He’s still a boy, Yerik. While his classmates are having fun and enjoying their life, you keep Isa indoors and force him to study. You’re taking his life away from him."

"I’m _giving _it to him. Isa is destined for great things. He will have all the time in the world to enjoy life when he has a stable job. Do you want him to be cooped up with us forever?"

"He’s sixteen, Yerik. Not a man grown yet. A _boy_. I know _you _know this. Why do you keep trying to rush him into this?"

"Look around you, Idana. Do you not remember a few months ago when those strange creatures attacked our city? And what has our beloved Sage-King and his apprentices done? Nothing. And our economy only grows worse as his majesty spends all his funding on his research that we see nothing of. Things are getting tougher out there, Idana. I won’t be around forever—"

“Don’t say that!” Idana’s shadow grew distressed, her hands flapping erratically.

“But it’s true.” Yerik sighed. “I can’t support this family forever. And the Academy only pays me so much. If Isa aces these exams, it gives him a better fighting chance to find work. It doesn’t mean he’ll leave us."

"I just... I just want him to have a good life. And a good life isn’t just about money. I want him to _live_. To laugh. To love. To enjoy his childhood when he still can. The way I couldn’t."

Yerik sighed. "I know, I know... But ever since those strange creatures attacked our city, money has been hard. I _want_ him to have a good life, of course I do! But look for yourself, Idana. When was the last time we even bought him some new clothes?"

Idana scoffed, followed by frenzied pacing. “You don’t need to be rich to be happy!”

“No, but you need to _eat_!”

Idana stopped pacing. Yerik sighed. "I'm sorry,” he said. “I just..."

"...It's okay."

The two shadows on the ground slunk towards each other and embraced, becoming one.

"It will be alright, my love," said Yerik.

“I just worry, you know. The world can be cruel. I just want him to be safe… All this… It just scares me. I don't want him to grow up just yet. To go off into the world where I can't protect him. I just… I just want him to be safe."

Isa listened closely, face pressed against the bars of the railing, but no more words came. He padded back up the stairs and to his room. There, he rummaged through his chest of assorted collectables, among which was a book. He'd smuggled it from the locked cabinet in his father's library and buried it here to be hidden.

He unearthed the book now and traced his finger over the gold-foiled lettering on its leather. The title read ‘_Ars Arcanum_.’

"Don't worry, mom," said Isa. "I'll learn to protect myself. Then you won’t have to worry."

* * *

The night before the exams, Isa holed up in his room, trying with all his might to produce a gust of wind. The book said that air was supposedly the easiest element to learn and master. But after days of trying, nothing worked. He groaned and tried again. Still nothing.

_It was a stupid idea anyway._ After all these years, why would he be able to suddenly do magic now? It was ridiculous. Preposterous. Stupid. So stupid. He threw the book off the bed and it flew across the room, bumping into the wall and sinking pathetically to the ground.

It wasn't enough. He needed. Something. His hands were unsteady, a million needles poking through every pore, the pain pooling at the tips of his fingers, and yet he was numb. So numb. He kicked all the sheets off the bed but it was no use. He curled into himself. _It's useless. Useless. Useless. I can't. I can't. _He felt his chest tighten and he wanted to scream. The tangles in his head suffocated him and everything was too loud and not loud at all. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't do anything. _It hurts. It hurts._ He gripped his head tightly enough that he hoped it would explode. Anything to make it stop. He rocked in his seat. Back. Forth. Back. Forth. Back. Forth. The rhythm was the only thing steadying him.

He didn't know how long it took for the tempest in his mind to settle, but when it did he fell straight to sleep.

Until a rapid tapping at his window pulled him out of his dreamless slumber.

He blinked through the light of his room. His face was still wet. He mustn't have slept very long. He wiped it with his shirt sleeve, then scooted toward the window and peeked out through the blinds.

There stood Lea, holding some rocks in his hand while the other hand was placed over his eyes as he peered up at Isa's window. _What is he doing here? _Lea was wearing his pyjamas. What time was it exactly? Isa turned to get a glance at his clock and found it was well past Lea's eight o'clock curfew. Isa's stomach flipped and he was suddenly alert despite his exhaustion. He pulled the blinds up and opened the window, suppressing a wide grin.

"Isa!" Lea called quietly, beaming up at him.

Any attempt Isa made to hide his grin failed. "What are you doing here?" said Isa, pressing close to the window sill.

"Can I climb up? I think I'm scaring your neighbour's cat."

"You shouldn't! You could fall and get hurt."

But Lea was already scaling up the ivy-covered wall until he reached the window. He smirked. "See? I'm tough. Not a scratch on me."

Isa shook his head, still smiling.

Lea looked around the room and his grin fell. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Isa stood to quickly gather everything from off the floor.

"Here," said Lea. "I'll help!" He bounced off the bed and raced through the room, a flurry of movement as he cleared everything up before Isa could even stand. Without Isa even saying a word, Lea found the rightful place for everything Isa had kicked and thrown during his meltdown. "Ta-da!" He gestured to the tidy room in a flourish. The only thing he hadn't kept away was the book of spells. He placed the book on the bedside table, then took a seat next to Isa.

Isa bit his lip and smiled, unable to look at the brightness of Lea's proud grin.

"You still haven't answered me," said Isa instead. "What are you doing here?"

"Came to see you! Duh."

"Why?"

"Wish you luck for the exams tomorrow. I know you've been studying hard the past few... what, months? Your dad's practically been a drill sergeant."

"It's not that bad. I enjoy it actually. Except for the part where we can't see each other that often."

"More like '_at all_.' I can barely catch you in the hallways ‘cause you’re always rushing home to study!" Lea laughed. "So how've you been?"

"I'm alright."

"Just alright?"

"What else would I be?"

Lea laughed. "Okay, I'll rephrase. Did anything interesting happen?"

"Not really. I've just been studying, though I'd rather be trying to plan more castle break-ins with you."

Lea smiled and looked away, his ears turning red. It was rare to make Lea flustered. He was always the one doing it to Isa. "Well," said Lea, scratching the back of his neck, "how about after the exams then? Before the results come out, we could have another shot. Y'know, before you have to grow up and find a job and everything."

"I don't think I can. My dad probably has a bunch of plans for me already." Isa frowned, looking down at his hands. "I'm scared, Lea. I don't want to grow up yet."

Lea smiled softly. "Hey. I'll still be there for you, alright? We can still hang out and I can still visit. Hey! Maybe when you get a job, I can visit you at work and ask how your day has been and bring you lunch..."

Isa chuckled, his face growing warm. "I guess that doesn't sound so bad. And you can tell me stories about your day too."

At that, Lea's face lit up. "Oh! Speaking of which, I learned a neat trick." He scooted closer to Isa, the limited amount of space between them making Isa's heart flutter. Lea leaned in close and put his palm between them. "Watch," he said. A ball of flame came to life, hovering over Lea's palm. It slowly twisted, transforming into the shape of two people.

"It's us!" Isa gasped.

"Sure is! Now look." Lea's fingers stretched and tensed, and the flame figures began to dance. "Pretty cool, huh?"

"It's so pretty." Isa stared at the dancing figures. They were very detailed, and each movement was carefully carried out.

"It's great if your dad ever wants to tell a story. Not that your mom's finger puppets and dancing isn't great. It'd just be a cool substitute."

Isa found himself grinning like a fool before snapping back to his senses. "Okay, but can you make fire for anything more than a light source or storytelling?"

"Sheesh, Isa, give me some credit." Lea hummed, thoughtful as he looked around the room. "I don't have very good targets to practice on though. But I can make a ring of fire around me now! Longest it's lasted was five minutes!"

"Is that supposed to be impressive?"

"Aw, come on, Isa!"

"It was a genuine question."

"Well, then _yes_. Five minutes is very impressive, thank you very much."

"Hm, you're not much of a credible source though."

Lea laughed, putting out the flame in his hand in the process. And as always, the sound of Lea's laugh pulled Isa to join in. "Okay, okay," said Lea. "What about you?" He nodded to the book of spells on the table. "I see you've been practising magic too. How's it going?"

Isa's smile dropped. He frowned, wringing the fabric of his sweater. "It's useless."

"Aw, it can't be that bad."

"But it _is..._ I can't even muster up some stupid wind. It's useless and I'm useless and—"

"Hey, hey," said Lea softly. "It's okay. Take a deep breath."

Isa did. Everything was silent, yet so loud. He breathed deeply, closing his eyes. In. Out. In. Out. He let his hands feel the threads of his sweater, tugging it over and over and until he could open his eyes again. "Sorry," Isa breathed.

"Don't be."

"I feel like I have to be." He took another deep breath before leaning all the way forward until he bumped his forehead against Lea's chest. Lea smelled like coffee and candle wax. What a strange combination.

"Your head's gonna be dizzy if you keep leaning over like that," said Lea.

Isa nodded and scooted closer, repositioning himself until he was comfortably curled up in Lea's arms.

"Isa?" said Lea.

"Hm?"

"Is this okay?"

"Why not?" Isa mumbled, finding his eyes very heavy.

"I mean... I don't know. You're usually not into... physical contact much. You literally flinched when someone tapped you on the shoulder the other day."

"Mm. But it doesn’t count if it’s with you."

He heard Lea's breath hitch, but Lea said nothing else.

Isa's mind was still in knots, but he found that with each circle he drew on Lea's arm with his finger, a fraction of those thoughts untangled itself. They stayed like that for a long while. He could've fallen asleep like that. But a replay of everything that had happened crossed his mind and dragged him back to wakefulness. The loud noise in his mind returned with full-force.

Isa sighed deeply. "My mom thinks I'm weak."

"She doesn't, and you're not. Stop saying that, alright?"

"She's so worried about me. She thinks I can't do anything myself. And I guess I can't. Even a single gust of wind—"

"That's just one thing, Isa. You can do a ton of other stuff really well."

Isa sighed again. "Do you think I'm weak, Lea?"

"Of course not."

"Yes, you do. That’s why you’re always so protective of me. I wish for once that I can be strong enough to protect myself."

“Silly. I’m not protective of you because I think you’re _weak_. I just care about you a lot. That’s all.” Lea let out a soft chuckle. "And are you forgetting the time you punched Loz and Kadaj until they cried? Or, was it Yazoo…?"

"Of course I remember that, Lea. We got into so much trouble and—" Isa groaned and shook his head. "That's beside the point."

"That's _proving _my point."

"No. It doesn't count. We were kids and I caught him off guard. It wasn't a fair fight. Loz could've beaten me up if he was ready for me." He shifted positions so he was laying in Lea's lap looking up at the ceiling. "I want to prove myself. I want to be strong."

"And you _are_. You're the strongest person I know."

"How can you sound so sure?" Isa frowned.

"'Cause I am. I know you. The second you set your mind to something, you never hold back. Most people just give up halfway. I know I sure do. But not you. You never give up no matter what. _That's _what makes you strong."

Isa stared up at the glowing star stickers on his ceiling, tracing the constellations in his mind. "Do you think I'll manage to do well in the exams?"

"Of course! You're going to ace it. I know you will. And when you go up to take your scroll, I'll be there to cheer you on. And even after that. And after that and after and after."

Isa smiled. "Promise?"

"Promise." Lea grinned and Isa wondered what that grin would taste like against his lips.

"Hey, the exams don't start 'till noon, right?”

"Yeah. Why?"

"How about we try one last break-in? For old times' sake. Before we have to grow up."

* * *

They slipped through the fence surrounding the castle’s outer gardens and snuck towards the back wall of the castle. They passed the back gate and crept close to the wall, crouching in the grass behind the hedges that lined the cobbled pathways of the castle grounds. Isa led the way and Lea followed, neither making a sound. Then Isa stopped. Lea crashed into his back, almost toppling them both over.

"Hey, be careful," Isa whispered over his shoulder. "I think there’s a way in here."

Isa then slipped into a tiny crack in the castle's stone wall.

“Whoa, Isa, wait!” Lea said before following him in.

It took a few minutes of crawling through the cramped space, his elbows dragging over stone and moss, his nostrils filled with must and coal. The smell of coal grew stronger as they finally reached the other side. But he couldn't see a thing in the pitch-black darkness.

"_Whoa_, we actually made it," breathed Lea.

"Where are we?" said Isa.

"Time to find out. Good thing I've been practising my magic." Lea rubbed his hands together and took a deep breath, then snapped his fingers. A ball of fire hovered over his palm, shedding enough light for Lea to see Isa's face. He outstretched his hand, illuminating their surroundings. They seemed to be in some sort of underground cave. Bronzy steel pipes snaked through the stone and stalactite loomed from the ceiling.

“Holy shit," Lea gasped. “Come on, let’s see where this leads!”

Lea led the way into the depths of the cavern, over and under rocks and pipes until they reached a mineshaft, which led to depths even deeper still. The electricity in Lea’s veins buzzed as they finally made it to the end of the cave. Fixed there was a small square opening in the wall, like someone had reached the end and dug out their own door here. _Bizzare_.

“Whoa,” Lea breathed. He stepped through it without a second thought.

It led them to a narrow platform. Lea almost tripped before Isa grabbed his hand and pulled him backwards. The platform’s edge dipped a dozen feet down into a circular chamber.

"Okay, okay," said Lea, feeling his breaths get shorter. He gulped. "This is getting weirder than I expected. I think we’ve seen enough of that. Right? I mean we got to go in and have a quick look, right? You have your exams tomorrow. We should turn back now. Come on."

"Are you kidding?" said Isa, eyes wide. "We made it all this way. We never got to make it this far. I'll never be able to concentrate tomorrow with all this mystery hanging over me."

"I don't know. I'm just getting a bad feeling, Isa."

"Come on, Lea. Aren't you always the one leaping before you look?"

"I just think… it's a really good time to look before we leap. That's a really high jump. I don't want you going into the exam hall with a _limp_."

"Well I can't just turn back when we've come all this way! I thought we were going to do this together. Besides, you can cast a cure spell, can’t you?"

“Barely!” said Lea. “I fixed a scrape on your knee _one_ time and immediately I’m Mister Healing Hands to you—”

“Come on, Lea. Don’t you want to know what’s down there?”

"W-Well…" Lea took a deep breath, then nodded hesitantly. "Okay, fine. Let’s just… be quick about it."

"Well then, here goes." Isa gulped as he looked down.

They took the leap together. Just as they were about to reach the ground, an invisible force cushioned them and carried them gently until their feet touched the ground.

They exchanged a look, then turned to gawk at where they were. Here, waterfalls falling in reverse motion lined the high walls, evaporating into mist as it touched the smooth, flat ceiling. Flowers grew from rock beds and crystals poked out from the stone walls, illuminating the small chamber in soft violet light.

"It's an oasis," Isa breathed.

"It's beautiful," said Lea. He extinguished his flame and gawked at the crystalline water.

"Reverse waterfalls," Isa noted.

"When we jumped, the gravity adjusted so we wouldn’t fall,” said Lea. “Someone put enchantments here. Strong ones.” He pursed his lips. “Maybe that's the cause of all the supernatural stuff going on. Maybe the ghosts are just summoned spirits or something. Put here to protect the castle."

"Hmm." Isa stepped forward, looking around the chamber with wide eyes. "Wait. I don't hear anything."

Lea looked down at his watch. "It's already past midnight too," he said. "Isn't that when they usually start?"

Isa stepped close to the reverse waterfall at the edge of the room and stared at his reflection in the water. "Do you think Fujikawa really saw his mom's ghost here?"

"Dunno," said Lea. "I think Squall was right though. About grief doing things to you."

Isa reached out his hand and put it through the running water. "It seems peaceful down here. Not scary."

"Yeah..." He walked backwards around the chamber, admiring the magical aura of the cavern.

Then the wails began.

They were so loud that they had to cover their ears. The force of the echoing screams shook the cavern, disrupting the reverse flow of the water and causing it to pour down. The screams continued. The falling water collected around their feet, dampening their shoes.

Then it stopped. The water resumed its upward flow.

Isa took deep breaths and turned to Lea with quivering lips. "Can spirits do _that_?"

“I don't—"

The wailing came again. And again the water fell. It lasted so long that the water reached past their ankles.

"This is insane!" Lea shouted over the screams.

"Lea!" Isa said. "If this continues, the water is going to fill up this whole chamber!"

"O-Oh," said Lea. "We'll just go back the way we came then." But when he looked at the platform they had just jumped from, he realized that would be impossible. It was too tall and steep to climb. "Shit."

"There must be another exit," said Isa. "Another way to—"

The wailing again. This time they were more like shrieks, more pained than before. Lea's blood ran cold. There were so many. Overlapping over each other. _They weren't spirits, were they? _The shock of cold seeping into his pants hit him and he blinked back to reality, shaking his head. He turned to Isa, whose hands were squeezing the sides of his head, eyes clamped shut. _It's too loud for him_.

Lea took a deep breath. He had to focus. He looked around frantically.

The ceiling was an even metal surface. Even if they had a grappling hook or rope there would be nothing for it to latch onto. All the walls except for the one with the platform were covered in flowing water. The waterfall seemed to be glitching almost, unsure whether to go up or down as the screams repeatedly stopped and started over and over. In the water’s hesitation, Lea saw the wall behind it; made of the same rock forming the rest of the cave they'd crawled through. But one section of the rock was a slick, ebony-black. It was shaped like a door.

Lea took Isa's hand.

"Isa," he said. "We need to go. I found a way out. Just follow me, okay?"

Isa opened his eyes, but they were glazed over. Lea took his hand and pulled him as he trudged through the water toward the black door. There was no handle, no door hole. Lea took deep breaths and pushed on it hard. Nothing.

_Please. Please._

He pushed again. Nothing.

He looked over at Isa, who still hadn't come up from his shutdown. Lea shook his head and turned back to the door, pushing it with everything he had.

_I need you to open. Please. Please. Please._

Then, beams of light shot from the palm of his hand. He stepped back, jaw to the floor and eyes popping out of his head as he watched the light transform into something solid in the grip of his hand. Lea stared at it, heartbeat racing and hands shaking as he held it.

It was the length of a sword, and even looked like one from the hilt and guard up until the shaft. But its tip had the uneven teeth of a _key_, of all things.

Lea stared at it for a long moment before a strong rumble shook him out of balance. Right, escape. _So if this is a key... _He pointed the strange blade toward the door. A beam of light shot out from its tip, straight into the centre of the black door.

It opened.

The blade vanished from his hand, but there was no time for dwelling. Blinking back his surprise, he took Isa's hand and led them through the door. It slammed shut the second they entered, locking them in pitch-black darkness. The screams stopped. The only sounds were his gasping breaths and the rush of blood through his ears.

He reached out for Isa's hand. He found it and entwined their fingers together. He snapped the fingers of his free hand and a flame came to life. He carried it to look at Isa's face. Isa’s lips trembled, but his eyes were coming back into focus.

"Where..." said Isa. "Where are we? What happened...?"

"We got out of that place. Managed to escape from getting drowned. I mean—" He mentally kicked himself. "We managed to escape."

"How?"

"Found a door behind the waterfall." _And a magical sword thing popped into my hand. Lights. That had to be a delusion right? _He shook his head, bewildered.

"Oh." Isa took deep breaths and blinked slowly. He looked exhausted. "I'm sorry... I didn't help."

"Hey, it's okay," Lea cooed. "Come on. We still haven't quite gotten out yet."

Isa nodded. Lea led them through the darkness, the light of his fire telling him that they were currently in a narrow hallway. The walls were flat stone, the floor was tiled, and unlit sconces hung on the tall walls. They weren't in a cave anymore. They walked until they reached a lit area that led to two separate hallways. Lea put out his fire and looked between the two paths. They looked exactly the same.

"We're in the castle," said Isa.

"But which part of the castle?” said Lea. “And how do we get out?"

Isa took a minute to stand in front of each hallway and frowned. "They're identical. There's no way to tell which leads where."

"So we just have to guess?" Lea sighed. "Let's go this way."

The hallway stretched on forever and only led to a dead end.

"What the hell?" said Lea, his voice bouncing off the walls. "All this way for a dead end? This is ridiculous. Who designed this place anyway?"

Isa sat down and leaned against the wall, hugging his knees and burying his face in them. "This is all my fault… If I hadn't pushed us to take that jump… Now we're lost and we're going to be stuck here," he sobbed. "How am I going to take the exams tomorrow?"

"It's not your fault," Lea sighed. "It's mine. I shouldn't have given the idea.” He grunted. “But don't worry. I'm gonna find a way out and get you back in time for the exams."

He stepped forward to examine the far wall, staring at the blank space, smelling the fresh paint. He stretched his hand out to touch it.

"Something's strange here," said Lea. "There's no sculpted bust here. Or painting on the wall. And not even a sconce. It's just blank."

"So?"

"Why would a castle have such a long hallway leading to nothing? We didn't even pass by any doors the whole time."

Isa sniffled. "Maybe whoever designed this place just wanted to confuse people on purpose."

"Maybe. But that only leads to more questions. Purposely trying to confuse people. Why? They're trying to hide something."

"Maybe they were trying to hide that chamber we were in, with all the enchantments."

"There was nothing _in _that chamber." Lea pursed his lips. "So what was it there for?"

Lea took a step and there was a flash of light emanating from the floor below his feet. They both jumped in shock and stared at the glowing section of the floor. Lea's heartbeat quickened and his hairs stood as a loud buzz echoed through the empty hallway.

Then the floor opened. It revealed a wide staircase with silver steps descending into darkness.

Lea giggled nervously, his voice high-pitched. "Holy _shit_. Things just get curiouser and curiouser, don't they?"

Isa gawked at the stairway. "I suppose we did come here expecting something miraculous…"

"My expectations were already exceeded by the chamber we almost drowned in, but yeah, I guess you're right." Lea shook his head in disbelief. “Okay. We need to get out of here. And there’s nowhere else to go but forward. So… Let’s go." That didn’t stop Lea’s heart from racing and hands from shaking. His mind went to a million different possibilities of what they could find at the bottom of the stairs. None of them were pleasant.

They walked down the winding steps, the spiral stairwell luring them deeper and deeper into the bowels of the castle, the light growing dimmer as they ventured further. When they reached the bottom, there was no light left to make out where they were.

“Hold on,” whispered Lea. He snapped his fingers and held out the ball of flame from his palm, casting light onto the darkness.

Lea's stomach dropped as he took in his surroundings, his skin prickling with goosebumps and his rapid heartbeat thumping louder than before. “Isa, this… These are…”

“Cages,” Isa finished.

Dozens upon dozens of doors lined the hallway, each one with a small window with bars. _Aerith's story._ Lea’s legs trembled.

From the small flame in Lea’s hand, they couldn’t see clearly enough into any of the prisons to tell if they were inhabited, but from the screeching they'd heard earlier, surely they had to be.

Lea shot Isa a glance, and Isa nodded and took Lea’s hand. They continued forth.

They padded past the endless prison doors, holding their breath to not make a sound as they continued deeper into the dungeon. Then Isa stopped in his tracks, causing Lea to almost trip.

“Something's wrong,” Isa whispered, voice barely audible even in the thick silence surrounding them.

“Yeah,” Lea mumbled. He gulped. "I feel it too."

It was a thick aura, something magical that Lea didn't understand. His mind assumed only the worst possibilities. Terror overwhelmed him and he found himself frozen in place. He urged his feet to run out of this terrible place as fast as they could, yet he could barely move.

“Lea,” Isa said. “We have to get out of here.”

Isa tugged on Lea’s arm, pulling him towards where they came, but Lea found himself glued to the spot, staring into the darkness and that overwhelming aura just up ahead.

"We have to leave," Isa repeated. "Please. Lea."

He snapped back to his senses. "Let's go." He grabbed Isa's hand and readied to bolt.

But then came a voice.

"Did you hear that?" Isa said, trembling.

Again, he tried to run, but the voice came again.

“Hello?” it said, small and faint, slicing through the thick atmosphere.

They stopped. Lea didn’t dare breathe. He saw Isa's eyes—those beautiful cerulean eyes he always longed to see—filled with terror.

“Hello?” came the voice again. It was feminine, the voice of a young girl, thick with tears. “Is anybody there?”

Lea took a staggering breath, then turned to face the voice.

"Please," said the voice. "You're not one of them, right? Please help us."

Lea stood and waited. Isa clutched Lea's sleeve with a painful grip.

The voice sniffled. "I… I can feel your light. Please. Will you help?"

"Who are you?" Lea blurted out. He instantly regretted it.

"I... I can’t remember," she said. "Oh no… I had one. I _know _I had one.” She sobbed. “I don’t know what they did to me. Please, mister. You have to help. All the others are already gone. I don't want to be next."

"Why are you here?" said Lea.

She sniffled again and paused. “I… Wait… I remember… I was alone… and they found me… I was in the market with my grandma. And then I got lost... They said they would help me. But they brought me here."

Lea took a shaky step forward and shone the light of his flame on the door. There, in the pale light, the girl's face was pressed against the bars. He could barely see her face in the shadows between the wide bars and the thick metal door of her cage. Isa's grip tightened on the sleeve of Lea's shirt, inhaling a sharp breath.

"You mentioned 'they'," said Lea. "Who's 'they'?"

"The people in the castle," she said.

"Do they hurt you?" said Lea.

"N-No... Sometimes… But they said they don’t mean to..."

Lea gritted his teeth. “I’m Lea. This is my friend, Isa. Tell us what we can do to help you.”

“Please,” she sobbed. “I just want to go home. I want to see grandma. I just want to go home!”

“Hey,” hissed a voice from another cell. “Get her to shut up before they come back in here.”

“Okay, it’s okay,” Lea cooed. “Shhh. It’s gonna be okay. Alright? We’ll find a way to help you. Right, Isa?”

Isa nodded. “Your grandma. Who is she? Maybe we can tell her where you are.”

“I don’t… remember,” said the girl.

“You don’t remember?” said Lea. He frowned. “Not even a name?”

“N-No…” Then she began to sob again. The other prisoners around them hissed to get her to be quiet.

“Hey, it’s okay,” said Lea softly. “Don’t cry. Please. Don’t cry.”

Isa bit his lip and scooted closer to the door. “When I was younger and I used to cry, my mom would tell me stories.”

The girl sniffled. “I like stories. M-My grandma used to tell me stories.”

“That’s great,” Isa said, his voice only a whisper. “Do you want to hear one now?”

“Uh-huh,” came the girl’s voice.

“_Isa_,” Lea mouthed. “_We don’t have time for this_.”

But Isa just ignored him. “Okay. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who ruled over a magical kingdom where the sun shone and life prospered. But then, one day, a wicked man stole her kingdom from her and cast the land in an eternal night without even a moon to light the way. The wicked man threw the princess out of her palace and left her to drift in the ocean, away from all her loved ones.”

“_Isa_,” Lea said through gritted teeth. “I don’t think—”

“The princess was all alone with nowhere to go,” Isa continued. “But then, in her travels, she met many other castaways. They didn’t know she was a princess, but they helped her all the same. After journeying the seas together for a long time, she and her companions grew to become a family. Their friendship ignited the light within their own hearts and allowed them to navigate the rocky waters. Together, they sailed the ocean, lighting the darkness and rescuing other castaways until the light in their hearts lit the way back to the princess’ loved ones. Little by little, they began to rebuild their kingdom on the seas themselves. The legend says that even now, if you sail the seas in the blackest darkness, you will find a light on the water as bright as a thousand stars. And that light is the light of the princess and her kingdom on the ocean.”

The girl hiccuped. “What about the wicked man? Did they defeat him?”

“Well, how the rest of the story goes is up to you,” said Isa. “See, the story is about how when we’re in a very dark place, we’ll always be able to find the light.” His face inched closer to the bars in the door. “Never give up hope. You’ll get to see your grandma again someday. We’ll do everything we can to help you. Okay?”

“Okay…” She was silent for a long moment. “Mister? Thank you.”

Lea stared at Isa in awe.

A clamour echoed from behind them. The lights in the dungeon began to flicker to life and muffled voices came closer.

"We have to get out of here," said Lea. "Isa. We need to _leave_. Now."

“We’ll find a way to help you,” said Isa to the girl.

“Okay,” she said.

Lea took Isa's hand and pulled him forward down the hallway the way they came in. Lea prayed to every star that they would make it to safety, but his mind raced through all the likelier possibilities. The girl mentioned experiments. What morbid things would they do to them if they got caught?

Outside of the dungeons, the hallway was brightly lit. No one in sight.

They ran, hearts racing and blood thumping in their ears, through the endless twisting hallways that stretched on forever. The castle was a maze and they were nothing but mice scurrying in vain, trapped in its walls.

Until a pair of hands yanked them off the ground.

Lea's heart stopped. His hairs stood on end and he froze. Everything did.

“Well, well, well,” said a man’s voice behind him, speaking in a lazy drawl. “Look what we have here. A couple of nosy rodents. Now, you two sure are a slimy pair, aren’t you? Never imagined you’d get this far. Catchin’ you two sneaking about the grounds, I can forgive. But now, do you think I’m gonna just let you out with a stern warning?” He laughed. “As if.”

Lea turned slightly, catching a glimpse of Isa’s look of terror. Adrenaline filled his veins and Lea whirled around and bit the hand that held him. The man yelped and released him. Lea’s hands turned aflame. He struck the man’s other hand. Isa fell to the floor with a thump. Lea ran to him and sat between him and the other man. Recognition hit him. Before him stood General Braig, the very first apprentice, a middle-aged man with long, greying black hair, an eyepatch and a scar across his cheek. But something was off about him. _Did he always have yellow eyes?_

“You two,” said Braig, “are more trouble than you’re worth.” He whipped out a gun and aimed it at Lea’s forehead.

“Halt!”

Braig froze, then turned around. A tall, silver-haired man came striding towards them, dressed in a lab coat. He stopped next to Braig, who frowned at him, but paid the one-eyed man no mind as he regarded Lea and Isa shaking on the ground. If something about Braig’s eyes were off, this man’s yellow eyes were far worse. They looked almost snakelike.

“Are these the frequent trespassers that I’ve heard so much about?” said the silver-haired man. He cocked his head as he inspected them, yellow eyes wide.

“Bingo,” said Braig. “Now, if you don’t mind, I was in the middle of something.”

“No,” said the silver-haired man quickly. He stared at Lea, digging into Lea’s soul in a way that made him feel naked and ashamed. “Don’t.” Then the man smiled. It looked nothing like mercy. “I have a better solution.”

“Better than what I was about to do?” Braig scoffed. “As if.”

“Come,” said the man, patting Braig on the shoulder. “Quickly. I have a plan for our little troublemakers. Take them and bring them to the wise Master.” He walked away with a deep chuckle.

Braig bit the inside of his cheek. “Been a while since I’ve heard that,” he mumbled. Then he disappeared. He appeared behind them. He cuffed their hands. Then kicked them. “Move.”

Lea’s mind sprinted with a million terrible thoughts. What would they do to him? He thought of the girl in the cell. He thought of home, his foster parents. If he went missing tonight, would they even care? Would they even know? He imagined his body dead in the gallows, lumped up with all the other lowlifes of society. Forgotten. Gone forever.

* * *

They brought them to the throne room, where a blond man sat perched several feet above the ground atop his magnificent throne, dressed in regal red robes and a scarf around his neck.

Surrounding the throne were four other people. Lea recognized them as the other apprentices. Two of them he was much more familiar with than he would've liked; Lieutenant General Dilan, a large barrel-chested man with thick black sideburns and his hair done into dreadlocks; and Major General Aeleus, built even larger than Dilan, who seemed to be a mountain personified. The two soldiers had caught Lea and Isa sneaking the grounds and roughhoused them on their way out one too many times.

The other two he was less familiar with, but he vaguely recognized the scrawny man in the lab coat as Dr. Even. Mr. Sahar talked about him sometimes. Next to him was a boy. He looked about half Lea’s age. He stared at Lea with wide eyes.

The silver-haired man and Braig flanked Lea and Isa on either side. The man on the throne eyed Lea and Isa as they kneeled with their hands chained behind their backs.

Lea had never seen the Sage-King of Radiant Garden before. He wasn't sure if anyone had. But here he was now: Ansem the Wise, the Sage-King himself, in the flesh. This was the _king_. Not another foster parent with a temper. Did he know of the times the guards caught them trespassing? Surely he did. Lea just hoped that Ansem was distanced enough from such lowly matters that he’d never gotten to know their faces.

Lea had always fantasized about seeing the king up close. But in his fantasies, the king hailed him as hero, maybe even a knight. Those dreams were nothing like this.

He felt Dilan glaring at him from where he stood next to Ansem’s throne. But when Lea snuck a glance at the burly man, he found Dilan smiling. Lea averted his gaze and gulped, feeling the skin around his neck.

“My wise Master,” said the silver-haired man. “I present to you these two children, and ask of you that you would take them in as your newest apprentices."

The other apprentices gasped and murmured among themselves.

"We found them out in the cold with nowhere else to turn,” the silver-haired man continued.

“New apprentices, you say?” Ansem stroked his short beard and inspected the two. “It wouldn’t be my first time taking in lost souls as my apprentices. In fact, our dearest Ienzo would not be with us if I had not been so generous to take him under my wing. But I cannot simply take in every beggar on my doorstep.”

“Master,” said the man. “These two… I sense something special in them.”

“Special, you say?” said Ansem. “How so, Xehanort?”

“Their hearts are powerful,” said the man—Xehanort. “More powerful than I’ve ever seen in regular children.”

“Is that right?” Ansem hummed. “How interesting. Xehanort, your powers astound me as always. And for you, I suppose I could make a special exception. But do we really need them both? I’m afraid the castle is getting a little too crowded.”

Xehanort pursed his lips. “I suppose we don't _need_ the blue-haired one. Just the red-haired one will do.”

“Well then, guess that’s that,” said Braig. His hand snuck under his coat and reached for his gun.

“NO!” Lea said. Braig’s hand froze. All eyes turned on him. Lea swallowed coarsely as his hands shook. Blood pounded in his ears. Isa gawked at him, his bottom lip trembling. _Isa's life depends on everything I say next._ Lea took a deep breath. “You have to take us both. Isa can be useful to you. He’s excellent at scutwork, you see. Organizing, coordinating tasks, you name it. I mean, surely, he’d be a valuable asset to you. I mean think of it this way. You’re all dedicated to your research to help our city, right? If you had someone managing all the paperwork and running your errands, you’d have way more time to pour all your energy into your work!" He gulped. "Please, you have to take him_._ ..._Please.”_

Xehanort quirked an eyebrow, a small smile tugging at his lips. Ansem frowned and stroked his beard again.

“Hm,” said Ansem. “I suppose we could use an intern of sorts. For a bunch of scientists, things do get quite hectic around here. Very well, your friend can stay as well.” He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “My dear apprentices, _do_ note that this is the _last_ time I will be taking anyone in. Do you all understand?”

“Understood, Master,” said Xehanort. The other apprentices murmured the same and bowed.

“Escort them both to their new rooms,” sighed Ansem. “You said that you found them out in the cold, did you? Poor things. Get them some food and new clothes too.”

Dilan scowled as he and Braig brought them out of the throne room. “You’re lucky our Master is so kind,” he said lowly. “If it were up to me, scum like you would rot in the dungeons.”

Braig chuckled, then leaned in close between Lea and Isa, whispering into their ears. “If you so much as sneeze without our permission, I’ll personally take care of you both. Got it?”

Dilan shoved them both. “_Move_.”

Braig laughed. "Welcome to the castle, kiddos!" He grinned. "You're stuck with us now." He smiled broadly, showing his teeth, yellow eyes glinting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now, about Lea's Keyblade appearing, that was just my way of making sense of him talking about wanting to wield a Keyblade in Dream Drop Distance. Xehanort's comment in this chapter about the power of their hearts is also alluding to Lea's potential to Keyblade-wield. But like I said, I'm really just picking bits and pieces of canon and throwing it into my own stew.
> 
> Warning about upcoming chapters: things are going to get pretty dark from here. Also, I do not see the apprentices (save for Ienzo) as redeemable and I do like my villains capital-e Evil, but these are just my takes on the characters and not bashing in any way! Speaking of which, I might not post an update this Saturday because of the length of this chapter, so stay tuned until next week!
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated as always! I really love hearing all your thoughts <3


	7. Den of Wolves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea and Isa discover that some wolves dress in sheep's clothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning:** Abuse (gaslighting and referenced beatings), torture through solitary confinement, mild violence.
> 
> Side note: this is the longest chapter in the whole fic.

_The Master’s interference has been an impediment to my research. Though we have been making do with the subjects we have left, the number grows fewer each day. However, today, the forces of destiny have smiled on me. I am also now posed with a new question: can the Keyblade be wielded by just about anyone? I will not let this opportunity escape me. Hence, I have devised a new methodology._

* * *

_I__’m alive_, Lea reminded himself. _They didn’t kill me._ _I’m alive_. _I’m alive._

They gave Lea a nice room. It was big and circular, sitting in one of the tallest towers of the castle, with a king-sized bed with plush pillows and soft sheets. They gave him servants. Lea counted them all—there were ten in total. He asked them their names. “That is not important, master Lea,” they said with a big smile. Then they stripped him and he yelped and protested, but they paid him no mind. They brushed his hair, washed it from dirt and grease and dressed him in new clothes. Beautiful clothes. He touched it, fingers feeling the silk and the intricately embroidered patterns between his fingers. It occurred to him that it was probably more expensive than his entire house_. _Maybe even his entire life.

When all was done, the ten servants bowed in unison, turned out the lights and walked out the door in a single file. Lea watched them, stunned. The heavy door closed with a thud and a lock. He rushed towards it and tried to pry it open, shaking the knob and slamming his side against the door.

He tried to calm his breathing. He went over to the tall, narrow window. It was the only one in the room. With all the candles snuffed out, the moon outside could only cast a thin strip of light in his room, cutting through the darkness.

He peered out the window at the city below. All the houses were so tiny from up here. Like ants. _Which one is my house? Polly… Bill… _How could you tell one ant from another? _You can’t_. Heart pounding, he pushed his face closer to the window until the sides of his face squeezed tightly between stone.

He screamed.

And screamed.

And screamed.

And screamed.

Nobody heard him.

* * *

He didn’t sleep the whole night. His thoughts went to a million places. He wished he could say that out of that million, there was at least one good one. But his parents had always told him not to lie.

The servants barged into his room before daylight even slithered into his room.

“Good morning, master Lea,” they all said at once. Before he could even register the greeting, they dragged him to the bath and stripped him. They scrubbed every crook and cranny of his exposed skin with soaps that reeked of potpourri and lavender.

He wanted to scream. He wanted to puke. But he kept telling himself, _I’m alive_. His thoughts were all tangled in his mind, threatening to strangle him.

Ten servants washed him with expensive fragrances. Treated him like a king. _‘Master Lea_’ they called him. But he was only a nobody from the East Borough. _Isn’t this what I’ve always wanted though? _But it wasn’t. This was all wrong. _I want to go home_. _I want to go home_. _I want to go home. _But where was home? Had he ever had a home at all? How many parents had he been given to, how many of those ever made him feel at home? He swallowed his tears.

The servants dragged him away for breakfast.

He ate in one of the castle’s many halls. There was only a single door in the hall with two servants standing on either side of it. Guards marched the hallway outside.

The servants prepared him a meal worth ten separate meals at home. Eggs, bacon and salmon; oven-fresh bread and pastries and pancakes topped with golden syrup; salad with cherry tomatoes; fresh cheese, nuts and expensive mushrooms. His stomach growled, but he found he could barely eat. Every bite was bile. The lights were too bright and all the gold and gaudy fabrics of the castle’s interior hurt his eyes. He sat at the table alone, ten pairs of eyes watching him with tight smiles. Giant portraits lined the tall walls, all staring down at him, watching.

* * *

After breakfast, the servants whisked him through the sprawling hallways of the castle. His mind raced as he tried to form a map in his head. But there was too much. Too many sounds. Too many lights. Too many people. Guards roaming the halls. Every piece of decor and detail in the fine architecture called for his attention. A whisper here, a murmur there. Everything looked the same too. It all fed the static in his brain, overloading his senses until he couldn’t tell what was where anymore.

Finally, they led him to a vast balcony that overlooked the city. There, standing at the edge and leaning against the railing, was Xehanort. The servants bowed once they escorted Lea to meet Xehanort there, then assumed their watch from the door.

“Good morning,” Xehanort said, speaking in that deep voice of his. “I am glad you could join me.”

Lea gulped, his body going on high alert.

“It is rude to not greet your superiors, you know. And by order of our wise Master Ansem, I _am_ now the Head Apprentice.”

“Good morning, ” Lea muttered.

“Yes. That it is.” Xehanort gestured to the city below. “What a fine city. Don’t you agree?”

Lea looked over the railing. From here, they could see the central square and marketplace in its full glory. People moved about their business as usual, mere specks from all the way up here. _I’m right here,_ he wanted to scream_, please help me._

“Yes,” Lea finally said.

“The king could have had you hanged for your troublemaking.”

Lea stood still.

“However, I have saved you from that fate.”

Lea swallowed, his throat sandpaper. “Thank you.”

Xehanort hummed. “Do you know why I have chosen to have mercy on you?”

“...You said I was special. Something about the strength of my heart.”

Xehanort smiled. “That is true. I see your potential. And what a powerful potential that is. I seek to hone that potential. To make you into the person you were meant to be.”

Lea stared down at the people below. Xehanort’s yellow eyes glinted, his pupils almost like slits.

“Are you not pleased? You should be. I am offering to train you. To take you as an apprentice of my own. You should be jumping for joy at my offer.”

Lea still said nothing.

“No? Well, let me put it another way. With me to guide you, your name will go down in history books. You would be remembered forever.” Lea’s breath hitched and Xehanort continued, “As a _hero_.”

Lea startled and turned to stare at him.

“You seem surprised,” said Xehanort. “You see, I have read all your files, Lea MacRoy. Hmm. MacRoy… Not a family name, is it? You didn’t have a family after all. That was only the name they gave you.”

Lea inhaled a shaky breath and averted his gaze.

“Tossed around in a system that failed you, thrown from one family to another, beaten and cast aside like a stray dog.” Xehanort tutted his lips. “Even your teachers vilified you. I’ll spare you the words they called you in their reports. What a shame. If only they realized the man you really are.”

Connor’s words rang in Lea’s head. _‘Are you a real man or aren’t you?’ _he had said. Lea clenched his fists, digging his nails into his skin.

“If only they see what _I_ see,” said Xehanort. “The power you hold. The fire in your heart. Let me teach you. Help you grow stronger. Right here. No more of the scraps they feed you. No more of the vitriol they throw your way. Here, you can have the life you have always wanted. A soft bed to sleep on, feasts every meal, servants of your own, all the power in the world… And a family to call your own.”

“A family,” Lea whispered, his eyes welling with tears.

“Hush now,” said Xehanort, wiping Lea’s eye with a gloved finger. “All of us here at the castle. _We _will be your family—even your precious friend.”

Lea snapped back to his senses. He blinked his tears away and glared at the other man. “What did you do to him?’

“Nothing, of course,” said Xehanort. “He is getting the same luxuries as you, I promise you that. He’s feeling right at home.”

Lea glowered at him, shooting daggers into the man’s serpentine yellow eyes. “I don’t believe you.”

“I have no reason to lie to you,” Xehanort said softly.

“You wanted to kill him. You would’ve let Ansem throw him into the dungeons—”

“I did nothing of the sort. That was Braig. I had no part in his desire to off your friend.”

“If everyone at the castle is supposed to be a family, then that means Braig is one of you.”

“I assure you I will have words with him _and_ the other apprentices. It is vital that we all get along you see. For it is we, the apprentices, that help this city thrive. Without us helping the king, this city will fall to shambles. Hence, I will ensure that everyone welcomes Isa as part of our family.”

“Isa already _has_ a family.”

“And they were planning to send him off anyway. They signed him up for the general entrance examinations, did they not? Do you know what happens if one passes the exam?”

“They graduate. And they get to find work in the city.”

“And where do they work?”

“Banks. Schools. Trading offices.”

“Yes. Public administration. But with Isa’s grades, he would surely go further than that, wouldn’t you agree? Surely, someone with his intelligence, they would send him off to the very heart of the administration. Now, where could that be? Oh, yes, it’s—”

“—in the castle,” Lea finished.

“Yes. Surely the esteemed Dr. Yerik Sahar was hoping for this very outcome.”

Lea stayed silent for a moment. “So does this mean he can still see his family?”

Xehanort chuckled. “In due time. We would provide his family compensation of course. They will receive a fraction of Isa's earnings from his work with us in the castle.”

Lea hesitated, then opened his mouth. But Xehanort spoke first.

“He is better off with us anyway,” Xehanort said. “You both are. The world is cruel. You see, out there, people don’t want you. They think you as nothing but a street rat and Isa as a freak. But here… We offer you a safe haven. Away from all the world’s pain and treachery. A place for you to belong.”

Lea said nothing else, his body remaining tensed as his gaze dropped to the floor.

“Now then,” Xehanort said coolly. “Will you accept my offer? Will you join me?” He extended his gloved hand.

“...What do _you_ get from this?"

“A new member of my family. Someone new to help run this city. Fresh eyes and a young mind. Think of it as a job offer. You work for me, together we help this city, and in return, you get to live like a king.”

Lea stared at the hand offered to him, the knuckles of his clenched fists whitened. “Y-You…” He took a deep breath. “You promise not to hurt Isa?”

Xehanort took his other hand from behind his back, palm facing outward. “Promise.”

Lea bit his lip. Then he shook Xehanort’s hand, sealing the deal.

“Fine,” said Lea. “It’s a deal.”

* * *

For all the terror the castle instilled in Isa, it filled him with just as much confusion. It was so easy to forget that he was a captive. Xehanort had told him that this was a job, that he would earn money that his family would receive while Isa stayed here. And he supposed it was a job. He did secretarial work for the king and his apprentices after all. But the circumstances that brought him here were nothing like a regular job.

Still, the servants were kind to him as he passed them in the hallways, the brightly-lit corridors free from lingering shadows, the castle’s gleaming architecture and stained glass windows casting its interior with bright light. But for all its beauty, the castle was a prison. Here, he couldn’t go out and the public couldn’t come in. Just like the city itself, the castle wore a pretty mask; enchanted to look pristine, painted with false warmth to cover the corruption and cruelty that thrived in the shadows where no one wanted to look.

But he supposed the cruellest of prisons pretended to be kind.

They served him warm, delicious meals that kept his belly full and even dressed him in fancy clothes. Yerik had always had to scour the shops for the right clothes for Isa. But these clothes were magic, just like a lot of other things within Ansem the Wise's castle, and its texture felt perfect on his skin. For all his status as a prisoner, he was still treated like one of them. Like an apprentice.

But at days' end, Isa retired to his room in the tall tower. All alone, without his family. He had asked to meet them, but the castle’s strict closed-door policy banned visitors.

Everything felt so… empty. He didn’t know what to do. So he did what he always did. He took an empty book from his shelf. And he wrote.

He relished in the sound of his pen scraping across paper. He filled the book with anything he could think of: random notes about his day; backdated diary entries with thoughts no one else could hear; memories of happier times he never wanted to forget; poems and songs that his parents had sung to him; doodles of him and his family, of Lea.

He wondered how much his parents must have worried when they went to wake him up the morning of the exams, finding his bed empty. If only his thoughts could reach them. Xehanort said that he had sent a letter to them informing him of his new position here in the castle. But knowing his parents and his mother especially, they would still worry themselves sick from not being able to see him.

Isa’s tears stained the pages of his journal with wet spots, ruining the ink and the paper. He wished Lea was here. Lea always knew the right words to say. But the castle was too big and their schedules never aligned. Whenever Isa had asked anyone if he could see Lea, they only said that he was busy doing other things.

"Hey, you're an apprentice now, kid," Braig had said. "That means you're part of our kooky little family in the castle! Which _means _you have tons of new family members to hang out with. Like little Ienzo. Why d'you need Lea around? You're not a baby and he's not your babysitter. Unless I'm wrong?"

"N-No," Isa had said. "It's just… Please, sir. Can I at least know where his room is?

"Oh ho ho. Sorry to break it to you but late-night rendezvous aren't allowed in the castle, kid," Braig had said with a snicker. "You two gotta keep it in your pants."

Isa didn't understand what Braig had meant. He just wanted to see Lea. To see his smile again, reassuring him that everything was okay.

_This is all my fault. All my fault. All my fault._ He rocked in place, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

Outside his bedroom window, a waning moon shone in the black sky. His view from his old bedroom at home had just been the closed curtains of his neighbour's window. Here, there wasn't even a need for the star maps he'd plastered all over his walls and ceilings at home. It was right there, live in person. But none of it mattered. No night sky would ever matter if he was watching it alone.

Then a rapping came at the door. He shoved the book under his mattress and went to open the door.

"Isa," said Xehanort, folding his hands behind his straight back. He glided into the room without hesitation. "How are you finding the place so far? Comfortable, I hope?"

Isa closed the door and stammered, “Y-Yes sir.”

"It's not very good manners to not look someone in the eye when they talk to you.” He came closer. "Look at me, boy."

Isa gulped and nodded shakily as he forced himself to meet the man's eyes. They were bright yellow but devoid of warmth. Isa forced himself to stare into those unblinking eyes, the hair on his skin rising.

"There you go," said Xehanort. "Not so hard, was it?"

Isa nodded and opened his mouth, but found no words came. He could only stare at the silver-haired man, his eyes hypnotizing.

“You see, Isa. In this castle, we are all a family. And a family has to stick together. And for that to happen, there are rules in place. Manners and etiquette. Accepted behaviour. If any of us broke these rules, trying to stand out or outdo the others, the harmony among us will be shattered. And our city will be ruined. All the work we do here, it is to make our city a better place. Our research is all to keep the people safe. People like you and I… like your family. Do you understand?”

“Make the city a better place,” Isa echoed. "But… what about the people in the dungeons?"

"Criminals, Isa. People who ruin the prestige of our city. They don't deserve a chance to live in our bright future.”

"But… there was a little girl… I spoke to her…"

"You must be mistaken. We don't keep children in cages, my dear Isa."

"But—"

"If we did, why didn't we just throw _you _and your friend in the dungeons?"

"B-Because…"

"Exactly. Wouldn't it have been easier for us to do that instead of taking you in as one of our own? Offer you a job and a place here? No, we would never harm a child. Whoever that was you spoke to, they must have been deceiving you. Those miscreants are nothing if not malicious and cunning."

"N-No, but I remember…"

"It's okay, Isa. Hush now. You needn't think of those wicked criminals. You are safe now. We will protect you from them."

Isa nodded slowly.

“Good. Now, if you do as you’re told and be good, I may even reward you. Okay?”

Isa nodded.

“Good. Tell me, is there anything that you’ve always wanted? I can grant it to you.”

“I… want to make my family proud,” said Isa quietly. “And help make this city a better place.”

“Wonderful. Our goals align then. Hence, I am certain that we will get along very well.” Xehanort chuckled and began to walk away. "Well then, Isa. I hope you have a pleasant time here. Good night. Sweet dreams.”

The door shut with a click.

* * *

Lea crept through the dark hallways on tiptoes. Only the light of the flame in his hand and the dim light of the moon outside the windows guided his way.

The stone busts lining the hallways cast eerie shadows against the tall portraits that watched him as he passed through the silent hallways.

Then a guard marched his way, the light of their torch searching the darkness.

Lea scurried round the corner and flattened himself against the wall. He held his breath. He waited.

Slowly, the light moved away, the footsteps getting quieter.

Lea shivered and fumbled for his pen and paper in his pocket. He lay the paper flat on the wall. With shaky hands, he revised his badly drawn map, putting the symbol for ‘_patrol_’ on it.

He scanned the rest of the map. _Dead end. Dead end. Abandoned room. Abandoned room. Storage closet. Dumbwaiter. Laundry chute. Aaaand another dead end._

He sighed and pocketed the map. He only had a few hours left until dawn. He was running out of time.

_It’s one castle. How hard can it be to find Isa’s room?_

“Master Lea.”

He jumped with a yelp and whirled around. One of his servants stood there with that same tight smile they all always wore.

“Master Lea,” she said, eyes wide and unblinking. “You should not be out this late at night.”

“Oh, uh, I was hungry so I just wanted to find the pantry—”

“You must return to your chambers.”

“But—”

Two more servants appeared round the corner with identical fake smiles.

“Master Lea,” they all said in unison. “You should not be out this late at night. You must return to your chambers.”

“Yeah but—”

They grabbed his arms and dragged him back to his room. “Okay, okay, I’m going!” he said. He squirmed in their surprisingly strong grip, unable to get loose. Once he was inside his room, they closed the heavy door behind him with a lock. He still tried to rattle the doorknob. It was no use.

* * *

“I heard you were out roaming last night,” said Xehanort the next morning over breakfast.

Lea frowned. “I thought I was supposed to be part of your _family_. Not be your hostage.”

“Certain measures must first be taken,” said Xehanort, sipping his tea. “Need I remind you that you have an astounding record of running away from home? Unlike your previous families, I am simply monitoring your safety.”

Lea glared at him. “Why can’t I see Isa?”

“I have never said you can’t see him. However, you cannot play favourites with your family members. And you did agree to join us. Please, mingle around with the others. Do not merely cling onto our dear Isa. It gives _him_ a chance too, you know.”

“What do you mean?” Lea said through gritted teeth, leg bouncing beneath the table.

“To expand his social circle beyond you. Tell me, has he ever made a friend outside of you?”

“What do you—”

“Let me rephrase. Has he ever spent time outside of school and his parents with anyone that wasn’t you? And if he has, were these other people _your_ friends first before you introduced him to them?”

“You don’t—”

“It’s a simple question. Yes? Or no?”

Lea clenched his fists.

“Answer me. Yes or no?”

“...No.”

“Exactly. In that case, perhaps you should allow him the space to do so.”

Lea sighed and hung his head. _He’s right. Maybe I should give Isa some space_.

“You will be starting your training today,” said Xehanort, setting his tea down and standing up. "Lieutenant General Dilan is personally in charge of overseeing your lessons. It is an honour you should not take lightly. I will also be there of course, to observe you as your primary mentor. And to… ‘cheer you on’, as they say.” He smiled. “Please, do not let me down.”

* * *

After getting dressed in the soldiers’ uniform, the servants led Lea to the courtyard outside, situated in the centre of the castle grounds. Training dummies and sparring equipment lined the racks by the side of the courtyard. Guards both in and out of uniform stood in the burning heat of the morning sun, the clash of metal on metal and the stink of sweat hanging in the air. Dilan stood in the shade, hands firm behind his back as he watched the soldiers from afar, nodding along as Aeleus barked orders at the others.

When Dilan spotted Lea come in, he grunted and crossed his arms.

“Attention!”

The shrill of metal halted. Everyone stopped what they were doing. The scraping of boots against stone followed by the soldiers’ unified stomp echoed throughout the courtyard. All at once, hands raised into salute.

“At ease, men,” said Dilan. The soldiers lowered their hands and stood at rest. “As you all know, the wise King Ansem has taken in two more apprentices. Today, we will give him a soldier’s welcome. Everyone, please applaud our new apprentice, Lea MacRoy.”

The applause came in stiff, rhythmic claps. Lea shifted his feet.

“MacRoy,” said Dilan, “as one a soldier-in-training, use of first names are forbidden is forbidden from now on. You will respond to MacRoy and nothing else. Do you understand?”

Lea gulped. “Y-Yes.”

“Yes, _what_?”

“Yes, sir,” Lea stammered.

“Good. As part of our training, you will learn discipline and control. You will obey every command of your superiors. Understood?”

“Yes, sir.”

“I didn’t hear you.”

“Yes, sir!”

“Hmph. One hair out of line and that’s a hundred laps. Here, my word and the word of our Head Apprentice Xehanort is law. And if you break the law, I will treat you like any other criminal who does. Am I clear?”

Lea gulped. “Yes, sir!”

“Good. Before we begin, let us all recite the Oath to our city.”

All at once, the men spoke: “I swear to give my life to my city, my wise king, and to uphold the strength and wisdom of the apprentices. I swear to protect my city and its Light so we may all live in peace and harmony.”

Dilan grunted in approval. “Move out!”

Aeleus led the soldiers as they marched out of the courtyard. Lea followed. But Dilan grabbed his arm before he could.

“No,” said Dilan. “_You_ will be conducting your training separately.”

“Huh? Why?”

Dilan smacked him hard across the face, stinging his skin. “Do not question me, recruit.” He snorted. “Follow me.”

Lea swallowed and did as told.

Dilan brought him away from the sparring court to the field on the castle grounds. There, the work began.

Dilan barked orders and Lea followed. Dilan made him run laps, do push ups, run through obstacle courses and everything he’d ever seen in those training regimes on TV. It was a surreal experience. He felt disconnected from his body, like none of this was really happening.

He lost his breath quickly, losing hydration from sweating under the scorching sun. Dilan hurled insults his way the second he slipped. “I’ve seen goddamn lab rats run better than you! Now, are you a rat or a soldier? Get your act together, pipsqueak!”

That was enough to fuel him with anger and spite, giving him an extra dose of adrenaline streamlining his thoughts into laser focus. But that could only take him so far. He collapsed before the day was even halfway done.

“MacRoy,” huffed Dilan. “Stand.”

He gasped for breath, kneeling over the grass. “I… I can’t… Can’t take it.”

Dilan kicked him in the stomach, pushing him onto his back with a cry of pain. “I said _stand_.”

Still heaving, Lea glared up at Dilan, the shining sun behind him making it impossible to see his face clearly.

“Was I not clear?” Dilan bent over, bringing his face close to Lea’s. “_STAND!_”

If Lea had the energy, he would’ve punched Dilan when he had the chance. But Dilan retracted his face and kicked him again.

“Pathetic. Weak. A slimy street urchin. You don’t deserve a place in this castle.”

The voice might as well have been his foster parents’. Connor, Iona, Bill, Polly, they were all the same. They were all cruel. And they were all _wrong_. Fire steamed through his nose. _Xehanort said I’m meant for greatness._ He forced himself to stand on staggering legs. “I. Am. Not. _Weak_,” he growled.

“Then show me.” Dilan threw a pair of dumbells at Lea. His hands fumbled to catch it, his legs threatening to collapse again beneath its weight. He shoved Lea, hard.

* * *

Day in. Day out. Up before the break of dawn, get dressed, breakfast, to the field. Drills: laps, push ups, sit ups. Over and over until noon. Lunch. Combat training. His body ached and new blisters appeared on his feet every day. Some from the training itself, some from Dilan. The servants did well to treat his wounds with healing potions, but those had no effect on his exhaustion—both mental and physical.

Still, it was nice that Xehanort visited him every evening and patted his shoulder. “You did an excellent job today,” he said. “Do not worry about Dilan. He is only hard on you to push you. Your hard work is astounding.”

It was the first time Lea had ever heard such words from an authority figure. Pride swelled in his chest. It made it easier to keep going, despite the scars, despite the pain. _I was going to graduate and get washed up in some dead-end job anyway._ He was probably far better off here in this castle than he was anywhere else.

But then he thought about Isa.

"Please," Lea had begged one day after his training. "Please let me see him. Just… Just so I can know he's okay."

Xehanort had sighed, but then he said, "Very well. You may write to him. I will see to it myself that he receives your letter."

It wasn't perfect. But it would do. So Lea had hastily written a long and rambling letter and given it to Xehanort. A few days after that, Xehanort had come with Isa's reply. Lea read it now as he lay in bed, the soft silks cushioning his sore skin.

_‘Dear Lea_,’ the letter wrote, _‘I'm so glad that Xehanort gave us the chance to write to each other. I’m doing fine, I promise. They’re treating me well. They give me nice food and nice clothes with a texture that's good on my skin. I wish I could see you again, but I understand that you’ve been busy with your training. Hopefully we both get some time to see each other. I miss you a lot. More than you know. Reading your words have at least been able to soothe my worries. I hope Dilan and the rest aren’t treating you too badly. There is so much more I wish to say, but I don’t have much time. Dr. Even and Ienzo are keeping me very busy too. I hope to hear from you again. Yours, Isa.’_

Lea smiled as he read Isa’s familiar cursive script, his eyes going over the last line over and over again, his heart fluttering in his chest. _‘Yours_.’

Then he stared at his callused hands, bruises and cuts still not quite healed. Then he took out a paper and wrote his reply.

“_Dear, Isa_,” he wrote. “_I’m growing stronger every day. It’s not easy though. Dilan doesn’t mess around. But Xehanort says he’s just doing that to push me and that I’m doing a good job_. _You always did call me ‘your hero’. Soon, I’m gonna prove to you that I am. Maybe if I get knighted, I’ll be able to convince the king to change his no-visitors policy so you can see your family again. I’m sure you miss them. I know they miss you too. I know I do. Yours, Lea._”

Lea set the letter aside and wrapped a bandage around his hands. Tomorrow would be another long day. But if he would fight, he would fight for Isa.

* * *

Isa did everything he could to be a perfect apprentice. Always punctual. Always polite. Doing everything with a curt nod and a ‘yes, sir’. Diligently, he filed papers, sorted through the archives, arranged schedules.

Xehanort always praised him with a smile at his efforts. “Your parents must be proud,” he had said. “I know I am.” At that, Isa couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride.

Still, he spent his nights in his room, all alone. All he could do was pour his heart out into his journal. The door wasn’t locked but there were guards out roaming the halls. They were strict about their schedules and curfew around here. Even the servants made sure he adhered to his daily schedule. He just wanted to see Lea, even if for a minute during break times, but there were always other matters to keep him busy.

One late evening, Isa submitted a stack of paperwork on Xehanort’s desk in his office.

"You never fail to impress me, Isa," said Xehanort, flipping lazily through the files. Isa smiled. "Excellent clerical work," Xehanort continued. "Our archives have never been this organized. This would surely make our research go much smoother. Your work is surely going to help this city move towards a brighter future.”

“Thank you, sir.” Isa bit his lip and sucked in a breath, gathering the courage to speak. “S-Sir…”

“What is it, Isa? Look at me when you speak.”

Isa forced himself to make eye contact, staring into those yellow eyes of his superior. “I was wondering… If I could write a letter to my parents.”

“How many times do you need to ask this?” Xehanort snapped. Isa stared, stunned. “You need to learn to be independent. You said you want to make your family proud? To protect this city? How can you when you still act like such a child? How long will you let yourself be treated as an infant—”

“I-I didn’t, I just—”

“How dare you cut me off,” Xehanort growled. “You should know better than to be so disrespectful to your superior.”

“I’m sorry!” Isa pleaded. “I only…” He shook his head, trying to force himself to form a coherent sentence. “I only thought… I could inform them how I am doing… I don’t want them to worry.”

“Worry? Why would they worry? I have _already_ informed you that we have sent them a letter of your acceptance to work in the castle. We’re even sending them monthly income. They were thrilled at the news. Worry is the last thing on their mind.”

“Y-Yes, but—”

“But what? You miss your mommy and daddy? Is that it?”

“N-_No_, sir! I—”

“Good. Then this discussion is _over_. Am I clear?”

“...Yes, sir.”

Just like that, Xehanort’s usual cool demeanour returned. “Pass Even these papers on your way out.” Xehanort grabbed a file from his shelf and flopped it onto his desk. “Tell him I need the results by tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir.” Isa trembled as he nodded and took the files. He turned to leave and—

“Oh, wait.”

Isa froze. He turned around slowly and forced himself to look at Xehanort’s face. “...Yes, sir?”

But Xehanort did not meet his gaze, his yellow eyes instead fixated on Isa’s hair. He reached out a hand and stroked a loose tuft that fell down the side of Isa’s face.

Isa gulped, his hairs standing on end. Xehanort said nothing. He just continued caressing Isa’s hair with wide eyes. Finally, he let go and stared deep into Isa's retinas, his gaze like a laser dissecting him where he stood.

"You should grow your hair out.” Xehanort turned back around and sat back down at his desk.

Isa released the long-held breath and walked out of the room as fast as he could. He felt eyes staring into his back the whole way out.

* * *

Isa found Even in one of the upper laboratories of the castle, looking into a microscope with Ienzo taking notes next to him. Isa still couldn’t get over how strange it was to see Ienzo among the other apprentices. He had to be less than ten years old, with messy silver hair covering one side of his face and robes far too big for his small frame. Ienzo looked up as Isa approached.

"Oh, hi, Isa!" said Ienzo.

"Uh, hi," said Isa.

“What are you doing here?” said Ienzo with a bright smile. “We’re almost done here. Do you have more work to do? I was thinking that after dinner we could play a game!”

“A-A game?” said Isa.

“Ienzo,” said Even, still looking into the microscope. “I think Isa here is a bit too old for that.”

“Aw, no he’s not.” Ienzo pouted. “You’re not, right, Isa? You don’t mind playing with me right?”

“O-Of course not,” said Isa.

“See, Even, see!” Ienzo said.

Even chuckled. “Now, now, Ienzo. Remember, you still have your lessons after this. Maybe you can play another day.”

Ienzo pouted. But Even offered him a smile and that was enough to cheer the boy up again. Isa couldn’t help but smile at the sight of seeing them interact. Dr. Even had been intimidating at first. But seeing him act so warmly towards Ienzo reminded Isa of his own parents. His heart ached at the thought.

“Now, Ienzo,” said Even. “Take these samples and put them back in their jars, will you?”

Ienzo nodded, doing as told.

Isa stood awkwardly at the door, waiting as Even washed his hands clean of some dark gunk. Once Even was done, Isa approached him and showed him the file Xehanort had given him. “Xehanort told me to give you this. He said he wants the results today.”

“Of course he does,” Even sighed. “That man has no patience, I swear. I keep telling him, you can’t _rush_ science!”

“Dr. Even,” said Isa with a slight cough. “You worked at Radiant Garden Academy before, didn’t you?”

“Work there?” Even snorted and laughed. “Lights, _no_. Though I have spoken at a conference there once or twice. Sometimes I go to visit their science department. Their equipment is substandard at most. What a shame.” He shook his head. “Why do you ask, my boy?’

“W-Well,” said Isa, “my father works there. He’s a professor.”

“...Oh.” Even cleared his throat. “So, er, what does he teach?”

“Uh… Literature?”

Even chuckled sheepishly. “Oh, my. Alright. And?”

“I was wondering… if you know him.”

“Well if he works in the humanities department, then no.” Even shook his head. “Sorry, my boy.”

“Oh…” Isa nodded. He left after a curt goodbye, feeling a deep ache in his chest.

* * *

“MacRoy,” said Dilan. “Time for your first test. Please choose your weapon and assume centre position in the court.”

Lea nodded, then went to the row of weapons hanging from the rack next to Dilan. He tested them first, feeling their weight. Most of them were too big or too heavy. _Not a surprise._ He was too skinny to wield any of these. He spotted a pair of chakrams and tested their weight. Not bad. _A big boy’s frisbee_, he thought with little humour. He took them and took his position.

“Excellent,” said Dilan. “Now, who wants to volunteer and test their strength against our mighty apprentice?”

All hands went up.

Dilan chuckled. “Well, MacRoy. It seems you have plenty of options.”

Lea scanned the lot of them, most of them big burly men. Or big burly women. Lea had built his stamina over the course of his training. But all of them could snap his bones in an instant. They probably wanted to, too. For all the trouble he had caused them during those times he’d snuck into the castle, he now stood a rank above them. From the corner of his eye, he noticed Xehanort stride onto the courtyard, assuming his place next to Dilan. The two exchanged some murmured words and the sun overhead sent beads of sweat dripping down his face, not making the decision-making process any easier. There was just so much.

_Focus. _Lea took a deep breath. _Take it all in one at a time. _Barrels stacked into a pyramid in the corner. Archery targets to one side, arrows still digging into the board. Sand and dust covered the stone beneath his feet. His sweaty hands tightened their grip on his chakrams, the metal of his chakrams reflected the glaring sunlight when he angled it a certain way.

“I have a question,” said Lea. Everyone went still. Dilan narrowed his eyes at him. “What are the rules?”

Xehanort smiled, then whispered something to Dilan, who scowled at the other man. There were more shared words that Lea couldn’t hear over his own heart thumping. Then Dilan huffed and turned to Lea, crossing his arms again.

“There are no rules.”

Lea nodded slowly, stealing a glance at Xehanort, who smiled. “Unleash the fire within you,” said Xehanort, clapping his hands together. “Show them what you are _truly_ made of.”

* * *

Xehanort met him in the infirmary that evening while the nurses healed Lea’s scrapes with healing potions.

“Tremendous work today,” said Xehanort.

“It was an unfair fight,” Lea said, avoiding the man’s yellow eyes. “They didn’t have any magic.”

“It wasn’t just your magic that you had against them.”

Lea clenched his fists in the sheets of the infirmary bed.

“Your strength lies in your wits. You seek the advantage even when the odds are against you. The other soldiers had underestimated you. You don’t fight like them.”

Lea frowned, his mind replaying the image of all the soldier he’d hurt. _Do burn scars heal? All that blood. _His mind flashed to the dead deer from his childhood. _All that blood._

“Please,” said Xehanort. “I mean it as a compliment. You did an excellent job. You have exceeded my expectations. I knew I was wise in choosing to take you in.”

“Thank you, sir,” Lea mumbled.

“Have a good rest. Your training will resume as usual tomorrow.”

Lea stared at his hands and wondered if fire could ever do more than destroy.

* * *

It was an upward hike.

Every sparring match saw Lea with a new collection of cuts and bruises. But they were nothing compared to the soldiers’ burn marks. He didn’t win every time of course. But he won enough. _More _than enough for a scrawny kid from the East Borough. He’d have to lie to say that each fight didn’t give him a high.

After each gruelling training session, he would always meet Xehanort to check in with his progress. And every time, he asked if Isa had a new letter for him.

"I'm afraid not," said Xehanort. "He must be busy with other matters."

It disheartened him to hear each time, but Lea supposed it was good if Isa found routine doing things he was good at. Lea just wished he could at least meet him in between work. He'd be grateful for five minutes with Isa. But no luck.

To keep his mind off Isa, Lea continued to put everything he had into his training instead.

After a whole month, when Dilan asked who wanted to volunteer to fight against Lea, no one raised their hand.

Until one soldier stepped forward. He was probably the biggest of them, ever bigger than Dilan. Now, Lea was tall, but this man was _huge. _Next to him, Lea might as well be the runt he was as a boy. The man had to weigh more than twice of him. And that didn’t even count the thick scaled armour the man wore, probably to protect from Lea’s fire.

“I don’t know why they’re so scared of a little squirt like you,” the man grunted once he faced Lea in the centre of the courtyard. Standing in front of Lea, he blocked the sun.

“Yeah?” said Lea with a deep frown. “Me neither. Thanks for the shade by the way. It’s a hot day.”

“Oh, you think you’re a wise guy, don’t you? I see those moves you love to pull. The only reason you got away with it was because they don’t see your tiny ass coming. But without the magic advantage, you’re not so tough. You’re not the only one who knows a thing or two about magic.” The man smiled and put out his palm. It turned to ice.

Lea’s eyes widened. Then he chuckled. “Ice guy, huh? Well, hate to break it to you, but fire melts ice.”

The man extended his other hand, his fingers tensing, then a ball of water bubbled from the air and hovered over his palm.

Lea gulped.

“Ready!” called Dilan.

The man smirked at Lea.

“_Begin_!”

* * *

The blazing sun on his back made sweat run down Lea’s skin, drenching his clothes. He gasped for breath, knees scraping against the stone ground of the training yard. Dilan threw out orders and insults combined. But it was all just noise. Blood thumped in Lea’s ears, the only sound that made it past the high-pitched ringing. He wiped the wetness from his mouth. His hand came away red. He didn’t remember bleeding.

“_Stand!_”

After a last heaving breath, Lea pushed himself up with his hands. His opponent pinned him to the ground in less than a second.

“Get _up_, MacRoy!” barked Dilan.

“Trying,” Lea wheezed, struggling to free himself from his opponent’s hold.

“Use your inner darkness,” said Xehanort. “What are you waiting for? Unleash your true power!”

“Lights above,” Lea groaned. “You’ve been saying that a lot today. I don’t know what that _means_.” He summoned fire, coating his body with it. But his opponent’s armour-clad hands resisted the burn.

Xehanort tutted from where he stood in the shade. “Is this the kind of hero you are?”

“Fuck off,” Lea muttered, wiggling beneath his opponent’s weight.

Dilan sighed and blew the whistle. Lea’s opponent snickered and pulled off of Lea, letting him breathe at last. Lea looked at Xehanort, who only shook his head. Seeing the disappointment in the man’s eyes, fury built up in Lea’s veins. He marched up to Xehanort and demanded an answer.

“What did you mean?” said Lea. “What you kept saying. What did it mean?”

Xehanort shook his head. “You should know this yourself.”

“Well I don’t!” Lea said. “So why don’t you tell me? You said you would teach me!”

“Watch your mouth, MacRoy,” said Dilan. “Is that how you speak to your superior?”

“I thought we were a _family_,” Lea growled.

“And we are,” said Xehanort.

“Do not _question _your superior officer!” Dilan roared, shoving Lea away from Xehanort.

Lea swatted Dilan’s hand away and glared at them both. “I am questioning it! Just tell me what I should do!”

“You are out of _line_, boy!” said Dilan. “I say you choose your next words _very_ carefully.”

“Please, just tell me how to do it!” Lea said to Xehanort. “Tell me how to unleash my true power! Please! You said you would teach me!”

Xehanort sighed. “You must learn. You cannot simply _demand _everything go your way.”

“What?” Lea said. “No, I just want to get better, grow stronger—”

“What a foolish boy,” said Xehanort with a dismissive hand. “You will never get stronger if you keep acting like a child. I thought you wanted to be a hero. But all you are is a shameless brat. You embarrass the good name of the apprentices with your antics.” He huffed. “It is time you learned to control that temper of yours. Perhaps, it is too hot out here. Is that why you have grown cranky?”

The other soldiers snickered and jeered. They all seemed to loom over him. Suddenly he was very, very small. He wished the ground would swallow him up.

“Lieutenant,” said Xehanort. “Take him into the shade. Let him cool off.”

“Wait—” said Lea.

“Men,” Dilan said. “You heard him. Show MacRoy to his new room.”

“Please, I just—”

They whisked him away. He kicked and screamed and struggled to get loose. He was a little boy again in that instant. Defenceless. Afraid. Ashamed.

They dragged him to the dungeons and shut him into a dark, damp cell. There was no window to let the light in. Once the door slammed shut behind him, there was only darkness. He screamed, banging on the metal door. “Please!” he cried. “Please, let me out! I’ll be good! I’m sorry! I’ll be good, I promise! _Please_!”

He kept screaming. But they didn’t listen.

When he grew tired, his eyes sore from tears, he slunk to the stone floor and whimpered. _You said I would be a hero. I just wanted to be a hero. I thought you were good. I thought you were different. You said we were a family. _He let out a choked sob and huddled into himself, back against the cold metal door. _When are they going to let me out? Is this forever? Did I just ruin my one chance at a better life?_ His thoughts spiralled, and he wept.

Once he couldn’t weep any more, he took a deep breath and leaned against the door, hoping they would let him out soon.

“Mister?”

Lea startled. He tried to light a fire in his hands, but he was too dehydrated. Too tired. “Hello?” he said. “Who’s there?”

“Um, I don’t remember my name yet,” said the small voice. He recognized it.

“Oh,” said Lea. “It’s you! Do you… remember me? We spoke before.”

“Oh, yeah. You came with your friend! Where is he?”

“...I don’t know. Safe. I hope.”

“I’m sorry they found you. And locked you in here.”

He sniffled. “How long have _you_ been here?”

“I don’t really know… It’s hard to tell. It’s scary in here.”

“Yeah… Wait a minute, how did you end up here? They say they only put criminals down here. For a minute there, I thought I might’ve dreamed you up.”

“I’m not a dream! I’m real. And I don’t know. I don’t remember doing anything bad…”

“Maybe your grandma did something bad. But they took you instead.”

“Hey! My grandma is nice! I… I think…”

“See? You can’t even remember.” Lea sniffled. “But if it’s not your grandma, there must be _some_ sort of mistake. When I get out of here, I’ll try to help. Now that I know I didn’t just make you up.” He gave a humourless chuckle. “Honestly, everything that happened before I ended up as an apprentice seems like a dream now.”

The girl said nothing for a while. Then, she said, “Hey, mister, do you think you can tell me another story? I really liked the last one.”

Lea sniffled. “A story? Yeah, I guess I can do that.” He swallowed thickly and wiped his face. At least he wasn’t alone down here.

“Okay,” he said. “Once upon a time…”

* * *

_Never have I seen a case like this. The Keyblade always heeds its wielder’s call. Why does his resist him? Could it be that the power I sense within him is a mere fluke? It did intrigue me how someone like him gained the ability. Did one of my old self’s dear ‘friends’ perform the initiation ceremony on him? On the contrary, he doesn’t even seem to know that which I speak of. There must be some sort of mistake. Whatever Keyblade he has, it must be a fake. An illusion._

* * *

It felt like ages when Lea finally got out. When he did, the servants had him bathed and dressed in fresh clothes. Then they brought him to an all-white room. The only furniture was a single white chair where they made him sit.

Then a man entered the room. It was Dr. Even, dressed in all white too. “Hello, MacRoy,” he said with a smile.

“Uh. Hello.”

Dr. Even stood behind Lea, placing his hands on Lea’s shoulders. “Tell me, MacRoy. Why did you do that?”

“Do… what?”

“Why did you lash out at Xehanort like that? And disobey a direct order. You should know better than that.”

“I—”

“Hush now. Tell me, MacRoy. Did you like staying in the dungeon?”

“...No.”

“So, will you disobey again?”

“...No.”

“I’m so glad to hear that,” said Even in a cool, soothing voice. “You see, we’re a family now. And our family has to stick together. We can’t be fighting each other all day, can we? Our bond is what holds this city together, you see. If we don’t stick together, this city’s government will fall to pieces. And we don’t want that.”

“You all keep saying that.”

“We say it because it’s true. And we say it so you will always remember. You have to do as you’re told if you want us to help you. Do you _want _to go back to your previous life, where nobody understood you, your teachers didn’t like you, and your caretakers could barely feed you? Or do you want to stay here, where we can help you become the hero you’ve always wanted to be?”

“...I want to stay here.”

“And do you want to go into the dungeon again?”

“_No_!”

“Good. None of us wants that either. We just need you to remember that you have to obey orders. Do you understand?”

“...Yes.”

“I’m so glad. Now, we all just want to put this whole thing behind us. Don’t you want that too?”

“...Yeah.” He took a deep breath, then straightened himself as Even turned to leave. “Wait. There was a little girl in the dungeons. What’s she doing there?”

“A little girl? That’s ridiculous. There are no ‘little girls’ in the dungeons. I can assure you of that. So you can stop telling stories.”

“But—”

“Enough, MacRoy. Or have you not learned your lesson? If you know what is good for you, you will keep your hyperactive imagination to yourself. That has no place in the real world. Am I clear?”

“...Yes.”

* * *

After that, things resumed like normal. Xehanort smiled at him again and praised him.

Dilan acted like nothing even happened too. In fact, they all did. He supposed when they said they wanted to put things behind them, they really meant it.

Whatever it was, it didn’t matter. Things were going back to the way they should be. Lea was on top of things again and he won back Xehanort’s approval.

Lea lived for the fights in the courtyard. The fighting also gave him an escape from all his worry. Here in the courtyard, things were simple. There was only win or lose. Some days he won, some days he lost. And today was a winning day.

He pinned his opponent to the ground in one fell swoop, chakram pointed dangerously close the soldier’s throat. The man glared at him but Lea only grinned. The day was still bright and he was high on victory. “Who else is next?” he laughed.

“Not bad, MacRoy,” said Dilan. “You seem to have plenty of energy left too.”

Lea grinned. “Yes, sir. Throw me a bone, Lieutenant. I can handle another match.”

“Hmph.” Dilan scowled at him for a long time, then smiled. Lea had never seen the man smile. He wasn’t sure if he liked seeing it. “Well then, so be it. Let’s see...” Dilan looked through a clipboard, flipping through the sheets of paper until he found what he wanted. He passed the clipboard to one of the soldiers and muttered something unintelligible to him. The soldier nodded and left. As they waited for the soldier to return, Dilan continued to smile at Lea.

Lea held his ground. Didn’t flinch. Didn’t fidget. He grinned at Dilan, daring him, _Hit me with your best shot._

It took a long time for the soldier to return, enough time for the restless energy underneath Lea’s skin to return. The sun was getting hotter up above and Lea desperately needed to move. “How long is this going to take, sir?”

“_Patience_, princess,” Dilan spat. The other soldiers laughed. Lea only clenched his fists.

Finally, the soldier returned with another man in tow. He was old, with a scraggly frame and greasy black hair on his head and beard. He wore no uniform and his clothes were all white. The soldier shoved him to the centre of the courtyard. _An easy fight._

“Ready,” Dilan called. “_Begin!_”

The energy buzzed under his skin. He unleashed it in a swirl of flame that encircled them. Lea went in full-throttle, enjoying every lick of the fight, high off his own strength. The fight couldn’t have even lasted two minutes. Lea had the man on the ground, chakram pressed close to the man’s wrinkled throat.

“Wonderful.” Dilan clapped. “Now. Finish him.”

Lea blinked, looked at his opponent, then turned to stare at Dilan again. “_What_?”

“Have you gone deaf?” Dilan spat. “I said _finish him_.”

“I’m not going to _kill_ him!”

“I’m not _asking_ you. That was a direct order. You _do_ know what happens when you disobey a direct order after the last time, do you not?”

Lea’s expression darkened. He turned to look at his opponent again. The man’s eyes were wide, lips trembling. “Please,” he whimpered. “Don’t do this… I have a family—”

“Silence!” said Dilan. “MacRoy, do not listen to him. His word is as useless as his body in battle. Now, do as you are told.”

“Are you insane?”

“The blatant disrespect,” snarled Dilan. “I am your commanding officer and I have given an order—”

“Well it’s a _bullshit_ order—”

Dilan huffed. “This man is a criminal! He raped and murdered three innocent women. What you have just enacted was his trial by combat. He lost. Hence, the punishment is death. The law is the law. His life is the property of this city and by chain of command, _me_. He is _nothing_ but a lowlife felon.”

Lea swallowed roughly, breath unsteady. He looked back at the man, who snivelled, snot and tears running down his gaunt face. “Please,” the man said. “I beg of you… Have mercy…”

“Did you really do those things?” Lea whispered. “Did you really do those things to those people?”

But the man didn’t answer. He only continued to weep and mumble incoherent words.

“_Do it_, MacRoy. What are you waiting for?”

For such crimes, the man deserved to die. Didn’t he? Lea pressed his weapon closer to the man’s throat. _What if Dilan is lying?_ And if he wasn’t? Did a man as vile as this deserve mercy?

_But who am I to decide?_

Lea tossed his chakrams aside and stomped his foot on the ground. “_NO_!” He looked down at the man, breathing heavily. “I won’t take this man’s life.”

“Very well,” said Dilan. He shrugged. “If you want to throw a tantrum, so be it. Men. Take the little boy away. Send him to his room.”

They grabbed him. They tossed him to the dungeons again.

He couldn’t even tell the passing of time without a window in his dank cell. There was no little girl’s voice this time. Maybe he had dreamed it up after all. _Am I going mad? _He held his head in his hands and cried in silence. He would not let himself go insane. He wouldn’t.

After what he assumed was hours, a hand would slide a tray of food through the opening in the cell door. Once, Xehanort even came by. “I am so sorry to have to do this,” he said. “But this is the only way to teach you a lesson. You should have just killed that man. He didn’t deserve to live. Just as you don’t deserve to suffer. But you’ve made this choice. Now you must bear the consequences.”

Lea said nothing and Xehanort walked away.

Lea curled into himself and stared at his hands. They were hands that destroyed. Hands that burned. Hands that made messes of everything he touched. But he promised himself they wouldn’t become hands that killed.

* * *

_The boy is growing more difficult to control. Along with his false Keyblade, he proves to be an increasing disappointment. Alas, perhaps it is time to shift my attention to better prospects._

* * *

“Thank you for your hard work, Isa," said Xehanort one day after Isa submitted the day’s paperwork. They were alone in his office. They always were.

“Of course, sir,” he said, ducking his head. Always so polite. Like a doll. A puppet. It was a part he had to play perfectly, and one he had perfected.

Braig had even laughed at him the other day. "Well, well, if it isn't the teacher's pet," Braig had said. "Wherever the superior goes, you go, huh? Guess you need someone else to follow around now that your buddy MacRoy's too busy to see you these days."

Isa had only bit his lip and stared at his feet.

Now, Xehanort stood and eyed Isa, yellow eyes wide. "Isa, do not leave yet," he said.

“...Sir?”

“I have something to show you.” Xehanort let go of his hair and beckoned Isa towards his desk, where an ink-black orb floated over the surface, emanating a strange purplish aura. "Do you see that?"

Isa nodded. "What is it, sir?"

"An essence of one of the strongest elements in existence."

Isa leaned in closer to examine it, eyes wide at the strange glow it had.

"Try touching it," said Xehanort.

Isa nodded and did as told. A spike of energy filled his veins, like a shot of caffeine. But stronger than anything so mundane. This... this was...

"What do you feel?" said Xehanort.

"I feel..." Isa breathed in deep, closing his eyes and savouring the sensation that filled him. He opened his eyes. It was a shot of energy, like caffeine but far more intense. Like all the world was at his fingertips, all his worries nothing but a distant memory of the past. He felt more determined than ever, more sure of himself, more... "Powerful."

"Amazing, isn't it?" Xehanort chuckled. "I could teach you how to use this energy, you know."

Isa's eyes widened.

“I can teach you to fight," Xehanort continued. "You have done well in your time in the castle. I believe it is time for your reward. This orb here is a mere taste of what I can show you. Under my wing, you could grow stronger. You _do_ want that chance don't you? So you can protect yourself? Protect your family and this city?” He eyed Isa and smirked. "Or are you no longer interested?"

Isa swallowed, trying to keep his hands at bay, keep them from fidgeting. He focused on the ball of darkness instead. He took a deep breath and said as evenly as possible, "I would be very interested, sir." He coughed. "It's just... I don’t know if I can be… Master Ansem said that I’m not made for fighting—"

"The Master is doing nothing but hold you back from your true potential," Xehanort snapped.

Isa blinked at the man. Something strange had flashed across his face. For a brief second, Xehanort's anger had revealed bitterness. Stifled anger beyond the man’s years. Isa averted his gaze.

"Yes, sir," Isa said quietly.

“The Master… is doing nothing to help this city. He sits on his throne while his people suffer. Your dear father… He works at the Academy, does he not?”

Isa hesitated, then nodded.

“Your father was desperate for you to graduate school and find work because he couldn’t afford to support you anymore. Not with what the Academy pays him. The Academy, which is funded by our dear wise Master…”

“You don’t like King Ansem,” Isa said quietly.

“I only wish that this city has someone more… competent, at its helm. Don’t you agree?”

“I… I suppose.”

Xehanort smirked. "So, you need not listen to what he tells you.” His anger seemed to evaporate, with the man's usual coolness returning. "He believes you to be weak, Isa. In fact, everyone does. They think you are _strange_. Incapable of taking care of yourself. Like an infant that must be coddled. That's what the king believes." He clicked his tongue. "And even your parents."

Isa froze, breath catching in his throat. "M-My parents…?"

”They did want nothing more than to send you away, didn't they?”

“That's not what—”

“Oh, but they did. You were a burden on their finances. A burden in their lives. The moment they received that letter about your acceptance into the castle and received the money from _your_ hard work, they didn't even care. While you sit here begging me to let you see them, they never once asked to visit you."

“No, no, that can’t be...” Isa said, thoughts running wild. “They would never… They loved me.”

“‘_Love’_,” said Xehanort. “Who could ever love someone like you? Your parents… They pitied you. That’s all it was, Isa.”

“No!” he said, voice thick with tears. “Why are you saying this?”

“Because it is time you learn the truth. I hate seeing you beg me to see them when I know how they really feel. They don’t want you, Isa. But I do.”

“That… No, but…” Tears ran down Isa’s face and he choked out a sob. He wanted to scream at Xehanort. _He’s lying. He has to be. Mom and Dad don’t feel that way. Of course they don’t. _But Isa always had been picky about everything. About his clothes. About his food. About his hobbies and interests. All those things took a lot out of their pockets. Perhaps Isa was a burden after all.

“It’s not just them either, no. Even your precious Lea."

"Lea...? Wh-What about him?"

"He doesn’t care for you like he says he does. Even on that day you were both taken in as apprentices, what did Lea say about you? That you are good at ‘scutwork’, was it? He did not mention your intelligence. Your strength. Your potential. You see, he doesn't believe in your abilities. Doesn't believe in you. Oh, my dear Isa, I am so sorry."

_He’s lying. He has to be lying_. Isa forced himself to remember Lea’s smile, his warmth, his promises and sweet words as he held Isa close. Those were _real_. Right? They had to be real. But suddenly those memories seemed so far away. He hadn't seen him in so long. Even letters from him were scarce these days.

“Do you think I am lying?" said Xehanort. "Of course you do. He is your best friend, after all. Or is he? When was the last time he even came by to talk to you?"

"He's busy! He—"

“Don't you think that if he really wanted to see you, he would have?" said Xehanort. "That boy is as slippery as a snake. Did you know that we caught him sneaking into the pantries late at night? If the boy was slimy enough to sneak into places, surely he can do the same to sneak away _from _them."

Isa blinked and took a moment to dissect his words. "Sneak away from them... He's... avoiding me?"

"Of course he is. An ungrateful brat like him, surely he must not realize the true value you have." Xehanort inched closer, his voice lowering. "But I can see your true worth. And with enough training, others will see it too."

“But…”

"The boy has no discipline, no commitment to anything! Do you think he has any sort of commitment to you? He didn’t even reply to any of your letters!”

“He’s just busy… He has to be.”

“Busy? _Him?_ All he does is laze about all day. Why should he waste time writing to you? He got everything he could ever want! A poor boy from the slums, now living in the lap of luxury. Instead of being sent to the gallows for all the trouble he’s caused, he becomes an apprentice to the king, training under the finest soldiers of our city. He doesn't need _you_ anymore, does he?"

Tears welled in Isa’s eyes. He squeezed them shut, trying to remember a time when Lea looked at him with anything other than pity in his eyes.

* * *

Lea didn’t know how long he spent in the dungeons. It didn’t really matter. It was too long. “Mister?” came the girl’s voice from the cell next door.

_She’s back_. He figured he had to be dreaming. It was hard to tell sleep from reality in the darkness of his cell. _Still. What awful dreams. Can’t I dream of being somewhere else for once?_

“Why do they keep taking you out and putting you back in?” the girl’s voice asked.

“They say,” Lea sighed, “it’s to teach me a lesson. For discipline.”

“Discipline?”

He didn’t have the energy to reply. His throat was parched. He licked his cracked lips and leaned back against the stone wall, body aching. Training was ruthless. His brothers were right. He was just a runt. He wasn’t cut out for this. He wasn’t cut out to be a hero.

“Mister?” came the girl’s voice again.

“Mm,” was all he could manage. He closed his dry eyes and let his mouth hang open as he wheezed for breath. Even in his own dreams, his suffering didn’t go away.

“I can feel your light getting dimmer…” said the girl. “I’m worried…”

“Me too,” Lea said, but it sounded like a wheeze.

Then, the lights outside flickered to life. Hurried voices shouted, but he couldn’t make out the words. Then a stampede of boots grew louder outside, the sound of metal whirring and clanging against each other.

“Quickly, we don’t have time,” a deep voice said. _Xehanort_. “The Master knows. Clear all the cells and bring them to the Thirteenth Laboratory. _Hurry!_”

The sound of door flying open and people screaming flooded his ears. “_Please_!” the voices begged. “_Don’t do this! Please!_”

“Move, men, move!” said another voice. _Dilan_. “We must dispose of them before the Master kills us all.”

“_No, stop this_!” the voices screamed. “_Let us go! We won’t tell anyone—_”

“Silence, scum,” said Dilan. “Like we could ever trust you. Take her away. Make it clean. No one can find out. We don’t want a riot on our hands.”

“M-Mister?” said the girl. “What’s happening? I’m scared.”

“I—I don’t—”

The girl screamed.

Lea shot into alertness. He banged his fists against the door. “What’s happening? What are you doing?”

Lea continued to bang his fists on the door. But it was no use. Eventually all the noises outside stopped. The lights went out again, trapping him once more in the darkness.

Lea swallowed. His throat felt like stone grinding against stone. His body ached. When was the last time he even ate? _Dream or no dream, I need to get out of here._ He forced himself to stand and light a fire. It was dim, but it was enough to shine some light in his cell. He looked around. He needed something. _Anything_ to escape. But there was nothing. Not even a piece of fragmented glass. He looked at the dim fire in his hands.

_Fire won’t get me out of this cell. _But he knew other spells. None of them as powerful as his fire, but they were something. What could he use? _Think, Lea, think. _He racked his brain, searching for any information he could use. Then he thought of Isa’s voice. _‘Fire’s not as strong as you think, you know,_’ Isa had said. _‘I’d say the strongest element is water. It’s strong enough to cut through metal, you know._’ Lea had said ‘_no way_’ and that had led to a long debate that eventually derailed into some other silly thing. Lea smiled. _Well, Isa. Time to put your science to the test._

He summoned a ball of water from the damp air in the cell. It took him a lot more energy than summoning fire did, and his hands tensed to even hold the water together. _Okay. Now I have to increase the pressure. _He breathed deeply, sweat trickling down his skin, his head growing dizzy. _Add some heat_. The water sizzled. Another deep breath.

He sliced the water across the metal door.

It fell with a noisy clang as the metal crashed into the stone floor.

“Holy shit,” he muttered. Everything spun and his stomach turned, pushing bile up his throat. He puked. Then he heaved deep breaths, clinging to the doorway to steady himself. “Okay. Okay.”

He wobbled into the hallway, free from his cell. He teetered through the darkness until his body tilted and slammed into a wall. Palms sliding against its surface, he continued to move. His legs felt like both iron and jelly at once: too heavy to move, too unstable to keep him upright. _Have to get out… Have to… Find… _

Then the lights came back on. Heavy footsteps marched his way. Voices shouted in the distance, but they were muffled below the painful ringing in his ears. He moved away from the voices coming his way, but each step sent the whole room spinning. _Need to… move…_

“_Halt!_”

He fell. Then everything turned to black.

* * *

When Lea woke up again, he felt refreshed. No longer dehydrated. No longer starving. But then the horror struck him. He couldn’t move. He stood straight in a dark, narrow space, barely any room for him to even lift his arms to scratch his nose. His arms were tied to his torso. He squirmed, hoping to get loose, to find a pocket somewhere, but there was none. _It’s a coffin_, was his first thought. Seeing the light filtering through from high up above, his second thought was, _No, it can’t be_. It had to be another dream, was his third thought. His fourth thought was to scream.

He screamed and screamed and screamed. But there was only him and the darkness. The restless energy inside him threatened to explode, but he couldn’t move. Couldn’t do anything. He cried, wailing and begging. “_LET ME OUT!_” he screamed, throat raw. “_LET ME OUT!_” He whimpered, head barely leaning forward to meet the cold wall. “I’m sorry,” he cried. “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. I promise. _Please_.”

Lea stayed in that darkness for hours after that. It might have been days, might’ve been weeks. In the void of his prison, it was impossible to tell. _If I spend a million years trapped here, would anyone even notice? _Of course they wouldn’t. He was just another in the pile of bodies the apprentices continued to bury. After a while, he couldn’t even cry. The tears had been dried out of him. _Soon_, he thought_, I’ll turn into stone and become one with these walls. _But there would be no one to write the story of the boy in the walls. The tides of time would take him, and he would be forgotten forever. 

* * *

Lea awoke to the sound of footsteps drawing closer above him.

He blinked slowly, eyes sore and body aching. A part of him wished the guards wouldn’t come at all. He wished they would just filled the hole with dirt and be done with it, leave him here to rot. But that would be a mercy too sweet. And these stone walls knew only the cruelty and the cold.

But they came anyway. Slowly he felt himself being pulled by the rope around his torso, his feet slowly moving off the ground until fresh air hit his lungs and he could move at last. The first thing he did was cry. The second thing he did was swallow his tears when they kicked him and told him to get it together.

There was no white room this time. They cleaned him up, got him dressed, then the guards dragged him off.

They took him to the throne room, which filled him with another type of dread. _They’re going to kill me. They’re going to pass my sentence and kill me_.

Inside sat all the other apprentices in their own regal chairs arranged next to the throne in a circle. He spotted Isa’s blue hair easily, but he stood among them like he was truly part of them, even wearing the same fancy robes. He looked good. Healthy. Well-fed. Beautiful. If it weren’t for the million factors at play, Lea would’ve grabbed his hand and ran.

But there was no running in a den of wolves.

Isa’s eye caught his, and for a split-second, Lea swore he saw a smile flicker on that face. But then it turned into a frown, then to horror.

Lea averted his gaze. He had no mirror when he’d dressed earlier, but he didn’t need one to know what days of confinement and starvation did to him.

Xehanort entered the room and sauntered towards the throne, dressed in a regal robe and scarf much like that of Ansem’s. He glanced around the room, then took a deep breath.

"Ansem the Wise is gone," Xehanort said.

Everyone gasped at once, but the sounds were muffled to Lea’s ears.

“I am afraid… he has gone mad,” Xehanort continued. “He attacked me, you see.” He unwrapped the scarf around his neck and unveiled a large purplish gash in his skin. “He started speaking in tongues of incomprehensible things. He wanted to kill me. Kill us all, in fact. And he _would_ have, if I did not stop him.”

“What happened?” stammered little Ienzo. “Where did he go?”

“It is with a heavy heart that I say,” said Xehanort, “that I was forced to banish him. I am so very sorry.”

Isa gawked wordlessly. Dilan gripped the armrests of his chair, face as pale as a sheet. Ienzo’s lips began to tremble and he sobbed. The only ones who didn’t seem at all perturbed was Braig and Xehanort. And of course, Lea.

“Hush, little one,” said Xehanort, walking over to Ienzo and wiping the tears off his face. “There, there. He isn’t here to hurt you anymore.”

Xehanort then stepped towards the throne and picked the crown off the pedestal by its side. He held it carefully in his fingers, its golden body catching the light as Xehanort spun it around. “But do not worry,” he said. He placed the crown on his own head. “You will not be without a leader. It is with great burden that _I_ shall take up his mantle in his absence."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How about that for a cult, huh?
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Due to the length of this chapter, there won't be a weekend update again. Stay tuned for next week! After next week's chapter, I'll start posting twice a week again. 
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated as always~ Just keep in mind that interpretations of the characters are solely my own and I have no intention to bash the characters or those who might like them. It's just like I mentioned previously, I like my villains Bad™.


	8. Recusant

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa and Lea learn the price of resistance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warning:** Mild/non-graphic violence, allusion to waterboarding, description of meltdowns.

Isa entered Xehanort's office as he did at the end of every day. Except this wasn't like any other day, not when Xehanort newly appointed himself as king, taking Ansem's name as well. He still went by Xehanort within the castle walls, but outside, no one would know what became of the true Ansem the Wise. Especially not when they'd never even seen the man in person before. Isa didn't know what to make of it. He didn't feel any particularly attachment to the old sage-king, but his disappearance had been sudden. And yet somehow, it didn't really seem to affect anything at all. Isa had barely interacted with him. He wondered just how often Ansem came out from his room. He supposed worrying about these things weren't for him to think about anyway, it wasn't his job. His job was sorting paperwork and scheduling meetings, and above all, staying subservient. He was very good at his job.

“Here are the results from Even,” said Isa. He paused before adding, “Your grace.” He placed the thick bundle of papers on Xehanort’s desk.

“Thank you, Isa,” said Xehanort. He took the papers and flipped through them. Without looking up, he said, “I would like to steal you away tomorrow.”

Isa froze and stared at him. “Y-Your grace?”

“I’ve already informed the others that you won’t be available,” Xehanort said, still scanning through the papers. “So there’s no need to worry. Be up before dawn and meet me in the Thirteenth Laboratory. You know where that is, don’t you? It’s the one in the basement. Be punctual. You wouldn’t want to miss your first day of training, do you?”

“Y-Yes, your grace.” Isa gulped, feeling his throat dry.

* * *

The next morning, Isa did exactly as told. But instead of wearing his usual clothes, the servants laid out a black hooded cloak for him to wear. He looked at the servants quizzically, but they only ducked their heads and bowed. Assuming this was part of his training, he donned the cloak and made his way to the basement, escorted by his usual pack of servants to watch him. They always watched him.

The Thirteenth Laboratory was smaller than the other labs. In it, there was a large contraption to one side of the wall. To the other wall was a computer, placed in front of a large glass panel that overlooked a vast room beneath, where heavy machinery lined the walls.

“Welcome, Isa,” said Xehanort. “How do you find the place? This was once an office before we turned it into this lab. The old 'wise' master was a fool to shut down operations here. But with him out of the way, we can resume the good work we did here.”

Isa gulped. “What is that?” he said, nodding toward the machinery outside the glass pane.

“We call it the Heartless Manufactory. Isa, do you remember the essence of Darkness I showed you in my office before?"

"Yes, your grace."

"These Heartless… they are creatures made from the Darkness inside people's hearts. They are devious creatures, but they can be tamed.” Xehanort strode to the glass panel and placed his hands on the ledge. “Here, we are learning to tame them. Studying these Heartless and the power of Darkness itself. By studying the enemy, we can help protect our city from ever falling under attack by such terrible creatures. I have been trying to tame them for a long time, even learning to harness their power as my own. So, today, Isa, I will train you to do the same."

Isa shook, breaths growing shallow. "Y-Your grace, I--"

"Hush now. Do not fear, my dear Isa." He frowned. "You don't think I will actually let these creatures harm you, do you? Do you really think I am that much of a monster?"

"No, your grace," Isa said quickly, though his legs shook and his hair stood on end. "My apologies. Please, forgive me."

"I forgive you. Do not worry.” Xehanort stroked Isa’s cheek, brushing his blue hair, -- now grown out long -- behind his ear. “I will guide you every step of the way. I will not leave your side."

Isa nodded slowly, then let himself be led inside the Heartless Manufactory. Xehanort instructed him to stand at the centre of the dangerous machines hanging off the walls. Xehanort then took his place at the sidelines, watching with his hands behind his back.

All at once, the machines around him whirred to life. Isa watched in amazement as they started to move. They all pointed at him.

A beam of darkness shot out of the machine's head. Isa blinked, his vision blurring as his pulse thrummed in his ears. In a split second, he found himself surrounded by globs of darkness that crawled his way. They soon took shape, forming into tall ink-black humanoid figures with antennae, glowing yellow orbs for eyes and clawed hands almost as long as their bodies. A pungent smell filled his nostrils. They looked like the demons that haunted the tales his father had told him. And here they were, circling and stalking towards him like the prey he was.

Isa screamed.

"Quiet!” Xehanort said. “Panicking will only make things worse."

Isa hyperventilated, chest heaving with every breath as his vision began to blur. The lights were too bright. The smell was too strong. He wanted to puke. His skin crawled. There was too many of them. Far too many. Everything was too loud, all moving at once. He couldn't focus, couldn't move. He squeezed his hands against his ears as his meltdown took him.

"What are you doing?” Xehanort barked. "Stand up and face them!"

"I-I can't," he sobbed.

"Are you going to stand there and cower like an idiot all day? Get up!" But Isa couldn't respond. "Is that it? Are you going to waste my precious time like this?"

"I-I'm sorry," Isa choked out between every gasping breath. The creatures surrounded him. He couldn't bring himself to move.

Xehanort clicked his tongue and spat. "I did not bring you here to watch you flail about like a moron." Then he turned around and left.

"No! No, wait!" Isa screamed. "Please! I'm sorry! Please come back! Help me, please…"

"Perhaps it is finally time you learned a thing or two about independence." He continued to walk out the door, not even hesitating to turn back around.

"No, no please," Isa said. The creatures held his limbs and tugged, their claws stabbing into his already crawling skin. "You said you wouldn't leave me," he sobbed. "Please…"

Xehanort left without another word.

The creatures overwhelmed him. Everything after that was pain. His skin felt like it was peeling off his skin as claws scratched and dug into his flesh. He screamed, but the sound was swallowed by the harsh whispers ringing loudly in his ears. Then there was nothing but darkness.

* * *

Isa awoke in his room, no longer wearing the black cloak, but a hospital gown instead. He found Even standing at his bedside, tapping away on a tablet with a sullen look on his pale face. He noticed Isa shifting in bed and turned to him with a smile. He seemed relieved.

"Isa, my boy!" said Even. "You're awake. How wonderful."

Isa blinked slowly, looking from Even to the tube sticking out of his arm connected to an IV drip. A tray of food sat untouched on the table next to his bed.

"What... What happened?" he mumbled. Flashes of memories of the inky creatures hit him, making his head throb. He didn't remember much. The Heartless had attacked him and Xehanort had left. _How did I end up here?_

Even blinked at him. He opened and closed his mouth several times before pursing his lips into a thin line. "I'm afraid I don't know the details," he said. "Xehanort simply carried you to me, already unconscious. I had the nurses heal you up and I ran some tests."

Isa nodded and looked at his hands in his lap, feeling the blood pulse in his brain, his vision still a blur.

"Now," said Even, tucking his clipboard away. "Everything seems to be in order. I'll leave you for now." With a final check of Isa's vitals, he headed for the door. "You should get some rest. I'll be back to check on you in a few more hours. Eat."

Without another word, Even left. Isa stared at the IV drip and looked around the room.

Isa remembered the last time he was in the hospital was for a broken ankle. He'd tripped and fell after getting pushed around in a crowd during a school parade. The large crowds and the noise of the parade had overwhelmed him to the brink of a shutdown, and the next thing he knew he'd been knocked to the ground with a sharp pain in his foot. He’d gone to the hospital and his mother had never left his side. Lea had visited him every day, greeting Isa and his parents with a warm smile. Isa’s other classmates visited sometimes too; usually it was the girls. They brought him big bouquets and teddy bears, their faces flushed red as they passed him the gifts. Lea had never bought any thing like that. Instead, he had just given Isa a different shiny rock with a different get-well-soon message every day. The flowers wilted quickly. The teddy bears, he stashed away in the cupboard with the old toys he didn’t play with anymore. As for the rocks, they earned a place of honour on Isa’s shelf, along with the rest of his rock collection.

Isa smiled, feeling a lump in his throat at the thought of his rock collection still sitting in his room at home, waiting for him to return and collecting dust. Now, Isa sat alone in his bed. No gifts and no visitors. His heart ached for the sight of a familiar face.

Then the echo of Xehanort’s words appeared in his mind, poisoning those memories and turning them rotten. Had his mother hated to sit by his side all day as he recovered in the hospital that time? Had Lea only been pretending to be nice? Were the rocks supposed to be some sort of big joke? Had anyone in his life ever _really_ cared about him at all?

Though no matter how loud Xehanort’s voice played in his head, Isa still wished the door would open and for Lea to walk in with that bright grin of his and another rock in his hand. In his fantasy, Lea would stride in with Isa’s parents in tow. “I convinced Xehanort to let them come visit,” Lea would say. And Isa’s parents would rush to his side and hug him with tears in their eyes. “We missed you so much,” they would say.

But the door didn't open no matter how long he stared at it. Isa clawed the sheets until his nails grazed the thin material. He sobbed, his heart clenching. It _hurt_ so much. He leaned forward, burying his head in the sheets. He screamed. The sound distorted into a loud wail as he rocked back and forth, hands balling up the blanket.

He roared and shoved everything off his bedside table. But it did nothing but make a mess on the floor. _I’ll have to clean it up later_, came a thought in the midst of his tears. He buried his face in his hands and continued to rock back and forth. He felt like he was going to implode.

A breeze crept in through the wide window. He shivered, teeth chattering as he sobbed. It was always so cold in the castle. Nothing like the warmth of the fireplace back home and a cup of his mother’s hot chocolate. He wanted to hold something, to get warm, to _be_ held. But he was alone in the quiet and the cold, with no one to hold but himself.

* * *

Isa didn't know when he fell asleep, but he startled awake when the door opened. Isa quickly sat up in bed and wiped his face. Standing at the door was Xehanort.

"Isa," the man greeted as he strode into the room, standing with a regal ease. "How are you feeling?"

"...Fine, your grace," he said, voice still thick. _You left me._

"Is that so?" Xehanort eyed him. "I had to carry you once you fell unconscious, you know. Took you to safety myself. I kept my promise. I made sure you were left unharmed."

Isa swallowed thickly and nodded. "Thank you, your grace," he said, voice hushed. "My apologies, your grace, for disappointing you."

"Shh," Xehanort cooed. "There, there. What can you do? You're too reliant on other people. You poor thing."

Isa clutched the sheets tightly. "I’m sorry. For being weak. ...I promise I will try to be better. It's just that… controlling my meltdowns is difficult."

"Your _episodes_, you mean?"

Isa hesitated, then nodded.

Xehanort smiled, one hand reaching out to stroke Isa's hair. "Perhaps I can help you with that."

"...Your grace?”

Xehanort smiled. "Get some rest. You’ll need it for your training tomorrow."

* * *

The next day, Xehanort escorted Isa back to the Thirteenth Laboratory. Just like the previous time, Isa came already dressed in the black cloak provided by the servants.

Before heading down the stairs from the computer room to the factory below, Xehanort brandished a sword and held it out to Isa. It was long, its length almost equivalent to Isa's height and it's blade thicker than any he'd ever seen.

"This," said Xehanort, "is my gift to you."

Isa stared at it with wide eyes as he gingerly took the sword from Xehanort's hands. It was far too heavy for his small build. He struggled to even keep it upright, but he tried as hard as possible not to let it show.

"This is a very special weapon," said Xehanort. "I told the blacksmith to infuse it with a special magic. You see, this magic is my very own power, shared with you."

"Your power shared with me?" Isa breathed, taking in the sight of the huge weapon.

"That's right. So if you feel powerless, use this weapon and you can borrow my power. With it, you will never be weak again."

Isa looked up into Xehanort's wide eyes and nodded. "Thank you, your grace," he said meekly.

"You are very welcome. Now go. Go and show me what you can really do."

Isa nodded and hoisted the heavy weapon down the stairs to the factory below. He stood in the trajectory of the giant machines. The machines spat out beams of ink-black blobs all around him. And the blobs rose to their short insect-like feet, antennae twitching and beady yellow eyes glowering at him. The smell of rotten eggs filled the room.

Isa froze. His pulse quickened and his legs staggered beneath him as the creatures inched closer. Forcing himself to keep his breathing steady, he gripped the sword tighter, though it was difficult with his sweaty gloved hands. He sucked in a deep breath. Slowly, he felt a strong surge of energy in his veins.

"Are you afraid?" asked Xehanort.

_Yes_, he didn't say. He would not show weakness. He swallowed and let his eyes close, feeling a similar shot of energy to the one he'd felt in Xehanort's office.

"You are not weak, Isa," said Xehanort. "Use the strength I have lent you. Do not hold it in. Turn whatever fear and sorrows you might have into anger, and that anger will be your strength."

Isa slowly lifted the giant weapon in the air, his muscles tensing and aching under weight. The Heartless inched closer.

"Will you let them overcome you?"

"No."

“Are you truly that weak?"

"No!"

"Maybe everyone was right after all! Maybe you have no strength within you at all!"

"_No!_"

“Then show me! Prove everyone wrong -- the “wise” master, your parents, the other apprentices, your so-called _'best_ _friend_.' Prove that you are more than something to be pitied. Show me that you are capable!”

Isa breathed heavily, thoughts racing faster than the the speed of light. Images flashed in his mind: old classmates who had laughed at him behind his back; the other apprentices that dismissed him; his parents smiling fake smiles at him; Lea holding him close, only to laugh at him behind his back, mocking him with new friends and the other apprentices. Each thought filled his throat with bile. His blood boiled. What did any of them say about him when he wasn’t there? He heard his father’s voice; “I wish we had a better son to provide for this family.” He heard his mother; “He can’t do anything himself. He can't do anything without me.” He heard Lea, his laughter. But it was cold and cynical; "I never cared about him," Lea's voice said. "I just felt sorry that no one else wanted to talk to him. I mean, why else would I be nice to him? He's a freak."

Isa screamed -- a guttural sound filled with a rage he’d never felt before. He bared his teeth and snarled, feeling overwhelming power bubbling in his skin until it overflowed.

He surged forward with a roar. And he swung.

* * *

Lea breathed in deeply through his nose to catch his breath. He watched the guards drag the unconscious body of his opponent away with a satisfied smirk on his face. Sweat rolled down his skin in the blistering sun, his body aching and sore. But he grinned all the same, wiping his face from blood and sweat. He'd fought five matches today. He'd won them all.

All he knew now was the thrill of each fight. The memories of the dungeon and that terrible cramped space they called the Box were nothing to him in the heat of battle. Here he could unleash all his restless energy and _win_, earning his superiors' praise. He felt powerful here. It was the only place he felt any sense of control.

"Anyone else want a piece of me?” he drawled, arms outstretched as he held his chakrams. "I could do this all day."

Dilan clapped his hands together in three slow beats from where he stood on the sidelines. "Excellent work, MacRoy. How about one more match then, hm?"

"Yes, sir," said Lea.

"Very well," said Xehanort with a smile. "For your final match of the day, you will be fighting someone very special."

Lea bowed. "Yes. Your _grace_."

Xehanort gave a signal, then a group of servants came out into the courtyard. Behind them, Lea spotted a blue head of hair. His heart stopped and his eyes went wide.

"W-Wait a minute," said Lea.

"Did I hear a word of protest, MacRoy?" said Dilan. "It's a hot day outside. Maybe you would like to take some time away in the _shade_\--"

Lea's words caught in his throat. He froze in his place as he watched his opponent approach him in the center of the courtyard. _Lights_, he thought. Isa had grown. He was thicker now, more muscular, his hair long, tied into a high ponytail that fell well past his shoulders.

"Isa," Lea breathed.

But Isa said nothing. His gaze lifted, and his eyes stared daggers into Lea's soul. Lea stood, stunned in place, mouth hung agape as he stared back wordlessly. Servants came toward Isa, holding up a giant claymore. Isa took it. Lea could barely comprehend what he was seeing.

"MacRoy!" said Dilan. "Are you ready?"

_No. _No. _How can I ever be ready? What's going on? Why is Isa looking at me like that? Why are they making me fight him? They promised they would keep him safe. What did they do to him? _A million thoughts sped through his mind, each one pinging back and forth in his brain.

"Begin the match," said Xehanort.

"Very well." Dilan cleared his throat. "Ready! _Begin!_"

Isa swung his sword before Dilan even finished enunciating the last word. Lea could only dodge the attack, ducking and running backwards from every incessant swing Isa sent his way. That thrill of battle, his usual adrenaline, was gone. He couldn't fight Isa. His best friend, his…

Lea missed Isa's claymore by a hair.

"Isa!" he said. "What's going on?"

Isa only scowled and grunted as he sliced his blade through the air, almost slicing Lea up in the process.

"Isa," Lea repeated. "I don't want to fight you!"

"Why?" Isa growled. "Because I'm _weak_? Because you pity me?"

"What's going on? Isa, please!"

Isa roared and swung for a fierce blow. It only landed on the ground, cracking the stone floor as Lea rolled away from the hit.

"Isa, what’s going on?" said Lea, ducking another attack. “This isn’t like you, I--”

Isa charged. Lea moved a second too late. The claymore sliced the skin of Lea’s calf. He cried and crumpled to the ground. Isa came closer, looking down at him with blue-green eyes full of resentment. He lifted his claymore, readying another strike.

Lea breathed heavily. Then he staggered back to his feet, feeling the wetness of his leg grow. He dropped his chakrams.

"What are you doing?" Dilan yelled. "Pick up your weapon, MacRoy!"

"I’m not fighting you, Isa," said Lea.

Isa charged. Lea swiped away and twisted Isa's swinging arm backwards. Isa yelled and dropped his weapon. Lea spun around him, locking his arm behind his back and pulling him into a chokehold.

"_Stop it_," Lea said. "Isa!"

Isa growled. His free arm elbowed Lea in the gut. Lea's grip loosened and Isa ducked beneath the crook of Lea's elbow. Isa threw Lea over his shoulder. Lea's back hit the ground with a hard thud.

"Pick up your weapon!" Xehanort shouted.

Breathing heavily, Isa ran and grabbed his weapon off the floor.

Lea pushed himself up, dodging an attack just in time. Then he punched Isa in the face. "Stop it!" he yelled. The attack made Isa drop his weapon. Isa blinked, staring at Lea with wide eyes. "Isa," Lea croaked, tears spilling down his face.

"What are you doing?" Xehanort said. "Fight him!"

Isa scowled. He punched Lea in the jaw.

Lea struck him straight in the nose. Isa drew blood. Lea threw another punch. And another, vision blurring with his own tears.

Isa spat out blood. He banged their heads together and elbowed him in the gut. He kicked Lea's legs. Lea tumbled to the ground.

Isa grabbed his claymore. He held it to Lea's throat, chest heaving as blood dripped from his nose down his open mouth.

"Good job, Isa," said Xehanort. "Use the Darkness inside you like I have taught you. Show him your _true_ strength!"

Lea’s eyes snapped wide open. He recognized those words. He whipped his head to face Xehanort, who smiled smugly.

"What have you done to him?" Lea said.

"Do not speak to him like that," Isa spat. He lifted his claymore and swung. Lea rolled out of the way just in time.

"You promised you wouldn't hurt him!" Lea said to Xehanort, dodging another attack. "What did you do to him?"

"Insolent fool," said Xehanort. "I have not hurt him. I have made him realize his true strength. Something I failed to accomplish with you."

Isa slammed Lea against the ground.

"_Liar_!" Lea screamed.

"Enough of this," Xehanort grunted. "Dilan, stop the fight."

Dilan blew his whistle. Isa lowered his sword. Lea lay on the ground, nostrils flared as he glared at Xehanort.

Xehanort clapped his hands together. "Servants. Take Isa away. Let him rest."

"Wait, but I--" said Isa.

"Silence," snapped Xehanort.

"Isa, wait!" Lea cried. He staggered to his feet and ran forward. But Aeleus grabbed him. He struggled in the man’s strong grip and screamed Isa’s name as soldiers dragged Isa away.

Xehanort stepped forward onto the courtyard. "As for you… How many times do we have to teach you this lesson, you foolish boy?"

"How pathetic," said Dilan. "All the boy knows to do is _cry_." He clicked his tongue. "Isa has accepted his true strength, boy. You should do the same. Your feelings for him make you weak."

Lea roared. He freed himself from Aeleus’ grip and lurched forward to attack Xehanort. But Dilan thrusted the butt of his spear against Lea's chest, pushing him backward and hurling him through the air. He landed with a thud a few feet away from Xehanort.

Xehanort tutted. "Dilan. Restrain him."

Dilan did. He yanked Lea off the ground and gripped Lea's arms tightly in his hands.

Lea saw red. He bit Dilan’s hand and pulled himself out of his hold. Lea blasted billows of fire from his hands. The only thing in his mind was the desire to burn this whole castle down with them in it and watch their skin melt to their bones as they screamed for mercy.

Dilan caught him again. He bound Lea’s hands with handcuffs, effectively extinguishing the fire from Lea's hands.

"_I'll kill you!_" Lea snarled, kicking and struggling to break free. "What did you do to him?! You monsters! I'll kill you!"

Xehanort huffed. "Now, this is quite interesting." He stroked his chin. "After all this time, the boy finally unleashes his inner darkness." He hummed. “How intriguing.”

Lea thrashed and screamed, hands writhing in his restraints as Dilan pushed his shoulders down. Just like the little boy he was when Iona had dragged him away from Isa all those years ago. But he wasn't a little boy anymore, was he? Not with his training.

Lea growled, setting his whole upper body on fire. It burned his clothes off -- and Dilan’s hands in the process. Dilan hissed and let go.

Lea grabbed the keys from Dilan’s belt with his teeth and tossed them into the air. He spun around, his cuffed hands managing to catch them in time. His fingers worked to unlock the handcuffs. Dilan stomped to grab him. But Lea ran for his discarded chakrams on the floor and raced towards Xehanort. He slashed Xehanort across the face and swung to dig the blade into the man’s eye sockets.

Then a strong force pushed Lea back before he could land a strike.

Lea growled and struggled under the force of Dilan's suffocating wind magic. It was doing something to his lungs. Behind Dilan, Xehanort nursed a bleeding cut across his cheek.

"To care for another... is a force of light," said Xehanort. "And yet, it brings out such primal rage." He chuckled. “The boy proves himself as a wildcard yet again. I had never thought to realize _this_ was the key to unlocking the darkness inside you.”

Lea screamed, still thrashing as he felt the air in his lungs slowly pulling out of him. He wanted Xehanort to stop talking. He wanted to _make_ Xehanort stop talking by filling his vile mouth with blood.

Xehanort approached him, looking down at him with unfeeling yellow eyes.

"If you hurt him,” Lea wheezed, “I swear… I’ll…” He gasped for air, his lungs tightening.

"You what?" said Xehanort. "Do you want to kill me? Is that it?"

Lea choked, his vision blurring and his head spinning. He had no voice to the words he'd like to spit at the man.

Xehanort nodded. "You do. I can see it in your eyes." He then turned and walked away. "You can stop, Dilan. We're done for today. Escort him to the Box."

_No. No. Anything but that. Not the Box._ Lea kicked and clawed and cried, but nothing he did worked to free him. He screamed, but all that came out was a pathetic wheezing noise. The same one he’d heard from the deer his foster father had shot all those years ago.

"Oh," Xehanort added. "Wait a moment. No. Perhaps not. His magic has grown too powerful. He could break free."

Dilan scoffed. "The boy is nothing but relentless. No matter what we do, he is going to fight back. Beat him ten times and he gets up eleven. Perhaps we could simply finish him and be done with --"

"No," said Xehanort. "The boy displays power and cunning that we can use to our advantage. And when unlocked, the Darkness inside him is immense.” His expression darkened. “Although I cannot deny that his disobedience is proving too difficult."

“I see no reason why we have to still keep this pathetic rat among our number,” grunted Dilan. “He’ll end up betraying us all. Try as you might to make a rat dress well and behave, a rat is still a rat."

Xehanort paused for a moment. “Tell me, Lieutenant. What do you use to contain a wildfire?" Xehanort looked at Lea and smiled. "Water."

Lea had never learned to swim. But that day, he learned what it felt to drown over and over again.

* * *

A week since Isa's duel with Lea, Isa still couldn't sleep. His bruises and broken nose were healed now thanks to the potions they treated him with. But those couldn’t help with the scars in his mind. Memories of tired green eyes staring at him in fear haunted him. Isa had kept attacking. _Why?_ Filled with unbridled rage and the echoes of Xehanort's words, all he had wanted to do was hurt Lea. His best friend.

_Is he really my best friend though?_ a voice whispered in his mind. _He never responded to any of our letters ever since the first three. How many months has it been since then?_

Every new thought that entered his mind was a hammer, loud and unrelenting as it broke down everything he'd once known to be true. In the quiet of his room, everything was too loud. He squeezed his hands tightly against his ears and rocked back and forth. _What's happening to me? _He sobbed. What was right and real anymore? He couldn't even tell. Was it always this hard to tell? _What am I even doing here? How did this all happen? _He remembered happier times of his mother and father, of home. _I want to go home._ Did they even love him anymore? Did they ever?

Some time after that, sleep took him. It was past midnight when Isa jolted awake to the sound of his door creaking open. _An intruder_. He sat up straight and grabbed the dagger under his pillow. "Who is it?" he shouted into the darkness.

"Quiet!" A small flame lit up in the darkness, shining enough light in the room for Isa to see.

"Lea?" Isa said, his heart clenching. He tightened his hand around the dagger. "What are you doing here? How--"

"I said be quiet! You’ll wake the whole castle up." Lea hurried toward the bed and lit the candle on the bedside table, then kneeled down next to the bed. Isa tensed. "I’m so sorry, Isa," Lea whispered. "What did they do to you? Does it still hurt?" He held out a hand to reach for Isa's face.

Isa flinched and grabbed Lea's wrist, making Lea wince. Isa wanted to scream and spit poisonous words at him, demanding the truth. _'You abandoned me, you've been avoiding me, did you ever really care about me?'_ he wanted to say.

But Lea held his gaze, the look in his eyes willful enough to break down all of Isa's defences.

Isa choked out a sob instead. "What's happening to me, Lea?” he whimpered. He let go of Lea's wrist and wept into his own hands. "I don't know what's happening to me. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I just want to go home. I just want to go home…"

"Isa," Lea said softly. He held Isa's face in his hands and settled onto the bed, pulling Isa into a hug. He was warm and, despite his rough fingers, his touch was soft. Isa couldn't remember the last time he'd felt a soft touch. It was a lifetime since Isa had been held like this. He breathed in Lea’s scent, losing himself in Lea’s warm embrace. It was enough to clear his thoughts, to rid of that awful voice inside his head.

"I'm going to get you home,” said Lea. “We have to get out of here. We have to leave tonight."

"What?" Isa startled. "Wait, Lea, how did you get past--"

"Best you don't know the details," Lea said, pulling away and standing. "But it won't be long until others find out what happened. We have to go. _Now_.”

Isa grabbed Lea’s hand. "Xehanort said you've been avoiding me. That you left me."

"What? Avoiding you? Isa, all I do is try to find you."

Isa's eyes welled with tears again. His eyes were so sore. "But Xehanort said--"

"Xehanort's a _liar_, Isa. You can't believe a word he says. Believe me, I did too. Remember what he did to all those innocent people in the dungeons? I kept trying to make excuses for him and all the others. But I can’t anymore, Isa. Not after I see what Xehanort’s done to you. Come on. We don’t have time. We have to go right now."

"But--"

"Isa.” Lea knelt by the bed and took Isa’s face with both hands. “'Even when Darkness shall pervade and the last star fade.' Got it memorized? I would never want to leave you. Look, they can try as much as they want to tear us apart. But I won't let them. I'm _always_ gonna come back for you. That's a promise. Alright?"

Isa released a shaky breath. _That's a promise_. He nodded as Lea stood back up.

"How are we going to run?" Isa asked, watching Lea pack up Isa’s things and slide the window open. "Where do we even go?"

"Out of the city.” Lea took out a rope. Had he been carrying that the whole time? It was hard to tell in the dim light. He tied the rope to the curtain rod and slipped it out the window. “Into the woods. Towards the mountains. Remember the lookout where we used to go as kids? Further from that. If we keep going through the woods, we'll end up at a beach. There's a small village there where we can hide. Start a new life. You and me. And once they stop searching for us, we'll come back and get your parents to come too."

"What if they catch us?"

Lea's expression darkened. He walked back to Isa and squeezed Isa's hand. "If I get caught... You need to run. Okay?'

"Lea, I’m not--"

"It's better just me than the both of us. You have a family who loves you. I'm not going to let you--"

"I thought we were in this together!" Isa said.

"I'm not going to let them hurt you anymore! Alright?"

Isa pushed Lea's hands off his face. "And what about you? I’m not letting them hurt you too. If they catch us, I'm _not_ running away. It goes both ways, okay? I'm not going to leave you either."

Lea stared at him long and hard. Then, finally, he sighed. "Yeah. Alright. Okay." He squeezed Isa’s hand. "Together."

"Together."

They escaped while the clouds hid the moon’s light; out through the window and down the tallest tower. Once they scaled down the length of the tower, they ran. Lea led the way, grabbing Isa’s hand and running through the streets. Isa's heart raced, the sound of his own blood drumming in his ears. Every sound startled him, every shred of light in the city a threat to their safety.

"We're almost there," Lea said. They were so close. So close to the city gates.

Then the sirens blared. The sound wailed throughout the whole city, alerting every house as lights in every window flickered to life. In the distance, the city gates began to fall. They'd never closed before.

"Hurry!" Lea said. They ran, but the beatings that scarred their arms and legs had weakened them. They arrived too late, the gates already closed. Blinding lights flashed behind them. Isa turned to see hulking figures descending on them as silhouettes in the blinding light. Isa couldn't tell who was who. It didn't matter. They all looked like monsters to him. That was what they were.

They grabbed Lea and beat him down until he spat blood on the ground. Isa screamed, tears falling, but they continued to kick the air out of Lea's lungs. Then they turned him over and stepped on his chest. For some reason, they hadn't even touched Isa. Isa should've run to him. Get in the way. Stop them from hurting him. But he couldn't. He froze. _Weak._

One of the figures walked up to him. Isa spotted silver hair and recognized the man as Xehanort.

"Shh, there, there," said Xehanort, putting an arm around Isa's shoulder. "You're safe now. He won't be taking you anywhere from now on."

"S-Stop it, please," Isa pleaded. He moved to run to Lea, but Xehanort grabbed his wrist, squeezing it tightly until Isa cried in pain. "You're hurting him!” Isa said. “Let him go! Please!"

"That's what you get for running, squirt," one of the figures said. Isa recognized the voice. Braig's voice.

"Stop!" Isa said, trembling. "Please... We won't run again. Let him go! Please..."

"Ha!" Braig cackled. "No, you won't, kid. We'll make sure of that."

"Braig, _silence_," said Xehanort. "Hush now, Isa. The boy deserves his punishment. Kidnapping is not something we take lightly."

"No..." Isa whimpered. "Please, he didn't… He didn't kidnap me… He didn't..."

"Shh," said Xehanort. "That boy has filled your mind with poison. You think he cares about you but he doesn't. I am the only one who cares about you, do you understand? If you followed him, you would have discovered that sooner or later."

Rage boiled under Isa's skin. "NO!” he screamed. He pulled his wrist from Xehanort's grip with a strong tug. "_You're_ the liar! I won't let you break us apart again!"

Xehanort stared at his hand with wide eyes. Then he lifted his gaze and glared at Isa, clicking his tongue. "How pitiful. Tell me, is he that important to you?"

Isa grabbed the dagger he'd kept sheathed under his pant leg and ran to Braig, jumping to stab him in the shoulder. Braig yelled in pain, doubling backwards and clutching his blood-stained shoulder. Isa stood in front of Lea, blocking Xehanort and Braig from coming any closer. He aimed the blade at Xehanort.

"Well, well," Xehanort said, "it appears the lamb has learned to wield a knife."

"Isa..." Lea rasped. "Leave... Leave me… Go… Run..."

"Get out of the way, Isa. If you know what's good for you."

But Isa didn't listen. He glared at Xehanort.

Xehanort scowled, nostrils flaring. His yellow eyes seemed to glow in the darkness. "And here I thought I could've done this the easy way. Very well. Now you leave me no choice."

Xehanort outstretched his arms, fingers tensing and clenching into fists. “As your flesh bears the sigil…” Ink-black swirls appeared behind him like tendrils that curled into the air. Xehanort thrust his arms forward. “So your name shall be known as that…” The tendrils surged forward -- towards Lea. “...Of a recusant.”

Isa didn’t hesitate. He leapt to block its path. Darkness was the last thing he saw.

Isa screamed, hurtling towards the ground. He clutched his face and wailed. The Darkness seeped into his skin and burned into him. His skin sizzled, the stench of rotten eggs and his own searing skin choking him. He screamed and screamed until his throat was raw, tears mixed with blood dripping down his chin. Voices surrounded him, Lea’s voice standing out among them. But still, Isa couldn’t hear a word over his own screams.

* * *

Isa stared in the mirror, at the big 'X'-shaped scar between his eyes. He touched it gingerly, then flinched. There was no pain, but it hurt to look. He sucked in a breath and covered the mirror. He exited his room, finding no one standing guard outside his door. Xehanort didn't even hesitate to tell him where Lea's room was. No servants or guards stopped him as he roamed the halls.

For once, all the eyes that had always followed him seemed to turn away.

* * *

Lea lay on his bed, arms folded behind his head as he mulled over everything that had happened. He was an apprentice again, given another chance to serve the city and have the life he’d always wanted. Xehanort’s voice rang in his ears.

“I will give you another chance to join me,” Xehanort had said, “on the condition that you remain loyal to me. I will not accept disobedience or anymore outbursts. Whatever you are told, you must do. I will even allow you to take part in the grand experiment that the other apprentices and I have been working on. However, If you break these conditions, the deal is off and you will be sent to the dungeons to _rot_. ...Am I clear?”

Lea gritted his teeth. Now, he wore a black cloak, similar to the one Isa had worn during their duel in the courtyard. “We’re testing a prototype,” Even had said. “Isa has been a wonderful participant of our tests, but we do need to see if they work on others as well.” So now he was to wear it everyday, even during training sessions. It was one step further to strip him of everything he once was. “Think of it as your new uniform, kid!” Braig had said. He supposed Braig was right. It was a uniform. A prisoner’s uniform.

The door opened. Lea’s shoulders tensed and he sat up straight, ready to glare at whoever had the gall to just barge in.

It was Isa. Lea’s eyes widened.

Isa smiled a small smile, as if not to crinkle the scar on his face. The smile fell quickly. “You’re wearing the cloak,” Isa muttered.

“Yeah,” Lea said, feeling a lump in his throat at the sight of the scar marring Isa’s skin. “They… Part of some experiment, I don’t really...” He opened his mouth, looking for words. A tear fell down his face as he stepped closer toward Isa. “I’m sorry,” he whispered, voice breaking. “I’m so sorry.” He held Isa's face in his hands. "I should've… I should've stopped them. I should've protected you…”

“No, Lea,” said Isa quietly. He reached for Lea’s face and wiped his tears. “They were going to kill you if I didn't get in the way. I wasn’t going to let that happen.”

Fury ignited in Lea’s veins then, drying his eyes. He swallowed roughly, feeling a deadly rage. After everything they did, after all those false promises of wealth and fame and family, they just wanted to get rid of him. Like he was just nothing, a nobody. They thought he was weak.

He wiped his face from tears. Just like in the story, he wanted to never cry again. Except unlike in the story, he would not turn into something as brittle as stone, stagnant and so easily cracked. No. He would turn into steel. And he would cut down anything in his path.

_“_They’ll pay for this," he said. "I’ll _make _them pay for this. Every single one of them.”

Isa took a deep breath, expression hardening. He held Lea’s face too. “We _both_ will. They think they’ve broken us. But they haven't. Not yet. We're still _here_. If we can't run, we'll make them run.”

Lea brought their faces close and kissed the tender skin of Isa’s forehead, his eyes glaring at the wall behind Isa. “They're going to regret ever laying a hand on you. All of them. Xehanort. Braig. Dilan. And all the rest. We’re going to burn everything down from the inside and they’re going to regret everything they ever did to us.”

Isa pulled away and squeezed the hands Lea had on his face. “Together.”

“Together."

It was a promise. It always had been.

And they kept that promise even as when they died a week later. And then even after that, as Axel and Saix, the shells of their former selves, they schemed together. Axel dirtied his hands for Saix with every kill, finding no pleasure from the blood he spilled, but just a sick sort of amusement. He looked at Saix with no love nor longing, only the devotion he remembered from his old life. After a while, those memories seemed to drift further and further away each day he hung in the limbo of his existence. One day, he realized Saix's eyes were orange. And he wondered if it had always been. He even came to a point where he wondered what kept him so tethered to Saix at all. There was a lingering desire to burn the whole Organization down. That was a shared interest between him and Saix. But other than that, everything was just empty. Time passed. He wasn't even sure how long. Did days even have meaning without a heart to attach memories and feelings?

Then one day, two young souls came into Axel's life. And then everything changed.

* * *

**ONE WEEK AGO**

Lea met Kairi outside the Mysterious Tower and took a seat next to her on the soft grass.

"Are you ready?" said Kairi, brushing her red hair behind her ears.

"Ready as I'll ever be," Lea said with a small smile.

They watched the stars above glisten as strange orange and green hues swirled in the sky. After all this time, Kairi had grown to be Lea's trusted confidant. As small as she was, she was wise beyond her years and a force to be reckoned with. It was nice to have some time to just talk before the war began. Lea was a bundle of nerves. All that time training to wield the Keyblade was finally coming to fruition. He was a Guardian of Light now. And tomorrow, he would face his best friend at the Keyblade Graveyard and save him from Xehanort's clutches once and for all.

"I don't think I can sleep tonight," said Lea.

"Me neither," said Kairi. She glanced at him. "Hey. You never did finish that story of yours."

"What story?"

"Back in the enchanted forest when we were training, you told me that you wanted to save more than just Roxas. Who else are you trying to save?"

"My best friend," Lea said softly. "From a long time ago. You know him. He kidnapped you that one time."

Kairi gawked at him. "_Saix_?"

"Yup," Lea sighed. "Well, his Somebody anyway. Isa. His name was Isa."

“What do you mean ‘save’ him? Isn’t he… A bad guy?”

“I was too, wasn’t I?”

“Yeah but… You left yourself. Why do you need to save him?”

Lea sighed. “It’s like this, alright? After I was recompleted, he was supposed to wake up too. But when I woke up, he was gone. I searched everywhere for him. Hell, I even used a dark corridor to look for him.”

“Wait, wait, wait. I thought humans can’t use dark corridors.”

“Yeah, well. I was desperate.” He cleared his throat. “So, uh, anyway, I did find him eventually. Except he was with the Organization again. The new one with all Xehanort’s vessels. Turns out they took him and turned him into a Nobody again. Now, Xehanort’s got his mind all warped. And he’ll stay that way until I kick his Nobody’s ass until tomorrow so Isa -- the _real_ Isa -- can come back.”

"I don't get it. What's the whole deal with Nobodies and Somebodies anyway? Are you the same people or not?"

"For Nobodies like Roxas and Namine, they're not. But for me, for Saix, for all the rest… then yeah. We are the same people -- in technical terms. We share the same bodies. The same minds and the same memories and soul. Axel _was_ me. Just… the worst version of me. Everything bad about myself manifested. It's the same for Saix. As a human, he'd never have done the things he did. To you, to Roxas, or to anyone else. Near the end, I think he just got consumed by his own bitterness and let Xehanort take full advantage. He lost himself to his own anger. Towards what? I don't know for sure. Maybe me. Maybe Xehanort. Maybe himself."

They were silent for a moment, then Lea cleared his throat.

“Sorry for rambling,” he said. “I just… Yeah.”

Kairi gave a small smile and shook her head, saying nothing as she stared at the stars. "Okay," she finally said, voice quiet. "Then what about the tattoos? As a Nobody, Axel had those upside-down tears tattoos."

"Well. They said that Nobodies take the physical form most desired by their human selves. That's why Axel had those marks on his face."

"...Why do you want those marks on your face so bad? Did you just always want some cool tattoos but your parents never let you?"

Lea snorted. "Okay, _no_. That's not why." They both laughed, then Lea scratched the back of his head. "It's… I don't really remember now. Things from the past are still pretty hazy for me. I guess it’s a side effect of being a Nobody for the better part of ten years. To be honest I can’t really remember when I started to forget. But I _do_ remember that I _started_ remembering things near the end around the time I befriended Roxas and--”

“Lea.”

“Huh?”

“You’re rambling again.”

“Right! So anyway, I remember something about this children's story about losing a loved one and… I can’t really remember the rest. Guess it doesn't matter. Or maybe it does, I don’t know. All I know is that Axel wanted vengeance more than anything. You see there was this promise I made before becoming a Nobody about--" He paused. _How did the promise go again?_ He shook his head. "Okay, I don't remember the details. But anyway, Axel had a lot of blood on his hands and... And I guess…_ I_ have a lot of blood on my hands.”

Kairi stared at him, her face deep in thought. "Do you still want vengeance?" she said quietly.

"...No. No, not anymore. Now I have a different promise I'm trying to keep."

"And what's that?"

"I'm getting all the people I love back. And I'm not breaking my promise this time."

_'I'm always going to come back for you. And that's a promise.'_ For all the gaps in his memory after those ten long years without a heart, that was one of the things that still rang clear in his mind. And for that, he knew he had to keep it no matter what.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaand we're caught up to the present! Well, almost. I won't be going into details about how the Keyblade War went down, but just imagine that it was a lot more epic than it was in KH3 (so more of a huge war involving a ton of heartless and all of Sora's allies). Also, Kairi and Sora don't end up "dying." Stay tuned for next chapter where Roxas and Xion will make their first appearance in the fic! It'll be set after the events of the war. I'll be resuming the biweekly update so you'll get that chapter this Saturday.
> 
> Huge thank you to all my readers!! I love every single one of you and your comments always make my day ❤ If you want you can follow me on Twitter@malazyian / Tumblr@haidadraws :) And as always, kudos & comments are appreciated~


	9. Restart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If only "new beginnings" actually meant having a blank slate. But life is never that simple.

**PRESENT DAY**

* * *

Growing up, Lea had never thought he would live in a mansion. Now, he stood on the front steps of one, the keys to the front door in his hands. The building was old, in much need of cleaning and renovation, and had seen more battles than any building should. But it was still a mansion. A house. And it was his. And Roxas’ and Xion’s. It was _theirs_.

When they moved in that first day after coming back from the Keyblade Graveyard, they didn’t have any trouble with unpacking. How could they, when none of them even had anything to call their own? So they cleaned up the place as much as they could, got some basic furnishings from the second-hand shop a few blocks away, and made the place home. Lea couldn't remember the last time he had anything to call home.

That same night, Lea took all the sheets and pillows he could find and set up a blanket fort in the corner of the living room. Roxas and Xion stared in amazement as he set it up, never having seen such a thing before.

“This is what kids do during sleepovers,” he told them.

“What’s a sleepover?” asked Xion.

And so he told them all about how it’s when you stay the night with your best friend, make blanket forts where the adults couldn’t come in, and stay up all night talking about silly stuff, telling each other stories and watching movies.

“But _you’re _an adult, dumbass,” said Roxas, throwing a cushion at Lea’s face with a laugh.

Lea frowned. He wasn’t sure where Roxas had picked up curse words. He just sincerely hoped that it wasn’t from him.

“Yeah, but you guys aren’t,” said Lea. “And you guys never got to be kids. So _as _an adult, I’m teaching you how.”

“Do adults always teach kids how to be kids?” asked Xion. She rubbed her chin, contemplating. “I always thought kids just… were.”

“Well, lots of adults do it,” said Lea. “But I guess not always in good ways.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Xion, cocking her head to the side.

Lea shook his head, pushing down old memories. “Nothing, just forget about it. Just help me set up this fort, alright?”

Roxas and Xion shrugged and did as they were told as Lea continued to explain that sleepovers were meant to be fun and how important they are to lots of childhoods. As he did, Roxas cut him off.

“Axel,” said Roxas, before catching himself. “I mean... Lea. Why are you telling us all this?”

“Because,” said Lea, hoping it was sufficient. But Roxas and Xion just stared, so he cleared his throat and continued., “You two never got a childhood. I mean, you’ve both technically been alive for less than two years. And all of that isn't exactly an ideal start for a kid.”

“I’m not a baby,” Roxas said with a hard stare. “I have all of Sora’s memories, in case you forgot. And according to those, I’m _fifteen_. Almost _sixteen _even.”

“I mean, sure, but they’re not _your_ memories,” said Lea. “Shouldn’t you have your own?” Before Roxas could reply, Lea brought the tiny box television from its stand and into their fort, along with a big plastic bag with gaudy text reading ‘thank you’ printed on its front. He passed them the bag and started setting up the TV.

“What’s all this?” asked Xion, emptying the bag of its contents. She giggled. “This is all junk food.”

“Oh man, gimme!” said Roxas. He snatched a large pack of potato chips and tore it open, spilling salty crumbs all over the fort.

“What’s this for, Ax--Lea?” asked Xion. When she took out a rectangle box, her eyes widened. “ ‘Evening of the Scary Reanimations’?” She giggled. “What is this?”

“It’s called a horror action movie,” said Lea.

“I could guess that much,” said Xion with a roll of her eyes. “What’s up with the title?”

“A terrible translation of the original, I guess,” shrugged Lea. “I dunno. I never lived in Twilight Town. Maybe that’s how they name all their movies.”

“Oh, right,” said Roxas, mouth full of chips. “You’re not from this World. What World _did _you come from then?”

Lea paused, a mess of wires in his hands.

Images of blooming flowers and dancing on a bridge and late summer nights spent on a lookout in the mountains surged into his mind. Then they were replaced by the sound of his own screams in his ear and the haunting image of a dark cramped space where he couldn’t move. Then the water. He squeezed his eyes shut and pushed it aside, forcing himself to breathe.

“Lea?” said Xion. “Are you okay?”

Lea wet his lips, his throat dry. “Yeah,” he breathed. He shook his head and found the wires had fallen out of his hands. He blinked and bent to pick them back up, then tried to figure out where the red plug was supposed to go.

“Hey!” said Roxas. “You still didn’t answer me.”

“Huh?” said Lea, comparing two plugs and the many sockets at the back of the TV.

“Where are you _from_?” said Roxas with a frown, crossing his arms.

“Oh. Radiant Garden,” said Lea absently.

“Radiant Garden,” Xion said dreamily. “Wait, I remember that place from Sora’s memories. It was… in bad shape, actually. At first it was called Hollow Bastion.”

“They called it that after The Fall,” Lea said.

“The Fall,” Xion repeated. She hummed. “What really hap --”

“Ah-ha!” Lea exclaimed, jamming a plug into its designated socket, causing the TV screen to light up with static. “Here, pass me the movie.”

Xion blinked, then passed him the DVD box as told. He put the disc in, and the movie flashed to life. Lea grinned and sat back, grabbing an unopened bag of chips and focusing his eyes on the screen. “Oh wow,” said Lea. “Look at the graphics on this one.” He barked out a laugh. “One of these days, you guys have to watch the real stuff. Oh well. This was all the shop had. I guess it’ll do.”

“You seem to really like movies,” said Xion with a hum as she took some chips from Roxas’ bag.

“Huh, yeah,” Lea said with a half-hearted chuckle. “I guess.”

They watched the movie, Lea pointing out how bad it was, getting Roxas and Xion to laugh and join in on the jabs. It was the worst movie Lea had ever watched, but it was nice to hear the room full of laughter.

When the credits began to roll, he turned to look at Roxas and Xion, who were still laughing at how ridiculous the ending was.

Lea didn’t realize he was staring until they both turned and asked him what was wrong. He was about to laugh it off, saying that the only thing wrong was the fact that someone had greenlit that movie, but the joke couldn’t come out. Nothing could. All that he could do was stare at them, the weight of their presence and where they were finally sinking in. They were _safe_ and they were _home. _He had a home now. When was the last time he'd had one? Had he ever?

He imagined another face among their trio. It was then he realized how tight his throat felt and how blurry their faces were. Roxas’ blond hair and Xion’s raven bob became blobs of yellow and black in his vision.

“Axel--Lea?” asked Roxas.

“What’s wrong?” Xion asked.

But all Lea could do was shake his head and let out a high-pitched giggle as he began to weep. There was shuffling in the fort and then small pairs of arms enveloped him in a tight embrace. Finally, he choked out, his voice hushed, “I’m so glad you guys are back. I missed you.”

“We’re here,” they both said, hugging him tighter.

And they were. They would make a home together now. This fixer-upper was theirs to build as they pleased, no one else to take it all away. He'd seen these kids go through so much, had watched them grow, had guided them through those hazy first days, and now they were back here beside him, with a house that was theirs. His best friends. His family. That's what they were, weren’t they? All those years ago, Xehanort had promised him one with the Organization. Finally, Lea had found it in the arms of two lost children without any family of their own. He'd fought tooth and nail for it -- for _them_ \-- and he finally had them back safe.

But still, the tears felt just as full as sadness as they were of joy to have them back. He pulled them closer and said through his tears, “I'm so glad you're both back.”

All too soon, they pulled away, and they grinned at him.

“Didn’t know you were such a cry baby,” said Roxas, punching him gently on the arm.

Lea tried not to flinch at the word, laughing it off instead. “Shut up,” he said, one hand wiping his face and the other ruffling Roxas’ hair, only for Roxas to shove back at him.

“Remember,” said Xion, “back in the Organization, Xemnas used to say we didn’t have hearts. He was wrong, wasn’t he? He was lying the whole time. We grew our hearts through our connection to each other."

“Yeah,” said Roxas. He took one of the empty bags of chips and crumbled it into a ball. “You know what? Fuck that guy.”

“Whoa, whoa,” said Lea, laughing as he wiped the last traces of wetness from his eyes. “Where’d you get that language from?”

“I don’t know,” said Roxas with a nonchalant shrug. “Must’ve learned it while I was in Sora’s heart prison.”

“Heart prison?” Lea laughed. “Sheesh. At least tell me Sora was a nice warden.”

“He was fine, it was the other prisoners that were bad,” said Xion with a laugh. “This guy,” she pointed to Roxas, “snored so loud in there.”

“I do not snore!” said Roxas.

“Okay, you two,” said Lea. “It’s getting a bit difficult to tell how much of this is a joke. Could you like… talk to each other in there? I thought when Yen Sid told me your hearts were locked in Sora’s, it was more of an…” He wiggled his fingers, “abstract thing. Like, magical and stuff.”

Xion laughed, then Roxas laughed harder.

“And I’m more confused than ever,” said Lea, causing the other two to laugh even more.

Their shared laughter echoed all throughout their new home for the rest of the night, the three of them talking each other’s ears off about the most mundane and ridiculous things. It wasn’t until the clocktower rang four morning bells that Roxas and Xion finally fell asleep, curled into themselves in the comfort of the blanket fort. Lea couldn’t help the smile on his face as he took the sight in. After all those years, he finally found a sense of normalcy. He had a house. He had friends. He should be happy. Right?

Tears welled up in his eyes again and his chest tightened. Amidst the messy mix of emotions brewing in his new heart, a hollow grew inside him, like it had never left from those ten years without a heart. The quiet of being the only one still awake settled over him, a familiar yet painful weight he could trace back all the way to his days as a boy talking to no one but himself.

* * *

Lea hated the night time. There was no moon, no stars. Just a never-ending sunset that almost seemed to taunt him. Sleep had been difficult to come by as a Nobody, but now he had nightmares to worry about. He’d never had those as a Nobody. He hadn’t realized how much he’d been spared from without a heart to feel emotions with.

It was the same dream every night.

Darkness. Screaming, weeping, pleading: "Let me out! Please! I'll be good, I promise! I promise I promise I'll be good!"

Whispers in the night. Sneaking out, blood pumping with adrenaline. Flashing lights, then a weight crushing his lungs. A familiar voice crying for mercy.

_ "As your flesh bears the sigil, so your name shall be known as that...of a recusant."_

Fire. Blood splattered on white walls. Then floods broke loose, taking everything with it. He drowned.

Lea gasped as he wrenched himself awake, his eyes wet and his throat sore. His hand clutched at his neck as he breathed one heaving breath after the other, reminding himself that he could breathe.

Then, as always, a knock came at the door.

“I’m fine,” he croaked out. "Go back to sleep."

He lay back in bed, but his mind reeled. Sleep didn't come until hours later.

The days were easier. Working and coordinating with the other Keyblade wielders, fighting Heartless and traversing across Worlds. Eventually, they just settled into clearing the Heartless in Twilight Town because transportation was an issue without gummiships or dark corridors. Still, it was routine-work, easy enough to not cause any stress. But difficult enough that it forced him into focus. And if nothing else, it was familiar, akin to the work the Organization had them do. It was funny. The only thing different was which side he was doing it all for. Except he never did do it for the Organization. It had all been for himself -- and for Isa.

“Where are you now?” he whispered in the dark of his room one night. But there was no reply.

* * *

“Lea!”

Lea managed to duck the Heartless’ laser beam, but had to sacrifice some ends of his hair for it. Right before the Heartless descended from where it floated in midair, he threw his chakram at it, engulfing it in fire.

Xion raced toward it as the blazing Heartless dropped to the ground. She stabbed the giant Heartless right in the centre, pushing her blade into the emblem plastered across its coal-black form, then sliced the buried blade across its body.

Roxas jumped in from behind. High up in the air, he brought his twin blades up behind his head. As he came down from the air, he slammed his blades down into the Heartless’ head.

The Heartless vanished with a gurgle, dissipating into thick dark tendrils. A large glowing heart floated up from the mist. In its wake dropped a handful of silver beads on the ground.

“Phew, what a training session, huh?” Lea said.

Xion glared at him.

“What?” he said.

“That was reckless,” she said. “You could’ve gotten yourself hurt. Badly. Jumping straight in when it was blasting that laser! You should’ve at least waited for the Heartless to come down before attacking!”

“I’m not hurt, am I?” he said brushing himself off.

“You could’ve --”

“Look, Xion, it’s fine, alright?” he said. He came closer and put his hand on her shoulder. “I’m alright. I’m sorry I worried you. But I’m fine.”

Xion stared at him for a long while, her expression unreadable, then finally sighed. “Just don’t do that again,” she mumbled.

He smiled, then looked at Roxas, who was busy collecting all the items dropped by the Heartless after it vanished. “You okay, Rox?” he said.

“I’m fine,” said Roxas with a shrug. “I’m tired. Just sick of all these Heartless. You think they’ll go away any time soon?”

_I hope not_, Lea thought. “Maybe,” he said. He watched the last wisps of darkness fade in the air, its pungent smell growing fainter too. But among the scent of darkness, he thought he smelled something else, something sweeter.

Xion helped pick up the remaining beads and handed them over to Roxas. “Do you think we can sell these?” Xion said, the previous anger in her voice now gone. “There’s a lot of stuff that needs to be fixed in the house.”

“Oh, yeah,” said Roxas. “That mansion looks ancient. The pipes in my bathroom are already leaking.”

The two continued to discuss the repairs they had to make in the house, but Lea’s mind already wandered off. He stared at the silver beads as Roxas trickled them into a small pouch, watching the way each one caught light and shone before they disappeared into the pouch. _These objects_, he wondered, _did they belong to the person the Heartless used to be?_

“Hey,” said Lea. Both sets of bright blue eyes snapped to look in his direction. “When we kill a Heartless… Where does it go? The Kingdom Hearts that Xemnas tried to create doesn’t exist anymore.”

“Well,” said Xion, her eyes shooting up to the sky, “from what I remember, the Heartless are actually just the disembodied hearts of people who’ve been consumed by darkness. So when we destroy a Heartless, we’re releasing their hearts so they can go back to their bodies.”

“Did you read that from somewhere?” said Roxas, giving her a playful nudge in the shoulder.

“The fairies in Yen Sid’s tower took their time to make my new clothes,” Xion said with a smile. “That big book was just sitting there, so…”

“And you got it memorized, huh?” Roxas said.

“Yup,” said Xion with a waggle of her eyebrows and a couple of pokes in Lea’s ribs.

Lea gave a half-hearted chuckle, remembering a boy who had used to love memorizing random facts too. “Yeah…”

“Are you alright?” Xion asked, then her gaze hardened. “Did that Heartless --”

“No, I’m fine!” Lea said. “I’m just… _whew_, pretty tired!” He grinned. “Gotta hand it to you guys. Being a Keyblade wielder is tough work.” He reached out to ruffle Roxas’ and Xion’s hair, resulting in yelps and giggles from them both. “Don’t know how you guys got to do it this whole time, sheesh! Now, who wants ice cream?”

“Only if you’re paying,” Roxas said, punching him lightly on the shoulder.

“You do know that my money is also your money, right?” Lea smirked. “We live in the same house, you rascals.”

“Of course we know, Lea,” Xion said, already walking ahead in the direction of the ice cream shop. “Your money is ours, but my money is mine, and Roxas’ money is his _and _mine.”

“Wait, wha -- That’s not fair!” Lea said, but he was grinning all the same.

“Sure it is," said Roxas with a smug grin. Then his eyes widened. "Hey, wait… Xion!” he exclaimed, running up to her.

“Race you!” said Xion.

“Oh, you’re on!” Roxas said.

Lea just shook his head and smiled, walking at a regular pace as he watched the two of them run and light shove each other through the sepia, cobbled streets, their laughter playing in the soft breeze. In the back of his mind, he thought he heard a third voice laughing along with them.

They spent the rest of the day on the clocktower as usual, then Roxas and Xion left to hang out with those other kids. They invited him to join them, but he turned them down with a light joke about being too old to catch up with their obscure jokes. They teased him for it of course, and he only added to it with a dramatized show of how his back popped when he stretched. After a last wave of goodbyes, Lea was left alone to sit on the clocktower.

He took a deep breath, drinking in the too-familiar sight of the blazing sun peeking above the horizon, too stubborn to ever go down all the way. As his mind wandered, he began to see different colours stretch across the sky; instead of orange, he saw the sky as a dusty lavender, the cobblestone roads instead a mosaic floor lined with blooming flowers.

_“Shouldn’t you say goodbye to your real home?” _a voice in his mind said.

Lea leaned back against the wall of the clocktower, and let his eyes wander up to the waning moon that hung fixed in the sky. “My real home,” he muttered.

The truth was that he hadn’t stepped foot in Radiant Garden ever since he got recompleted. The last time he’d been there, everything was like it’d been before The Fall had destroyed everything. He wondered who was in charge now and what became of Ansem. He’d heard wind of a Restoration Committee headed by old friends from school, but he’d never bothered to check in. It didn’t feel right, to go back there now. Alone and empty-handed. A failure. The only times he checked in was to text Ienzo about anyone new showing up in town. He never mentioned names and Ienzo never asked, thankfully. But Ienzo knew him before The Fall. Maybe Ienzo was just playing oblivious. It didn’t matter to him much anyway. The kid could think whatever he wanted of Lea. All Lea wanted were answers. But from the list of names Ienzo sent Lea's way, Lea never found the ones he wanted.

Maybe Lea wasn’t working hard enough. It didn’t take long for him and the other apprentices to get recompleted after their destruction as Nobodies, so why was Isa taking so long? _If only there was a way to cover more ground, _he thought. _Fight more Heartless_… Out of the millions out there, on all those worlds, how many had he defeated? Were they even a fraction of them all?

_“Great job_,” said the familiar voice in his head._ “Are you sure the L in your name stands for Lea and not ‘loser’?”_

Lea rubbed his eyes and wiped his palm down his face. “Look at me,” he mumbled to himself, “hearing voices and seeing things. Look, I’m trying, alright? Wish you’d stop haunting me.”

_“Didn’t you say people live forever inside memories?”_

“Guess I did,” Lea muttered. He sighed. “Guess I did.”

* * *

“Cheers!” the crowd called out. Raised glasses of champagne knocked against each other, the chiming of glass against glass playing a mismatched tune over the music of the live band.

The festivities in the Land of Departure were in full swing. All the allies of Light dressed in suits and dresses as they dined over a bountiful feast, celebrating their victory over Xehanort. Lea was dressed up in a suit himself, gifted to him by the fairies who worked with Yen Sid. He even had his hair tied up into a neat ponytail instead of its usual untamed mane. He got some compliments from the other guests, many of which he’d never met before. At least that was one good thing. He didn’t have to feel nice if he at least _looked _nice. All he had to do was pretend.

“Look at you,” Xion had said before they’d left the house that evening. She had giggled. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look this dressed up.”

“Yeah,” Roxas had said. “You look like a whole different person. You _sure_ you’re the Axel -- I mean, the _Lea _we remember?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Lea had said. “Make all the jokes you want. _I_ know I’m always pretty. Whether or not you little half-pint thinks so.”

Roxas and Xion had protested then, and then all three of them had laughed. It was always easy to play along with their jokes and keep up the act. Roxas and Xion were both wearing their own fancy clothes gifted by the fairies. From where they stood at the edge of the ballroom, facing the light shining through the window, their light laughter mingling with the joyful chatter of the other party guests, Lea found it easier to pretend.

“I can’t believe this used to be Castle Oblivion,” Lea said as he looked out the ceiling-high window at the view of the sunlit grassy mountain path that sprawled outside. “It’s so…”

“Bright,” Xion finished, beaming at the sight before her.

“Castle Oblivion was so bleak,” Lea said as he recalled those blanch walls. And the deeds he did within them... He pushed the memory down.

“I don’t think I’ve ever went,” said Roxas. “But I could kind of guess that, by the name.”

“I went,” said Xion. “I passed out the second I entered.”

Lea scratched the back of his head, then blinked in surprise as he pointed over her shoulders. “Hey, you guys try the shrimp cocktails? They’re amazing. Where’d they even get shrimp in this place? We’re so high up in the mountains.”

“What?” Xion turned around and saw a floating tray of horderves coming their way. “I guess they get them from off-World?”

“Was Aqua the one who enchanted all these trays?” Lea asked, picking a glass with particularly large shrimp from off the floating tray as it passed. “There are a lot.”

“I guess Ven and Terra helped,” Roxas shrugged. “Aqua may be a Master and the best mage out of the three of them, but she’s not the only one with magic.”

“Yeah,” said Lea, “but not everyone who can do magic can enchant trays to float on their own. I can’t do that. Can either of you?”

Xion giggled. “No. But it’d be a useful skill to learn. Maybe we should ask Master Aqua to teach us.”

“Out of all the stuff we could learn from her, you want to learn that?” Roxas laughed. “I want her to teach me that cool spinning move she does. That’d be great for a struggle match.”

“I’d be happy to teach you.”

They all spun around to see the Keyblade Master in question smiling at them. Aqua’s blue hair was done up into a neat updo. She wore a fancy suit with a cape that flowed behind her, emphasizing her regality. She was, after all, the Lady of the Castle now.

“Master Aqua,” they all greeted in unison. They gave awkward, unsynchronized bows, which only earned them a soft chuckle from the Master.

“No need for the formalities,” Aqua said with a smile. “How are you three enjoying the party?”

“The shrimp cocktails are divine,” said Lea.

“The party’s great,” said Xion, nudging Lea in the ribs. “Thank you so much for hosting it. It’s so…”

“Grand,” Roxas finished.

“I’m glad you think so,” Aqua said, clapping her hands together. “Now, I think I heard something about wanting me to teach you something?”

Roxas and Xion then began excitedly asking for lessons from the Master.

Lea smiled, his mind already wandering and their voices becoming mangled together in the distance. He looked out the window. In the glass’ reflection, he almost mistook Aqua’s blue hair for someone else’s. He immediately snapped his eyes away and looked at Aqua, as if confirming it was only her. But as he took in her face, he started to notice how pale she looked. And the hints of dark circles beneath her eyes. Those eyes lifted then. They met his gaze, and only then he realized just how exhausted she was.

“Lea.”

“Lea.”

“Huh?” he blinked, then looked at Roxas and Xion staring at him expectantly. “What?”

“Were you even listening?” Roxas frowned.

“We were talking about the Mark of Mastery exam," said Xion.

“Uh, what about it?” Lea asked.

“Don’t you think we should take it?” Xion asked. “Then we could be Masters like Aqua and Riku. That would be so cool, huh?”

“Uh, yeah,” Lea said, rolling his shoulders back.

“Xion,” said Aqua, “maybe you should discuss it with Terra. He’s been planning to retake his as well. You could all have yours at the same time.”

Exclaiming with excitement, Xion bounded across the ballroom to find Terra, Roxas in tow. When they were out of earshot, Aqua turned back to face Lea.

“Lea,” she said, giving a small smile. “How are you?”

He grinned. “Oh, me? I’m doing great. Loving the shrimp.”

Aqua shook her head. “I meant how _are_ you?”

“I’m just great,” Lea said, trying his best to give his most laidback grin. “How are you, though? You look exhausted.”

“Oh.” Aqua said, giving a small chuckle. “I suppose I am. It took a lot of planning and back-and-forths between a lot of different Worlds to get everything sorted.”

“Yeah, it’s all amazing though, really,” said Lea. He scratched the back of his head. “And it can’t be easy. After everything that happened. How are you holding up?” He wondered if he could even call them friends to gauge such a conversation, but then found himself already asking, “Are you okay?”

“I…” Aqua sighed. “I was in the Darkness for a really long time. Ten years…” She shook her head. “You should understand what that’s like, right, Lea?”

“Uh, sure, I guess,” he said, shifting his feet.

“The things I saw in that realm… They were awful.” Aqua stared out the window but her eyes seemed glazed over, seeing something only visible to her eyes. “Even now, I can’t run away from it.” She took a deep breath, closing her eyes. When she opened them again, she looked straight at Lea, her gaze like iron. “But I’m still here. And I’m determined to not let the past keep me down.”

“That’s, uh, that’s great, Aqua,” said Lea, offering a small smile.

“It isn’t easy,” Aqua went on, her gaze unwavering. Lea squirmed under the intensity of it. “But it’s necessary that we keep moving forward,” she said. Then, she smiled and put a hand on Lea’s arm. “My Master mentioned it once. The road to inner peace. Some people live their whole lives never finding it, but we still have to try.”

“I… right.” He averted his gaze from hers and cleared his throat. He took a breath, looked up again, only to find her still staring at him, as if expecting him to say something. His mind raced as he tried to think of something more to say, but he couldn’t find any. Eventually, he settled on, “Hey, do all Keyblade wielders get to wear that cool armour you and Terra and Ven have?”

Aqua’s expression fell. She then straightened herself again and gave him a smile that didn’t reach her tired eyes. “It’s not just for show. They protect the wearers from Darkness. They’re necessary when you’re travelling through the Lanes Between. Once you have the armour, you can transform your Keyblade into a glider to travel the Worlds. It makes things a lot more convenient if you don’t have a gummiship.”

“Oh,” said Lea. “So they’re like the cloaks from the Organization, huh?” He scratched the back of his neck. “Too bad I don’t have mine anymore.”

“I can show you how to get your own armour,” said Aqua. “If you’d like.”

“Oh, really?” He grinned. “That’d be awesome.”

Just then, Xion skipped towards them, a wide grin on her face.

“Lea!” she said, hooking her arm around his. “We spoke with Terra. He promised to help train me for the Mark of Mastery exam! Isn’t that great?”

“I’m proud of you, kiddo,” he said, ruffling her hair.

“Hey!” she exclaimed, pushing him away. She tried to tidy her hair in the window’s reflection but then frowned and looked away. “Don’t call me kiddo. Gramps.”

“What? Gramps?” Lea exclaimed, feigning hurt.

“You’re the one always complaining about your back hurting,” said Xion with a shrug.

“Where’s Roxas anyway?” Lea asked, leaning against the wall and looking down at his shoes. “Is he going to train for the exam too?”

“No,” came Roxas’ voice.

Lea looked up and found Roxas approaching them from amongst a crowd. “I talked with Terra,” said Roxas. “He said it’s alright if I don’t become a Master. I’m still a Keyblade wielder in my own right. Not everyone needs to take the exam.”

“You don’t want to?” asked Lea with a frown.

“Nah,” said Roxas, shoving his hands into his pockets. “I’d rather just… you know, be a normal kid.”

Aqua smiled, though she seemed sad. “I’m happy for you. You deserve it, after everything you’ve been through.”

Roxas just shrugged.

“Uh, I might be staying in the Land of Departure for a while though,” said Lea.

“What?” Roxas asked. “Why?”

“He wants to make his own Keyblade armour,” Aqua said for him. “Would you like to join him? Xion, since you’ll be training with Terra, I guess you’d be staying too.”

“Huh?” said Xion, blinking rapidly. “I didn’t think… So soon?”

“Why not?” said Aqua. “Though if you need some time--”

“No,” said Xion. “Never mind. We can start right away. Sure! Wait, so Lea is going to train for the exam too?”

“Uh.” Lea looked between the three sets of blue eyes staring at him and found his throat suddenly very dry. “Sure? Why not, right?” He shrugged and laughed, though even he could hear the doubt in his voice.

“Wait, both of you will be staying here?” said Roxas. He frowned, glancing from Xion to Lea and back to Xion.

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to,” said Lea, scratching his neck. “I don’t think you’d have any trouble staying home alone for a while.”

Roxas didn’t look at him.

“Or you could stay here,” said Xion, “but you don’t have to join us for training or anything.”

“Right,” muttered Roxas. He then looked up at Aqua. “Would it be alright if I stayed, Master Aqua?”

Aqua smiled. “Of course.” She clapped her hands together. “It’ll be fun! This castle is so big, guests are always welcomed here. We’d all be thrilled to have all of you.”

Roxas gave a tiny smile at that.

As the festivities of the party continued, Aqua left to entertain the other guests, leaving Lea, Roxas, and Xion to resume their conversations as usual. Only now, Lea realized Roxas was stiffer than usual the entire time. Lea wondered if he should bring it up, but Xion seemed happy as they were, so he pushed the thought aside. Besides, if Roxas didn’t want to talk about whatever it was, why should Lea try to push it?

As the festivities came to a close, Terra called all the remaining guests to gather round for a toast. He stood next to Aqua with their glasses raised. Side by side, they looked like royalty; the king and queen of the Land of Departure. Lea stood with Roxas and Xion near the edge of the crowd. None of them were quite comfortable yet to mingle with much of the other guests.

“Here’s to all our friends and loved ones,” Terra said. “May we hold them close, and cherish each other’s company in the time life has granted us. We wouldn’t be here without all of you. So here’s to all of us. Cheers!”

“Cheers!” everyone echoed in unison.

As Lea brought his own glass to his lips, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Terra. There was just something about the man that he couldn’t quite place… And then he noticed why.

His blood ran cold and he stood frozen in his spot, his glass unemptied. _ He looks just like _him_. _His mind replaced Terra’s brown hair with long locks of silver. _Xehanort. Xemnas. _They all had the same faces.

As the chatter around him resumed, Lea couldn’t bring himself to focus. His eyes stayed glued on Terra, feeling the fear of a sixteen-year-old boy again.

* * *

After a day of rest and helping out the castle staff with the post-party cleanup, Aqua led Lea and Xion into the castle, deep into its bowels and into a dark, sealed room she unlocked with two taps of her Keyblade. It smelled of iron and smoke, and as the lights flickered to life, he realized why. “A forge, huh?” said Lea.

“One of the many in the castle,” said Aqua. “Master Eraqus taught us all how to make our own armour. It was a mandatory part of our training. Sure, Moogles can synthesize things for you. But Master Eraqus said that learning the process helps build character. Learning basic smithing is also how I learned to make these.” She fished out a shiny, blue star-shaped charm and showed it to him. “It’s a Wayfinder.”

“I heard of those,” said Lea, recalling one of many of Roxas’ and Xion’s retellings of Sora’s memories during those late nights.

“A Wayfinder,” Xion echoed, her voice a whisper as she fixated on the charm. “I remember… I thought… They were supposed to be made of seashells.”

“Yes,” said Aqua, with a sheepish laugh, “but there weren’t any seashells around the Land of Departure. I made it from glass and silver instead and put a special spell on it. In the end, it doesn’t really matter what they’re made of. They’re meant to represent the bond that ties people together.”

Lea hummed and Xion nodded absently, staring at the charm in Aqua’s hand.

“I can teach you how to make them,” said Aqua, seeing Xion’s interest. “But only after we finish what you came here to do.”

“Right,” said Xion. “The armour.”

“Let’s get started.” Lea grinned, rubbing his palms together as he faced the forge.

Aqua began to list out essential synthesis materials and point them out. She then demonstrated how to work the forge and the basic process of forging armour. Lea had thought it would be easy with Aqua’s help and the aid of magic. But there was a lot of theory to learn which he hadn’t accounted for. Things like the percentage of materials to use in the compounds, and which materials were best suited for what purpose. Xion ended up memorizing a whole textbook’s worth of information on synthesis materials by the end of the first week.

“You got it all memorized, huh?” he’d said once after she’d finished reciting a whole list of synthesis materials and their percentages in different compounds. “At this rate, you won’t need Moogles to synthesize stuff for you anymore.”

She’d only rolled her eyes and resumed smelting the materials for synthesis. Lea smiled, but felt a clench of his heart. She reminded him so much of… He shook his head, then dived back into work.

What Lea thought might have been possible in the span of a day or two was extended to two whole weeks, partly in thanks to his own blunders. Xion finished hers in five days. She was a natural at the forge. Even the design of her armour was completely her own. Lea beamed at her with pride to see her flitting around the forge like a pro.

Then Lea caught Aqua's glare and quickly went back to his own work. Aqua had given him exhaustive lectures telling him he had to stop trying to rush the process and to stop being so reckless. But Lea only smiled when she finished her lecture.

“This isn’t funny, Lea,” Aqua said, wiping her hand over her face.

“No, no,” said Lea. “I know, sorry. It’s just… You remind me of someone.”

Aqua had only blinked and didn’t say a word after that.

Still, he’d earned more than enough scoldings from Aqua than he’d ever liked to hear, and along with that, tons of new scrapes and calluses, and a shiny new set of magically-enhanced, red-tinted armour.

As he sat with the others in the castle’s dining hall to celebrate his success, he held up his armour to show off. “Isn’t she a beaut?”

“She?” Xion giggled.

Roxas huffed.

“She would’ve been completed a lot faster if you stopped thinking you could outsmart a master’s technique,” added Ventus.

Lea groaned as the others laughed.

“Well, I’m proud of you,” said Aqua at the head of the table. “Now that you’ve got that part out of the way, you can finally catch up with Xion and start with the rest of your training.”

“What _else_ is there?” Lea whined, slouching back into his chair.

Xion laughed, and Roxas let out a half-hearted chuckle.

“There’s no way you’re ready for the exam in your shape,” said Roxas, though he sounded too bored for the words to have any bite.

“Hey!” Lea said, sitting up straighter. “I’m in plenty good shape.”

“Yeah, right,” said Roxas.

“Since you’re so confident, Lea,” said Aqua, “I’ll give you three days to train, and then you’ll have to sit for the exam. How’s that?”

“What does the exam test on exactly anyway?” asked Lea, shifting uncomfortably in his seat.

“Good question!” said Xion, perking up and turning to Aqua.

“You’ll need to show us your skills,” said Aqua. “Usually this is tested in combat. But we won’t be judging strictly based on your fighting skills. Take note of that.”

“We’ll be up against each other?” asked Xion.

Lea felt his blood run cold, blood racing as he remembered beating Isa’s face until he’d spat out blood. His breathing grew shallow but he forced those memories down.

“That’s right, Xion,” Aqua continued. “But there won’t be any winners or losers. It’s not a contest, okay?” She glanced at Lea and her smile fell. “Lea? What’s wrong?”

“Uh. Nothing.” Lea swallowed and gripped the armrests of his chair tightly. He forced himself to even his breathing. “Nothing,” he repeated. "It's fine."

The others resumed their conversation, Lea spacing out for most of it. He managed to grasp bits and pieces here and there, desperate for something to hold onto to distract himself from the surging memories in his mind. He forced himself to laugh at intervals and went through dinner in a haze.

After thanking Aqua for the millionth time -- both for the delicious dinner and for helping him out -- and saying goodnight to the castle’s owners, he met Roxas and Xion out in the courtyard. Above them, the stars shone brilliantly. He breathed freely for the first time in what felt like hours and let his shoulders relax as he lay on the soft grass.

“So,” said Roxas, “after you guys take the exam, we’ll be going home right?”

“I guess we could just drop by Twilight Town for a bit,” said Lea absently, his mind tracing familiar patterns in the stars overhead. “You guys probably miss Hayner and the other two.”

“Drop by? For a bit?” Roxas looked up at him, eyebrows knitted together. “Where are you going?”

“I was planning to ask you guys to come,” said Lea. He blinked a few times as he sat up and met Roxas' eyes. “I was, uh… I wanted to travel to other Worlds. Is that... okay?”

“What?” Roxas exclaimed. “I thought we were done with all that. Missions, Heartless, R.T.C...”

“There won’t be any R.T.C.,” said Lea defensively. “We’re not part of the Organization anymore. But we’re Guardians of Light, aren't we? We have to protect the Worlds and all --”

“Aqua said we don’t need to do all that if we don’t want to,” said Roxas.

Lea flinched. “Yeah, but --”

“Aren’t you guys tired of all this?” Roxas cried. He turned to Xion, whose blue eyes were wide. “Xion, I thought you said you were excited to go to school. To spend summer like normal and meet new friends.”

“I… I am,” said Xion. “But I--”

“Don’t tell me you want to keep fighting too?” said Roxas.

“It’s not just the fighting,” Xion muttered. “I’ve always loved seeing other Worlds. Travelling and exploring. I think it would be fun. And… I want to help people.”

“It _is _fighting, though,” said Roxas. “That’s all it ever is. Aren’t you tired? After everything the Organization put us through, you just want to keep doing the work we were _made_ to do?”

“I…” said Xion.

“Roxas,” Lea cut in. “If you don’t want to go, you don’t have to.”

Roxas turned back to him and glared. “So, what? I just have to stay home alone?”

“What’s wrong with that?” Lea blurted out, bitterness seeping into his words. But he kept on going. “Even in that simulation world, you were living on your own, weren’t you? No one’s forcing you to come with us.”

Roxas laughed wryly. “Right.” He shook his head and stood up. “Whatever. You guys go then. I’m going back home.”

“How?” said Xion. “You don’t have your armour. It’s not safe to use your glider through the Lanes Between without it. And the Gummiship isn’t here for another week--”

“I don’t need armour,” said Roxas. “I’ll use the cloak.”

“The Organization cloak?” Lea said. He narrowed his eyes. “You kept it?” Lea had burned his, and Xion had asked him to do the same to hers. He’d assumed Roxas had gotten rid of it somehow too.

“Yeah,” said Roxas, turning to walk away. “Didn’t know when I might need it. Now look. It’s a good thing I kept it.”

“Roxas, wait,” Xion said, standing up to follow him. She grabbed his wrist. “Aren’t you going to at least stay and watch the exam?”

Roxas stopped and turned to face her. He paused. “No,” he finally said. Then, in a softer voice, “Good luck, Xion. You’ll do great.” He took her hand off of his. “I’ll see you at home.” And then he was gone.

Lea stayed where he was, dangling his legs off the cliff. He threw a pebble down the gorge and watched it fall. He kept at it. After a while, he heard soft footsteps on the grass, and Xion returned into view in the corner of his eye. She sat down beside him, curling her knees up against her chest.

“He’ll be fine,” said Lea without turning to face her.

“I didn’t get to give you both your presents,” Xion mumbled.

He heard some rustling of fabric, then turned to find Xion holding up three charms.

“Wayfinders?” said Lea.

“I made one for all three of us,” said Xion, looking at them sadly.

The three wayfinders were all identical: tips painted pale turquoise, like sea salt, each of its five points made from twilight shards, and at the centre, a reworked version of the Nobody emblem. Xion passed one to him. “Here,” she said. “I guess I’ll give Roxas’ another time.”

“Thank you, Xion,” said Lea, at a loss for words as he took the charm from her. He looked down at it. “...It means a lot to me.” His frown softened and he smiled at her. “You worked hard on these, huh?”

Xion gave a small smile. “Yeah…” She sighed. “I think… I’m going to bed.” She stood up and tucked the other two charms into her pocket. “Good night, Lea.”

“Good night,” he said quietly.

And then she was gone. Lea looked up at the stars above him. Once upon a time, stargazing used to bring him comfort. But it offered none to him now. Now, they only served as a reminder of how small he was beneath them all, how cold it was outside at night, and how alone he truly was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look, I love the Sea Salt Family so much but they all have Issues™ to sort out (both with themselves and with each other). Also, where IS Isa? Hmmm, I wonder.


	10. The Road Trip of Our Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea and Xion embrace their responsibility as Guardians of Light and travel the Worlds.

The intensity and chaos of battle were thrills Lea had forgotten the joys of as a Nobody. As a real person, he could finally feel the excitement thrum in his veins as he slew his way through battlefields, high on the energy each fight offered him. In the heat of battle, nothing else mattered. All his worries and fears and even that hollow in his chest were nothing to him. It was just him and the enemy.

He ducked and swung his blade at the enemy in front of him, tearing it apart into wisps of Darkness. He then form-changed his blade into a chakram and tossed it at an incoming enemy.

The field was clear, save for the one pesky thing Xion was facing. He raced towards it and sliced through it until it was nothing but dark mist.

Xion breathed heavily, staring at the empty space where the Heartless once was. She then whipped around to glare at him.

“Reckless,” she said. Sometimes it felt like that was the only word she knew these days.

“I defeated it, didn’t I?” He waved a dismissive hand and walked away.

“Didn’t you hear anything Aqua said?” Xion said, coming after him.

“Right, right,” he said. “I’m sorry, _Master _Xion. It won’t happen again.”

She growled. That was enough to startle him to turn and look at her. “You,” she jabbed a finger at his chest, “are a child.”

“According to the Twilight Town mayor’s office, I’m technically your legal guardian.”

“Why don’t you ever listen?” she yelled.

“What do you want?” he said, throwing his arms up in the air. “I said I’m sorry!”

She sighed. “Forget it.” She walked away. “Let’s head back to camp. I’m tired.”

Lea didn’t argue with that. This was their tenth World since leaving the Land of Departure. Much like the other Worlds, this one was chock full of wilderness, forcing them to camp out and hunt and scavenge for food. But he remembered enough vague dreamlike bits of camping trips and recitations of textbook passages on edible plants to survive. And with every appearance of Heartless, he regained his determination to keep going.

Lea loved every shred of battle they came to face. But Xion grew restless and she didn’t say why. Lea wished she would, so he wouldn’t have to stumble over his own words to ask.

As Lea made the fire that night, Xion sat across from him, the flames reflecting in her blue eyes. As he laid out the fish they’d caught from the river, he eyed Xion. She kept her knees close to her chest, and he’d come to learn that she did that whenever she was upset. But why? He’d been trying to figure it out for a week, but he just couldn’t pinpoint what it was that was causing her mood.

“Lea.”

He jumped, almost dropping a fish straight into the fire. His reflexes were quick enough to catch it in time, causing him to cackle from the success. But when he looked back at Xion, she didn’t even seem amused.

“Lea,” she said again.

“Yeah?” he said, feeling his fingers twitch.

“What is it?”

“Huh? _Me_?”

“You keep looking at me. What’s wrong?”

“N-Nothing’s wrong! Not with me anyway! What about you?”

Xion said nothing.

Lea slumped down and went back to turning the fish over the fire.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” said Xion at last.

“I’m sorry for being a jerk about it.”

“You worry me, you know?”

“_I_ worry you?”

“You’re too rash. I’m always scared you might get yourself hurt one day.”

Lea chuckled, but the sound lacked any humour. “I won’t. I promise.”

She didn’t say anything.

When the fish were finally cooked, Lea split their share and passed Xion’s to her. Then she finally met his gaze. He tried a smile, though she didn't return it. With a small sigh, Lea dropped his gaze in defeat.

“Lea.”

He looked up in surprise. “Yeah?”

“Please don’t make promises you can’t keep.”

He stared at his food. “Yeah,” he finally said. "Guess I should've learned that a long time ago."

* * *

Another day, another World. More camping and awkward dinners over fires. They all seemed to blur together. Lea still wasn’t getting any more sleep than he had when he was staying in Twilight Town. Ienzo still sent him name lists of people who reappeared in Radiant Garden. Still nothing. _Does Isa not want to be found?_ He rubbed his temples. _Where is he?_

If not for the battles each day, he might’ve given up on his search entirely. One night over a slightly-burnt meal of rabbit and berries, Xion asked him a question.

“You and Saix were friends in the past, weren’t you?” she said.

He jumped at that. “What?” He scratched the back of his head. “Where’d that come from?”

“I’ve been thinking,” said Xion. “That’s why you wanted to go on this World-hopping adventure so much, isn’t it? I saw the list Ienzo sent. A list of names. You’re hoping he turns up.”

“I — You looked through my phone?” he yelled.

She flinched. “I didn’t mean to. You just left it there, and I wanted to pass it to you when you got a message. But then I saw who it was and… I got curious.”

“So you _did_ mean to," Lea said, voice low. His expression darkened.

“Maybe I did,” she snapped, meeting his eyes with a steely gaze. “I thought you promised me and Roxas no more secrets.”

“It’s not a secret!" he scoffed. "I just—”

“Didn’t want me or Roxas to find out,” Xion finished for him. “So it’s a secret. Roxas says you haven’t been answering his calls or texts. You’re avoiding him now? What’s going on, Lea?”

“I’m not avoiding him! I just…” _Don’t want to think about going home and fixing all the damage in that crappy mansion. _“I’m busy in the day, alright? And I’m too tired to talk at night.”

“I am too, but I can at least answer his texts.”

“It’s different with you!”

“How?”

“You and Roxas are connected! I mean, aren’t you guys practically the same person anyway?” he blurted out.

Xion stared at him. Hours seemed to pass as he squirmed under her icy gaze. Then, she finally stood up and went into her tent.

Lea stared at his food. “Fuck,” he muttered. He could barely eat, which was a surprise considering how hungry he was before. After putting out the campfire, he retreated into his tent and lay down. He couldn’t sleep, though _that_ was hardly a surprise.

_“You aren’t going to apologize?”_ said Isa’s voice in his head.

“Shut up,” Lea muttered into his pillow. “You’re not real.”

_“Of course I’m not. But you wish I was. And that’s why I’m here.”_

“Fuck off,” he grumbled.

_“Didn’t you call yourself their legal guardian?”_

“I’m not her dad, for fuck’s sake,” he said.

_“What other parents do they have?”_

“I didn’t have parents either,” he said.

_“And look how you turned out.”_

“That was low, Isa.”

_“I’m _not _Isa. I’m you.”_

He groaned and kicked off his sheets as he stormed off to Xion’s tent. He crouched in front of her tent. Her light was still on, but from the silhouette cast against the fabric, she was laying down. _She might be asleep. Maybe I should just go and—_

_"Are you really gonna run away?" _said Isa's voice. "_I guess you really are a coward. You couldn't save _me,_ and now you're just going to leave Xion like this—"_

"Alright, fine," he hissed. He took a deep breath and shook his head. “Xion?” he called.

No response.

“Xion?”

Nothing.

“Xion, your lights are still on.”

The light turned off.

“Okay, Xion, now I _know _you’re awake.”

Still nothing.

“Xion,” he said in a sing-song voice. A quick movement came from inside kicked him through the fabric of the tent, knocking him off balance, pushing him to the dirt. “Ow,” he said, rubbing his face. He stared at the fabric, no more signal of movement coming through it. “Alright, Xion, look,” he said. “I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t mean to say what I said. It was rude and cruel and not true at all. You’re your own person. And Roxas is his own person too. I’m…” He sighed. “I’m sorry, alright? I just don’t think through things like I should. Like you said, I’m reckless. Guess I’m stupid too. And mean. Xion. Please. I’m sorry.”

“You said that already,” came her voice from inside the tent.

Lea smiled. “I know,” he said. “But I just need to make sure you have it memorized."

No response again. Lea frowned, and his mind quickly raced to try to sort out a better, proper apology instead of reiterating some stupid catchphrase. But then Xion’s voice came again.

“I’ve got it memorized,” she said. “Go to sleep, Lea.”

“Goodnight, Xion," he said softly. "Tell Roxas I said good night too.”

There was no response, but he figured it was safe enough to leave it at that. Back in his tent, he let out a sigh of relief that he didn’t have to try to string together a neater, much more elaborate apology speech for them. He lay back down in his sleeping bag and closed his eyes. He still barely got any sleep, but at least there was one less worry he had to think about.

* * *

The next day went on as usual, though what conversation the two had was kept to a bare minimum and only about the task at hand. Then, that night over dinner, Lea forced down his worries and cleared his throat before speaking.

“Saix and I did used to be friends,” he said as casually as he could manage. “Before we became Nobodies I mean.”

“I guessed,” said Xion. “He must’ve been a really good friend for you to have stuck around even after he became… that.”

Lea frowned and picked at his food. “Yeah… Xehanort… He did awful things. To us. He tore us apart and the other apprentices — the other members in the Organization… They hurt us. Tried to break us.” He remembered the water, then squeezed his eyes tightly shut, trying to erase it from his mind. “But I think Isa — Saix — must’ve gotten the worst of it. I’m just unclear on the details. We _both_ did terrible things. The influence of the Darkness, mixed with everything else they did to us. It pushes you to become the worst version of yourself. And I don’t really know how, but I think that at the end, Saix wasn’t even Saix at all.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think Xehanort took him. Completely.”

Xion nodded, looking into the fire. “Makes sense,” she said quietly.

“Did you…” Lea shook his head and rephrased. “Saix — did you get to talk to him?”

“Yeah.” She took a deep breath. “But only briefly. I don’t remember all that much from my time with that "new" Organization. But I remember Saix. Xemnas paired us off together the most. I don’t know why, but it seemed like he was… testing us.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. Like he was trying to see how we’d both react.” She shook her head. “Anyway, Saix wasn’t really… all there. He didn’t even talk down to me or insult me like he did back in the Organization. His eyes would be glassed over and he barely responded to what people said. He’d only move when an order was given. Whatever Xehanort did to him, it worked. So I think you’re right. About him not being himself. ...He seemed like he was in a lot of pain most of the time too. There would be moments when he’d just put his hands against his ears and close his eyes.”

Lea frowned. He recognized that. It sounded like Isa’s shutdowns and meltdowns.

Xion was quiet for a while. “I hated Saix. I really did.” Lea frowned and opened his mouth to explain, but Xion continued, “I still want to hate him. But… the man you’re looking for. He isn’t anything like Saix, is he?”

Lea remembered Isa from the bits and pieces of his lost past. Isa and his sharp tongue, yet he was always the one catching jokes a little too late. Had Isa laughed at Lea’s jokes? Lea found he couldn’t remember. Saix never laughed, that was for sure. Then an image of Isa’s face focused into view: doubled over, laughing and snorting shamelessly, cerulean eyes glistening. And Lea remembered that Isa did laugh at his jokes. And it was the best of laughs.

Snapping back to reality, he looked straight at Xion's hard face and said, “No. Isa is nothing like Saix.”

At that, Xion’s expression softened into a soft smile. “Good.”

“Did he remember you?” Lea asked, hoping with everything he had that the answer would be no. He didn’t know what he’d do if Saix had remembered Xion but Lea, her self-proclaimed best friend, hadn’t.

“No,” she said. “I didn’t remember him either. Not at first. They brought me back as just a puppet again. All they wanted was a thirteenth member of their new Organization. They hoped I wouldn’t have any memories or thoughts or feelings. And I didn’t. Not at first. But then I saw you. And Roxas. And then I was me again.”

Lea smiled.

They ate the rest of their dinner in relative silence, but it wasn’t awkward or tense. Lea almost felt like he could breathe easy again. Almost.

* * *

The night after that found them in a different World, but no closer to civilization than they’d been in the previous Worlds. Lea cooked them a stew out of whatever ingredients he could find. It was stale, but at least it was warm.

“I’ve been dreaming lately,” said Xion, her voice so soft he almost didn’t hear her over the crackling flame.

“Yeah? What about?”

“I don’t think they’re necessarily dreams,” Xion said. Her voice was still so hushed that he had to give extra focus to hear her. “I think… I think they’re memories.” As she looked in the fire, her glazed eyes looked like she was worlds away. “I think they’re Sora’s memories.”

“Of what?” Lea blurted out.

“Nothing,” she said. “And everything. They’re just… Memories. They’re always such small, random moments. I… I think they’re the ones he never got to recover. I think I kept them without meaning to.”

“I’m sure Sora’s doing fine without a memory or two.”

“You don’t understand, Lea,” she said, finally meeting his eyes. “You don’t know what it’s like to feel like you’re someone else.” She dropped her gaze again, but her eyes were wide and full of fear. “I’m not me. I’m like an additional arm he didn’t need and cast aside. I’m just a clone. A puppet. I’m not meant to… I…”

He was already by her side and holding her when her tears began to spill.

“Hey,” he said. “Hey. You’re not. Okay? You’re your own person. Just like Roxas is his own person too.”

At the mention of Roxas’ name, she let out a sob. “Roxas,” she said, clutching onto his arm. “He’s in so much pain, Lea.”

“What?”

“I can feel it,” she whispered, her nails digging deep into his skin. For the first time, Lea noticed the burn scars on her hand. He panicked for a split second before realizing they must've been from when she gripped the beams of Xemnas' Ethereal Blades. Lea swallowed down the lump in his throat and held her closer. “He’s hurting, Lea," Xion continued. "Roxas... He’s… He’s…”

“Shh, shh,” he cooed. “It’s okay. It's gonna be okay.” He held her the whole time as she cried.

When she was done, she sniffled and wiped her face as she excused herself, then retired to her tent with a soft “good night.” Lea didn’t know what to make of Xion’s words. _What did she mean when she said that she ‘can feel it’? Feel what? Roxas? Do they still share some sort of empathy link?_ He wasn’t sure how any of these things worked. Whatever it was, he hoped they were both okay.

He sent Roxas a text. He wrote, _“Hey, bud. You okay? Let us know if you need us to come home and we’ll pack up ASAP. Wish you were here with us.”_

Just as he put away his phone, it chimed with a new notification. He picked it up and found a string of messages from Roxas. They read,

> _doing fine. _   
_hope ur both safe_   
_no need to come back yet_   
_did some cleanup of the house already_   
_but its ok_   
_have fun_

Lea sighed through his nose and put his phone away, staring up at the ceiling of his tent in the darkness. He wished he _could_ just go back home already. But he wasn’t sure what that meant. He supposed it was Twilight Town, but even after moving in and sprucing up the place the best he could, it had yet to feel like home.

* * *

The next day, they packed up and left for a new World. For the first time in weeks, they reached a World with civilization. They fought Heartless in the middle of a crowded city, earning them applause from thankful citizens and a free stay at a five-star hotel with their own suite and complimentary meals.

“Feels good to have some real food for once,” Lea said as he grinned at the lobster served on his plate. He hastily dug into his food and immediately moaned in delight at the taste. “Some real delicious food.”

Xion curiously looked at the oysters on her plate, then mimicked Lea’s reaction exactly. “Really delicious food.”

Neither of them bothered to speak as they gobbled down their meal.

After dinner, he was hoping his full belly and the freshness of a warm shower would at least reward him with some good sleep. And it did, almost. He jolted awake, but found it wasn't his own screams he'd been woken up by. They were Xion’s. He ran out of his room and knocked rapidly on Xion’s door. “Xion?” he called. “Xion? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she sobbed.

“I’m coming in!” Without waiting for her response, he opened the door. The light from the hall allowed him to see Xion curled into a ball under the sheets. He walked over and sat on the bed next to the ball of sheets that Xion was under.

“Xion?” he said. “What’s wrong?”

“Bad dream,” she mumbled.

“Yeah,” he said with a sigh. “I get how those are.” He scratched his head. “Want to talk about it?”

No response_. Guess that’s a no._

Then the sheets rustled and Xion’s hair poked out from beneath them.

“You know,” she said, “I still sometimes mistake my reflection for someone else.”

“Oh but —”

“And in my dream, when I looked in the mirror, it was a dinosaur. A dinosaur. How stupid is that?” She laughed a high pitched sound. “A freaking dinosaur. And now I’m crying over it. How stupid is that?”

“It’s not stupid,” he said.

“It is. It is and I hate it. I hate being afraid of looking at mirrors. You know that time we were at the Land of Departure for that party and you messed up my hair?”

“I —”

“I tried to fix it in the reflection but I thought I saw someone else in it and I panicked. My hair was a mess for the rest of the night and even Namine questioned it.” She laughed wryly. “I’m so scared of my own reflection that even something as ridiculous as seeing a dinosaur in my own dumb dream made me freak out. It’s so stupid. I’m stupid.”

“You’re not.”

Xion didn’t say anything after that. After a while, he heard her breathing gradually even out. He almost thought she fell asleep when she spoke up again. “Lea.”

“Yeah?”

“It’s funny isn’t it?” she said. “Back in the Organization, before I knew I was a puppet, and before I knew anything about what I really was, all I wanted was to know my past. So I could know who I was.”

He waited.

“And you said,” she went on, her voice breaking, “You said that - that pasts are just a burden, and I thought, how could the past be a burden? Lights, I was so stupid. I guess I know now, huh?” She choked out a sob. “Except this time, it’s not even my own past. It’s someone else’s. Am I even real, Lea?”

“Of course you’re real,” he said.

“How do you know?” she said. “My past isn’t real. I was made in a lab. How could I be real?”

“You’re real because you made yourself real. You feel and you think and you love and you grieve. Who cares what other people wanted you to be? Who cares how you were ‘supposed’ to be? You can’t change the past. But you’re you because you can shape your present, and your future.”

Xion hiccuped, but didn’t say anything more. He waited for a some time, his own eyes growing heavy. He stood up and looked back at the bed, but still found no signs of movement within the sheets. He sighed.

“Try to get some sleep, okay?” he said softly. “Goodnight, Xion.”

“Lea?” came a squeak from under the nest of blankets.

“Yeah?”

“...Thank you.”

* * *

Eventually, they had to leave that luxurious World behind. The next World they stepped foot on was a jungle. “Oh great,” said Lea.

“The readings on my phone say that there’s a big Heartless on a mountain in the north.” Xion peered up from her phone and squinted into the far off distance, then pointed to one of the peaks. “That one. That’s where we should head.”

“Awesome. Let’s go. I’m still full of energy. You?”

“Same,” she said.

As they trekked on, Lea found that they hadn’t found any enemies for at least two hours. He was getting more restless as they went on, his fingers twitching to summon his Keyblade. He needed to get all this energy out, and letting it out by chopping down poor defenceless shrubs was not doing the trick.

“Xi,” he said. “What gives? Where’s the Heartless?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “It seems like the giant Heartless on the mountain is the only one on this World.”

“Huh. Weird.”

They continued their hike through the rough jungle terrain. Lea grew bored and Xion thought it was a good idea to entertain him with random facts she got memorized, so now Lea wished he’d never used that phrase on her.

“Xion,” he grumbled. “Please stop, my ears can’t take any more of this. Didn’t you memorize any stories you could tell me instead?”

“No, and I find these things interesting,” Xion said, then continued. “So like I was saying. There are five temperament-based synthesis materials—”

“Synthesis materials? I thought you were explaining the reason tidal waves happen or something.”

“What? Lea, I stopped talking about that ages ago.”

“Ugh.”

“So anyway, the five temperament-based materials are based on the following five emotions: constriction, anger, vitality, courage, and longing.”

“Is longing even an emotion?”

“Sure it is. It’s the feeling you get when you miss someone.”

“Right, right.”

“Speaking of which, I miss Roxas. I think he misses us too. He just refuses to say it. Have you spoken with him yet?”

“Yeah, yeah, I replied to his texts.”

“He’s doing a good job taking care of the house. He already completed three repairs.”

“Yup, I’m proud of him.”

Xion giggled. “You sound like his father.”

Lea frowned. “Shut up.”

“I mean you did mention you’re our legal guardian now, huh? Should I call you ‘dad’?” She cackled.

“Shut uuuuuuuuup,” he groaned. “I’m way too young for fatherhood.”

“You’re old,” Xion said in a sing-song voice. “Grandpa Lea! Grandpa Lea! Gr—”

“Shhh,” he hissed.

“Aw, did I hurt your feelings, old man? Guess I should respect my elders. My bad.”

“Xion.” He shushed her. “Don’t you hear that?”

“Hear wh—”

The ground rumbled beneath their feet like a clap of thunder. It shook them so violently that Xion fell over. Just as Lea reached out to her, the ground tore right between them, yawning at their feet with a mighty roar until a gorge two meters wide stretched between them. Then it stopped.

“Xion!” Lea called. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” she called back. “Just a scratch. What was that?”

“Might be the work of our good friend on the mountain. Come on, we’re almost there.”

They didn’t waste time with chatter this time as both of them raced up the mountain. Luckily, there was already a clear path to the top. They hurried up the slopes without wasting a breath. When they finally reached the peak, they found a Heartless the size of an aeroplane perched in wait.

“Holy shit,” Lea mumbled. “Thing’s huge.”

“Wait a minute, I don’t—”

The ground shook again, the sheer force almost enough to split the mountain straight down the middle. He held onto Xion’s hand as they waited out the quake. Just as Lea regained his bearings, the Heartless began to rise up in the air. It opened its great maw, and Lea found a million yellow eyes blinking at him from inside.

“No wonder there weren’t any Heartless on the way up,” he muttered. He summoned his Keyblade and popped the joints in his neck. “Alright, let’s see the best you can do.” He jumped at the creature and swung his blade just as Xion yelled for him to wait. He paid her no mind.

He stabbed his blade into the creature’s mouth, releasing all the Heartless within. They tried to crawl over him to force their way out of the beast’s maw. Their claws grabbed at him and their fuzzy limbs crept their way under his shirt to claw at him and bite.

Without a second of hesitation, he snapped his fingers and set the entire mouth, incinerating everything in it. Including him. Everything around him screamed, and something deep within the maw seemed to glow.

He bent the air around him, sealing him in a vacuum. The flames left him untouched. But he could only hold his breath for so long.

He sliced through the Heartless as he moved backwards to the edge of the mouth. He then ducked and rolled out of the creature’s jaws, maintaining the vacuum around him until he was out of the flames. He gasped in a breath as he fled from the maw, but found himself falling through the air and hurtling towards the ground with a scream.

_How high up did that thing fly?!_

He struggled to keep balanced as he tried to muster up a last-minute spell to keep him afloat. Then two small arms wrapped around his waist and hauled him upwards, back up into the air until he latched onto a solid surface.

“Xion!” he cried as he peered up, finding Xion adorned in her full armour as she steered her Keyblade glider through the air. He hauled the rest of himself up onto the glider and grinned.

“Next time, wait when I tell you to!” she yelled through the blasting wind.

“Sorry, can’t hear you!” he said.

“You're such a jerk!" she shouted. She shook her head and slammed the accelerator on her glider, taking them up higher. "Hold on tight!”

“Ay ay, captain!”

Xion zipped through the air until they faced the giant Heartless straight-on. She blasted it with every spell she could think of, Lea throwing his own flame spells at it from behind her.

“It’s no good!” said Lea, shouting over the loud winds. “When I was in the mouth—”

“A very stupid thing to do!”

“When I was in the mouth,” he repeated, “I saw something glow inside it! I think it was a weak spot! We need to get closer!”

“And get eaten?”

“It’s the only way!”

“We could think of something else—”

“Bring me in closer, Xi!”

“No, Lea—”

“Ah, I’ll do it myself!”

He flung his Keyblade into the air and watched it twist and transform into his glider, then leapt onto it and flew into the chasm of the beast’s open jaws. He flew all the way in until he reached the inner part of its mouth, where the protruding bit of muscle hung from its upper gums. It glowed a faint green light, and if his combat training had taught him anything, it was that glowing always marked the spot.

He stabbed it with the sharpest edge of his blade.

Everything screamed around him. And it felt like his body screamed right back. He felt like his skin got torn apart from the inside. He saw the green light glow brighter and brighter until the glaring light was all he saw.

And then everything turned to black.

* * *

“Lea, wake up.”

Lea opened his eyes. Bright light flooded his vision, causing his eyes to tear up. He blinked rapidly until his vision began to clear. Then he saw, looking down at him, the most beautiful face he’d ever seen, long blue hair tucked behind his ears, eyes a brilliant cerulean, face unmarred, and a soft smile playing on his lips.

“Isa?”

“Took you long enough,” said Isa, brushing the hair out of Lea’s face. His touch was warm and soft, and everything like Lea remembered.

“I’m… I’m awake,” said Lea, sitting up. He looked around. Gushing water fell into serene pools around them and bright flowers bloomed at the edge of each pool. “Is this… Radiant Garden?”

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” said Isa, caressing Lea’s cheek. “Just like when we were kids.”

“Yeah,” said Lea. “Looks like the Restoration Committee sure did a good job. And—” He looked at Isa, who beamed at him, his cheeks just slightly flushed. “You’re here.” Lea grinned. “Isa. You’re here!” He pulled Isa close, hugging him tightly, breathing in his scent. “You’re here. You’re back.”

Isa smoothed his palm down Lea’s back. “I’m here,” he whispered.

Lea pulled away, albeit reluctantly. “Does that mean that one of the Heartless we fought on the mountain was yours?” He looked around again. “But how did I end up in Radiant Garden? Where’s Xion?”

“What are you talking about, Lea?”

“Oh. You don’t remember Xion?” Lea frowned.

“Who’s Xion?” asked Isa. He shook his head. “Whoever it is, it doesn’t matter.” He pressed his forehead against Lea’s, his eyes fluttering shut. “You’re here. That’s what matters.”

Lea gave a half-hearted chuckle. “Yeah, I missed you, but…” He shook his head. “I need to know if Xion's safe too. Don't tell me you don't remember her, Isa.”

Isa frowned, hurt flashing on his face. “Lea.” He gripped Lea’s hand tightly. “You don’t have to worry about any of that now. You’re safe now. Just stay with me. Please?”

Lea blinked. Then realized that scars don’t disappear after recompletion. And Isa’s scar was gone. “Am I… Am I dead?” Lea asked.

Isa smiled sadly. “No. But you should be.”

“W-What?” Lea said.

Isa’s eyes glowed yellow and his face began to bleed from between his eyes, two giant cuts forming an ‘X’ slicing up his face and dripping blood all over Lea’s hands. “You abandoned me, Lea. Look what you’ve done.”

“No, wait, I —”

A flood broke out in the city, drowning them both. Lea gasped for air, his blood racing as he tried to scream. But he couldn’t. Water flowed into his mouth and filled up his lungs until—

Lea jolted up and looked around him. It was dark. A faint fire crackled behind him, casting long shadows onto the leaves and shrubs around him.

“Lea, you’re awake!”

Thin arms wrapped around him, squeezing the air out of his lungs. He shoved them off him and panted for air, chest heaving with every breath he took. His hand touched around his throat. He blinked rapidly, then finally registered Xion's worried face in front of him.

“Lea?” she said, her eyes wide with tears.

“I-I’m sorry,” he muttered. “I'm sorry. It’s okay. I’m fine.”

Then Xion slapped him across the cheek.

“What the hell?” Lea yelped.

“You are so stupid!” Xion said before getting cut off by her own hiccuping. “I hate you, you know that? I thought you were dead! I-I called Roxas. He’s on his way.” She hiccuped again, tears streaming down her face. “I didn’t know what to do. You were just laying there for hours! You weren’t breathing. I didn’t know what to do. Don’t ever do that again, do you understand? You could’ve died!" Then again, she shouted, "You could’ve _died_!”

“I’m — I’m sorry.” He took a deep breath. “That Heartless…?”

“Dead,” said Xion, wiping her eyes. “You were badly injured in the blast. I ran out of potions trying to heal you. I had to just bandage up the rest.”

“Did I do that?” he said. “Kill the Heartless?”

She glared at him. “Yes. And _yourself _too, almost.”

“Lea! Xion!”

They startled and turned. Roxas came running up to both of them, then pulled them both in for an even tighter hug than Xion’s had been. Lea panicked and pushed Roxas off. “What?” Roxas exclaimed.

“Sorry,” Lea said, still trying to steady his breathing.

Roxas scowled then smacked him with a log he found strewn on the ground.

“You’re an asshole, you hear me?” Roxas snapped. “I came all this way because Xion was crying over you thinking you were dead.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, alright?!” Lea said.

Roxas smacked Lea again.

“Yeah, right,” said Roxas. “You’re sorry, you’re _sorry_. You’re always sorry, that’s what you say. But you don’t act like it. If you really were, you’d actually think and listen when someone tells you to not do something so stupid and life-threatening.”

“I—”

“I don’t care, Lea,” Roxas snapped. “Come on. We’re going home.”

Roxas offered his hand to Xion. She took it and Roxas pulled her up. Lea struggled to get himself on his feet, and by the time he regained his balance, Roxas was already back on his glider. Xion mounted hers right after, forcing them both to wait as Lea summoned his and tripped as he got on.

“Let’s go,” said Roxas. He sped away into the air without waiting another moment.

Xion followed suit, leaving Lea in last place.

When they arrived back at the mansion in Twilight Town, Lea was surprised to find it repainted and cleared of all the old rubble.

“You really fixed this place up, Rox,” said Lea.

“Whatever,” said Roxas. He went straight inside without even looking at him.

From the bells of the clocktower, Lea realized it was night-time in the World of eternal sunset. Though, even if it wasn’t, he wouldn’t have bothered to try to stay awake through the day. His body was exhausted. Xion seemed the same. She mumbled a soft “Night” as she headed up the stairs to her room. Roxas remained in the kitchen, cleaning up dishes in the sink.

“Roxas,” said Lea.

“Just go to sleep, Lea,” said Roxas.

Sighing in defeat, Lea padded up the stairs and retreated into his own room. As tired as he was, he just kept hearing Roxas’ voice repeating in his mind again and again. Instead of sleeping, he spent the night watching the eternal sunset; the moon cloaked in the darkness of night stuck hanging over the orange sky, never to sink any lower to meet the horizon line. His wide eyes were dry and tired, and his head ached as he lay on his bed, unmoving and watching.

He thought of Isa’s face smiling down at him in his dream-turned-nightmare. And he thought of how the real Isa was still lost in the Darkness until Lea could find his Heartless and bring him back. “I promised,” Lea whispered, “I promised I’d save you. Just wait for me. Please.”

But he was alone. He was always alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos and comments are always appreciated~ Follow me on Twitter@malayzian/haidadraws and Tumblr@haidadraws for rambling and shit-posting about my own fic.
> 
> Look, Lea's not an asshole by choice. His childhood trauma just has effects on his behaviour and relationships with others. This isn't character bashing, this is just a man going through a lot of pain that he has yet to deal with. Also, still no sign of Isa's Heartless, huh? I wonder where it could be. Hmm. 
> 
> Also, I made a playlist for this fic with songs I think capture everything this fic is supposed to be about. You can listen to it [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/234COsoTb64DxkAmkm51E6)!


	11. Adulthood 101

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After ten years of isolation in Xehanort's cult, Lea gains a sense of normalcy and learns to grow up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _There's a rhythm in rush these days_   
_Where the lights don't move and the colours don't fade_   
_Leaves you empty with nothing but dreams_   

> 
> -_Stay Alive_ by Jose Gonzalez  
(I made a whole playlist for this fic which you can listen to [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/234COsoTb64DxkAmkm51E6))

Bills had never been something Lea never cared to think about. Until now.

“They charge us for _electricity_?” Lea exclaimed.

“Yeah, no shit, genius,” said Roxas, rolling his eyes. “You have to pay the bills soon. I didn’t have any money to pay them when you guys were gone so I called Ansem and asked if he could cover it for us. He did, but he said that we had to start paying them as soon as you came back. You’re back now, so.”

“Right,” said Lea, staring at the assortment of bills scattered atop the kitchen counter. Then he narrowed his eyes. “Wait. You said Ansem wants me to pay him _back _for all of this?”

“Yeah,” said Roxas. “Most of the pipes were too busted for me to fix D.I.Y. style, so I had to call someone. And Ansem said he’d only cover the electric and water bills, but the repairs you still have to pay him back for.”

"Lights, fuck that guy," Lea groaned, slumping into his seat at the kitchen counter. “Great. Just great. It’s not like being a Guardian of Light _pays_.”

Roxas shrugged. “I tried to get some part-time jobs while you guys were gone.”

“Such as?” Lea asked.

“Newspaper delivery, pizza delivery, poster duty…”

“That’s fine for you,” said Lea, pinching the bridge of his nose. “That stuff won’t be enough to support all three of us. Fuck. I don’t even have a college degree...” He slammed his fist against the counter. “And even if I did, it’s not like it’d matter! I’m from a different World! Fuck.”

Roxas stared at him, eyes wide.

Lea closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "Sorry," he muttered.

“It's okay." Roxas averted his gaze with a frown. "You never got a college degree?”

Lea glared at the bills on the counter. “I was still in high school when…” He shook his head. “Forget about it.” He took another deep breath, then plastered on a grin and pat his chest. “Don’t you worry. I’ll figure it out.”

Roxas nodded slowly. After a moment, he stood, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. “I’m, uh, heading over to the sandlot.”

“Whoa, whoa,” Lea said, tugging Roxas back. “Sandlot? Don’t you have school or… something?”

“I’m not in school,” Roxas mumbled. “I couldn’t register myself. They needed an adult to fill in my forms.”

“Oh. Right." Lea scratched his head. "Where are they? Let me sign them for you.”

Roxas blinked. “Can’t we do this another time? I’ve got a match to go to.”

“School’s more important than some Struggle match, mister,” said Lea. “Come on. Hand me the forms.”

Roxas sighed and stomped up the stairs. Lea waited as the sound of drawers slamming came from Roxas’ room. In the midst of it, Lea saw Xion poke her head down the stairs and look at him, her hair mussed from sleep and still wearing her pyjamas. “What’s going on?” Xion asked, voice thick with sleep.

“Roxas is looking for the school forms,” said Lea, pursing his lips. “Why don’t you come down, Xi? I made breakfast a while ago. I think these pancakes are still a little warm. Might be a little stale though…”

Xion padded down the stairs with her bunny bedroom slippers still on. She took the leftover pancakes and doused them in store-brand maple syrup as Roxas came stomping back down the stairs. He shoved the papers in Lea’s face.

“What’s got you in such a mood?” Lea said, looking over the forms.

"Nothing, I'm fine,” Roxas said through gritted teeth.

Lea frowned. “Roxas—”

“Forget it. Just fill those up. I’ll get them to the school’s office myself.”

“Are you sure, 'cause I can—”

“Yes!” Roxas said. “Just hurry up.”

Lea blinked, looked at Xion, who continued to nonchalantly chew on her stale pancakes, then decided it best to do as told. He wished he could have rushed through the forms so this whole situation could just be over already, but some questions raised more questions than he could answer. There were so many. He noted how Roxas had tried to fill in what he could and had even gotten his photo taken and printed. He was smiling in the photo glued onto the corner of the form; an expression Lea rarely saw on Roxas these days.

> **STUDENT INFORMATION**
> 
> First name: Roxas  
Surname:  
ID number:  
Date of birth:  
Place of birth: Twilight Town <strike>???</strike>  
Blood type:  
Ethnicity: Human  
Nationality: Twilight Town  
Previous school: None  
Academic achievements: N/A  
Extra-curricular achievements: N/A
> 
> **PARENT(s)/GUARDIAN INFORMATION**
> 
> First name: <strike>Axel</strike> Lea  
Surname:  
ID number:  
Date of birth:  
Place of birth: <strike>Hollow B </strike>Radiant Garden.  
Blood type:  
Ethnicity: Human  
Nationality: Twilight Town  
Occupation:  
Monthly salary:  
Insurance (cross out non-applicable): Y/N

“Surname,” Lea noted. He looked up to see Roxas frowning. “What do you want your surname to be?” He looked at Xion. “This goes for you too, Xi.”

Xion gulped down her food. “Surname?”

“Yeah,” said Lea. “Like, family name or last name or whatever. You guys don’t have a surname, so I guess you could choose your own. The mayor’s office just put ‘Twilight’ as your surname as a temporary placeholder. But as you can guess, that’s just temporary. What do you guys want your surname to be?”

“We get to choose?” said Roxas. “Is that how it’s supposed to be? I thought people give our names to us.”

“Uh, yeah, traditionally,” said Lea. “But we’re not exactly a traditional bunch, are we?”

“Guess not,” mumbled Roxas.

“A family name, huh?” Xion said. She seemed fully awake now as she looked up in wonder. She then perked up. “What’s your family name, Lea?”

“Huh? Mine?” Lea rubbed the back of his neck. “It's MacRoy, but—”

“We can take your name then,” said Xion as she beamed at him. “What do you think Roxas?”

“MacRoy? Does that mean anything?” asked Roxas.

“Yeah,” Lea mumbled, shifting in his seat. “It means ‘red’.” Then in a clearer voice, he was quick to add, “But it’s not a family name or anything. They just saw my hair and— Anyway, it doesn’t matter. You guys should choose your own name.”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” said Xion. “It sounds pretty cool. Roxas and Xion MacRoy.” She smiled, then looked at Roxas. “That doesn’t sound too bad, right?”

Roxas pondered it for a moment, staring at his lap and saying nothing. After a while, he looked up at Lea, brows furrowed. "You…" He cleared his throat and swallowed. "You wouldn't mind? If we took your name?"

"Huh?" said Lea. "Of course I wouldn't_ mind. _I'm just not sure if that's what you two would want."

"People would think we're your family," Roxas said softly. "Like your kids or something. You wouldn't mind?"

Lea looked from Roxas to Xion, lips parted as the gears in his brain turned. "Of course I wouldn't mind," he said at last.

Roxas met his gaze and smiled. Lea had missed seeing that big smile. "Really?" said Roxas.

"Yeah!" Lea grinned. He reach out to ruffle both Roxas' and Xion's hair. "Having you two as my family? Of course I wouldn't mind! We already live under the same roof and everything. Might as well make it official, right?"

Xion giggled and went to hug him, laughing as he lifted her off the ground and spun her around.

"Does this mean I should call you dad?" Xion snorted. "What do you say, _old man?"_

"Aw, come on now," Lea groaned, acting hurt. "There's no need for _that._"

Roxas chuckled and grinned. Lea pulled him into the hug too despite the boy's protests.

After a while, Lea pulled away and looked between their two smiling faces, grinning widely. “So, Roxas and Xion MacRoy it is.”

"Yay!" Xion cheered, while Roxas just laughed.

As Lea filled up the rest of the documents, Xion left her plate in the sink and went up to shower. Roxas just sat across from Lea and watched him fill each blank as best as he could. Lea had to call Ienzo for Roxas' and Xion’s medical information, but Ienzo didn’t seem to mind, and was efficient in passing the information. By the time Xion came skipping down the stairs all dressed, Lea had just finished signing the last of the papers.

“You need to bring Xion to get her photo taken too,” he said.

“I got it,” said Roxas.

“Send those papers first, then you can head to the sandlot,” he continued.

“Yeah, I know,” Roxas shook his head and grabbed the papers from off the counter and stuffed them into his bag. “You ready to head out, Xion?”

“Yup,” Xion smiled. She waved to Lea. “See you later, Lea!”

He waved them off as they went. As soon as they left, Lea found himself alone in the house for the first time. The grin that had been stuck on his face before quickly fell as he looked at all the bills, then at all the dishes in the sink and sighed. With no one else to keep him company, he quickly crashed back to reality. He tapped his foot on the floor and looked around at the mess the house was in. Roxas wasn’t exactly the cleanest person among them, and he was connected to Sora, making him at least a _little _lazy. There was so much to do too; the floors needed sweeping, the dishes needed washing, and — _geez_, he thought — the walls needed repainting. One was all covered in mould. It was suffocating just thinking about it, his thoughts already racing as he thought of how much he could get done in so little time.

His eyes swept through the room. Then he noticed a box on one of the bookshelves in the living room. He made his way toward it.

“A laptop?” Lea muttered to himself, taking the box out and examining it. “It’s never been opened.” He blew the surface and a cloud of dust flew off it. He choked and coughed and spat as he fanned it away. “Definitely not new though. Guess it’s just been here this whole time.” He cut the box open and set it up on the kitchen counter. It started up with a soft ding and his heart fluttered at the sound. It was old, but not too ancient. It was just a little older than the models installed at the Castle that Never Was. He opened a web browser and stared at the bright font for the search engine on the front page. He sat down and thought for a moment.

Then, he typed into the search bar: ‘I think I just adopted two kids. What do I do?’

* * *

The bells of the clock tower alerted him that it was six in the evening when he realized he’d been doing nothing but browse the Internet all day. The house was still a mess. His heart raced and he slammed the laptop closed as he rushed to clean up the kitchen at the very least. He hadn't meant to waste so much time mindlessly browsing the Internet, but somehow he did. He hadn't expect whole _hours _to have passed.

He shot a quick text to Roxas and Xion asking them where they were. He frantically washed and dried all the dishes when his phone dinged with a new notification.

It was from Xion. It read,

"_staying at olette's place. her folks made dinner :)"_

He heaved a sigh of relief and rushed to clean the rest of the house. He really wished he’d gotten around to asking Aqua how to do the spell to get the objects to move on their own.

When Roxas and Xion came home about an hour or so later, they found him passed out on the living room couch.

“Lea?” Xion said. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine,” he sighed. He wouldn’t have been this tired if he’d just started earlier. Why couldn’t he just do things when they needed to be done? It didn’t matter anyway. Roxas and Xion didn’t need to know he was such a lazy screw-up.

He heard Dilan’s voice in his head, calling him lazy and stupid. Then he remembered what had come after every scolding. He squeezed his eyes shut. _Even after all that, they still couldn’t fix me? Hell, I might be worse off._

“Have you eaten dinner?” asked Xion, snapping him away from bad memories.

His stomach growled and he tried not to hope that they brought leftovers from Olette’s. “A little bit," he lied.

“Hey, Lea," Roxas called from the kitchen. "There’s no food in the fridge."

“Oh,” said Lea. “I guess I’ll have to do some grocery shopping then.”

Xion frowned. “It’s almost nine. The stores close at ten thirty.”

“Well.” Lea got up and stretched. “Guess I gotta go right now then! Anything you guys want?”

“Better maple syrup?” said Xion.

“Cereal,” said Roxas. “We’re all out.”

“Great,” said Lea. He took his keys and went out, trying to ignore how puzzled Xion looked as he passed her. Just as he closed the door behind him, his stomach growled again, louder now. “Shut up,” he hissed. “You’ll blow our cover.”

He rushed over to the grocery store, which seemed almost deserted by the time he arrived, but he hoped he’d be in and out without issue. He grabbed a basket and went through the aisles, muttering under his breath as he looked for the breakfast aisle. When he finally found it, he found himself gawking at the selection they offered. “That’s a whole lot of cereal,” he muttered. He scanned through each and every one, trying to figure out which one to get based on their nutritional value and what Roxas and Xion liked.

“Attention, valued customers,” announced the voice on the speakers. “The store will be closing in thirty minutes.”

“Shit.” He grabbed whichever box was closest in reach and ran to get the maple syrup. He tossed both in the basket and almost made his way to the cashier when he realized they couldn’t survive on maple syrup and cereal alone. “Fuck.” He backtracked and scanned through the aisles again, then realized he had no idea what to get.

He slapped his forehead.

_“You really are an idiot, Lea,” _said Isa’s voice in his head.

“Shut up, I know,” he mumbled.

_Shit_. _What do people need to cook things?_ _Think, Lea._ _Just the essentials_. He raced through the store and grabbed everything he could think of. Salt? Butter, maybe? He scratched his head. Bread? Maybe potatoes. _Think, Lea_. _What did Isa’s mom always cook for us?_ Rice. She used to cook rice. _What else?_ Curry powder, soy sauce, instant noodles. He threw everything into the basket, checked his watch, then ran for the cash register.

The cashier did not look impressed.

Lea put the basket on the counter and tapped his foot. “How much would all that be?”

The cashier gave a deep sigh and glared at him, looked at the clock on the wall, then back at Lea. “Seriously?”

“Uh, sorry,” said Lea. “Emergency?”

The cashier muttered under his breath as he scanned Lea’s items, and Lea didn’t even want to know what the man was saying. When he scanned everything and bagged them, he turned to Lea and said, “That’ll be 152.78.”

Lea took out his wallet and stared at its contents. He didn’t even have a card. “Er, can you put it on my tab?”

The cashier narrowed his dead-tired eyes at him.

* * *

“Oh, Lea, you’re back!” Xion greeted as Lea closed the door behind him.

“Yup.” He put the single plastic bag onto the kitchen counter, and Xion immediately checked it to see what was inside.

“This is the exact same maple syrup as before,” she said with a frown. “I said ‘better’ maple syrup.”

“Huh? Oh. Whoops.”

“It’s okay,” she said, though she still sounded disappointed.

Roxas walked over from the living room to check what Lea had bought as well. “Two potatoes, a small bag of rice, cereal, and maple syrup?” Roxas said, emptying the bag of groceries. “That’s it?”

“Can’t afford much on my paycheck,” said Lea, already making his way up the stairs. “Well, that’s what I _would _say if saving the Worlds from Darkness actually _gave _me a paycheck anyway.”

In his room, he texted Ienzo for the day’s list of names. The lists were getting shorter and shorter as time passed. Soon, Radiant Garden might fully return to its old self, with all its original inhabitants returned safe and sound. But even still, the names he hoped for still haven’t turned up. He sighed and flopped onto his springy bed, staring at the ceiling fan turn in lazy circles in the dark.

Sleep came quickly, but left just as quick. He awoke with a jolt, his skin damp with sweat and his cheeks wet with his tears. The memories of drowning, the stench of the Box, and Xemnas' unfeeling gold eyes piercing into him were branded on his mind — a stain on his memory he could never wash off.

“Fuck this,” he said under his breath. He wiped his face and buried it in his hands.

The next day, Lea put the laptop to good use and scoured the web for jobs he could apply for without any qualifications. By the end of the day, he could proudly call himself employed, and not-so-proudly call himself a janitor, a waiter, and a newspaper delivery man.

* * *

Lea wondered how adults ever did it. Not that he ever had great adult figures to look up to. None of his foster parents were exactly exemplary parents. Any of the apprentices were just out of the question. He smiled bitterly to himself as he swept the vacant hallways outside the office meeting room. _What would they think of me now?_ he wondered, the faces of his old foster parents flashing in his mind. Surely, they would’ve hoped he’d ended up _inside_ that meeting room, heading the meeting, impressing the company’s director—instead of out here sweeping the floors, scrubbing toilets and collecting the garbage. He could hear Iona’s voice now: _“I told you you were never going to amount to anything.”_

“Well, Iona,” he mumbled, “it’s better than being an assassin in some death cult.”

It was a lie of course, even if there was no one around to hear it. He had enjoyed every shred of brutality he could act upon in Castle Oblivion as much as he hated it now. There was joy to be found in the sick pleasures of revenge. And that joy was nowhere to be found in the mundane work of cleaning up other people’s mess. Not like it mattered. Either way, he was always stuck with the icky jobs.

The clock tower rang eleven evening bells when his shift ended.

“Nice work today, Lea,” said his boss, Mr. Konishi, as Lea went to clock out. He was short and had grey streaks in the receding hair on his head and thick moustache. He fished out a box of cigarettes and popped one in his mouth.

“Thanks,” Lea said, scratching his head.

Mr. Konishi patted around his jacket and pants then groaned. “Shit. You got a light?”

“Uh, yeah.” Lea snapped his fingers, producing a tiny flame hovering above his index finger. He held it out and lit the cigarette in Konishi’s mouth.

“Ah, magic-user, huh?” Konishi chuckled. “Not bad.” He held his box of cigarettes out to Lea. “Want one?”

“Oh.” Lea eyed the cigarettes and bit his lip. “Sure.” He took a cigarette, lit it, and took a drag like he saw them do in the movies. He breathed out, feeling the knot of restlessness in his chest unravel as he took in the smoke. “Stuff’s not bad.”

Konishi laughed. After a while, he piped up again. “I heard you’ve got two kids at home. That true?”

“Yeah,” Lea said, feeling the noise in his brain ooze out little by little. “How’d you know?”

“Heard the other men talking. Teens, right?”

Lea nodded, trying to keep the frown off his face as his mind tried to pinpoint which of the other workers had been gossiping about him.

“Can’t be easy for you,” his boss continued. “You must’ve been... how old when they were born?”

He pursed his lips. “I’m not their dad or anything. I just took them in.” He smiled at the thought of Roxas and Xion, their smiling faces and their laughter. Ever since he started working, he'd barely been able to spend time with them. His smile fell.

“Oh, I see, of course. That’s mighty kind of you.”

“Thanks. And for the cigarette too. Have a good night, boss.” Without bothering to wait for a response, he turned on his heel and left. He dug around in his pocket and fished out a crumpled up list of groceries to buy, written in Xion’s messy handwriting. The kids were so used to typing all their reports back in the Organization, their handwriting had turned out to be a mess. Lea desperately hoped that going to school would help them gain a sense of normalcy. School might not have been great to Lea, but Lea was never good in any situation where he had to sit and listen, doing nothing else for hours.

The grocery store had long since closed, so he stopped by the convenience store. Without a solid paycheck yet, they still had to survive on what they could muster from selling synthesis materials and anything else they’d collected from their travels. It was at least enough to afford basic ingredients to last them a month.Along with the things Xion had listed out, Lea bought a pack of cigarettes, then tucked it in his coat pocket, away from the rest of the items.

The lights were all out when he arrived home.

“I’m home,” he called out tiredly. He flicked on the lights and set down his bag and keys. As the lights flickered to life, he took in the sight of dirty dishes piled up in the sink and the school books sprawled on the kitchen table. He sighed. _Wash dishes. Throw the trash. Mop the floors. Why was there mud all over the living room floors anyway?_ He decided he’d rather not think about it and cleaned it up in a tired haze. He collapsed on the living room couch without even taking a shower.

His alarm blared what felt like only seconds after his eyes closed.

With every ounce of energy he could muster in his grogginess, he willed his dry eyes open and squinted through the dark to see the time on his phone. _4am._

“Coffee,” he croaked, and rolled off the stiff sofa, falling onto the wooden floor with a thud. He reached a hand up onto the table, searching blindly for his phone that still continued to blare. It was loud enough to wake the entire neighbourhood. When he finally found it and turned the damned thing off, he staggered onto his feet.

“Adulthood’s great, Isa,” he mumbled. “Wish you were here. Should try it.” But Isa always had been the adult between them, even as boys.

He sped through his morning routine and rushed off to work.

Roxas had given him a skateboard. “Courtesy of Hayner,” he had said. Lea didn’t spend much time with Roxas’ new friends, but he was grateful that they accepted Lea so quickly despite having seen him during his worst moments. At the memory of his desperate attempts to kidnap Kairi and kill Sora, he shook his head and pushed the thought far away into the depths of his brain. It was way too early to think of such things. He didn't have time to wallow in remorse. He had a job to do after all.

He tossed papers onto each doorstep like they were his chakrams. _Easy peasy_, he told himself. He circled the whole town and got to every door by the time his shift at the dinner started. Xion had suggested he work at _Le Grand Bistrot_ of course, but Scrooge saw his credentials and turned him down without another word. The diner may not have paid what working at a gourmet restaurant did, but it paid.

“Lea!” the manager screeched just as Lea stepped foot in the diner. She was a plump woman with her greying hair tied in a bun so tight that her face was stiff as she spoke.

“Yes, boss,” Lea said with a lazy salute.

“You’re late,” the manager said with a nasty scowl.

“Morning rush isn’t for another hour, boss.” He shrugged.

“Just go and help out in the kitchen.”

The good thing about never being able to sit still was that the more chaotic the situation, the better off Lea was. And boy, was working the morning rush chaotic. It was a good thing he was used to chaos. He didn’t even trip once. The hours passed, his break hardly long enough for him to finish his lunch, then back to work until his shift ended. Then it was back home, where he’d get a couple hours of rest before his janitorial shift started.

“Lea!” Xion smiled as he came in. “Glad you’re home.”

“Yup, me too,” he said with a tired smile. “Where’s Rox? You guys settle stuff with the school or do you need me to go over there?”

“Nah, Hayner’s parents have been helping us,” said Xion. “They’ve been really accommodating. Hayner’s sister is really sweet too.”

_Oh, thank the Light. _“Hayner’s sister, huh?” Lea said.

“Yeah, she’s a year older than us,” Xion said. She placed her chin in her hands, a dreamy look on her face. “She’s the captain of their Struggle team, isn’t that cool?”

“The school has a Struggle team?”

“Yeah, Roxas was telling us all about it the other night during dinner,” Xion said. “Don’t tell me you forgot?”

“Guess I didn’t get it memorized. My bad.” He gave a wry smile and shrugged.

Xion laughed.

“Where is Roxas anyway?”

“Upstairs in his room.” Xion shrugged. “How’s work?”

“Fine,” he sighed, taking a seat next to Xion at the kitchen counter. “Work’s work. Nothing like fighting Heartless, but you know.” He noticed some papers on the counter and rifled through them. “What’s all this? Doctor’s fees?”

“Oh, right,” said Xion. “Hayner’s mom took us to the doctor’s today. We don’t have insurance and she said it’s dangerous.”

“Do we need insurance?” Lea frowned. “We have potions to cure us if we need them.”

“Potions don’t cure illnesses, Lea,” said Xion. “And they only heal surface wounds.”

_Duh_. He mentally kicked himself. If potions cured everything, he wouldn’t flinch every time he saw himself shirtless in the mirror. Saix’s claymore had left a large,l scar on his right side that no potion could cure. “Okay,” he sighed. “I’m guessing I have to pay Hayner’s mom back for all this?”

“Yeah,” Xion said, looking down at her hands. “Sorry, Lea. I didn’t know things were so expensive.”

He rubbed his temple as he scanned through the bills. “It’s okay, not your fault. You have Hayner’s mom’s number?”

She gave him a card. It read, ‘_Lenne Ross, attorney_.’

“Geez." He tucked the card into his back pocket. “Anyway, how have you been holding up? And Roxas too. I barely see you guys these days.”

“Yeah, we’ve been busy preparing for school and you’ve been busy with work.” Xion frowned. “I miss hanging out and eating ice cream at the clock tower. Do you think we can go next weekend? It’s right before school starts for us.”

Lea smiled. “Sure, Xion. Tell Roxas too. We’ll go after my shift at the diner ends.”

“Yay!” Xion squealed, reaching out to hug him.

The days passed in a blur to Lea. Every night he came home exhausted. Some days when the kids were both home, they kept the house clean. Most days when they were busy going out with their friends and going shopping for school supplies Lea could barely afford, he came back to find the house a mess.

The days droned on, and his nights were haunted by memories that wouldn’t go away. Some days it was Xehanort; some days it was Xemnas; some days it was Saix, scar bleeding and blank, yellow eyes crying as he screamed Lea’s name. “You abandoned us,” Saix screeched in his dreams, “You promised you would save us. Why didn’t you save me, Lea?” But worst of all was when he dreamt of the water. The endless drowning.

When they weren’t his own nightmares, he woke up to Roxas or Xion screaming. He’d stay with them until they were all cried out and fell back asleep, then sat on the living room couch hoping for sleep to return to him, but it rarely did.

Ienzo sent the lists of names every night, and every time his hopes were shattered. How many times can something break and be glued together before it finally fell apart for good? Lea didn’t want to find out.

When the day came for them to go out to the clock tower for ice cream, one of his coworkers called in sick at the last minute, forcing him to stick around for the guy’s shift.

“Sorry, guys,” Lea said on a video call with Roxas and Xion.

Xion looked crestfallen, and Roxas just looked tired.

“Oh…” said Xion.

“It’s fine, Lea,” Roxas said, but his tone was far from reassuring. “We’ll go with Hayner, Pence, and Olette. See you at home.”

“Next time, alright? You guys have fun though.”

“Okay,” said Xion sadly. “Bye, Lea.”

And so on and on the days went. Listless and soul-sucking and so, so alone. He started smoking more. Every night the nightmares came, and every time he woke up crying like a little boy again. Roxas and Xion couldn’t know. They had their own lives now. They went to school. They made new friends. Xion always sent him pictures of what they were up to, even if it was as mundane as going over to a classmate’s house to finish up homework. It took a lot not to tear up seeing the pictures at work.

_They’re happy_, he thought. _So I should be happy. Why aren’t I happy?_

* * *

Lea eventually made it up to the kids by planning a movie night at home. He bought a tub of ice cream and snacks, set up another blanket fort in the living room and called the kids downstairs a while after dinner. After a while, the loud music coming from their rooms stopped and their doors opened.

"Why's it so dark downstairs?" Xion's voice came from the upstairs.

"Shit," came Roxas' voice. "Is there another blackout or something?"

"No," said Lea, waiting at the foot of the stairs. "Come on down."

"What's all this?" Roxas said as he reached the bottom landing, glancing at the blanket fort.

Lea smiled sheepishly at his feet, scratching the back of his head. "We just haven't had a lot of time to hang out together. I couldn't make it to the clock tower the last time. Figured I'd make it up to you. I was thinking we could all watch a movie or…" He glanced up, seeing Roxas' and Xion's wide eyes, then cleared his throat. "I mean, only if you guys want to."

"Lea!" Xion beamed. She bounced down from the stairs and hugged him tightly. "Of course I want to! That's so sweet of you!"

Lea laughed and spun her around, then peered up at Roxas. He cracked a small smile. "Guess that doesn't sound too bad," said Roxas.

"What are we gonna watch?" said Xion.

"Well," said Lea, "I was thinking you guys could pick."

"Yay!" squealed Xion.

"Oh, oh!" said Roxas. "Let's watch that cowboy movie! _The Dead-Eye of Dawn._"

"_What_?" said Xion. "Roxas, come on! That's so lame."

"Hey!" said Roxas. "It's a cult classic! It like, invented cinema."

"No it didn't!" said Xion. She looked up at Lea. "Can we watch the musical about the vampires in space instead?"

"That's so boring," Roxas groaned.

"No it isn't," Xion whined.

"Okay, okay," said Lea. "How about we watch them both? We can have a movie marathon. It's a weekend, so why not, right?"

"Yes!" Roxas pumped his fist in the air. "Dibs on my movie first!"

"No fair!" said Xion. "I'll race you."

They both laughed as they raced to the living room and tackled the TV set at once. Lea chuckled, shaking his head as he watched them bicker.

They ended up spending the whole night marathoning both movies and more. Not a lot of time was spent talking, especially since Roxas was adamant on complete silence when watching his choice of film, but it was nice to just spend time with them like a normal family. _A family_, Lea thought. And he smiled.

It was nice; completely uneventful with no grandeur, a perfectly unexceptional moment in a life of miseries and melodramatic pain. But it was his. For one night, he got to put down the weight on his shoulders and just enjoy his time with the people he loved. And if there was a part of him that yearned for one other to be there too, he pushed it away to allow himself an inkling of joy. He would feel guilty about it later.

* * *

“‘Parent-teacher association meeting’?” Lea read aloud from the notice Roxas handed to him. They sat at the kitchen table eating a new recipe Lea got online. Xion was away at a friend’s house, leaving Lea and Roxas alone for dinner before Lea’s janitorial shift.

“Yeah,” said Roxas. “Didn’t you ever have those? It’s like, you meet with all the other parents and our teachers to discuss stuff about the school activities.”

“Discuss… stuff,” Lea repeated.

“Like budgets for extracurriculars, I guess?” Roxas shrugged.

Lea scratched the back of his head. “And this is mandatory?”

“I guess,” said Roxas. “Mrs. Ross is making a big deal about it. She’s like, the president or something I think.”

“Mrs. Ross?” The dots in Lea’s mind connected and he narrowed his eyes. “_Mrs. Ross._”

“Yeah. Hayner’s mom.”

“Oh, I know." Lea frowned, glaring at his too-salty cooking. He’d met with Lenne Ross once. He’d intended to discuss the money he owed her for all the things she’d helped pay for before Roxas and Xion started school. But the woman had taken one look at Lea, asked him what he worked as, and that was enough for her to treat him coldly and throw never-ending passive-aggressive remarks his way throughout. Meeting her once was one time too many in Lea’s opinion.

“I don’t know, Rox,” said Lea. “Don’t think they’d really care about what I’d have to say. And I’d have to take a night off—”

“Don’t you want to be _involved_?” Roxas frowned.

“Of course I—” He paused. What other nasty things could Lenne Ross have spewed about him while Roxas was at Hayner’s? He let out a deep sigh. “Fine, fine. I’ll go if it’ll make you happy.”

“Maybe you can mingle with the other parents,” said Roxas. “Mrs. Ross says you need friends your age.”

“I have friends my age,” said Lea, though his coworkers were hardly his friends. He’d only ever had one best friend besides Roxas and Xion, and he was… Where _was_ he? “Right,” Lea sighed. “I guess you have a point.”

* * *

When the time came, Lea tried to dress somewhat nicely and push aside all thoughts of ‘if only Isa were here’, then went off to Roxas and Xion’s school for the PTA meeting.

The upsides? Free food. The downsides? The food was apparently catered by Lenne Ross’ own catering company. _Isn’t she an attorney?_ Lea thought. _How’d she have time to manage a catering company?_ Lea still ate the food of course, and it was delicious, but he was determined to glare at Lenne Ross from across the room with every bite.

_"Why do you hate her so much?" _said Isa's voice in his head.

_Because she's a bitch, obviously._

_"Ouch. That's harsh, Lea."_

"Yeah," Lea muttered aloud. "But it doesn't make it any less true."

Most of the parents already seemed familiar with each other, leaving Lea standing awkwardly by himself by the table of food. He caught their stares, unsubtle glances and whispers, but he forced himself to act as casually as possible as he loitered and scrolled through his phone.

_"This seems familiar, doesn't it?" _said Isa's voice. _"Different time and a different World but the people never seem to change."_

"Yeah," Lea muttered. "Tell me about it."

He sat at the edge of the room as the meeting commenced. He tried to pay attention for Roxas' and Xion’s sake. He really did. It was just really, really boring. And Lenne Ross was really, really, _really _annoying.

Someone entering the door midway through the meeting startled Lea from inspecting a pesky hangnail.

“Sorry for the interruption,” said the latecomer. He was a big, buff man with dark skin and a thick beard. “Please, continue.”

“Nice of you to join us, Detective Wallace,” said Lenne Ross from where she stood at the head of the meeting. “Take a seat. We were just going over the previous school year’s activities.”

The latecomer—Detective Wallace—nodded and took the empty seat closest to him, which happened to be the seat next to Lea.

“Hey,” Detective Wallace nodded to him. “You’re the new guy right?”

“Hi,” said Lea, keeping his voice low as to not attract Lenne Ross’ attention. “You’re a cop?”

“Detective,” the man corrected. “I work with the police department in a separate division.” He held out his hand. “Call me Barret.”

“Lea.” They shook hands.

“Heard about you,” said Barret.

“Huh?”

“You’re a hot topic in the parent circles round here,” said Barret.

Lea frowned. “Am I? And why is that?” he asked, even though he knew why, considering the leader of the PTA was his newly-declared arch-nemesis.

“Lots of talk about you and your kids,” said Barret. “Talk about magic and Keyblades, saviours of the Worlds and such.”

“Is that so?” Lea smirked.

_"My hero." _He heard Isa's voice laugh in his head.

“Among other things that are, er, better to not mention.” Barret shrugged. At Lea’s frown, Barret chuckled. “Don’t worry ‘bout it. It ain’t easy being a single parent. Trust me. I know how it feels.”

"Well, I'm not exactly a _parent-_parent_. _I mean I'm their legal guardian and they took my surname and we live together while I provide for them but—" Lea cleared his throat. "Nevermind. Anyway, uh, what do you mean?”

“I got a little girl. Adopted, just like yours. Name's Marlene. She’s the light of my life, y’know? Can’t imagine a world without her. But it ain’t easy, lemme tell you. Didn’t know a thing about bein’ a dad when she was entrusted to me.”

Lea laughed wryly. “Same here, buddy. I don’t know what I’m doing most of the time. I can barely juggle three jobs to put them through school and everything.”

“_Three_ jobs, huh?” Barret scratched his chin. “Thought you were a hotshot Keyblade wielder or something?”

“Saving the world doesn’t put food on the table.”

“It can sometimes,” said Barret, chuckling. He took out a card from his pocket and showed it to Lea. It read ‘_Twilight Town Magical Defence Bureau (MDB)_.’ “We basically handle cases that involve magic and other weird stuff. Sounds perfect for you if you ask me. It’s a lot more paperwork than venturing to save the World, but I’m sure it’s better than working three whole jobs. ‘Sides, we could use someone with your skills on the force. You’d still need to go through some training and exams, but I doubt that’d be a problem for you."

"You're offering me a job?"

"Well yeah. Having a Keyblade wielder on the force would be pretty huge. And it sounds loads better than your current deal—no offence."

"None taken," Lea mumbled.

"Take the card. You can come down to the precinct sometime and we'll get you sorted."

Lea took the card and stared at it. He bounced his leg up and down, feeling that restless energy transforming into something else: excitement.

“I’ll think about it,” said Lea, though he already knew his answer. He smiled. It seemed like things were finally looking up. _See, Isa? Looks like I've landed a pretty good deal._

_"I'd say congratulations. But you haven't even accepted the job yet."_

Lea snickered into his hand. He ignored the strange look Barret shot his way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated as always~
> 
> Okay, okay, I get this is a pretty "dull" or "filler" chapter since the search for Isa is kind of at a stand still here. But I figured it was necessary to show Lea struggling to adapt to a "normal" life and to show his relationship with Roxas and Xion. There's just this very prominent fanon idea of Lea being useless/lazy/incapable and I wanted to show that yeah, he's not perfect, but he tries and that's very important to his development. Also, an important thing to note is that the Sea Salt fam never really talked about the fight that happened after Lea and Xion came back, and instead they just decided to "move past" it by acting normal after what happened.
> 
> Fun fact: this was actually one of the first (if not the very first) chapter I wrote in this whole fic!


	12. Haunted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And here Lea thought he was too old for imaginary friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, early chapter update!
>
>> _"Our house of mirrors always shimmering_   
_Diviner, where you been_   
_You've been gone a long time_   
_I'm a keeper of secrets, pray to tell_   
_I'll be your disciple, show yourself_   
_Living a fever dream, lost control_   
_You be my diviner, show me where to go"_   

> 
> \- _Diviner_ by Hayden Thorpe.
> 
> Listen to the playlist for this fic [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/234COsoTb64DxkAmkm51E6). Alternatively, you could just listen to Violet Evergarden's OST while reading this whole fic because that's what I did while writing it. 
> 
> Edit: There's now art for this chapter by hippo_dog! Thank you so much! [[Twitter](https://twitter.com/hippo_dog/status/1204978119418896385?s=20) | [Tumblr](https://hippo-dog.tumblr.com/post/189620799724/lea-struggling-through-many-things-as-he-searches)]

Laundry day saw Lea going around the house collecting stray socks and jackets draped over chairs and throwing them into the basket he balanced against his hip. “Why’s there always just one sock out of the pair lying around?” he grumbled.

_“Perhaps the trolls stole the other one_,_” _rang Isa’s voice in his head.

“Not that old story again, Isa,” Lea mumbled under his breath.

He knew what he was doing wasn’t healthy. His old foster brothers always did mock him for making up imaginary friends. But he couldn’t help it. It was better to have this version of Isa in his head than the one that terrorized his sleep. Now that it had been months since he’d fought any Heartless, at least talking to Isa's voice in his head made it feel like he hadn't completely given up on searching for him. After all, people lived forever in memories. Those were his own words. So even if Isa hadn’t turned up yet, he’ll still live on as long as Lea remembered him. Right?

_“Maybe more laundry and less existential thoughts, Lea.”_

“Right.”

He went up the stairs to collect the hampers from Xion and Roxas’ rooms. Xion already put hers out in the hallway. Lea smiled at that and threw the clothes into his basket. He made his way to Roxas’ room and stopped in his tracks.

“That isn’t normal,” Hayner’s muffled voice came from the other side of the door.

Lea’s fist stayed frozen in midair. _I should just knock_, he thought, but he couldn’t resist. He leaned in closer and listened.

“So what?” came Roxas’ voice, disgruntled.

“What do you mean ‘so what’?” Hayner said. “You ever watched a horror story before?”

“Course!” said Roxas.

“It’s a classic trope!” Hayner said. “Man talks to himself because he speaks to the dead.”

“You think Lea’s possessed?” Roxas laughed. “Look, I know what actual possession looks like. Pretty sure this isn’t it.”

“Maybe not possession then,” said Hayner, sounding thoughtful. “Oh! Maybe it’s… necromancy.”

Roxas barked out a laugh. “No way!”

The two voices came together as they laughed. Lea frowned. _So Roxas’ friend thinks I’m some sort of freak. ...He’s not all that off actually._

Lea knocked on the door. “Roxas,” he called. “Laundry day. Open up.”

“Oh, right, hold on!” Roxas said through the door.

The door opened just wide enough for Roxas to pass his hamper to Lea.

“You two having fun?” Lea said, raising an eyebrow.

“Ugh, just take it,” Roxas said with an eye roll and closed the door. Lea sighed and went on his way to the back room to do the laundry. As Lea sorted out the clothes, he could practically see Isa sitting on the washing machine with his legs crossed, watching Lea as he worked.

_"They seem close," _said Isa's voice. _"Roxas and Hayner I mean."_

"So close that they're gossiping about me?" said Lea.

He heard Isa chuckle. _"We used to gossip about adults as kids too. We always had one conspiracy theory or another about what Merlin hid in his beard, didn't we?"_

"That was all you." Lea smiled. "Hm. Starting to think maybe that was not very nice of us."

_"You only realize that now?"_

"Oh, give me a break, Isa."

Lea laughed. His was the only laughter that hung in the air.

A few hours later, Lea flitted haphazardly around the kitchen to prepare dinner while Xion helped. Isa's image sat on the counter, giving Lea instructions and warnings to be more careful.

"I'm trying, sheesh," said Lea.

"Huh?" said Xion. "What are you talking about? I didn't say anything."

Lea blinked, trying not glare at the image of Isa sitting on the counter and ignore the sound of Isa's laughter in his head. "Sorry," he said. "I guess I misheard you."

Xion frowned, staring at him in confusion. Lea tried his best to laugh it off with a "Whoops, silly me!" and continue cooking while ignoring how his face burned from embarrassment. Before Xion could say anything else, Roxas and Hayner came down the stairs, laughing loudly about something.

"There you two are," said Xion. "Help us with dinner, will you?"

"Yeah, yeah," said Roxas. "Let me just walk Hayner out first."

"Hayner," said Lea, "going back already?"

"Yeah," said Hayner. He cleared his throat and shifted awkwardly by the door, avoiding Lea's eyes. "My mom, uh, said she doesn't want me back too late."

Lea suppressed the glare that had become a knee-jerk reaction to the mention of Lenne Ross. Then he straightened himself and put on a calm face. “We could always walk you back if it gets too late,” Lea said. “Sure you don't want to stay for dinner? I've got an extra plate for you if you want. It’s chicken casserole tonight.”

“Nah." Hayner gave a sheepish chuckle. "My mom already cooked."

“See you at school tomorrow, dude,” said Roxas.

Hayner grinned and rubbed his nose befor1e waving goodbye. Roxas peered out the window to watch Hayner go, Roxas’ ears tinted red.

_"See?" _said Isa's voice. _"They're _close_."_

Lea grinned. "Yeah," he muttered. "It's familiar, I'll tell you that."

"What?" Xion said, narrowing her eyes at Lea. Roxas turned to face him too, quirking a brow.

“Nothing,” Lea said quickly. “It's just—Roxas, you and Hayner get along really well.”

“Uh, yeah." Roxas shrugged. "We’re best friends.”

“Uh huh,” said Lea.

“What?” Roxas yelped.

“Nothing,” said Lea, still smiling. He remembered what it felt like to be a teenager with a crush. “Xion, could you check on the casserole? I think it’s done. Roxas, could you set the table?”

While Roxas grumbled and put out the plates and cutlery, Xion bent to peer into the oven. “I think it's done,” she said. “Mmm. It smells delicious, Lea!”

“Thanks, Xi,” said Lea. He grabbed the oven mits and put them on before taking dinner out the oven. “I got the recipe from one of the other detectives. He’s some sort of foodie so I hope it’s good.”

Xion took a seat at the table. “If it tastes anything like it smells, it should be delicious. Right, Roxas?”

Roxas shrugged and sat next to her. “Let’s just eat.”

“Gladly,” said Lea. He set the food down and took a seat at the table, serving the food on Roxas' and Xion's plates before his own. When it was time to dig in, he heard Isa's voice. _"Doesn't look too bad. My mom would be proud."_ Lea smiled, then took a bite. It was a tiny bit burnt, but nothing too bad. Definitely one of his best dishes. After a few tentative bites, he cleared his throat and spoke. “So, how’s school, you two?”

“Can we not talk about that?” Xion frowned, shoulders sagging.

Lea frowned. _Why doesn’t she want to talk about school? _

_"Maybe something happened,"_ said Isa's voice. Lea didn't like that idea.

"Okay," said Lea, "how about something else then? How was your week?"

“Fine," said Xion, bored. Then she perked up. "Oh, I met a new dog near the hole-in-the-wall restaurant on the corner of Market Street.”

Lea smiled at that, remembering how Isa was once fond of dogs. “A new dog, huh?”

“Yeah," said Xion. "I’ve been journalling all the dogs I meet around town. I showed it to Kairi and Namine when we were on video call the other day. Kairi thinks I’m really good.”

“That’s awesome, Xi,” said Lea. “So, Kairi’s back in Destiny Islands?”

“That’s right,” said Xion. “She said she’s tired of Riku and Sora always going off to fight without her. But these days she’s been forcing them to stop leaving her out.”

“That’s great.” Lea grinned. He missed Kairi. He hoped she was doing okay. “What about Namine? How’s she doing?”

“She’s doing great,” said Xion. “She’s been staying with Kairi and her family. They're real nice about it.”

“That’s good to hear," serif Lea. "So is Namine going to school now, too?”

“Uh, yeah?” Xion mumbled.

_"Something definitely isn't right," _said Isa's voice.

“Something wrong?” Lea said.

“Nope,” Xion mumbled into her food.

Lea bit his lip, then looked to Roxas, hoping for some help, but Roxas was rolling his peas around on his plate, staring absently at his food. “What about you, Rox?” said Lea. "Everything okay?"

“Just fine,” Roxas mumbled. He pushed his plate away. “I think I’m gonna go up and get some homework done.”

“At least finish your dinner first,” said Lea. “You barely touched your food.” He laughed. “My cooking that bad, huh?”

“It’s fine,” Roxas mumbled and stood up. “Just not hungry.” He passed the plate to Xion. “Here, Xi. You can have mine.”

With that, Roxas pushed his chair in and went upstairs.

“Kids these days—where are their manners?” Lea said in an exaggerated accent, doing his best impression of Lenne Ross. He laughed and looked at Xion, who only offered him a tiny, strained smile.

_“That was terrible, Lea.”_

_Shut up, Isa. _

Dinner resumed with an awkward silence hanging over them. When Xion finished her food, she stood up and immediately got to clearing up the dishes.

“Whoa, someone’s in a rush,” Lea said with a smile.

Xion just shrugged and continued cleaning up. Lea scratched his head and decided to let it be. He helped her clear the table without saying anything else.

Afterwards, he retired to his room and went out to the balcony overlooking the rest of the city. He took out a cigarette and lit it, taking a drag as he checked his phone for the day’s list of names from Ienzo. Still nothing. He tucked his phone away and leaned against the railing as he smoked.

“I’m tired, Isa.” He took a deep breath and sighed. “I have no idea what I’m doing."

_"I can see that," _said Isa's image, leaning against the balcony railing next to Lea.

"I wish you were here.” He looked at the empty space next to him. "The real you."

* * *

One day, Kairi, Riku and Sora had come to visit. Kairi had texted Lea about it a few weeks before, though Lea had left the message unopened, telling himself he would get to it later until he forgot to reply completely. Apparently, they had to visit Yen Sid for one of their missions and Twilight Town was just a pitstop on their way to the Mysterious Tower. They had several group chat comprising of the Guardians of Light, one of which was specifically used to discuss and coordinate missions. Lea hadn't opened it ever since he came back from his interstellar road trip with Xion.

He brought up the Destiny Islands gang's visit to Roxas and Xion during dinner. Roxas didn’t seem pleased about the visit, but when he realized that they were coming on a school day, he breathed out—like he was relieved.

“It’s too bad,” said Xion. “I wanted to show Kairi this cool shirt I got. Lea, you’ll say hi to them for us, right?”

“Yeah,” Lea said. “‘Course.”

He was working the day that they came. He saw them, of course. The crowds gravitated to them like a magnet, excited chattering filling the usually quiet atmosphere as people gawked at the heroes walking the streets. Lea debated with himself on whether or not to go up to them. They seemed busy. And maybe they didn’t want to talk to him anyway. But just as he watched them head to the train station, he ran up to them.

“Hey, you guys,” he called.

All three of them turned around, faces full of surprise.

“Well, look who it is,” said Riku.

“Lea!” Kairi exclaimed and ran up to him to give him a tight hug.

"We thought you'd ghosted us completely." Riku chuckled. "You never even respond to any messages these days."

Sora smacked Riku's arm and waved at Lea. "Hey, Axel! What Riku meant to say was long time no see!"

Lea chuckled sheepishly. "Yeah…"

"Where’s Roxas and Xion?” said Kairi, pulling away.

“They’re at school,” said Lea. “They wanted to meet you guys though. Told me to say hi.”

“Aw, I wish we could’ve met them too!” said Sora.

“Uh, yeah.” Lea shuffled awkward where he stood.

“Lea?” said Kairi.

“Uh.” He scratched his head, then turned to leave. “Nothing. You guys have a safe trip, kay? Anyways, I got work to do and—”

Kairi tugged him back. “Lea,” she said. Her blue eyes were full of concern—so similar to Xion’s, yet so different. She turned around to face Sora and Riku. “You guys go ahead. I want to talk with Lea for a bit.”

“Okay,” said Sora as he turned to enter the train station. “It was nice seeing you again!”

Riku didn't move. He stood still, meeting Lea's gaze from afar, expression unreadable. It was a scrutinizing look that made Lea squirm. After a while though, Riku shot Kairi a glance and nodded, then followed Sora inside.

With Sora and Riku gone, Kairi turned back to Lea and crossed her arms. “Alright,” she said. “What’s wrong?”

Lea looked away and stepped back, digging his hands into his pockets. “So why isn’t Namine with you?”

“_Lea_.”

“I’m genuinely curious.”

“She’s not a Keyblade wielder so she can’t come with us and we don’t have a gummiship. Now—”

“What about Sora’s gummiship?”

“It’s not _his_,” said Kairi. “It’s with King Mickey now. We’re back to our own devices. Happy?”

“Well—”

“So, what’s this really about?”

“What's up with all of you? It's nothing, okay? No—”

“Cut it out, Lea,” she said with a gentle smile. She put her hand on his arm. “I spent enough time with you training in that forest to tell when something is bothering you. And you haven't been replying to any of our messages. You've got us all worried. What's going on? The truth.”

He sighed. “Alright. Look.” He bit his lip, tapping his foot against the ground. "When Sora was a Heartless, and when Riku looked like Ansem—the other Ansem—the fake one. Xehanort-Ansem? Why did he even call himself Ansem again? You know which one I’m talking about. Not-Ansem-the-Wise-Ansem. The white-haired one—”

“Lea." Kairi gave him a knowing smile. “I get what you mean. You can continue.”

“Right. So. You were still able to recognize Riku, right? And Sora, when he became a Heartless? How? How did you do that?”

Kairi smiled. “I just knew.” She turned slightly to look at where Sora and Riku had been. “A good friend can see someone for who they are, no matter what face they wear. Riku told me that once.”

“Oh,” was all Lea could manage.

“Was that all?”

“Yes?”

“Liar. No, it wasn’t.” Kairi shook her head at him. “Lea, you can't just avoid talking about the tough things. You have to—" She frowned, sniffing the air. "Why do you smell… like smoke?” She wrinkled her nose. “What’s going on, Lea?”

“I’m just… tired. Work and stuff. Never knew being an adult was so hard.”

“Plus," she chuckled, "you’re practically a parent now.”

He groaned, covering his face with his hands. “Don’t. Please. Not you too. I'm not their _parent._ I’m way too young to be a dad.”

“Right, you're just their best friend who goes to PTA meetings and pays for all their stuff and cooks dinner for them—”

“Stop talking please.”

“Fine. Not a dad then. Big brother. How’s that?”

“Better_, _thank you! _Much_ better.”

“Good.” Kairi smiled. “You’re like a big brother to me too. We share the same hair too.”

Lea grinned at his feet.

“Although,” said Kairi. “we haven’t exactly talked much lately, have we?”

“Yeah.” He scratched the back of his head. “My bad, I guess. I'm sorry.”

“You still haven’t told me what’s wrong.”

“I did though.”

“Nuh-uh. There’s more to it.”

“Look who’s little miss detective!” Lea grinned and ruffled her hair.

“Come on, tell me! I won’t tell Roxas and Xion if that’s what you’re worried about. My lips are sealed.” She made a motion to mimic zipping up her lips, locking it, and throwing away the key.

He shrugged. “They’re just nightmares and stupid stuff like feelings,” he said as nonchalantly as he could manage. “Roxas’ friend thinks I’m being haunted by a ghost. And I guess I sort of am. Roxas and Xion never open up to me anymore. I miss fighting and my best friend still hasn’t showed up even though he should’ve been recompleted as a human ages ago.” He waved a dismissive hand. “Just dumb stuff.”

“...You’re lonely," Kairi concluded.

“Nah, I’m just being an idiot.” He laughed. “Look, don’t worry about it, okay?”

“It isn’t good to bottle up all your feelings, Lea.” Kairi smiled sadly. “You need to talk with someone. Anyone. Maybe not Roxas and Xion. I’m here. So is Sora and Riku and Namine and Ven. Or if you’re not comfortable confiding in is because we're younger or something, you could always talk to Aqua or Terra—”

Lea froze. “No.”

“Huh?” Kairi frowned, waiting for him to respond. When he didn't, she sighed. “Just… You can’t keep it all to yourself. You’re dealing with a lot. Xehanort caused a lot of pain to a lot of people. You included. You can’t just brush that off.” Kairi perked up then. “Oh, why not talk to the ex-Organization members at Radiant Garden? I'm sure they know more than anyone what you went through—”

“Yeah, right,” he said, frowning and turning away to glare at nothing in particular. “Of course they do," he muttered. "No. It doesn't matter. I’m not interested in sticking around with them.”

“They’re nice people,” said Kairi. “They were manipulated by Xehanort just like the rest of us. They had good intentions, they just wanted to help their city. Maybe they weren’t so nice when they were Nobodies and controlled by the Darkness, but now—”

“No,” Lea snapped. “Look, you don’t know them like I do, alright?” He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter anyway. I’m _fine_.”

Kairi smiled, but disappointment was clear in her eyes. “Okay, Lea,” she said softly. “But I’m just a call away if you need someone to talk to.”

“Right.”

“And please… don’t lose hope. I heard a story once about how you can always find light in the deepest darkness. About someone who got cast away from home and their loved ones, only to find them again because of the hope in their heart.”

Lea blinked a few times. “Oh... Yeah. I think… I think I heard that one too.”

“It must be a popular story then. ...And you must know how it ends.”

“I think it was an ambiguous ending, actually.”

“Duh. Because you’re supposed to make your own ending, silly.” She squeezed his hand. “You can’t keep rereading the same beginning and middle over and over just to leave the rest blank. You have to _write_ something. You have to keep moving, Lea. Don’t give up.”

“Yeah… Thanks.”

“Don’t be a stranger, mmkay, ou big knucklehead? If you ignore my texts again, I'll beat you up myself.”

Lea laughed. “Okay, okay, sheesh, wouldn't want that now, would we?" He ducked his head and smiled. "Guess I'll see you around, little sis.”

She smiled and hugged him tight, then turned toward the train station.

As Kairi left him alone, Lea's thoughts began to race as they always did. He replayed Kairi’s words over and over again, pulling them apart. If Lea did go back to finding Heartless and managed to find the one that belonged to Isa, would he even be able to recognize it? If he didn’t, did that mean he wasn’t a good friend after all? That being under the assumption he got to find the Heartless at all. And if he didn’t, what then? How long was Isa going to continue suffering because Lea wasn’t a good enough friend, a good enough fighter, a good enough person? The thoughts flooded his mind, almost consuming him.

Then his phone rang.

It was Barret, reminding him there was still other work to be done. Ends meet to make. He headed back to the precinct, shaking his head as he shoved the thoughts and memories to the back of his mind.

* * *

“You abandoned me!” Saïx snarled.

“No,” Lea cried. “I didn’t. I… I promise. I didn’t, I…”

“Then why haven’t you found me?” Saïx’s face transformed into Isa’s, yellow eyes turned blue, pointed ears turned round. “Lea,” Isa sobbed. “You’ve forgotten me. You promised you’d save me. You promised you’d protect me.”

“No. I didn’t forget you. You said yourself that I wouldn’t do such a thing. And I didn’t.” He reached out to touch him, but Isa was too far away. Lea ran to reach him, but his legs were jelly, and the air was quicksand.

“Where are you?” Isa begged. “Why haven’t you found me?”

“I’m still looking… I’m still…”

Then Isa transformed back into Saïx, but his skin was coal-black and antennas grew from his head. He clawed at Lea. “I hate you!” he growled, his voice like stone grinding against stone. “Murderer. Traitor. _Monster_.”

“NO!” Lea screamed, then found his throat filling with water. He choked for air, struggling to even stand, trying with all his might to breathe.

Lea yanked himself awake, heaving in deep breaths as a cold sweat ran down his spine, his shirt damp and clinging onto his skin.

He threw his sheets off of him. He ran out onto the balcony, summoned his Keyblade glider and hopped onto it. Armour be damned, he sped through the skies with nothing but a tank top and boxer shorts. He sliced through the World’s atmosphere and raced through the Lanes Between without a thought to the cold or the Darkness that reached out to him, twisting around him and grabbing at his exposed skin. He gritted his teeth and went faster.

He barreled down into Radiant Garden’s orbit and crashed onto the mosaic floor in front of the castle.

Breathless and covered in scratches and bruises, he staggered to his feet and limped towards the castle—not through the entrance. The path he took was tattooed on the back of his mind. It was the path they took as children to sneak into places he wished they never came close to. The crack in the wall they had used to creep in was covered up, but a quick thrashing with his blade reopened it. He crawled through the narrow space until he reached a cave. He stumbled through it, knowing every inch of the way. Through the mine shaft. Over and under. Until he reached the cave at the very end.

He leapt down the platform, the gravity adjusting just as it did the last time he came here, cushioning his fall. It was a little oasis beneath the earth, with water falling in reverse motion on the walls from the ground and evaporating into mist on the ceiling. The same flowers still blossomed.

Lea stomped into the middle of the oasis and looked around, nostrils flared, senses so heightened that he almost felt delirious.

“Well?” Lea shouted, his voice bouncing off the walls of the cave. “I’m here! Since you _insist_ on haunting me, why don’t you just come out, huh?”

He waited, hearing nothing but the sound of trickling water and his own deep breathing. He was about to call this madness off and leave when he thought he saw something move in the water.

_“Don’t you remember, Lea?” _came Isa’s voice._ “The ghosts were never real. They were just stories. You know what they really were. After all you've learned, you must know what this place really is. The door to the heart of the World.”_

“Yeah, yeah,” Lea snapped. “And yet here you are.”

_“I’m not here, Lea. Don’t you understand? You’re only hearing me because you want to.”_

“No! I don’t want to! I don’t want to feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t want to have you following me around everywhere. Leave me alone!”

_“Is that what you want? To be left alone? You're a liar, Lea. You always have been.”_

“I can’t…” He crumbled to his knees. “I can’t do this anymore, Isa.” His voice was a whisper, barely audible even to his own ears.

_“You’re weak. You’ve always been that too.”_

“Isa would never say that,” Lea said. The tears fell without warning.

_“I’m not Isa. I’m in your head. Therefore, I am you.”_

Lea punched the ground. “What do you want?”

_“I want whatever you want. For you to find me.”_

“I can’t,” he rasped. “I can’t. I can’t. I tried. I failed. I—I can barely take care of Roxas and Xion. I… I don’t know what to do. I can’t do this.”

_“Typical Lea. Quick to give up. Quick to run. That’s all you ever do. All you’ve ever been good at. Running. You ran from home how many times? You ran from the Organization. You run from your own problems. Now you’re running from me.”_

“No,” he spat. “You’re the one running. All I’ve ever done is chase you.”

He thought he heard a laugh.

_“I suppose you’re right. It’s what we do, isn’t it? Sometimes you run, and I have to chase you. Other times I run, and you chase me. But I’m not running now, Lea. You are.”_

“Why would I? I looked for you," he said, voice cracking around a sob. "I searched everywhere.”

_“And you know you didn’t _have_ to."_

He froze.

"_You’re afraid. You’re afraid to remember.”_

“I remember every damn day, Isa," he whispered. "Every night when you’re haunting my dreams, all I do is fucking remember. Every night I remember the fucking shit they put me through!”

_“Not all of it though, right? Just bits and pieces. You’re afraid to open the whole jar. Afraid of what you’ll find.”_

“I…”

_“You _know_ where to find me, Lea. Remember.”_

“Isa…”

_“Remember, and find me.”_

He took a deep breath, then pushed himself up. And he remembered.

It was almost like a film reel without any chronological order, replaying everything all at once, displaying it on the infinite screen wrapped around Lea’s mind. Things that he’d buried, sprung back to life in live-action technicolour. Before the war. Before the Keyblade and all the bits of magical destiny. Before Saïx became too cruel and cold for him to stand that his mind had gone mad with loneliness, to the point where death was a better idea than being suffocated by the ghost of his old friend. Before watching sunsets with Roxas and Xion became painful. Before the deaths in Castle Oblivion at his hands and before and before and before.

There was blood. Screaming. Pain. His body ached and his throat was raw. More screams. Were they his? There was so much of it. He couldn’t tell. Every single second of moments that plagued his nights, replayed over and over and over until he found himself facing a storm of surging memories with nothing for him to hold on to. Then, heard a whisper came, so soft that it was almost swallowed by the screams. But he heard it. _“I will stay.”_

Light flooded his mind, pushing the darkness away and away until he could see again. He saw a house. It was a townhouse; crammed between two other houses that were all completely identical. Inside, four children sat in their rooms behind shut doors as an exhausted woman cooked dinner and a gruff barrel-chested man marveled at his new trophy; a bear head sitting above the mantle. And outside, sat a tiny red-haired boy with a shirt much too big, sailing a makeshift toy boat across a puddle, talking aloud to no one.

But then there was someone. A boy with Saïx’s features and his voice but none of his malice and no blood on his hands. Just Isa. The Isa kept safe behind a vault, untainted by the nightmares that roamed the pits of Lea’s mind. The Isa who smiled and loved and whispered softly in his ear whenever Lea had cried. Then he saw mountains. And then there was a forest that stretched as far as the eye could see. Poking out from among the thick canopy, was a cabin atop a mountain. There, two boys sat, laughing as they watched the sunset.

“I remember,” Lea whispered.

* * *

Lea rode his glider out of the cave. Muscle memory took him to the outskirts of Radiant Garden, through the thick forests outside the city gates, and toward the mountains. The path was lit by the bright light of the moon shining in the night sky, the full moon taunting him as he walked further up the mountain. Birds chirped in the trees and the moon cast long eerie shadows on the dirt, but he kept going.

Then he found it: a lookout atop the mountain. It was a simple, shabby cabin made of wood, overlooking the forest.

He stumbled inside and found the light switch. It still worked, and flickered on to shed light on the mess the cabin was in. Papers and various items were strewn all over the ground. It was clear that no one had been in here since The Fall. He scanned the corkboard hung on the wall across the doorway. Memos and dates were stuck onto it, and beneath them, a photograph: creased and torn at the edges, the image faded but still clear enough to make out the faces of a man, woman, and two boys smiling in it. He ran his finger over it and smiled.

A sound from behind him startled him. He whipped around.

A bunny sat by the doorway, its fur a deep blue with a Heartless emblem on its chest. Its beady yellow eyes stared at him as he cautiously approached. Lea was just about to strike when he stopped in his tracks.

He dropped his weapon and heard it clang onto the floor.

“Isa?”

The Heartless’ nose twitched. Moonlight shone behind it, surrounding it in pale light. Its innocent face then began to morph; its floppy ears turned upwards into sharp, lupine ears, its soft blue fur extending until it grew long and matted, its mouth growing into a large maw with sharp fangs oozing black liquid. The light of the full moon reflected off its piercing yellow gaze.

It roared, the sound deafening.

Lea stood there, stuck in place, until his instincts kicked in and forced him to summon his weapon once more. Sleep deprived and already battered from the journey here, he mustered up every ounce of energy he had and struck. His blood pumping through his ears was the only thing he could hear.

The Heartless was strong and its movements erratic. Maybe it was the pure determination and the adrenaline of the fight, but somehow Lea managed to dodge its attacks and land hits of his own. Their movements shook the cabin and things flew in their haste and the flurry of battle.

With a hoarse throat, he screamed, “Give him back!” and stabbed it right through the emblem on its chest.

It vanished. A thick cloud of black smoke enveloped him. Then a pale, glowing heart floated up from the smoke and faded just as the moon’s light touched it.

Lea heaved in breaths. He crouched over his Keyblade on the ground. As the last wisps of smoke cleared, his eyes caught onto something lying on the ground. He inched closer.

His eyes widened at what he saw: a rock that read ‘_I miss you lots and lots! :) Love, your best friend, Lea.’ _Just as he reached out to grab it, it transformed into a synthesis crystal. Gold and opaline, it shone in the light of the moon outside.

He recognized it, and remembered its name from Xion’s constant recitations during their training. A serenity crystal, one of the five temperament-based materials; filled with the essence of pure longing.

Lea smiled, then giggled, the sound cracking with a sob. Then he collapsed face-first onto the ground, cradling the crystal in his hand. Everything turned dark.

* * *

He awoke to the sound of birds singing soft and sweet, the crystal still safe in his palm. He pushed himself up. His body screamed in pain but he forced himself onto his feet anyway. Outside the cabin’s window, the sun rose over the mountains.

“Isa,” he said, then limped out.

He walked all the way back to the city gates, to the castle, past its gates—but not before making a quick stop at a clothes store to put on some decent clothes. His singlet and boxers reeked of sweat and the putrid odour of Darkness. Dressed in a decent shirt and jeans, he stormed the castle.

Just as he was about to enter the front doors, a spear pointed at his chest stopped him from going any further.

Dilan scowled at him. “You have no permission to enter this castle,” said Dilan.

It took everything Lea had to not choke the life out of the man right there and then. Lea glared at him instead. “I have no time for this.”

“Impertinent as always,” said Dilan. “I expect nothing less from a peasant. Once a street rat, always a street rat. As if we don’t have enough of that running around here.”

Lea grabbed the shaft of the spear and pulled it out of Dilan’s hands, his other hand summoning his blade and pointing it at Dilan’s head. “Say that again. I dare you.”

“You have no power here,” Dilan growled.

“Neither do you, last I heard,” said Lea. “Doesn't the Restoration Committee rule this city now?"

“Ansem is still king,” Dilan spat. “Things are just as it should be. Xehanort was an orphan peasant that had no place in the throne. It was no wonder why the city was destroyed at his hands.”

“I’m getting _really_ tired of hearing you talk,” Lea snarled. “You know, I never did get my payback with you—”

“You plan to burn me alive as you did Vexen, is that it?” said Dilan.

“Silence!”

Blade still pointed at Dilan, Lea turned to see Ansem the Wise approaching them from inside the castle.

“General Dilan,” said Ansem. “That is enough.”

“Your majesty,” said Dilan with a bow. “My humblest apologies.”

“This man is a Keyblade wielder,” said Ansem. “He has every place at our castle. And besides, he was an apprentice such as you, once.”

“Don’t remind me,” Lea muttered, still glaring at Dilan, who still stood with his back bowed to the king. Lea shoved past him and strode into the castle without bothering to take another look at them.

The layout of the castle was etched into his memory like a permanent imprint. With limping, determined steps, he went deeper inside, where he stopped before a large door. He took a deep breath, then pushed the doors open and went in.

“Lea!” said Ienzo. “I was just about to call you—”

“Where is he?” Lea demanded.

“We laid him onto a bed.” Ienzo motioned for Lea to follow and went through another door, taking him to the castle infirmary.

Lea passed the rows of beds and reached the one at the very edge. It was surrounded by monitors showing vital signs and scans. Atop it, lay Isa, dressed in a pale blue hospital gown, finally freed from his Organization cloak. Lea stood by his bedside and watched as his chest gently rose and fell, his blue hair cradling his gentle, sleeping face. The X-shaped scar on his face still remained in tact, and Lea couldn’t help but run a light finger over it.

He couldn’t look away. He’d been so used to seeing Saïx’s scowling face, that seeing Isa—_this was Isa, the _real _him_—look so at peace twisted something in his heart. It had been a good while since Lea’s recompletion. His heart wasn’t so new anymore. But seeing Isa again made him feel all of his rawest emotions again.

“Why hasn’t he woken up?” Lea asked, keeping his voice soft as he ran his thumb running over the round tip of one of Isa’s ears.

Ienzo bit his lip and looked at the screens displaying Isa's vitals. Lea couldn't tell heads or tails of what any of the readings meant.

"Well,“ Ienzo said. "The good news is that we've managed to heal any external wounds, but he's still maintained scarring, though none of them were quite as severe as Even’s."

"What's the bad news?" said Lea, voice low.

Ienzo avoided Lea's eyes, keeping them trained on the beeping monitors.

"Ienzo," Lea said. "What's the bad news?"

"I’m afraid he’s fallen into a comatose state.”

Lea's heart fell. He turned back to Isa. “Why?” he asked as evenly as he could. “This didn’t happen to any of us. Why him?”

“I have a theory,” said a much deeper voice. Lea’s eyes snapped up to see Ansem enter the lab, stroking his blond beard.

“You’re following me?” Lea glared at the man. Only now did he notice how regal his robes were. After all that he’d put so many people through, how did this man still retain his kingly status?

“I am simply concerned about you,” said Ansem. “And I have every right to be. Had I not intervened earlier, you were about to kill my best soldier and the highest ranking apprentice I have left. I do not want something similar occurring with dear Ienzo here.”

“Shut up,” Lea spat. “You said you have a theory. What was it?”

Ansem stared at him with wide eyes, stunned. Then he scoffed. “I believe that his heart has fallen into a deep sleep.” Lea glanced at Isa, and Ansem continued, “A sleep that can only be broken with the power of waking.” Lea stared at him. “I believe you are familiar with the term,” said Ansem.

“The power of waking,” Lea repeated, looking at Isa. The power of waking had been used to bring Ventus back into consciousness after his heart was separated from his body, to heal from the severe damage forming the X-blade had done. Was that what happened to Isa? After all those years of having his heart separated from his body and being Xehanort’s vessel, his heart must have plunged into the realm of sleep too.

Lea chuckled wryly. “It’s just one after another, isn’t it?” He turned to Isa and smiled sadly, taking in Isa’s sleeping face. He then placed the serenity crystal onto Isa's bedside table. “Well, if you think that's going to stop me, you're wrong. I’ll always come back for you, Isa. I made that promise. And I’m keeping it. No matter what it takes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed this early-ish update. Kudos and comments are appreciated as always.
> 
> The chamber where Lea confronts Isa's "ghost" is the same chamber where Lea first summoned his Keyblade in Chapter 6. And yes, the door that Lea unlocked in the past also doubled as the door to Radiant Garden's heart. It's mentioned in Xehanort/Ansem's reports that he found a "mysterious door". So the door to the heart of the World would have already been unlocked by the time Lea and Isa found the chamber, which is why it opened as a path into the castle instead. Look, I DID say I play around and take liberties with the lore a lot.


	13. The Power of Waking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea learns what escapism is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _In my head, you're on the shore,_  
_With the waves at your feet, The wind in your hair,_  
_And in my dreams, you're with the birds,_  
_As they take to the skies, And their song fills the air._  

> 
> \- _Haven Lea_ by Lists. [listen to the fic's playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/234COsoTb64DxkAmkm51E6)]  

> 
> Ah, yes. Another early update. And it's extra long too! Watch me make more paper mache out of canon. 
> 
> **Edit:** Fixed the awful typos. Sorry for the inconvenience, it should be a much smoother read now.

Lea's head throbbed and his eyes were dry and barely kept open by the time he landed back in Twilight Town. It was evening when he arrived, though it was still morning when back in Radiant Garden. He stood in front of the house, fumbling for his keys, then unlocked the door and stumbled inside.

He got ambushed second he came in.

“Lea!” Xion hugged Lea tightly around the waist, sniffling into his shirt. He smiled despite his exhaustion and put a hand on her head. “You're back,” she said, voice thick.

“Where were you?” said Roxas.

Lea looked up to find him standing arms crossed at the kitchen counter, glaring at Lea. Xion pulled away from Lea and bit her lip.

“Barret said you didn't come to work today,” Roxas continued. “We tried to call you a million times but nothing went through! Where were you?”

“Hey, watch your tone,” Lea snapped.

“No!” Roxas said. “We thought you _died_—"

"I was gone for a couple of hours, not for a week, geez," Lea said. "What's the big deal?"

"Lights, you're such an asshole!" said Roxas. "How were we supposed to know? What if something took you, or-or if there was an attack or... We thought...”

Lea rubbed his fingers over his eyelids to ease his headache. “I just had something important that I needed to do, okay?”

Roxas scoffed. “Is that all you’re gonna tell us? What happened to no more secrets? You made a promise.”

"Yeah," said Lea, his headache growing more painful by the second and losing all patience, "and I'm still keeping it. I'm not keeping it a secret. I had a nightmare, alright? I couldn’t stand it so I left the house. I didn’t mean to be gone so long and my phone died and then I passed out so—”

“_What_?” said Xion.

“It’s not a big deal,” said Lea.

“What the hell happened?” said Roxas.

Lea sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose before putting his hand away and lifting his tired eyes to meet Roxas' and Xion's gaze. “It was Isa. Or… Well, you know him as Saïx.”

Roxas froze. Identical sets of blue eyes stared at him, both their mouths hung wide open.

Finally, in a small voice, Xion said, “You found him? His Heartless?”

Lea nodded.

Roxas blinked, snapping his mouth shut. His gaze hardened again. “So where is he?”

“He’s… sleeping.” Lea felt a lump in his throat. “Um. Maybe that’s a little confusing. He’s, uh, stuck. In the Realm of Sleep.”

Roxas and Xion exchanged looks.

“So what does that mean?” said Roxas, scowling.

"It means," Lea scratched his head and looked at his feet, "that I'll have to wake him up. Somehow." He chuckled despite himself. "And here I thought I was the lazy one."

"The power of waking," said Xion. "That's what you need to use on him. Right?"

"Yeah," said Lea. "Wish I had a clue how it worked though."

"I thought only Keyblade masters have that power," said Roxas.

"So that means you have to be a Master," said Xion.

"I don't have time for that," said Lea. "I can't just leave him in there."

"Ventus spent ten years in the Realm of Sleep," Roxas said, voice low. And Lea noticed the dark circles under Roxas' eyes. "Saïx will be fine."

_But will _I_?_ Lea thought. He frowned. "I..." He shook his head. "You're a master, Xion. Can't you just tell me how it works?"

"I don't know how either," Xion said.

"Then how would being a master change anything?" said Lea. "There has to be a trick to it."

"There isn't any trick to it," Roxas snapped. "You can't just try to shortcut your way out of everything."

"I'm _not—_"

"Ugh, I skipped school because we were worrying about what happened to you," said Roxas. "And you don't even care! Instead you just come home and talk about _Saïx_?! Why should I even care about him? He made our lives hell."

"That wasn't him," said Lea tiredly.

"He called Xion a thing—a puppet," Roxas went on. "So _forgive _me if I don't care about him. Look for him if you want, but he can stay in the Realm of Sleep for all I care." He shook his head. "I'm going to sleep."

"Roxas—"

Roxas turned on his heel and went up the stairs. His door slammed.

"I'm sorry about him, Lea," said Xion. "He's been really moody lately. He won't tell me why."

Lea sighed. "It's okay. I guess it's not all his fault." He frowned. "I'm sorry. For making you guys worry. That's the last thing I want."

"It's okay, Lea," said Xion. She smiled. "I hope you get, er..."

"Isa."

"Yeah." She put her hand on her arm. "I hope you get Isa back. You should call Aqua or give her a visit. Maybe you can skip the training and just retake the test."

"That's a good idea." He nudged her. "When'd you get so smart, huh?"

"I'm always smart." She rolled her eyes. "You just don't pay attention."

"H-Hey, I didn't..." He scratched the back of his head. Then he sighed and tried a smile. "You should get some rest too. You look exhausted. I'll call the school to tell them why you didn't come, they should understand."

She smiled. "I'm just glad you're okay." She hugged him, then went up the stairs to bed. The door opened and closed with a soft click.

* * *

Aqua came to visit the next day. She arrived on her glider, fully decked in her silver armour, much to the amazement of the Twilight Town citizens. Their cameras flashed and excited chatter buzzed through the crowded streets as she landed.

Lea clapped from where he stood at the edge of the crowd. It caught her attention.

"Quite a show you put on there, Master Aqua," he said with a lazy grin.

Aqua pulled off her helmet and walked over to him. The sea of people parted to make way for her.

"Are they always like this?" she said.

"Not so much for _me _in particular." He shrugged. "But yeah. Thanks for coming." He held out his hand, which she took with a smile.

"I'm glad to be here. To be honest I was happy to get your call. I haven't left the Land of Departure in a while. For such a big castle, you'd be surprised how suffocating it gets."

"Oh believe me," he said, "I _know_."

She nodded. "Is there somewhere we can talk that's less..." She turned slightly to look over her shoulder at the masses still gasping and snapping photos. "Crowded?"

"Gotcha," said Lea. "Come on. I'll show you where I work."

* * *

"So," said Aqua, looking around at the empty sparring ground in the Police Academy building. "This is where you spend your days, Detective Lea."

"Well, not really. I work in the other block. This one's for new recruits. Alhough, I guess I am pretty new."

"And you already got to be a detective?" Aqua raised her brow.

"Don't look too surprised." He laughed. "I guess there are some perks to being a Guardian of Light. Saviour of the Worlds, all that jazz. Plus, I work in the Magic Defence Bureau. Guess they need my expertise or something."

She laughed. "I'm impressed, Lea. Really."

"Thanks," he said, scratching the back of his neck.

She smiled. "Alright. You called me here because you want to retake the Mark of Mastery exam, right?"

"That's it."

"Are you sure you don't need extra training?"

"No idea," said Lea. "But I need to do this."

"Lea..." Her eyebrows knitted together. "You can't just jump into this. Do you remember what I told you the last time?"

"Yeah, of course, got it all memorized." He waved his hand in dismissal. "But you don't understand, alright? I need to learn the Power of Waking."

Aqua's eyes widened. "Oh." She blinked and she opened her mouth, closed it, then opened it again. "On who?"

"An old friend of mine." He looked at the ground. "He was in the Organization with me and he, uh... He just came back. But he won't wake up."

"Lea," she said gently. "Hearts that fall into the Realm of Sleep... They've suffered immense pain, and they fall into sleep to cope and recover." She opened her mouth, searching for words. "When a storm grows too strong that the tides sink the keel, you wait for the storm to settle, and only then does the flotsam float back to the surface. No fire is hot enough to evaporate the whole ocean to recover the wreck."

Lea stared at her. She stared back.

"What?" he said.

She groaned. "It's one of Eraqus' old sayings."

Lea shook his head. "Aqua, please. I need to do this."

She sighed. "When we spoke at the party, I told you about something my master once told me. The road to inner peace. Is this the right route to take to get there?"

"It's not like I have a map, do I?" said Lea. "So as far as I know, it's the only one."

His phone buzzed. He took it from his pocket and glanced at the screen. There were a whole list of unread messages. He pocketed it and faced Aqua again.

"Please," he said. "I'm begging you. Let me just retake the exam."

She stared straight into his eyes. He straightened his back and didn't break eye contact. He refused to squirm.

"Fine," she finally said. "Let's begin then."

She clapped her hands, and suddenly they were surrounded by an army of animated mannequins. No. _He_ was surrounded by mannequins.

He summoned his Keyblade. His palm was sweaty when the blade appeared in his hand.

"Good luck," Aqua said. She stepped back and summoned a barrier between them.

* * *

"Gah!" Lea groaned.

He pushed the mannequins off and sliced his blade through them, but more closed in.

"Sloppy," said Aqua from behind her barrier.

"You're doing this on purpose!" he yelled. He stabbed a mannequin through the head, then another through its torso.

"No." She frowned. "There is no win or lose, Lea. I don't care if you get trampled by a million mannequins. Focus."

"Fuck," he growled, and summoned a ring of fire around him, effectively burning all the mannequins that came too close. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Aqua scowled. As kind as she was, she was terrifying when she wanted to be. "Stop thinking."

"First time I ever heard that," he panted as he dodged an attack. He fought the mannequins off, but Aqua just seemed to grow angrier. Finally, she spread her arms out, getting rid of the barrier. She stepped forward.

"Stop," she said in a voice that seemed to bellow throughout the training hall. She clapped her hands and the mannequins vanished into thin air.

Lea took deep breaths and stood up straight, dismissing his Keyblade.

"You failed," she said.

"What?" He groaned and kicked his foot against the ground. He caught her wince. "Why?"

"You—"

"No, I want a clear answer. This is the third try today. And I don't get it! Tell me!"

"This." She gestured to him. "This is why."

He sucked in a breath and drew back. "What? Because of me?" He barked out a laugh. "Course. Right. 'Cause I'll never be good enough. Because I'm _me_. Right."

"Lea," she snapped. "Enough. See? This is your problem. You don't stop to wait and think."

"Oh, I see. Just now it was 'stop thinking' and now it's back to 'you need to think more.' Why don't you just say it? I'm just not cut out to be a Keyblade master and getting a Keyblade at all was just a total fluke. Right?"

"I didn't say that."

"You thought it!"

"Did I?" The ice in her eyes melted, her expression softening, taking him aback. "Or did _you_?"

"I—" He shook his head and groaned. "Enough of your mind games already. I'm sick of this."

"I'm trying to help you, Lea. I thought you said you wanted to help your friend."

"Just now you didn't even want to help!"

"I just wasn't sure if it was the best course of action. But if that's what you're sure you want to do, giving up isn't going to help."

"I'm not giving up. Damn it. I'll find another way."

"What 'other way'?"

"I don't know!" he screamed. He breathed. In. And out. In. And out. "I don't know," he repeated, softly. He shook his head, then took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. Look, you came all this way. Let me just… I'll buy you dinner."

Aqua stared at him, her eyes sad and tired. After a moment, she nodded. They packed up and left in silence.

* * *

Lea brought Aqua to a diner in town with decent food. Nothing spectacular so he could avoid burning a hole through his pocket, but nothing as bad as the diner he used to work at. There were only a few other customers inside and they sat in a booth sheltered in the back corner, a pop song playing quietly on the diner's sound system. They ordered and ate their food as a thick tension hung between them.

"The fries are pretty good," Aqua said quietly.

"Yeah. I guess."

They ate the rest of their dinner in silence.

Then Lea got a phone call. And e almost dismissed it too, until he saw the number. _Roxas and Xion's teacher_.

"Sorry," Lea said. "Gotta take this." He stood and went to a quiet corner of the diner, then brought the phone back to his ear. "Hello?

"Hello, Mr. MacRoy?"

"That's me."

"I'm Mrs. Grey. I'm calling about your, er, charge. Roxas?"

"Oh. Is he okay? Did... something happen?"

"I would just like to inform you that he's neglected to send in his homework for the past two weeks. However, he did send in his latest assignment, which I was marking when I decided to call you."

"Oh? What's the matter?"

"The assignment was to write an essay about his aspirations in life. He only wrote 'None.' That was all of the work he turned in."

Lea's stomach dropped. "Oh."

"I would urge you to speak with your, er, charge, Mr. MacRoy. This is very concerning. I expect him to take his work seriously."

"Right... Of course."

"Next time, I am expecting a full essay. And one turned in on time."

"Okay."

"That's all. Have a good night, Mr. MacRoy."

"Goodnight."

The call hung up. Lea stared at his phone for a long while before returning to his table.

* * *

Lea waved Aqua goodbye, then visited Yen Sid and went home, hauling with him a stack of thick ancient volumes with pages so frail he feared they'd crumble to dust if he touched them.

"I'm home," he called out tiredly as he stepped through the door. He heaved all the books onto the dining table and dusted his hands.

"You're back late," Roxas mumbled.

Lea turned to find Roxas standing at the stairs.

"Yeah," said Lea. "I texted you guys about it, so I hope you got dinner."

"We ordered takeout," Roxas muttered. "Delivery guy got lost 'cause he couldn't find his way here and came two hours late."

"Yikes." Lea laughed.

"What are all those books?"

"Huh? Oh, these are... I borrowed them from Yen Sid."

"Why?"

"To, uh, to read. What else would you need books for?" He grinned, then turned to head to the fridge. "Want some ice cream?"

"They're all about the power of waking.”

Lea turned around. Roxas had come down from the stairs and was now examining all the books he'd brought.

"Yeah," said Lea. He shuffled his feet, then turned back to the fridge.

"You're still looking for him."

"Yeah, well I—"

Roxas laughed.

"What?" said Lea.

"It's funny," said Roxas, laughter still in his voice. Then it wasn't. "It's funny," he said again, voice now void of humour.

"What is?" Lea said, feeling himself tread through broken glass.

"You're obsessed with finding him," said Roxas, his voice taking on a dangerous edge. "Hey, Axel, you try to kill any kids this time?"

"What—"

"You're so desperate.” Roxas laughed. “Just like you were to get me and Xion back. Until it drove you to kidnap Kairi and try to _kill_ Sora."

"You—"

"Yeah, I remember!" Roxas snapped. "I have all of Sora's memories, _remember_? What? Didn't get it memorized?" He continued, voice growing in volume, "You know what? I pity you! You're just a sad, broken, lonely man. You're so desperate to save everyone when you can’t even save yourself! Tell me something. Do you even really care about us beyond using us to fill your own fucking emptiness? Is that the only reason why you brought us back? Well if it was, I guess it must not be working it you're still looking for Saïx to fill the void instead—"

"That's _enough_!" Lea slammed his hand against the table. "You don't even know what you're talking about!"

"Oh, I know full well what I'm talking about!" Roxas said.

Lea heard a door open from upstairs.

"Stop it," Lea said through gritted teeth. _Xion shouldn't have to hear this_. "What's this really about? What's going on with you, huh? I got a call from your teacher about your schoolwork."

Roxas scoffed. "Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Try to be this 'responsible parent figure.' You're not my dad. And you're not even my real family. Because it doesn't matter if I took your name, I'm not your family because I don't _have_ a family! And you wanna know why?"

"_Roxas—_"

"I was made in a fucking lab, that's _why_! I'm not human, Lea. You realize that? I'm a freak! Everyone stares at me in the hallways and talks about me behind my back. Everyone's scared of me! Nobody else wants to talk to me. You should hear the shit they call me. And Xion. The older kids pick on her. Do you even _know_ that?"

"I—"

"No! 'Course you don't! Because you don't even care. You just want us around but you don't want to actually have to deal with us, right? If you get Saïx back, will you treat him like this too? Or maybe you won't. Because he’s your _real_ best friend, right? Because we're not even real _people_. We're just some freakshows that aren't supposed to exist." Tears fell down Roxas' face.

"That's not—"

"Shut up! It's your fault that we're even here! I was fine." Roxas’ voice broke. "I was fine. I didn't ask for this," he whispered, staring down at his own open hands. "I didn't... I didn't ask to be born. For all this baggage. These memories that aren't even mine." He glared up at Lea again and shouted, "It's your fault I'm like this."

"So, what?” said Lea. “You want to stop existing? I thought you wanted a normal life. To live and go to school and make friends like a normal kid. And now you have it!" Lea snarled, "You should be grateful. All the sacrifices I had to make, all the work I did with Ienzo and Even to get you back—"

"Grateful?" Roxas snarled. "Grateful? Yeah, I'm grateful. Grateful for being born as a fucking robot made in a lab, sure. Grateful for being something that shouldn't have even existed in the first place! _No_—alright? I'm not fucking grateful! I hate it. I hate looking at myself and noticing how different I am from a normal person! My skin is smooth, you know that? No hairs. No pores. No wrinkles. Nothing. It's not even skin. We had a science experiment where we had to look at our cheek cells in a microscope. I didn't have any. I'm a _freak_," he spat the last words, seething.

"Roxas..." said Xion. She stood at the stairs, eyes welling with tears.

Roxas stared at her with wide eyes, tears still falling down his cheeks, then glared at the floor.

Then he ran, out the front door and out into the woods.

"Roxas!" Lea called and ran after him, but Roxas was quicker than he was. It was dark and Roxas could've gone any which way. Lea sighed and dragged his feet back into the house, then turned around to see Xion at the foot of the stairs, hugging herself and sobbing. He ran to her and wrapped her into a hug.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry, Xi. It's okay. It's gonna be okay."

But she pushed him away and cried as she ran up into her room. Lea stared at the empty house, at a loss for words. He slumped into the stool at the kitchen counter, defeated. Lea waited there for Roxas to return, checking his phone every few seconds.

Roxas came home hours later. Lea stood up as he entered, but Roxas said nothing.

"Roxas," Lea said sternly.

"What?" Roxas snapped, whirling around, puffy eyes glaring at him.

"Come here," Lea said, voice dangerously low.

Roxas' eyes widened then. He seemed to freeze.

"I said, come here_._ _Now._"

Roxas frowned, visibly gulped, then stepped towards Lea. Just as he came close, Lea reached for him and Roxas flinched.

Lea wrapped Roxas in a tight hug, holding the boy close. "You're not a freak," Lea whispered into his hair. "You are real and you are loved, do you understand me?"

Roxas trembled in his arms. Not long after, he began to weep, crying into Lea's chest and gripping onto Lea's arms for support. Lea held him the whole time.

When Roxas calmed down, he pushed Lea away and wiped his nose with his arm. Then he raised his gaze to Lea, and Lea was shocked to find them still full of anger.

"I'm still mad at you," Roxas said quietly.

Without another word, he headed upstairs and shut himself in his room with the soft click of his door.

* * *

The next morning, Lea woke early to prepare a big apology breakfast for Roxas and Xion. He made pancakes doused in the fancy maple syrup he'd just bought and fried bacon and scrambled eggs. When they both came down already dressed for school, he greeted them with a big smile. "Morning, you two!" he said.

Xion glanced at Roxas and mumbled a response. Roxas didn't say anything, but only made a beeline to the kitchen. Xion followed. They passed Lea standing at the kitchen table as they went to rummage through the pantry and fridge behind him.

"Hey," said Lea, glancing at the breakfast he'd laid out on the kitchen table while keeping the smile plastered on his face. "I already made breakfast, guys. Come on, let's sit down and eat."

"That's okay," Xion said quietly. "I'm gonna be late. But thanks." She fished out an apple from the fridge and passed Lea by on her way out of the kitchen. She only offered a sideways glance and a tiny smile that didn't reach her eyes. Then she went out the door.

Lea gawked at the door as it closed behind her, then turned to look at Roxas, who was busy wolfing down cereal straight from the box.

"Roxas—”

Roxas walked out the kitchen and out the front door with the cereal box, not even sparing him a glance.

After work, he came back early and cooked dinner. He finished laying the table just in time, five minutes before six—the time Roxas and Xion usually return from school. But when half an hour passed without either of them showing up, he sent them a text.

Ten agonizing minutes later, Xion replied: _"we're both eating out for dinner. will be back before 10."_

Lea slumped into his seat, staring at the cold and untouched food. He swallowed his tears and the desire to just throw it all away. He packed it all up into the fridge with a note that they could take it to school for lunch. He ended up eating a tub of ice cream for dinner.

He sat on the balcony outside his room, staring tiredly into the distance as he relished in an ice cream flavour that wasn't sea salt.

_"This isn't healthy, you know,"_ said Isa's voice.

But Lea didn't pay the voice any mind.

When his spoon hit the bottom of the tub, he stared at it for a long moment and drew patterns in the residual ice cream lining the tub's walls with his finger.

_"What are you doing?" _came Isa's voice again.

But Lea just continued what he was doing until he got tired and decided to lick the tub clean.

On his way back inside to throw the empty tub of ice cream, he noticed a glimmer of light shining off the Wayfinder hanging over his dresser mirror. He made his way toward it and stared at the dangling chain, then let his eyes wander to the photographs he'd framed atop the dresser. In them, Roxas and Xion smiled. Their smiles were always so bright. Seeing them always made_ him_ smile. But now as he looked at them, his heart clenched as he felt a lump form in his throat. He wasn't in any of the photos he'd framed—except one. It was the only photo without Roxas and Xion in it. Instead, there was a man with a thick beard and a tweed coat standing next to a softly smiling woman, and in front of them stood two boys: one with a gawky grin and red-hair and the other blue-haired, staring not at the camera but at the other boy, a soft smile on his face as he fidgeted with his sweater's sleeve.

Lea didn't realize he'd been crying until he felt a tear drip down his chin.

* * *

Late after most of the other detectives left the precinct, Lea stayed in his office. He sent a text informing Roxas and Xion that he'd be out late. The phone told him they'd read it, though there was no response. He chucked the phone aside and dived back into his work, pouring over all the books he'd taken from Yen Sid. The old wizard had looked at him skeptically when he'd asked for them, but didn't speak against it. Lea had been fuming over the fact that no one seemed to want him to do this. But now, as he went through the volumes, he began to realize that maybe his efforts would be in vain after all.

He tossed another book aside and opened a new one. He cradled his head in his hand as he flipped through it, finding the same paraphrased text yet again, and gritted his teeth.

He muttered under his breath as he flipped each page as his frustration boiled, "The Realm of Sleep. Comprised of Sleeping Worlds… Collective memories… Heal... Never fully recovered… Hearts fall into the Realm of Sleep to heal their pain—_fuck!"_

He slammed the book shut and let out a groan, pushing the book away. "Fuck!" He stood. He paced. Muttered another long string of curses until his frustration bubbled over into a fit of rage. He growled and threw all the damned books off his table, scattering them onto the floor. Still not satisfied, he kicked his desk and combed his hands through his hair, then threw one of the books against the wall with a final roar.

His chest heaved with each breath. He stood in the centre of the mess, clutching his head. He closed his eyes and let his breathing calm, then he sat on his desk, eyes still shut. His shaky fingers dug through his pocket until he took out a pack of cigarettes. He popped the last stick into his mouth.

As he took a long drag, a knock came at his door.

He squeezed his eyes shut and forced down his returning irritation. "Come in," he said.

The door creaked open and revealed Barret behind it. His eyes were wide as he took in the sight of Lea and the state of his office. "You, uh, doing okay?" said Barret.

"Never better," said Lea flatly.

Barret blinked at him before nodding slowly. "Look, I get you're stressed out and shit, but making a mess ain't solving anything."

"Thanks for the advice," said Lea. "I'll make a note of it."

Barret sighed. "I don't know what's going on with you. You wanna head to the bar? Grab some drinks and talk about it?"

Lea took his time to exhale, feeling the smoke pour out of his mouth. Then, finally, he looked up at Barret. "You know what? Yeah. I could use a drink."

The bar wasn't packed with people due to it being a weeknight, which he was thankful for. He was sure that if he was placed into a loud and rowdy room of people right now he'd explode.

When the barman came for their orders, Barret spoke over Lea and ordered for them. "It's on me," Barret said.

Lea raised an eyebrow. "You sure?"

"Yeah. You're going through a lot right now, so don't worry about it. Just don't get used to it." Barret chuckled.

After the barman came with their drinks, Barret glanced at Lea. "So? You gonna tell me what's going on?"

Lea took his time to drink before saying, "I'm a terrible person."

"Aw, come on. I mean you can be obnoxious as hell, but you're not that bad."

"You haven't known me long enough." Lea gave a wry chuckle.

"Sometimes I wonder about you, you know."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that you're a pretty decent guy. But sometimes you say things or do things out in the field that gets me thinking. You aren't from here, are you?"

"You knew that already."

"I mean… you're not _from_ here. ...Are you?"

"...Yeah."

Barret nodded. After a while, he said, "What's it like? Other Worlds?" He whistled.

"Not too different. Different World, different people, but all the problems are about the same. No World is perfect." Lea stared at his empty glass, then called for another drink and downed that one too.

"Sure you should be drinking that fast?"

"I've never been sure of anything since the day I was born, Wallace."

"Well shit, you got a point." Barret chuckled and gulped his drink down too.

After another drink, Lea felt all his worries fade away as he surrendered himself to a dizzy giggliness. "You know what I've always hated?" he said. "Sporks. Like… Why would anyone think that was a good idea? They look… terrible. 'Cutting spoons' they say. They're all made of plastic. What the hell can they even cut? Nothing!"

"They do look pretty dumb." Barret nodded seriously.

"They're on almost every World I've been to too! Like of all the things to be universal… It's like… murder. And sporks."

Barret's eyes widened as he let out a gasp. "Whoever invented it must've been able to travel the Worlds too then. Holy shit… I wonder what else Keyblade wielders invented that exist everywhere!"

Lea burst into laughter. "What kind of dumbass Keyblade wielder thought that was a good idea? Breaking the World Order just to spread their spork agenda?" He sighed. "Maybe I should invent something stupid and spread my dogma everywhere."

"Your dogma?" Barret laughed.

"Yeah, I'll start a cult of my own. I was in one before you know so I know how it works. I'll call it the Cult of Lea."

"That's the worst thing I've ever heard."

They both burst into laughter and ordered another round.

After about the fifth drink, Lea leaned his cheek against the counter.

"What?" said Barret. "Don't tell me you're ready to go home, man."

"I don't wanna go home," Lea groaned. "It's so quiet at home… Empty… Cold… M'bed's so cold…"

"Hah! That's the life of a single man for ya." Barret sighed wistfully. "It's been almost six months since my last girlfriend. Gotta say, I miss her."

"Mm," said Lea. "I feel you. Haven't gotten laid since…" He narrowed his eyes as he tried to count how long it had been since his days in the Organization. Frequenting brothels was a favourite pastime during his time as Axel, before Roxas and Xion came along and he spent all his free time after work on the clock tower instead. How long ago had _that_ been? Counting and time were concepts too abstract in his garbled mind. "Shit… Can't even remember when." He closed his eyes, imagining Isa's blue hair and soft skin instead. That was all he ever imagined no matter who he was with. He let out a whine at the thought. It really had been too long.

Barret barked out a laugh. "There's a certain… establishment me and the guys like to go to sometimes. Maybe that's what you need."

Even in his drunken stupor, he knew it wasn't. But he needed _something_, and a warm body to sleep with was definitely something.

From then on, it became routine; staying out late at bars and brothels, drinking until Lea's mind swam and fucking to forget about everything else. They were habits that reminded him of his days in the Organization, and for that he only sank deeper into his vices.

* * *

Lea visited Isa in the castle infirmary on weekends—when he'd otherwise be confined to an empty, lonely house that only reminded him of his failure to be a good person. Roxas and Xion had looked up to him from the beginning, and ever since it he only ever seemed to disappoint them. At the very least, Isa had seen always known Lea's secrets and all the parts of him that he now hid under a mask, and accepted him even at his worst.

So he found solace sitting by Isa’s side, watching him sleep. All was quiet in the castle in the early morning, and he managed to sneak past any guards undetected. Despite Lea’s exhaustion and the aching of his muscles, he smiled. “You look so peaceful, Isa,” he muttered, reaching out a hand to lace his fingers together with Isa’s. “I wish I could be that peaceful.” He paused, as if waiting for a response, for Isa to roll his eyes at him and make a snarky remark, _anything_. But Isa remained still. “Tell me,” Lea continued, “is it that great in there? In the Realm of Sleep?”

He waited.

“Isa,” Lea said in a harsh whisper, “I know it must be all fun and rainbows in there. But you have to wake up.” His voice broke. “Please. Isa. You have to wake up.” He choked out a sob. “_Please_. Isa. I don’t know what to do. I’m a mess without you. I don’t…” He hunched over in his seat, watching the droplets fall and seep into his the fabric of his pants. “I don’t know what I’m doing. I… I miss you, Isa. I miss you so much. I’m sorry. I’m fucking sorry, okay? Is that what you want to hear? I screwed up. I was an awful friend. To Saïx. To you.” He took a deep breath. "And to Roxas and Xion too."

He looked up at Isa’s face, unmoving. "Fuck. I wish you were here. You… You always knew what to say. I know that–that Saïx was an ass to Roxas and Xion but I know you never would’ve… If Xehanort hadn’t…” He shook his head and sucked in a shaky breath, squeezing Isa’s hand. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I’m sorry I left you. Please… You have to wake up.”

Lea watched him as he continued to sleep, so peaceful after a decade of suffering. Lea stayed by his side for a while longer, regaining his breath and wiping his tears. Then he left the infirmary, eyes puffy and still sniffling.

“Lea.”

He jumped and yelped. He turned around and found Ienzo by the infirmary door. He had a sad look on his face.

“I’m sorry,” Ienzo said.

Lea shook his head. “It’s fine,” he said, voice still thick. “Are you here to check up on him?”

“Yes,” said Ienzo. “There hasn’t been any changes so far. I wish more could be done.”

“Me too,” was all Lea could say.

“You should leave.”

“What?” Lea said. “What are you talking about?”

“The Restoration Committee is coming shortly. As you know, they've been aiding Ansem with the city’s management. I know you always leave before they arrive, so I thought to tell you. Unless of course, you don’t mind getting involved as well, I'm sure they would love to—”

“Yeah, that’s not a good idea.” He did _not_ want to see his old classmates right now. “I’m just leaving anyway. Thanks for the heads up.”

Ienzo smiled. “You’re welc—”

“You’ll tell me if there are any changes, yeah?”

“I—Yes, of course.”

“Good.”

With that, Lea left, uneager to have to stay in the castle for longer than he needed to. He felt Ienzo staring at him the whole way, though in his exhaustion, he couldn’t care less.

* * *

On a rare night without nightmares, Lea dreamt of Radiant Garden. But not of the castle nor of his house nor the square or even the wilderness beyond the gates. But a peaceful residential area in the heights of the city, where the streets were quiet and the lawns were nicely trimmed and the paint on the houses was unchipped.

At a bright yellow house sat a familiar face on the front steps. He gravitated towards him without even thinking.

"Isa," Lea called out, running over to him.

Isa looked up, and when he recognized Lea, he smiled. His eyes were their old blue-green and his ears were rounded, the scar on his face still present unlike in his previous dreams. His smile made Lea's chest tighten and his stomach flip. "Isa," he said again, softer now as he stood face-to-face with Isa.

Isa didn't say anything and only drew circles into the pavement. Lea walked towards him with caution, but when Isa didn't seem to react to him being so close, Lea sat down next to him on the front steps of the house.

"This is a dream, isn't it?" Lea said, smiling sadly. "It's a shame. It feels so real."

"It's nice, isn't it?" said Isa, still circling his finger over the pavement.

"Yeah." Lea smiled. "If only it was always like this, huh?"

Isa nodded. "Everything's just the same here. Like it used to be. No Heartless. No Darkness. No pain. No sadness."

"Yeah," said Lea. "That sure beats real life."

"You should stay."

"Stay?" Lea laughed. "I wish."

"If you wish it... Why not?"

"What do you mean, 'why not'? It's a dream. And so are you." Lea reached his hand out to touch Isa's cheek, but Isa grabbed his hand before he got to come to close.

"Stay."

"Isa?"

Isa looked up and met Lea's eyes, but there was something different about them. They seemed glazed over, like he was seeing something far away. Lea knew that look from when Isa used to shut down, but this didn't seem like a shutdown at all.

"Stay," Isa repeated. "Please. I want you to stay."

"I... I can't, Isa."

"Why?"

"I can't sleep forever."

"Sure you can."

"No, I can't."

"But you want to."

"Yeah, but... I can't, Isa. I have things to do. Responsibilities." He paused. "I have to take care of Roxas and Xion. Or, well, try to."

"Forget about all of that. Why can't you just run away? Won't it be easier?"

"Well, yeah." He took a deep breath. "But I guess life's never easy. And I can't just think for myself now. I'm their legal guardian now, you know? We're… we're family." He sighed. "At least trying to be."

Isa frowned, let go of Lea's wrist, then looked back down at the pavement.

"You go then," said Isa. "But I will stay."

Lea felt something pull him away from Isa, slowly at first, he didn't even notice it until he realized Isa was suddenly so far away. Then he lurched backwards, screaming as an invisible force pushed him backwards faster and further away until all he heard was the rush of wind in his ears. Then his back crashed into the hard surface of water and he fell into its black depths.

Lea gasped and shot up in bed, clutching the bedding as his chest heaved with every breath he took. He looked around him. He was back in his room in Twilight Town.

"Holy shit," he croaked. He wiped a hand over his face, mind replaying his dream. It didn't feel like a dream. And somehow he knew it wasn't. He swallowed, his throat dry with sleep and a dawning realization. “I just went to the Realm of Sleep.”

* * *

The city was bustling with townsfolk when Lea touched down in Radiant Garden in the late morning. The sun shone brightly, yet the air was chilly. Sliding past the people crowded in the central square, he made his way past buildings, walking down an old familiar path passing by shops and busy streets until slowly, the noise and chatter quieted down and Lea stood at a dead end.

"This isn't right," Lea mumbled. He placed his palms flat against the brick wall and pat down. The bricks were new, lacking dirt and mould, and its paint smelled fresh. They had walled up the path to the North Borough—Isa's old neighbourhood. Why?

He cried out and kicked the wall. "Fuck." His foot throbbed, but he shook his head and stomped off, heading back to the central square.

Nobody paid him any mind as he squeezed through the ever-growing crowds of busy folk flooding into the city square. They all seemed to be peering over to see through the castle gates.

"What's going on?" Lea grunted.

"It's the Restoration Committee," said an elderly woman somewhere in his peripheral vision.

"Huh?" said Lea. "What are they doing?"

"We don't know," said woman holding a crying baby. "Mr. Leon and the Restoration Committee locked the gates. The gates haven’t been locked since before the Fall. Aerith told us we don’t have to worry but Lights, I do hope everything's alright." She looked down to her baby and cooed to calm him down.

"What could they be doing in there?" said Lea, more to himself than anyone.

"Don't know," said an old man. "I wonder if something happened to the Sage-King."

"The Sage-King," Lea repeated. He wondered if these people even knew anything about the horrors the apprentices had committed leading up to The Fall. Lea scowled at the thought of the masses still worshipping Ansem and his cronies for their beloved research and peacemaking when... Lea shook his head. _No. The people never knew Ansem. They never even saw the man’s face. Why should they support him? _He pushed and shoved his way through the crowd, not bothering to apologize. His head filled with a million buzzing thoughts—under-the-table deals conducted between the Restoration Committee and the apprentices? _No. Squall’s too rigid for that._

When he finally reached the gate, surely enough, it was locked tight. But that was the perks of being a Guardian of Light, he supposed. He summoned his Keyblade, hearing gasps and murmurs behind him, then tapped the tip of the blade against the metal bars. With a click and a creak, the gates opened for him.

Dilan and Aeleus were nowhere to be seen at the doors, and the hallways were just as devoid of people as the vestibule. A chill crept up his spine as he swept through the cold hallways, all alone save for the dozens of ceiling-high portraits of dead kings staring at him as he passed. He walked faster.

The lab and the computer room and all the main areas were all empty. _Where are they? Did something happen to them? _He frowned. Isa. He rushed to the infirmary. _If they took Isa... _No. They couldn't have. They wouldn't. _Who am I kidding? After all the shit they did to us? Of course they fucking would_. Then Lea remembered something. Saïx had been there during the Heartless invasion at the Great Maw when none of the other apprentices were. Had he shown his face? Did the Restoration Committee just realize that they were housing an ex-Organization member in the castle? It made sense if the Committee didn’t know that _all _the apprentices were Organization members. Vexen, Aeleus and Ienzo had been eliminated before the Organization had sent all the Heartless to swarm Radiant Garden. Eliminated... by Axel. By Lea.

_Gah. This isn't helping._

In the infirmary, all was quiet, just like the rest of the castle, save for the soft beeping of monitors. Lea let out the breath he'd been holding. Isa was safe. He walked over to check on him, finding him sleeping soundly. _No changes then._

_So where are the others?_

"Lea?"

He whirled around.

Squall stood at the door to the infirmary, donned in official uniform and his brown hair grown out long. There was a scar on his face that hadn’t been there the last time Lea saw him. Lea blinked, feeling like a deer caught in headlights.

"What are you... doing here?" gasped Squall. He made his way over. "Where did you... W-Wait, how did you even get in?"

"I'm a Keyblade wielder." Lea shrugged. "The 'key' part is in the name."

Squall's eyes widened and he stopped in his tracks. "Wait. You?"

"Aw come on. Give me some credit."

Leon gaped at him. "No way. What are you— Don't only chosen ones get the Keyblade? Like Sora. In the legends—"

"Don’t know what legends you heard and who told you, but they were wrong." Lea laughed. "Trust me. Every story they fed us as kids were all just fairytales and myths mixed up with the truth to make one big hot pile of baloney soup."

Squall stared at him, brows furrowed together and eyes practically popping out of his head.

"Well, it's nice to see you too, Squall. It's been a hot minute."

Frown still plastered on his face, Squall nodded slowly. Then he gave a small smile. "It really has.” He chuckled. “What a blast from the past.” Then he cleared his throat. “Oh, though, uh, I go by Leon now. I have ever since the Fall."

"Right. I heard."

Squall turned to look at Isa laying in the infirmary bed, gaze flickering over Isa's sleeping face. "Wait, is that… Isa…?” His gaze darted from Lea to Isa several times before landing on Lea. “What happened to you both?"

"What didn't?" Lea said, though his voice with hollow of humour. "Where are the apprentices?"

Squall blinked at him, brows furrowing together. "The apprentices?” His expression took a drastic turn, and his brown eyes became both bullet and blade as they bore into Lea. “Okay, I'm having a hard time believing any of this. How did you become a Keyblade wielder and why are you looking for the apprentices? What are you up to?"

"I have no idea what you mean," said Lea lowly.

Squall narrowed his eyes at Lea. "You used to be from the East Borough just like the rest of us. Then you upped and disappeared before we even graduated high school. No one knew what happened to you _or _Isa. And now, all of a sudden, you wash back up into town as a Keyblade wielder, barging into the castle and demanding to see the apprentices?"

"Yeah, it’s a huge upgrade isn’t it? Like from a bicycle to a sports car, except the sports car’s not yours and you're only driving it for the king of hell himself, then the car crashes and everything explodes."

Squall’s frown deepened. "After all these years, you still don't make a lick of sense."

"Guess that's one thing that hasn't changed."

“What happened, MacRoy?” Squall said through gritted teeth. “What _really_ happened?”

"Simple. I lost everything."

"Where have you been all this time? Most of us that survived washed up in Traverse Town or another World in-between, so where did you—"

"Another World in-between, but you wouldn’t know it." Lea shrugged.

"And you're only coming back now?" Squall glared.

"I have a reason." He glanced at Isa.

“Enough!” Squall summoned a weapon—a gunblade, which made Lea’s eyes widen—and pointed it at Lea. “Tell me the full story _now_ or I’ll be forced to kick you out."

"Aw, Squall, you know I like a good story and all. But I don’t have time right now.” Lea levelled back with a glare of his own. “Where’s Ienzo?”

“That’s it!” Squall raised his weapon and—

“Leon?” came a feminine voice.

Squall froze.

“What’s taking you so long down there?”

A woman walked through the infirmary door. With her long brown hair braided with a red ribbon and dressed in a business-style blouse and skirt, Lea recognized her as Aerith. When she saw Lea, she gasped.

“Lea! Is that you?” She ran up to them and leaned in close to Lea’s face, as if trying to tell if he was real or not. When she decided that yes, it was really him, she brought her hands to cover her mouth. “I thought you had…”

“Died?” said Lea.

“Yes,” said Aerith softly.

“Well, I did,” said Lea. “Twice.”

“_What_?” Aerith and Squall both said in unison.

“Long story! And like I said, I don’t have time right now. I need to see Ienzo. Now.”

“Oh,” said Aerith. “Sure. I'll bring you to him. He’s upstairs with the others in the meeting room. We're discussing new policies for the city."

“Aerith!” Squall said, his jaw to the floor.

"All of you?" said Lea to Aerith.

"That’s right,” said Aerith. “Sage-King Ansem acknowledged the work we've been doing to help restore the city to its former glory and recruited us as part of his administration division. The apprentices are still there aiding the Sage-King as well. Nothing's official yet, but I suspect they'll all be given a seat on the administrative council. As of now, everything's still in the talks. Things have been so busy around here ever since they came back! And it’s only getting busier."

“_Aerith_!” said Squall. “What are you doing?!”

“What?” said Aerith.

“Why are you just telling him everything?!” said Squall. “We can’t trust him!”

Aerith looked between Squall and Lea, then frowned. “Why not? He’s our friend. We’ve all known each other since kindergarten—”

“But—”

“And besides,” Aerith continued, “the people are going to find out sooner or later anyway. Government transparency and open-door policy, remember?” Then she looked at Lea and chuckled. “Or should I say ‘got it memorized’?”

Lea grinned as Squall fumed. “But why shut down the castle like this then?" said Lea.

"This is just temporary,” said Aerith. “It’s just because we aren’t receiving any audiences today. We have a lot of work to get done today."

"Right,” said Lea. “It's got the people fussing outside though. You didn’t tell them why you locked the gate?"

"It’s a bit difficult when they’re all hounding you for answers at once.” Aerith chuckled sheepishly. “But I told Cid to get the P.A. system running so we can make an official announcement. He just… hasn’t yet." She sighed, then shook her head. “Anyway, Lea. It’s been so long. I’m so glad you’re here, I can’t wait to catch up on everything. We were all so worried about you when you and Isa just disappeared like that in high school!”

Squall glared at Lea. “I don’t trust him. You shouldn’t either.”

Aerith pinched the bridge of her nose. “Leon…”

“Don’t you find it suspicious?” said Squall. “That he just disappears and shows up on today of all days, barging into the castle with a _Keyblade_?”

“A what?” Aerith gasped. She looked to Lea for confirmation. He nodded and summoned his Keyblade in his hand, earning another gasp from Aerith. “Lea… That’s… amazing! And excellent news!” Her eyes widened and she hit her fist against her palm. “You could be a lot of help on our committee!"

"My help,” Lea repeated. “In what exactly?"

"City's defence,” said Aerith, eyes wide as her eyes darted this way and that. “During the Sage-King's reign before, he'd focused all his efforts on research and academia. Save for a handful of us, no one survived when the Darkness came and took over. But with a _Keyblade _wielder, we could—"

"Could what?" said Lea. “Look, guys, I just came here to—”

"We’re planning to form a border patrol outside the gates,” Aerith continued. “And install a better anti-Heartless security system. But there’s so much ground to cover. We enlisted Sora’s help for a while but he was only around for a short time, so even with his Keyblade glider he couldn’t do it _all_. But now that _you’re_ here—”

“Aerith,” said Lea.

Aerith stopped and blinked a few times. “Sorry. I know, you came here for something else.” She gave an apologetic smile. “Come on, I’ll bring you to see the others.”

* * *

"Here we are," said Aerith.

The meeting room was exactly like the war rooms he'd seen in movies. Rows of chairs leading down to the round table at the centre. Large display screens and computers lined the walls, and in between them were banners with the Radiant Garden sigil embroidered onto a deep violet fabric.

"We may have renovated it a little," said Aerith.

Lea followed him toward the round table at the foot of the room, where the other Restoration Committee members and the apprentices stood alongside Ansem the Wise, dressed in regal red robes.

"I found our intruder in the infirmary," said Squall, poking a thumb towards Lea's direction.

Everyone turned and faced Lea as he approached. They were all there, all the familiar faces from a past he often wished to forget. Ienzo, Even, Aeleus, Dilan. Yuffie, Cloud and Tifa. There was an older man with blond hair there that he didn’t recognize too. Notably though, Zack was missing. Lea absently wondered what had happened to him, but found he didn’t care enough to mention it. Instead, he glared at the apprentices, then softened his expression as he regarded familiar faces from his school days.

"Hey," said Lea, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Long time no see.”

“Lea!” Yuffie exclaimed, then bounded over to him. “You’re okay! Lights. We haven’t seen you in…”

“Ages,” Lea finished.

"Ah, Lea, I thought the intruder would be you," said Ienzo with a bright smile. "You went to see Isa, correct? And how is he?"

“I should be the one asking you," said Lea.

“Wait,” Yuffie said. “_Isa_? He’s here too?”

“Yes,” said Ienzo. “In the infirmary.” Then he looked at Lea. "His condition still hasn't changed, I’m sorry."

"Don’t be." Lea looked down at the table and all the blueprints and maps laid out across it. "I came here because I had a question."

"And what question is that?" said Ansem, arms held behind his back.

"The North Borough," said Lea, pointing at it on the map, where it was crossed out with a red ‘X’. "What happened to it? I went there and there was a wall that never used to be there. And here you’ve crossed the whole area out entirely. What’s going on?"

Silence. Some averted their eyes. Others only regarded him with a flat look of annoyance. Lea felt rage bubble up in his chest.

"What happened?" Lea snapped.

"We don’t… know exactly," said Aerith. Her eyes were wide, but with concern, not fear. She turned to the others. "We should show him."

Cid scoffed. "We just built that wall and now you wanna tear it down just to show this asshole?"

"Hey!" Lea said.

"Let's all calm down," Aerith said. She put her hands up and waited for everyone to settle. "It's not a big deal, Cid. We'll just ask Merlin to put up a new wall. It won't be an issue."

"Wait,” said Cid. “You telling me Merlin coulda put up the wall with magic when I spent the whole day stackin' bricks?"

"Merlin was busy that day." Squall shrugged.

"I can show you, Lea," said Yuffie. "This meeting's boring anyway."

"It’s fine," said Lea quickly. "I can go on my own." Before anyone could question it, he turned on his heel and left.

When he reached the wall, he took a deep breath. What did they want to block off? What horrible things could've happened to Isa's old home? What happened to Isa's parents? After all this time, none of the lists Ienzo had sent included their names. He placed his hands on the wall. "Well," he said. "Let's see what's behind you."

He concentrated, his hands starting to glow red-hot. Then the wall exploded. It left a hole in the middle big enough for him to walk through. _Who needs TNT when you have magic?_

But just as he stepped past the wall, he stopped, almost tripping from the jerking motion.

"What the..."

Past the wall, there was nothing. Literally. Nothing at all. The ground tapered into a white, blank space that stretched out into an infinite void beyond. He tried stepping a foot through the ground and almost fell. Bending down, he touched the pavement where it faded into the white void, and the dirt sieved through his fingers into wisps until that too faded into nothingness. Isa's whole neighbourhood was just... gone. Not destroyed, not ravaged or oozing with Darkness. Just... gone.

"It's strange, isn't it?"

Lea jumped and whirled around to find Ienzo standing there. Ienzo smiled sadly.

"What are you doing here?" Lea said.

"I thought you'd need company. I understand. It's difficult to process. I had a hard time seeing it for myself the first time as well. Even now—"

"You"—Lea stabbed a finger at Ienzo's chest—"don't understand shit."

Ienzo's eyes widened, glistening wet. Lea shoved past him and walked away.

"Hey!" Ienzo cried. Lea stopped, but didn't turn. "You don't get to treat me like that!" said Ienzo. "Was it not enough for you to have that replica strangle me the last time? The Master has forgiven me for my sins! I have atoned for what I’ve done! It's not _fair_!"

Lea turned around and Ienzo stamped his foot on the ground, crying and snivelling as he wiped his tears with the long sleeve of his lab coat. And for the first time, Lea realized that Ienzo too had been a child when Xehanort came into power. He hadn’t been older than ten, and had wanted nothing more than to run outside and play, but Even had never let him.

And suddenly, Lea found himself rubbing circles over Ienzo's back as he wept into Lea's shirt. “I’m sorry. Shh, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. You’re right,” he cooed, holding Ienzo close just like he did whenever Roxas and Xion cried. "Hey," said Lea. "You ever had sea-salt ice cream before?"

* * *

"Too bad," said Ienzo. "I really did want to try that ice cream."

“Ice cream isn’t exactly an autumn dessert.” Lea shrugged. "Forgot how fast the seasons change around here. Besides, hot chocolate isn’t bad."

They sat outside a small cafe in town, brown leaves strewn on the ground at their feet. A cold wind blew past them, making Lea shiver. He hadn’t exactly dressed for the season. He fished out a cigarette and lit it, then took a drag, savouring the warm smoke. Ringing bells and the calls of busy merchants floated through the street. Small children played outside, dashing through piles of leaves to the chagrin of the workers with ladders and bakers carrying trays of bread. They shouted after almost getting tripped by the kids' antics. Lea smiled.

"Do you frequent this cafe often?" said Ienzo, bright-eyed and curious, the tears from before now gone.

"Nah," said Lea. "Never been here."

"I see." Ienzo nodded.

Lea nodded too, then felt his stomach tighten as he remembered what he’d said to Ienzo in front of the broken wall. "Hey. Ienzo..." He looked Ienzo in the eye. "I'm sorry."

"For making me cry or for killing me as a Nobody?"

"Both."

Ienzo smiled. "I forgive you."

“Really?”

“Really. You know, I’m… In some strange sense, I’m glad my time as a Nobody was cut shorter than everyone else’s. I wished the manner in which it happened had been different. But… I hated being a Nobody. I reawakened earlier than everyone else too. I could finally walk around the city by myself without getting chased and forced back into the castle. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m free now."

Lea stared at his cup of coffee. "How bad was it? Living there your whole life?"

Ienzo tilted his head and looked up in thought. "Lonely. Very lonely. But... I suppose it could've been worse. They never... What they did to you and Isa—"

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"I understand that as well.” Ienzo took a sip from his cup. "So what are you going to do now?"

"Hm?"

"How do you plan to get Isa back? I imagine you already have some schemes up your sleeve. I'm sure it will be a daring rescue. I would like to help."

"Daring rescue. Sure." Lea chuckled. Ienzo laughed along.

Lea absently watched the children play on the street, biting the inside of his cheek.

"I have a theory," said Lea.

"Oh! I like theories." said Ienzo, perking up and grinning. "Tell me, what is it?"

"I think that Isa's neighbourhood—I mean, the North Borough. I think... I think it's sleeping."

Ienzo stared at him with wide eyes. "Excuse me? It's a place. How could a place sleep?"

"Okay, it’s like this. When a World is lost to Darkness, but that Darkness goes away, it should return back to the Realm of Light, right?"

"Yes, the Realm of Light being our current plane of existence.” He nodded and punctuated it with a final “Yes."

"So, I've been reading a bunch about this. Radiant Garden isn't covered in Darkness anymore, so our World got restored back to the way it used to be. But some Worlds—when the damage done by the Darkness was too great—they don't come back."

"Ever?" Ienzo frowned. "Oh my."

"But they _can_."

Ienzo blinked. "How?"

Lea leaned against the table. "When someone dies, they may be gone, but their _memory _lives on. That's what people always say, right? They still live in the minds of their loved ones."

"What's your point?"

"You ever had a dream, except it's not just a dream, but a rehashed old memory? Could be something stupid even. Like you went out for ice cream that day, and then that night in your dream, you're eating like five tubs of ice cream and the people name your king of ice cream mountain."

"Yes, though not that exact dream. But again, what's your point?"

Lea slapped his hand on the table and grinned. "It's the same thing. Except with Worlds. The Worlds that were lost to Darkness still live on."

"In memories, you mean."

"In _sleep_. In people's dreams. Stuck in stasis, forever repeating the same events over and over and over until they wake up."

"So you're saying, that the North Borough still exists. But in people's dreams?" Ienzo frowned. "I thought you had a plan, not just some reassuring words."

"That _is _the plan."

"I don't follow."

"I'm going to go into the Realm of Sleep. And I'm going to wake that dream-World up."

"That's amazing!” Ienzo gasped. “You can do that?"

"Pretty sure."

"But what about Isa?"

"That's the thing. I'm going to have to follow Isa's dreams. See, now _he's_ sleeping too. So if I go into the Realm of Sleep, then dive into his dreams, I'll find the missing North Borough and wake it up."

"Does that wake Isa up?"

Lea took a sip of his coffee.

"Lea?" said Ienzo. "You're not certain, are you?"

"Look, man, I'm just winging everything as I go."

"Naturally. Though that's usually ill-advised considering the danger you could be putting yourself in."

Lea barked out a laugh. "Don't worry. I'll get him out one way or another." He jabbed his thumb to his chest. "After all, ‘dark-rescue’ is my middle name."

* * *

Lea stood outside Xion’s bedroom door and took a deep breath. Then he softly knocked a few times. "Xion. I need your help."

He heard some shuffling from inside. Then the clicking of the door unlocking. Xion opened the door slightly. She looked at him through the crack. "What is it?" she said.

"I need you to watch over me."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "What?"

“I need you to watch over me while I do something.”

She opened the door fully and faced him, brows furrowed together. "What do you mean? What are you planning? Lea, if this is another dangerous—"

"I'm going into the Realm of Sleep."

Her eyes widened. "_What_? H-How? You figured out how to use the power of waking?"

"I... Well, I'm not _all _that sure yet. But I need your help when I do. I’m gonna head over to Radiant Garden and... I'm gonna dive into the Realm of Sleep. Somehow. And when that happens you'll have to watch over my body. Otherwise something might happen to me while I'm asleep. I’ll perform something they call a ‘dive to the heart’ or something? And I have no idea how _that’s _supposed to work but then after that I'll have to unlock the sleeping keyhole of the North Borough somehow by diving into the sleeping-World-version of Radiant Garden that still hasn’t recovered though I’m still not sure how I’m going to do _that _either, and then—"

"Lea!" said Xion. She put a hand on his arm. "Slow down."

"Right. Sorry."

"Radiant Garden," Xion murmured. "That's your old home right?"

"Yeah."

Xion took a deep breath, gaze lowered. After a long moment, she looked up at him again. “Okay. Fine. I’ll do it.”

“Really?” Lea grinned and rushed to hug her. “Lights, Xion, _thank you!_” He pulled away and quickly added, “Look, about everything, I’m really sorry—”

“Lea.” She held up her hand and gave a small smile. “It’s okay,” she said softly. Then her smile faltered. "But… I can’t promise that Roxas will be happy about this."

Lea frowned and looked away, scratching the back of his head. "Roxas hasn’t exactly been talking to me.”

“You haven’t exactly been talking to us either,” Xion muttered.

Lea froze, then dropped his gaze to the floor. “Xion, I’m—”

"Let me just call Roxas and tell him we’re going, okay?"

He nodded and she closed the door with a soft click. He leaned his back against the door and sighed, rolling his shoulders back. He heard Xion say hello and some muffled words he couldn't hear. Gradually her voice grew higher-pitched. They argued. Lea closed his eyes and held his breath. When the door opened again, he almost fell over.

"Lea!" Xion exclaimed. "Were you listening in?!"

"Didn't hear much if I'm honest."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes, frowning. “Right. Well, Roxas knows we're going. Let me just get my armour and we can go, alright?"

Lea nodded and waited outside. When she came out of the house, fully donned in armour, they only exchanged a glance and a nod, then summoned the gliders and flew through the atmosphere.

They landed right in front of Radiant Garden's castle, startling Dilan and Aeleus who stood guard.

"What?" said Lea once his helmet was off. "No meetings today?"

"None of your concern." Dilan scowled.

Lea glared and strode through the entrance, flaunting off the special pass that Aerith had given him. He led Xion to the infirmary. Ienzo was there, conducting tests on Isa as he slept.

"Ah, Lea," Ienzo said Lea came in. "I just finished checking his vitals."

"Any changes?" said Lea.

"No, unfortunately not," said Ienzo.

"It's fine." Lea shook his head and stood beside Isa. He smiled and brushed some stray hair from Isa’s face. "I'll get you out. Don't worry."

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" said Ienzo. “Your plan sounds like a vague concept at best."

"This won't be dangerous, will it?" said Xion, turning to him with concern clear in her bright blue eyes.

"Don't worry." Lea laughed wryly. "This is what heroes do."

* * *

"Has he entered the Realm of Sleep yet?" whispered Ienzo’s voice.

"Maybe," whispered Xion’s voice next. "Do you think he can hear us?

"Yes," said Lea. "I can definitely hear you."

"Lea!” said Xion. “It's been fifteen minutes. You're still awake? Maybe we should call Master Yen Sid or Aqua to—"

"No!" Lea sighed through his nose, keeping his eyes tightly shut. "I'm just having trouble concentrating. I got this."

Ienzo mumbled something under his breath that sounded like 'I doubt it,' making Lea grimace.

"Lea," said Xion. "You have to focus."

"I'm trying!"

"Deep breaths. Calm. Like you're getting normal sleep."

"Been barely getting any of that lately too," Lea grumbled, then sighed. "Okay, okay. I just... I need quiet."

He breathed in deep and tried to clear the clutter from his mind. _Calming things, Lea_. _What's calming? Water. Running water. Like a waterfall. No. Too loud. Like... a stream, in the forest. Yeah. With a deer drinking from it right before a gunshot sounds and—okay, no. No deer. Something else. Calm. Calm. Like... Stars, twinkling in the night sky. Yeah. Stars._ He imagined thousands upon thousands of tiny lights shining in the dark canvas above. He imagined laying in the grass, cool wind blowing against his face on a humid day. Warmth. Touch. Fingers, entwined with his. A smile. The most perfect smile.

The stars swirled above him, spinning like glowing thread on an invisible wheel. Spinning, faster, faster and faster until he was dizzy. _When did the stars get so far away?_ He reached out his arm, but his limbs were made of lead. The stars moved further and further away until they vanished in the distance and he was all alone in the darkness. He opened his mouth but his tongue was iron. Why did he taste blood? He choked on it and gasped for air.

It suffocated him. No, _drowned_ him. His blood raced and alarm bells blared in his mind. He wanted to scream.

But then there was light, shining from below him. He sunk into the depths, lurched backwards into the light below but the scream stayed stuck in his throat. Just as he was sure he was about to slam into the ground, something caught him, cradling him until he felt a flat surface beneath his toes. Both his feet touched the ground. He gasped for air, breathing again. He looked down and found himself standing on a large circular platform of stained glass that shone like sunlight. The glass depicted four people; Roxas, Xion, Isa, and Lea himself the biggest of them all.

_Where am I?_

_“Nowhere.”_

_That voice..._

He wandered to the edge of the platform. Just as he neared it, a bridge crystallized before him, made of the same stained glass as the platform. He looked around, hesitating. But with nowhere else to go, he crossed it. It stretched far into the darkness, leaving the light of the platform behind him until he was once again enveloped in darkness. He could feel the ground below him, but all he saw was a pitch-black abyss. He walked and walked until he reached an unseen edge. He almost fell over into those unfathomable depths, he realized with his heart pounding in his chest.

_What now?_

Just then, he heard breathing from behind him. He spun around. But he saw nothing but emptiness.

"Hello?" he called, his voice finally returning to him.

Then, amidst the midnight ink, two yellow eyes blinked open, staring right at him. It roared. Lea summoned his Keyblade and rolled his shoulders, the adrenaline already pumping through his veins. _Finally. Something I understand._

* * *

Lea slammed into the invisible ground, his whole body screaming. It was impossible. The creature was invisible, and when Lea did manage to land a hit, his blade ricocheted and the creature swiped a claw at him, sending him flying.

"Traitor!" the creature screamed. Its voice sounded like a million different wails overlapping.

Lea spat out blood.

"Stubborn,” it said. “As always. You disgust me."

"Well,” Lea said between heavy breaths, “I'm not letting you win." He stood up. "Not until I get Isa back."

"What for?" snarled the creature. "Why are you so desperate for him? You didn't seem to mind leaving him in the dirt before."

Lea threw fireball after fireball at it, but they did nothing but exhaust him. The creature stabbed him, making him scream, then pushed him to the ground with a roar.

"I didn't..." Lea said, clutching his wet abdomen. "I didn't leave him."

"You did. You abandoned him. Left him alone just like everyone else did. Even though you _promised_." It shrieked and struck him, over and over.

"The Organization tore us apart," Lea said through gasping breaths. "They broke us. Changed us. He turned into someone I didn’t recognize. The way... The way he treated Roxas and Xion wasn't the Isa I knew."

"He was _suffering_! But you didn't care. All you know how to do is run away!" It lifted him up and slammed him back against the ground.

Lea stood up again. "We both did,” he rasped. “We both suffered. But now it's time we got to heal. So give him _back_!" He jumped high into the air, then as he dived he slashed his blade against the creature—only for his attack to bound off and throw him through the air until he collided with the hard ground.

"Give it up,” it said. “That's what you're so good at!"

"No." Lea got up and struck, hitting with everything he could. But it was useless. The creature struck and sent him flying backwards with a loud thud as he met the floor yet again. "What are you?" Lea growled. He staggered back to his feet and swung his blade, but it bounced back and threw him back.

"I _am_ him."

"Isa..." Lea breathed. "You're _not _him."

"Denial." It swiped its claws across his skin and kicked him down.

"You're not!" Lea spat. "Isa is good. And kind. And selfless. And funny. And smart and thoughtful and... He's _good_.” His voice broke. “You're not him."

"Maybe not." It pressed a foot on Lea's cheek. "But I am his Darkness. Every terrible thought. Every ounce of vengefulness and wrath and pain. I am the pain he had caused others. I am everything he hates. Every single drop of blood he shed, whether his own or that of those he hurt—that is what I am."

"Oh, Isa..." Lea coughed, blood dripping from his forehead into his mouth. "All that pain..." He chuckled, a tear running down his face. "I guess it is you. I… I saw everything. I couldn't... Couldn't keep my promise. Couldn't protect you... This is all my fault."

The creature kicked him with a force so hard Lea slid against the ground, clutching his abdomen as pain seared through him.

"Isa..." He panted, vision blurring with his own tears. "I'm sorry."

"Fool." It struck him again.

"I'm sorry."

Another blow.

"I'm... sorry. Isa."

Another swing.

A kick.

Again.

And again.

And again.

"Isa." Lea choked out a mouthful of blood. "We were both hurt. We both did awful things. To each other. To everyone else." He smiled, chest heaving as pain afflicted him with each breath he took. "But I think… we deserve to be happy again. Let's be happy again. Let's go to the lookout and stare at the stars. We don't need to keep putting ourselves through this, Isa. We need to stop hurting ourselves. Stop hurting each other."

Yellow eyes stared at him in the darkness. Lea looked up, still breathing heavily, the taste of iron thick on his tongue.

"'Even when Darkness shall pervade and the last star fade,'" said Lea softly. "'They hold each other's face and say...'"

"'I will stay.'"

"I will stay," Lea repeated. "I'll stay, Isa. I’m not leaving you this time. I’m keeping my promise."

Lea held out his hand. Time stretched on for an eternity until he felt a hand slip into his. Their fingers laced together.

The creature erupted along with the darkness surrounding them, transforming into a million tiny stars that flew out from beneath him, unveiling the bright light shining below.

His body aching with every movement, Lea struggled to his feet. He found himself standing on a platform similar to the one earlier. There were still four people, but different; there was Lea, Isa’s parents—Yerik and Idana Sahar—all framed in circles capturing only their faces, and then there was Isa, pictured bigger than the rest of them in the very centre, holding the three faces in his hands. Lea smiled.

A light shone from the centre of Isa's chest. Lea watched as the light transformed into a giant keyhole in the ground.

Lea summoned his Keyblade and held it out in front of him with both hands. A beam of light shot from the blade and into the keyhole, then the keyhole emitted a blinding light that overwhelmed the surroundings. Lea squeezed his eyes shut at its intensity, shielding his face with his arms.

When he opened his eyes again, he took a moment to adjust. He peered around, and he found himself back in Radiant Garden. Except this was... _The North Borough_. He spotted Isa's old home from a block away; it was the only house on the block painted a vibrant yellow. He limped through the streets. Birds chirped in trees, circling around then returning to its nest and repeating the motions every few seconds. _A movie stuck on loop_.

The rest of the neighbourhood was quiet as usual, but unlike his last dream, there were still some people out and about; watering their plants, painting their fence, or just sitting on their front porch reading the newspaper. He didn't recall any of their faces. _This must be the collective memory of this place. Not just mine, _he thought. _The North Borough as me and everyone else remembers it._

"You there!"

He jumped and turned. Sitting on the bench in his front yard was Mr. Sahar, smoking his pipe with a thick book in his lap.

"Lights, what happened to you?" said Mr. Sahar. "Are you alright? Do you need to get to the hospital?"

Lea gasped. He stood, stunned, staring at the man before him. Then a grin spread on his face and he walked over. “Mr. Sahar, it’s been so long.”

"Oh dear," said Mr. Sahar. "Have we met?"

"Have we..." Lea trailed off. He shook his head and smiled. "No. I just heard of you. You're the literature professor at the Academy."

Mr. Sahar hesitated, then smiled. “My boy, we need to get you to a hospital. Come now, I can—”

“It’s alright!” Lea chuckled. “It’s fine… I just… Need to rest. Sit down. I’ll be okay. Don’t worry.”

“Well, in that case, you can sit down here.” Mr. Sahar ushered Lea to sit on the bench with him. “Are you sure you don’t need anything?”

Lea smiled, feeling tears well in the corner of his eyes as he sat down next to Mr. Sahar. “I’m fine. Really. Though I could honestly use a smoke right about now.”

“Oh. Well, I do have… Hm, let’s see.” Mr. Sahar put a hand into his coat and then took it out, holding out a pipe.

Lea chuckled and took the pipe from Mr. Sahar's hand. “Thank you.”

"Do you mind if I ask what happened?" said Mr. Sahar.

"Too much to say."

Mr. Sahar frowned sadly. "I’m very sorry.”

Lea brought the pipe to his lips and took a drag. He suppressed a grin at the thought of how he must have looked smoking a pipe like an old man. Then he remembered his manners and cleared his throat. "Don’t be. I’m… I’m glad you’re here, Mr. Sahar.” He smiled sadly. “The truth is, I've lost someone. Someone special. And I need to get him back."

"I'm sorry to hear that," said Mr. Sahar. "You know, It's sad to see such a young man like you already so weighed down by the world."

"I'm not as young as I used to be."

"And when are we ever?"

Lea sat up straight, feeling a phantom backache. "Yeah, but I just feel old." He grunted. "This body's been through enough."

"Good health is something to treasure. While you still have it."

"Sure. I guess."

"No? Then what do you believe worth treasuring more?"

"People," said Lea. "Cheesy as it sounds. Friends. Family. Loved ones. I've lost everything I could ever have to lose. My things, my city, even my heart. But people... They're more precious than any of that." Lea frowned, remembering Roxas at home, who still refused to talk to him. Lea drew his lips into a line. "I'm not really sure what I have to do now."

"My advice? Stop dwelling on the past. If you do, you'll feel every single wrinkle as it forms, hyper-aware of every second as it ticks away."

"But what lies ahead? The future's all fogged up. I can't see a thing."

Mr. Sahar chuckled. "Whatever you want, young man. What _do _you want?"

Lea stared at Mr. Sahar. "I... I want... I want to be happy. I want the people I love to be happy. But that can't happen. Not until I get Isa back."

Mr. Sahar smiled. "And you will."

"How are you so sure?"

Mr. Sahar just smiled and turned back to face the street. "Look at this road. Straight and unbending. A clear path between that end and the other. Life is nothing like that. It's winding. It goes on and on in circles with a million holes and bumps and pins sticking up ready to poke your tyres. Most of the time you don't even know where you're going, for there's never a single destination. But many, many pit stops along the way."

"Huh?"

“You see, Lea,” Mr. Sahar went on. “Life is nothing like any of the stories. There is no plot. No single villain. Things don’t all get tied up into neat little ribbons. Sometimes things never even get resolved, as much as we wish they would. And while there’s nothing wrong with enjoying a good story, sooner or later, we need to put them aside and write our _own_ stories. And you cannot do that when you’re not _living_. And I don’t mean survival, no. Being alive and living are two different things, you know. So which one are you doing?”

Lea sucked in a sharp breath. “Staying alive. Barely. But… I’d like to start living.”

Mr. Sahar smiled, eyes falling shut. "Then I believe… it is time to wake up, Lea."

Lea stared as the image of Mr. Sahar faded, and everything was once again engulfed in a blinding light. He breathed in deep, letting the light take him too.

* * *

Lea shot up, gasping and clutching at the sheets of the infirmary bed.

"Lea!" Xion cried. She wrapped her arms around him. To his surprise, he didn't wince. All his wounds were gone. They were nothing but a dream. "I'm so glad you woke up safe," said Xion.

"Me too," said Lea, blinking to adjust to his surroundings. "Everything felt so real."

Xion pulled away and smiled.

"What?" he said.

She nodded to his right. He turned. And there he was. Isa sat up in bed, very much awake, and—_Lights, he’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen_. Lea threw himself off his bed and rushed over, then hesitated, remembering his boundaries. "Isa," he said, but he choked on the name, voice cracking.

Isa looked up and met his eyes. They were the colour of sea-foam, not the gold that Saix’s had been. They were Lea’s favourite colour, and the sight of it stole all the air from Lea's lungs. The world stopped and every worry Lea had ever had disappeared; it was just Isa and Lea. Isa smiled, putting the sun and all the stars to shame. It was the softest of smiles, like the pale light of the moon on a starless night; subtle and serene.

"Can I hug you?" Lea said.

Isa hesitated, then nodded. That was all Lea needed to wrap him in the tightest hug he could manage without suffocating him.

"I missed you," Lea said.

"I missed you too," Isa whispered.

Lea rasped out strangled laughs in between sobs and rocked Isa in his arms. Isa returned the embrace and soon joined in on the laughter too. They stayed like that, laughing like madmen without a care in the world, for the world didn't matter now that they had each other again.

Then Isa's laughs evolved into choking and wheezing.

Lea whirled around and shouted, “Somebody, help! He’s choking!”

Isa flapped his hand to the side, the other pressed against his mouth. Xion came with a handkerchief at once and he grabbed it.I Isa pressed the handkerchief to his mouth and let out a final heaving cough. Isa breathed again. The handkerchief pulled away red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! The next chapter is going to be a pretty short one as a heads up.
> 
> Now lemme clear up some things:  
\- Roxas and Xion have a ton of issues of their own, and them not talking about it is definitely a trait they learned from Lea. The reason why they "overreacted" was because they're still traumatised from everything that happened in the Organization, so the thought of their new, normal life getting taken away from them is definitely a constant worry for them.  
\- The reason why Lea got to enter the Realm of Sleep that first time in his dream was because the Realm of Sleep is not just a refuge for hearts to recover, but also a form of escapism to heal a heart's pain.  
\- Basically everyone has the ability to form-change their Keyblades into a glider, which is why Leon mentions that Sora has one too.  
\- When Lea talks to Isa's dad in the Realm of Sleep, Isa's dad subtly asked a few questions. Answering those questions were the key to using the power of waking (just like when Riku woke Sora up in DDD). 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! Comments and kudos are always appreciated <3


	14. Awakening

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa wakes up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big shout out to all my readers, especially after all the lovely comments from last chapter. College is giving me huge burnout as I write this but reading your comments always makes me feel better! I love you all <3

Isa blinked slowly, finding everything both too much yet still too far away. His chest squeezed and he felt like he'd swallowed rocks. The air felt heavy, like water, resisting his every movement, muffling his senses. He watched everything as if through aquarium glass. In the ocean of overloading stimuli—the smell of antiseptic, the white LED lights, and the muffled voices—the word "pneumonia" stood out before getting swallowed by the storm that followed.

There was yelling. Mostly from Lea.

_Lights_, Isa thought, taking in the sight of his old friend. _He looks different. Years older. Stronger. Sadder._ Isa remembered Axel through the foggy, vague memories from his time in the Organization. But those ten years were a blur to Isa now and all he could recall was only a terrible pain and the bitter sting of betrayal. Seeing Lea again felt surreal.

What was Lea even yelling about? _There he goes again_, Isa thought, _always making a fuss, always shouting about something._ Axel had never yelled, Isa realized. Somehow, he remembered that. Every move and speech Axel made had always been deliberate and calculated. The only time Axel ever showed an _ounce_ of emotion was when he was with...

Isa frowned. He couldn't recall what happened exactly, for all that came to him now were vague sensations and strings of emotions that begged to be fully uncovered. Yet, Isa refused to heed them. Isa blinked, forcing himself to focus on the situation around him instead. Concrete things were easier than feelings. But he couldn't decipher anything that was happening nor the words being spat. Isa looked around the room, absorbing everything in bits and pieces. Lea was shouting at Ienzo. Even entered the room, and Lea started shouting at him too. Isa watched it unfold in slow motion. Then Isa saw, at the corner of the room, watching it all with concerned blue eyes... was a girl. She had short black hair and a thin face. She didn't look like a nurse. Isa wondered who she was.

The yelling grew louder and louder, a growing storm in the vast expanse where Isa found himself lost. And like debris from wreckage, long-gone memories that had been lost to ten years of being Xehanort's puppet, now came bubbling back to the surface by the storm. In the eye of the hurricane, the memories were all he could cling to.

An image of Lea smiling, offering him ice cream in the heat of summer. Lazing around at the watchtower in the forest. Telling each other stories in the shelter of blankets and pillows. But then the memories he'd hoped to keep down now came unleashed. There was the castle. The girl in the cage. Men with terrifying glares and ominous voices, the threat of death, then the confusion of mercy. Crying over how his body ached, staring at the bruises and scars, wondering why he could never be strong enough. The beatings. The pain, monstrous screams that came from his own throat. A tidal wave of jealousy surging with the sting of betrayal. And at the edges of that current, tugged something else. A mixture of things bubbling together, restricting his chest even further and forming a lump in his throat: remorse, desperation, hopelessness, surrender, pain. There was so much pain. The storm and thunder continued to rage, drowning Isa in an onslaught of memories.

Lea was getting physical.

The turbulent waves tossed Isa this way and that. He squeezed his eyes so tight he felt tears. Then, all at once and without warning, the muffled voices grew sharper and sharper. Then the glass finally broke. He came up for air with a sharp inhale as his eyes snapped open.

"Every _fucking _thing that happened to us is _your _fault!" Lea was shouting. His hands were fisted in the collar of Even's lab coat.

"And I am trying to atone for my actions," Even said, teeth gritted. "Do you think I don't regret everything I did?"

"You can take your regret and shove it up your ass," Lea said.

"Lea, please," said Ienzo.

"You already killed me once before," Even hissed. "And you did the same to Ienzo! He still bears those scars. He was just a boy when it all happened! Yet you took it out on him anyway! Are you still not satisfied? Aren't you supposed to be a Guardian of _Light_?"

"You're right, Ienzo didn't deserve it—but you did," said Lea, getting closer, baring his teeth. "I read the reports. What you did to me—to Isa. I'm not going to kill you again, but I wish I could every time I remember the shit you all put us through. You're lucky your research helped get Roxas and Xion back, otherwise I'd put you in the Box to teach you a lesson." Lea’s expression darkened. “Or, no. Maybe I can use water instead. Tell me, you ever felt what it was like to drown over and over and _over_ again?"

"I had no idea about any of that, I swear," said Even. "It was Xehanort! You know he manipulated us all! When he mentioned he wanted to discipline you, I had no idea that—"

Lea lifted Even up by the collar, hands going closer to the scientist's throat. Lea's voice cracked. "For _days _your precious Superior would lock me in that fucking place. Couldn't move. I almost starved in there_._”

“I had no say in what they did to you!”

“No,” said Lea. "But you let it happen. I was a _child_ and you let it happen!”

“Please," said Even. "I didn’t—”

"_Hey!_"

Isa startled.

They all turned to find a man standing at the doorway. He had brown hair growing past his shoulders, wore an official uniform with Radiant Garden's emblem emblazoned on his lapel, and had an intercom strapped at his shoulder and waist holster. Accompanying him was a woman with a pink ribbon in her hair and a staff in her hand. They both marched into the room. Now that he stood closer, Isa saw a scar between the brown-haired man’s eyes. Isa blinked at him. _He looks so familiar._

Moments after that, Dilan and Aeleus rushed in as well.

“What is the meaning of all this?” barked Dilan. He stormed into the room and his face twisted into fury at the sight of Lea holding Even up in the air.

Dilan moved to grab Lea, but the scarred man cocked a gun at the back of Dilan’s head.

“Halt, general,” the scarred man said. "I don't trust the man either, but you will do him no harm here."

Dilan halted, scowling. Then he backed away from Lea.

"Now what the hell is going on here?" the scarred man said. He looked furiously between the two, then at Ienzo, then at the black-haired girl in the corner.

Lea barked out a bitter laugh, turning to Even. "They don't know, do they?" said Lea. "Of course you never told him. Why would you? Wouldn't want to lose your special place in the castle, would you? You want a place on the council, right?"

"Know what?" said the woman with the staff.

"Go on," said Lea to Even. "Go on! Tell them! Look at Squall and Aerith in the eye and tell them what you did. What you _all _did!"

_Squall? Aerith?_ Isa stared at the scarred man and the woman with the staff, realization dawning on him. The last time he'd seen them was back in high school, ages ago. Squall had only been a scrawny teen then, and Aerith just a bright-eyed youth. _Though I guess we all were_, he thought.

"Lea_," _said Aerith. She put a firm hand on Lea's shoulder. "Put him down. What is going on?"

Lea seethed, nostrils flaring. He glared at Even for a long time, then finally dropped the scientist to the floor. Even scurried backwards and cowered against the wall behind him. Lea finally turned to Aerith, but his glare was fixed on Dilan who stood behind her. "It was _them_. The apprentices."

"The apprentices.” Aerith looked from Lea to Even to Dilan to Aeleus. “What about them?”

"Ask them what they did," said Lea.

Aerith looked at all the apprentices again, then back to Lea. "Lea, what are you talking about?"

"What do you know about any of them?" said Lea

"W-Well, they helped Sage-King Ansem with his research," said Aerith. "They improved our aqueducts, put up the magic that protects our city—”

Lea shook his head. "They’re responsible for a lot more than that. The destruction of Radiant Garden. The Fall. The whole reason why Heartless took over our city. The reason why Ansem was banished and Xehanort took over and destroyed everything. It was them!" Lea laughed, a hollow sound. “Remember those rumours about the wailing from the castle?"

Aerith’s sucked in a sharp breath.

“Enough with this!” Dilan snarled. “He’s gone mad! He was going to kill Even! You saw the look in his eyes! He’s unhinged.”

“As much as I hate to say it, General Dilan is right,” said Squall to Aerith. “You remember how Lea was in school. All those stories he made up just for attention.”

Flames grew at Lea’s fingertips. “I’m not _lying_!”

“_Enough_!” Aerith shouted, stamping her staff against the ground. The room went still. Aerith glared at everyone in the room. Then she met Isa’s gaze. Her eyes softened and she sighed before turning back to the rest of them. “Let’s hear Lea out.”

“Are you seriously going to listen to this simple street urchin?” said Dilan, coming close to Aerith and towering over her.

“_I_ am a street urchin,” said Aerith, unwavering. She glanced at Squall. “And you were too, once. Or did you forget now that we live in this castle?”

Squall averted his gaze. Aerith then turned to Lea. “Speak,” she said. “We’re listening.”

“They conducted experiments,” said Lea lowly. “_Experimenting_. On _people_. _Real. Living. People._ Put them in cages and left them to the fucking Heartless to 'test the strength and darkness of their Hearts'." Lea swallowed, then turned to Even. "How many people?" he snarled. "How many people died because of your experiments?"

Even's jaw went slack. "I-I don't—"

"Do you even remember them?" said Lea. "There was a little girl in the dungeons. She was in the cell next to mine. Do you remember? I told you and you said I made it all up! But I didn't, I _know_ I didn't now. Do you remember her? What about all the rest? What were their names? Did they have families? Did you even _care_? How did you even get them?!"

"I— They were volunteers," Even stammered. He gulped. "At first. We… We didn’t mean to… No one was meant to be harmed! You see it—it was Xehanort. He… He thought it would be more efficient if we didn't wait around for people to come volunteer. So he went to them instead. Called himself Ansem to do it, I don't—

"The orphanage visits," Squall said. "He did orphanage visits. One of them… I came from one of them.”

"I remember those visits,” said Aerith in a harsh whisper. “We all thought that was the real Ansem… We'd never seen the king before so we all… We believed him. _I_ believed him. I supported him. I thought he was being a good leader... For the first time, he actually left the castle to meet with the people. He spoke to us. Visited the slums in the East Borough. He... offered them jobs. At the castle. We never saw them again after that. I never..."

Horror struck Lea's face. Isa stared at him, watched as his body tensed and his eyes widened with sick realization. Lea had come from the East Borough; lived there all his life, cycling through different foster parents. Aerith and Squall must've known that too. They were all neighbours a long time ago.

“Squall,” said Aerith, voice low. “Arrest them.”

“What?” said Squall. “Wait, we can’t just—”

“I _can_ and we must,” Aerith snapped.

“There are protocols to follow,” said Squall.

“Even just gave a confession,” said Aerith. “That warrants an arrest.”

“You would _believe _that, woman?” said Dilan. “A testimony given under threat of one’s life means nothing!”

At that, Squall grabbed Dilan’s arms and cuffed his hands behind his back without hesitating. "You don't speak to her like that."

“We are going to investigate this," Aerith went on, glaring at Dilan. "And if what Lea says is true, then you are going to be serving your sentence for a _long_ time.”

“You can’t arrest us!” cried Dilan. He looked at Even, then Aeleus, then Ienzo, whose eyes were so wide they took up half his face as he stood there, stunned. All of them said nothing. Dilan scoffed. “Are you serious? _We_ are the ones chosen by the Sage-King himself to lead our people! I am the general of our army! All our soldiers!”

Squall handcuffed all the other apprentices and dragged them out of the room.

"Wait!" Lea said. ”Not… Not Ienzo, he wasn't…"

"I'm sorry," said Aerith softly. "But we need to bring him in for questioning."

“Please,” Even stammered. “Don't harm him. He was only a boy when it all happened! He is innocent!”

“We’ll see about that,” said Squall, making Ienzo's brows furrow together with concern. Squall pressed a button on the intercom fixed on his shoulder and leaned close to it. "Tifa, you there?"

"Here," came a familiar voice through the intercom. "What is it, Leon?"

"Find Ansem,” said Squall. “Bring him to the interrogation room.”

"What? The king? But—"

"I don't care," Squall snapped. "This is urgent. Tell Cid to put the castle on lockdown."

Squall walked behind the apprentices, pushing them to move and following them out of the door. Dilan continued to shout protests, his voice growing dimmer as they walked out of the infirmary. Aerith put a hand on Lea’s shoulder, voice lowered. "You should stay here,” she said. “I’m so sorry."

Lea stared at nothing, frozen in his place. Then Aerith left—leaving Isa alone with Lea. And the frightened black-haired girl in the corner. The girl walked up to Lea and put her hand on his arm, looking up at his unseeing eyes and whispering something inaudible. Something about the sight tugged at Isa's heart, but Isa continued to watch them. Lea still didn't move. Isa stared at the girl. Who was she? They seemed close. But she was too young for her to be anything more than a friend. And yet, Isa still found himself wishing that was him in her place, giving Lea words of comfort.

But Isa sat still. His chest hurt.

Finally, Lea blinked and looked around, finally coming down from his thoughts. He looked at the girl and smiled warmly, pulling her into a hug.

Isa watched.

They pulled apart, and then at long last, Lea turned to face Isa. Lea smiled and walked over. Isa stared into those eyes, feeling a million different emotions overwhelming him at once.

Lea sat down at the foot of his bed. "Hey," he said, voice soft and coarse.

"Hi," Isa rasped.

Lea stared at his own lap, one leg bouncing. Axel's leg had never bounced, Isa realized. That was just one of Lea’s habits.

"I..." Lea started, then shut his mouth again. He scratched the back of his head, opening his mouth again, but still, no words came out. After a long while, he finally said, "I'm sorry."

_For what?_ Isa wanted to ask. There were a million possibilities. Isa wondered which one it was for. _For breaking your promise?_ _For betraying me in the Organization? For beating me senseless during the war in the Keyblade Graveyard?_ Maybe it was for all of it.

"Ienzo said..." Lea's eyes darkened, but he cleared his throat and continued, "Ienzo said that you have pneumonia."

_That explains the chest pain._

"He said that it's not that serious and... that you'll recover if you get enough rest and take your meds. And lots of water. But your immunity's low, so... I guess you'll be stuck here for a while."

Isa mulled over the words. "Did they really do that to you?"

“Hm?”

“All those things you mentioned.”

Lea was quiet for a very long time.

“They did similar things to me too,” Isa whispered. “In the Organization.”

Lea looked at him and sucked in a shaky breath. “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m so sorry. About what happened to us. About everything.”

Isa shook his head. _Not your fault_, he wanted to say. But the words couldn’t come out. His mind grew fuzzier. There was just so... so much to think about. So many questions. So much remorse. So much pain. Too many memories. The lights were too bright. And Lea sitting right there was not helping. And that girl—who was she? The question nagged at him, and he hated how much it bothered him even in the midst of everything else.

"I'm tired," Isa said quietly, not looking up to face Lea. "I'd like to rest."

"Isa—"

"Please," Isa said.

Lea stared at him, but Isa refused to look at him. "Alright," Lea said after a long moment. He sighed. "Yeah. Yeah. Okay." He stood up and made to leave, then hesitated. He then walked to Isa's bedside and softly touched the hand Isa had folded on his lap. Lea didn't hold it, just touched it. It was the gentlest of touches. "I, uh... I'll come back, okay?"

Isa nodded.

Lea took something off of the bedside table and placed it on Isa's lap. Isa didn't look at it, just continued to stare into the middle distance. "Here," said Lea. "I, uh... Yeah. I'll be back." He cleared his throat. "Get some rest, okay?"

Slowly, reluctantly, Lea walked away. The girl looked between Lea and Isa a few times before fixing her gaze on Isa. He felt her staring at him for a long time before he finally looked up to meet her eyes. They were the brightest blue he'd ever seen, and there was a hardness in her face beyond her years. She continued to stare at him, her eyes piercing into him, and Isa almost wanted to ask what she wanted when she finally turned away and followed Lea out of the room.

Alone, Isa sank into the pillow and closed his eyes, forcing himself to fall back asleep. But there was an uncomfortable weight on his lap. Isa's eyes flung open and he sat up.

On his lap, nestled in the hospital blanket, was the item Lea had placed there: a shiny black rock. On it, glittery silver ink wrote, "_Get well soon. Yours, Lea_."

Isa's breath hitched. With careful fingers, he lifted it off his lap and cradled it in his palm. Below the words, was a small drawing of a crescent moon in the same silver ink. And just like that, all the emotions that bubbled in him since he woke spilt out. He sobbed, hugging the rock close. It felt like a long lost puzzle piece—a buried treasure from his days as a child who loved nothing more than the simple joy in collecting rocks—and it dawned on him that after a decade, he was finally truly whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos and comments are always appreciated~ I'm exhausted and running on very minimal sleep as I post this, y'all. I have... two weeks more to go and a million tight deadlines. So there's a possibility of another early chapter update! Mostly because I squeeze updating-time into my limited free time lmao.


	15. Communication is Key

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa doesn't open up. Lea finally does.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _I know you're feeling weighed down tonight, And you can't find the breaks_   
_Every day is too long for you, You were sworn to your fate_   
_But we got everything we need, baby, In the memories we make_   
_In a world of reinventions, It's never too late_   
_So let's sit by an English river, 'Til the water runs dry_   
_Can we light a cigarette, And talk about days gone by?_   
_We're neither saints or sinners, So leave your history behind_   
_Let's grab a bottle and take it one day at a time, Take it one day at a time._   

> 
> -_One Day At A Time_ by Sam Smith. Listen to the full fic playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/234COsoTb64DxkAmkm51E6).
> 
> Another early chapter update before I drown in assignments this weekend. 
> 
> **Warning:** Implied self harm, mentions of violence.

Isa watched as the first snow of winter fell outside the window. He always liked the wintertime. It reminded him of days spent by the fireplace reading or being read to by his parents. His mother would make him hot chocolate and he'd sit on her lap as she sang him songs. Winter reminded him of warmth despite the cold. Winter reminded him of home.

"Isa?"

Isa blinked and turned away from the window. Lea sat by his bedside, as he always did, dressed in a plain suit with the tie and top buttons undone. On the bedside table was a piece of Lea’s armour. He'd come straight from work—every day, after six in the evening, just enough time before visiting hours ended. That was the thing about general hospitals; they had strict rules, even for Guardians of Light. None of the leeway given at the castle infirmary was allowed here. Here, Isa shared the ward with five other patients, all of them elderly and untalkative, and here he had to comply with hospital rules. There was a tiny old television set hanging at the corner of the room and the whole place had a peculiar smell Isa hadn't been able to pinpoint yet. The food was bland too, and he knew it was nothing like what would've been served at the castle.

Isa loved it.

"Isa?" Lea said again.

"How are my parents?" said Isa.

Lea opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. "They're fine, from what I've been told."

"You haven't visited them?"

"You told me not to tell them about you. If they saw me, they're definitely going to ask about you and... I wouldn't really know what to say."

That made sense. Isa took a deep breath. He wished they were here. He wanted to hear his mother's songs again, his father's stories. He wanted them here, to hold him again like when he was a boy. Except... he wasn't a boy anymore. If he recalled correctly, he was twenty-eight now. In a few more months, he'd be twenty-nine. _Lights. Where have the times gone? More than ten years of my life… Wasted._

"Hey," Lea said softly. "What's wrong?"

Isa shook his head.

"Hmm. What’s on your mind?"

Isa paused, then said, "I'm thinking of... home."

Lea straightened in his seat, blinking his wide eyes. "Yeah?" He grinned. "Do you want to go home?"

Before Isa could answer, Lea continued, "If you don't want your parents to come visit, maybe you could go to them! I could ask the doctor if you could go home for the holidays! I'm sure your parents would be thrilled to see you again. They miss you for sure—"

"Lea, I don't—"

"And I'm sure you don't want to stay here over the holiday season, right? It'll be just like the old days. I could make a turkey too, though I never learned how to make one, but hey, I could learn! I'm sure I could get a recipe somewhere and do some last-minute shopping but—"

"Lea."

"And we'll have hot chocolate! Your mom always used to do that for us—"

_"Lea."_

Lea stopped himself and looked at Isa. After a moment, he hunched over and stared at his hands. "Sorry."

"It's fine."

"Isa—"

"I'm tired." Isa took a deep breath and looked at the bouquet of flowers on his bedside table. "Maybe you should go."

"But—"

"Lea. Please."

Lea sat still in his seat for a long time, Isa refusing to look at him. In the corner of his eye, Isa caught Lea gripping the armrests tightly. Then, finally, Lea sighed. "I... Yeah. Okay. Sorry. I'll go." He stood up, hesitating, and stared at Isa. "...I'll see you tomorrow, Isa."

* * *

Lea bumped into Aerith outside the hospital on his way out.

“Lea,” she said with a warm smile. “How are you?”

“Uh, I’m fine,” Lea said. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to talk to you. But before that, how’s Isa? I hope he’s okay.”

Lea let out a long sigh. He shook his head. “He’s getting better. The doctors just say he needs plenty of rest right now.”

“That’s good.” Aerith smiled. “I’m glad to hear that. We were all really—”

“What is this about, Aerith?” He sighed again, walking down the hospital steps without waiting for her.

“It’s just… It’s about the Restoration Committee.” She jogged down the steps to catch up to him. “I know I asked you before, but we never got to properly talk about it so—”

“I don’t live here anymore,” Lea said flatly. “Look, I’d love to help. But I can’t. I got two volatile teens to take care of back in Twilight Town—that’s a whole other World mind you. This place isn’t my home anymore.”

“And yet, I’ve seen you come here every day for the past two weeks. If this isn’t your real home anymore, then why are you here?”

He huffed and spun around to face her, fixing her with a hard glare. “I’m here for _Isa,_ and nothing and no one else.”

“So… What? You’re just going to keep going back-and-forth in between Worlds? How long is that going to last? You said you’re looking after two kids back home? Are you just going to keep leaving them home alone while you come here to visit Isa?”

Lea flared his nostrils. “What _I _do is none of _your _business—”

“Except it is. You’re a Keyblade wielder, MacRoy. Whether you like it or not, that means you have a responsibility. This city _needs _you—”

“I don’t owe this city shit after everything I’ve been through,” he snapped.

Aerith stabbed a finger at his chest. “Yes, you do. While you go off galavanting on other Worlds, we’re still struggling to pick up all the pieces. Now Ansem and all the other apprentices are under interrogation. The government is in _shambles_. It’s not about the apprentices or the king, Lea. It’s about the people. The people like _us_. Or at least what you used to be. Are you just going to let our people suffer? We need you here.”

Lea scoffed and turned on his heel. “I don’t have time for this today.”

“And now you're just going to walk out on us?” Aerith called after him. " You can't run away from everything, MacRoy! Didn’t you always want to be a hero?"

He froze. He hesitated. Then he kept on walking.

* * *

Lea took his helmet off and shook his head to push his hair out of his face. He pressed his left pauldron, causing the armour to retract itself off his body. In the distance, children's laughter rang in the evening air followed by the sound of the train passing by. Lea took a deep breath, blinking to adjust to the light of the setting sun.

"Lights, I'm getting real tired of sunsets," he muttered. Shaking his head, he turned to head home.

He took the long way back. It was the scenic route, he told himself. He pushed the voice inside his head that told him it was because he wanted to avoid Xion and her questions about Isa. She meant well, Lea knew that. But he hated having to say that every single attempt to communicate has been a complete failure. Not to mention all the thoughts Aerith was putting into his head about responsibility.

He sighed, focusing on Isa instead. He finally spoke today. _'Home_,' Isa had said. That meant something. He just... wasn't opening up. But Isa had never been the talking type, Lea remembered. Lea's frown deepened. _He talked plenty with me though. I'm his best friend, for Light's sake. _And just as Lea's thoughts began to spiral into an endless series of 'what-if's, the sound of metal rolling against cobblestone shook him out of his head.

He looked down and found an uncapped paint can rolling into his shoe. He glared at it and bent down to inspect it. Shaking it, he found it empty. He looked around for where it came from until his eyes finally found the culprit. "Great," he mumbled to himself, then took the can and marched over to the group of teens spray-painting crude graffiti onto the side of a building. "Hey!" he shouted, prompting them all to jump and whip their heads around to look at him.

Then they ran.

He almost considered just letting them be and heading straight home, but after a long frustrating day, a group of gangly teens were an easy target. He chased after them. They were small and slippery, but he was faster. He caught one of them in a back alley trying to squeeze into a hole at the bottom of a fence.

"Caught ya!" Lea said, grabbing the kid by his hood and yanking him out. _Lights_, he thought. The kid reeked of cigarettes more than he did. Lea dragged the boy closer to get a closer look at him and write up a fat little fine. "Alright kid, you—" Lea pulled his hand away like he'd been burnt.

The boy glared at him through dirty blonde bangs. "Well?" he said. "Are you gonna arrest me, _officer_?"

Lea opened his mouth to say something, then snapped it shut. He glared back. "That's 'detective' to you, _Roxas_."

"Right, 'course it is," said Roxas, shoving past Lea and walking out the alley.

"Hey! We're not done here!" Lea ran up to him and reached his hand out. Roxas shoved it away.

"I think we are."

"No, we're not!" Lea grabbed Roxas' arm and pulled him before he could walk away

"Get off of me!" Roxas yanked his arm away.

“No!” Lea snapped, grabbing Roxas by the shoulder. “I’m sick of this! I already apologized a million times and you still won’t talk to me. So what’s going on with you, huh?! First it wasn’t doing your school work and assignments, then now it’s cigarettes and vandalizing public property? What exactly are you trying to achieve here?”

“Shut up! You're not my dad and you're not the boss of me. I can do whatever the fuck I want and you can't just try to control everything to get your way!"

"Lights! I'm not—" A loud rumbling cut Lea off. Above them, the sky was dark, the eternal orange sunset shrouded by clouds. Lea let out a long and heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Alright. Come on," he said, putting a hand on Roxas' shoulder. "Looks like we’re gonna have to take the train home if it rains."

“But—”

“No buts,” said Lea. “Come on.”

The train ride back was filled with a heavy silence. The only sounds came from the rain outside the windows and the voice making announcements at each stop. It was pretty late, so the train car was moderately empty; besides them, there was was a young man with his headphones in, a woman reading a book, an old man falling asleep, and a couple with their baby in the far corner of the car. No one seemed to be listening. Now was as good a time as any to talk.

"So," Lea said. "Who were those other kids you were with?"

Roxas looked at him for split second before looking back down at his shoes and crossing his arms.

"Roxas," Lea said.

"I'm not snitching on them to you," Roxas grunted.

"I'm not gonna arrest them or anything," Lea said. “Worst you’d all get is a fine for vandalism.” He sniffed the air. "So are they the ones that got you to smoke?”

"Does it matter? _You _smoke."

"I didn’t when I was your age."

“So all I have to do is wait until I’m older, and _then _I can smoke?”

“No, you shouldn’t do it—period.”

“But you do it.”

“And I know that it’s bad for me!” Lea sighed, wiping a hand over his face.

"So you're a hypocrite."

Lea scoffed. "I'm not a—" He groaned. "Forget it.” He stared at his shoes for a moment. “So, uh... What happened to Hayner and... those other two?"

"Pence and Olette," Roxas mumbled.

"Yeah. Them."

Roxas shrugged.

"You're not talking to them anymore?"

Roxas shrugged.

"Geez, I'm getting tired of talking to walls. I'm trying to have a conversation here. I'd appreciate _some _response."

Roxas looked away.

Lea threw his arms in the air and sighed for the millionth time that day, though it came out as a mixture of a growl. "Fine! Don't talk then." He leaned back against the seat and closed his eyes, hoping to at least get some rest if no one was going to bloody talk to him.

"How was Saïx?"

Lea opened his eyes and straightened himself, staring warily at Roxas. "Huh?" He dug his pinky into his ear and took it back out. "Sorry, I don't think I heard you right."

"I said," said Roxas, voice soft, refusing to look at him, "how was Saïx?"

"He... He's… fine. I guess. And, uh, it's Isa. Not... Not Saïx."

"Right. 'Cause Saïx was a bastard. So I'm guessing Isa isn't."

"...Yeah."

"Lea."

"Huh?"

"What happened to you guys?"

Lea stared at his own hands. Were they always this calloused and rough?

"Xion told me about the stuff you said," Roxas continued, voice quiet as his gaze remained fixed on the ground. "When you were at Radiant Garden. To Even. About... what they did to you."

Lea scratched the back of his neck. "Yeah."

"Did they do all that to you in the Organization too?"

"No." Lea squeezed his eyes shut. "Not when we kept in line."

Roxas was quiet for a while. Then he laughed. Lea opened his eyes and stared at him, but Roxas just looked out into the middle distance, a faint smile on his lips.

"What?" said Lea.

"I guess the Organization really fucked us all up, huh?"

Lea chuckled. "They really did."

A long moment of silence stretched between them then, though it felt like the thick tension from before had finally been cut down. Lea’s frustration from moments ago seeped out of him, and exhaustion settled onto his shoulders instead.

"Hey… Lea?" Roxas said softly.

Lea blinked. "Yeah?"

"I’m sorry." Lea gaped at him, and Roxas continued, voice soft. “For being a disappointment. For being a failure at school and not turning out like how you want me to. Like how I was in the early days in the Organization before everything went to shit. I bet you wish I never took your name, huh?”

“Wh-What? No no no no no! I don’t… Is that what you think?”

Roxas gulped. “You were never at home,” he said, his voice thick. “Even before we fought, you were never around. And it’s my fault. You wanted us to all be a family but… I don’t even know what a family is. Everything’s so confusing and I can barely even tell what’s real and what isn’t. I just figured you liked the old me better. The happier me. The one you could take out for ice cream and hang out on the clocktower with. I’m sorry. Guess that turned out to all be fake too.”

Lea's breath hitched, and he forced himself to look away. "Roxas… Don’t, that’s not… That’s not what I thought at all. It’s just…” He grasped for words. Finally, he settled on, “_I'm_ sorry. I haven't been a very good—"_ Friend? Father? Brother? Legal guardian? _He shook his head. "I know... I haven’t been around much. But it’s not because of you, I swear on my life! It's just with work and..."

"Visiting _Isa_."

"Yeah..." Lea picked at his fingers. "But it’s not that… Not that you’re less important to me than he is. It’s just…” He sighed again. “I'm sorry. For not being around. And for… for yelling at you. For not being there. And for the shitty dinners. And… everything else. From before too. I wasn’t a good friend to you in the Organization. I lied to you, kept secrets from you. I was selfish and I guess… I still am. I haven’t been very good to you _and _Xion."

Roxas gave the tiniest of smiles. "I shouldn’t have said all that awful stuff about you that time when we fought. I was just… It’s hard. There’s so much shit I don’t understand about… everything. I always thought the world outside the Organization was this sunshine-and-rainbows place where everyone’s nice and people like Xemnas and Xigbar don’t exist—like in the simulation world. In there, getting along with Hayner, Pence and Olette was the easiest thing ever. But that was all just fake, wasn’t it? Real world’s nothing like that. The real world is _mean_. It’s no different from the Organization.

“The real world,” Roxas continued, “has bullies and people who lie and manipulate you until you feel humiliated and you have no one to talk to and there are so much _expectations _and so many rules I don’t get. Like the smallest difference between you and someone else makes you a loser and an outcast. To make friends, you have to fit in and to fit in you have to at least _get_ what other people are talking about. I don’t know half of what they’re saying most of the time! So many pop culture references about things I never even heard of? And if you show any weakness, you get made fun of without even realizing you’re getting made fun of. I feel like I’m an _alien_."

"Hey, I get it." Lea chuckled wryly. "I _more _than get it.”

Roxas sighed. He stayed silent for a long time, then said, "Does it ever get easier?"

"Lights, I wish I knew.” Then Lea remembered Mr. Sahar’s words from the Realm of Sleep. “Although… I guess it never really does. We just gotta make the best of what we got."

"And what's that?"

"A roof over our heads, for starters," said Lea. Roxas laughed, and Lea went on, "and... you, me, Xion? We've got each other. That's something."

Roxas stared at the couple with the baby at the other end of the train car. "We're not _really_ a family though. You only took us in ‘cause you feel sorry for us. ‘Cause we’re freaks with nowhere else to go. That’s what everyone says."

"Well, everyone’s wrong then. A family's whoever you want them to be. The people you love and trust the most, and want to protect no matter what. The ones you want to build a home with. They don’t have to be blood-related. Though I mean... I guess I get it if that's not what you and Xion want to have with me. Lights know I'm not exactly the best adult figure out there." He chuckled to himself, staring at his scuffed boots.

"You're not perfect." Roxas looked at him, and for the first time in a long time, the contempt in his eyes disappeared as he smiled. "But you try. And that counts for something."

Lea straightened himself, taken aback. He searched for the right words but found none. "Thanks," was all he managed.

“In that case… You and Xion _are_ my family then.” Roxas smiled, though it was fleeting. He turned away again, his face pensive. "We're all… pretty messed up though… Aren't we? The families I see on TV and from everyone else are always so happy and everyone’s got things figured out and they all get along unless it’s arguing over stupid things. We’re nothing like that."

"Yeah. Guess we aren’t." Lea leaned back into his seat and closed his eyes. "We’re far from those picture-perfect families, and I can bet you that even your friends’ families aren’t like that either. But… what we have? It’s broken. And messy. We definitely don’t get along all the time. But you know what?”

“...What?”

“It’s ours. And we’ll learn to make it work. As a team.”

Roxas blinked his wide eyes at Lea. “As a team,” he muttered.

Lea smiled.

After they stepped out the train later, they headed back home, walking in silence. The rain had stopped and iridescent puddles coloured the path to the mansion. Just as Lea took a step towards the front door, two small arms stopped him, hugging him tightly.

"Hey, buddy," Lea cooed. "It's okay. It's okay." He held Roxas, brushing his hand through his hair. "I'm here."

Finally, Roxas pulled away and sniffled. "Thank you," he said, voice thick.

"Hey." Lea placed his hand on Roxas' shoulder. "I know… I’m always busy and not around often. But I care about you, okay? And I'll _make_ time if you let me know you want to talk. Okay? Even if I'm off-World, just give me a call. Please? I want to know what’s going on with you. But you gotta talk to me, Rox."

Roxas wiped his face and nodded slowly, staring at the ground. “The same goes for you, you know. We didn’t even know any of those things happened to you.”

Lea smiled and ruffled Roxas’ hair. “When the time comes, I’ll tell you and Xion the whole story. Okay?”

Roxas nodded.

“But that doesn’t mean that you can’t talk to me, yeah? If something’s going on with you like at school or something—even if you think it’s stupid—just tell me. If you need me to have some words with those bullies you mentioned earlier—”

Roxas laughed. “Okay, okay.”

Lea looked at him seriously. “And I know I may not be the best listener but… you’re my family, Rox. You and Xion both. If something’s up, I need to know about it so I can try to help."

Roxas smiled. “Family,” he said softly.

* * *

Isa jolted awake, the memory of his own cruelty fresh in his mind—the unbridled rage coursing in his veins followed by the senseless beating of so-called enemies into an unrecognizable crimson pump—an unwashable stain on his hands he would never be able to rid himself of. Now he panted, breathing deeply as he looked around. The hospital. He was in the hospital. On the television in the corner of his ward, the news was playing.

"The Restoration Committee, headed by Squall Leonhart, has officially taken control of the castle," the announcer on the screen said. "The city will still be under lockdown and curfew for another two days while the city settles into this transition of power. Cid Highwind, the chief of technology on the committee, says the security of Radiant Garden is their utmost priority, and installations of the anti-Heartless defence mechanism beyond the city borders will be ongoing in the next few weeks. Meanwhile, investigations of King Ansem and his six apprentices are still underway. However, the extent of the alleged 'human experimentation' conducted at the castle is still unclear—"

Isa grabbed the remote and changed the channel.

He flipped through multiple channels until he stopped at a kid's channel showing a cartoon about talking food. The colours were so bright that his eyes hurt looking at it. They all spoke in exaggerated high-pitched voices. He hesitated, then put the remote down.

"Hey, Mr. Grapefruit," said the talking bowl of noodles. "Do you want to play with us? We need a fourth player!"

"No, leave me alone," said the grapefruit.

"Aw, Mr. Grapefruit," said the talking banana. "Why are you always so sour?"

Isa chuckled. "Grapefruit. Grapefruits are sour."

"Isa?"

Isa turned to see Lea coming into the room, then glanced at the clock on the wall. He was early. Isa turned back to the cartoon.

"Hey," said Lea. "I brought you some food. I figured you'd be tired of hospital food. I mean, it's just stir-fry, but I'm sure it's still better than the bland stuff you usually eat. Here. I made it myself."

Isa looked at what Lea had set onto the overbed table he'd rolled across Isa's lap. The rice, stir-fry chicken and vegetables were packed neatly in a cute container with rounded corners. Isa couldn't imagine Lea actually taking the time to prepare this. Lea was usually too impatient to cook at all. Isa looked at him, finding his shoulders broader and stubble growing on his freckled face. _He really has changed._

Isa frowned. What has Lea been up to all the time Isa was gone? That girl who'd been with Lea in the castle infirmary—who was she? After all this time, Isa had never gathered the courage to ask, no matter how much he wanted to. Somehow, it didn't feel like it was his place. _I missed you, _Lea had said. But why? He had no reason to miss Isa. Not after all the things he had done under Xemnas’ command. The senseless brutality he’d inflicted onto anyone facing him on the battleground whenever he berserked. If anything, Isa deserved a prison sentence just like the other apprentices. He was no Guardian of Light to be absolved of his past crimes. Blood had been spilt at Saïx’s hands—at _his_ hands.

And despite Lea's insistent presence, Isa didn't have a right to know anything about Lea anymore. Especially not after the way he'd hurt him. He had stabbed Lea in the side in a fit of rage. The Darkness' influence had twisted him, contorting his jealous tendencies into something wicked. In the end, he'd hurt both Axel and those children; Roxas and that puppet, Number Fourteen—no, _Xion. _Her name was Xion. _She wasn't _really _a puppet in the end though, was she? _

_I was_.

_'The organization's loyal dog_,' Isa heard a voice say in a deep baritone. Xemnas' face flashed in his head and he gasped, flailing his hands and knocking the food off the table.

"Isa!" Lea yelped, reaching to catch it just a second too late. "Oh, crap. Hold on, I'll get a tissue or something."

Isa sat there, stunned, staring at the mess he'd caused.

_"Number VII, can you not do anything right?"_

_No, _he thought to himself. _The only thing I'm good at is ruining good things._

_"Look at you. Are you really so dependent on Number Eight that you must feign emotions you do not have? Enough. You do not have a Heart to feel, Seven. Accept that the traitor has abandoned you. And why wouldn't he? He has no Heart to feel anything for you."_

Isa choked out a sob without even realizing he’d been crying.

"Hey, hey," Lea said, putting an arm around Isa’s shoulder, grounding him back in the present. "It's fine! I'll just get you something else to eat. Isa? Hey, what's wrong?"

Words couldn't come, so Isa just wept into the crook of Lea's neck.

"Shhh, it's okay," Lea cooed. "It's okay. It'll be okay. I'm here."

When Isa finally calmed down, he sniffled and realized he'd soaked Lea's shirt collar with his tears and snot. His face grew hot. "Your shirt..." he mumbled.

"It's fine," Lea said. "I've got other shirts."

"My snot's on it."

Lea laughed. "Thanks for the souvenir then." He then paused, clearing his throat. "Okay, that came out weird. Forget I said anything."

Isa gave a shaky laugh, his face still wet. "That's unlike you. ...To tell people to forget."

"Yeah," Lea said sheepishly. "I guess it is."

"Why are you still here?" Isa said quietly.

Lea jumped back and stared at him with wide eyes. "Um. I could leave, if that's what you want. Do you want me to get you some other food since—"

"No." Isa shook his head. "I mean... Why are you _here? _With... With me."

"I've been visiting you every day for the past two weeks, Isa." Lea frowned.

"I know, that's not..." Isa shook his head, hands fidgeting with his shirt sleeve. "I meant..." He wracked his brain for the right words. "I was horrible. To everyone. To you. We were enemies near the end. Weren't we?"

"Oh." Lea sighed, standing up to clean the food spilt over the bed. "I guess we were, though for the better part of those ten years, I stuck by your side through it all. That only changed when..."

"When Roxas and Xion came into the picture," Isa finished.

Lea pursed his lips as he collected the rice and pieces of stir-fry in his hand. "That was back in the Organization." With his free hand, he wiped any excess oil and sauce spilt onto Isa's blanket with a tissue paper. "We're not in the Organization anymore." He threw everything into the dustbin by Isa's bed and took the blanket off of Isa's lap, putting it aside, then cleaned his hands with the hand sanitizer hanging over the bedpost.

"That's it?" said Isa.

"Yeah, well... I mean, the Organization fucked us both over. Lied to us the whole time about not having Hearts too." Lea sat back down in his chair. "We both did awful shit, Isa."

"I was worse than you," Isa muttered, remembering just how vicious his berserking made him be.

Lea laughed. "Were you? I mean sure, Saïx was a huge bastard and pain in the ass, but _I _was the one that killed Vexen and Zexion. Manipulated Namine and the Riku Replica... Kidnapped Kairi, tried to kill Sora..." He let out a long breath through his nose and stared at his feet. "I did a _lot_ of terrible things, Isa," he whispered. "And funnily enough, I did it all for you."

"But that doesn't matter anymore,” Isa said with a thick voice. He remembered his own viciousness and found Axel’s deeds still paled in comparison. Axel may have been an assassin, but the violence Saïx had created lacked any precision or tact. Saïx was a monster, and the fact that Isa still had his memories proved that they were one and the same. “You're a Guardian of Light, Lea. That’s proof that you’re _good_.”

Lea laughed, though it was void of humour. "I’m not though. I’m selfish and brash and stupid. A lot of times, I wonder why I’m a Guardian at all. It's crazy that they even consider me one."

"It's because you have a Keyblade.”

"Xehanort had a Keyblade." Lea shrugged. "And he _ruined_ us." He shook his head. "It's not as simple as that. It's not just... black and white, you know? It's complicated."

"Many things are." Isa frowned, wrapping his mind around Lea's words. "I wish they weren't." He nodded up to the television in the corner. "Like that."

Lea turned around to see what Isa meant, then barked out a laugh. "Like cartoons?"

"Talking food."

Lea laughed, and Isa couldn't help but smile too. But as the laughter died down, Isa's mind swam back to the same thoughts that bothered him every time Lea visited. "Who was that girl?" he blurted out.

"Huh?"

"The girl. She was... She was there. When I woke up. Not Aerith. The other one."

"When you woke..." Lea's eyebrows furrowed together and pursed his lips. "A girl... _Oh_! You mean Xion?"

Isa blinked and turned to stare at Lea.

"What are you looking at me like that for?" said Lea, a smile tugging at his lips.

"X-Xion?" said Isa, eyes wide.

"Yeah," said Lea. "Short black hair, blue eyes, right?"

Isa blinked, his mind racing. "Xion? That was..."

_'It's a puppet. Nothing more. Just look at it.'_

Isa's stomach twisted as vomit threatened to spill out his throat.

"Isa?" said Lea. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"Xion... She..." All that time... Was that what everyone else had seen? She had had a face all along? The faceless mannequin-like creature he'd reviled so much was, in fact, walking and talking with the face and feelings of a normal girl?

Isa held his head in his hands. The room began to spin, his blood pumping in his ears as his lungs squeezed itself of all air. He needed to get out of here.

He threw his legs off the bed and went as fast as his wobbling legs could take him. Faintly, he heard Lea's voice calling him back, but it was lost amongst the sea of everything else. Too many people. The lights were too bright. With every pair of eyes that looked at him, he felt his skin crawl.

_I need to get out of here. Need to get out. Get out get out get out._

Voices shouted as he walked past. What were they saying? Were they talking to him? A million different smells—medicine, latex gloves, antiseptic. _Too much. Too much. Too much_. He squeezed his hands over his ears and ran, hoping whatever path he took brought him out of here. Something grabbed his shoulder and he screamed, elbowing whatever it was that had touched him. Even the brief contact of skin burns. Blurry figures began to close in. There were so many of them. _Leave me alone_ _leave me alone leave me alone._ He needed to get _out_.

Suddenly it was very cold—freezing—like a million knives digging into his skin. But things were _less _here. There was just white. A simple, single colour, encompassing everything. His legs lost balance, and he fell into it. It burned him, skin feeling like it was peeling off of him little by little. He wanted to scream, but his throat was tightly sealed. He wept, whimpering. It hurt. Everything _hurt_. The cold bit into his skin, eating him alive. He rocked in place. Back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.

Eventually, everything seemed to quiet down. His breaths grew less shallow, steadier. He stumbled back to his feet and hugged himself in the freezing cold. His teeth chattered and his eyes were sore and painfully dry. His body felt like it might give out. He was _exhausted_.

"Hey," a soft voice came.

He turned around. Bright red hair. Tanned, freckled skin. A soft smile. _Lea_. He came over and gently put a blanket over Isa's shoulders. "Let's go back inside or your pneumonia's gonna come back in full force," he said. "Would be a shame after all that time recovering."

Wanting nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep, Isa nodded.

"Sorry," Isa said as they walked back to Isa's ward. "I think I elbowed you pretty hard when I ran out."

"Nah, wasn't me. It was a doctor."

Isa's froze. "_What_?"

"Yeah, you, uh, gave him a bloodied nose back there. But it's fine. I mean it's a hospital anyway. It's fine. I already apologized and explained the situation."

Isa groaned.

"Hey, it's fine, alright?"

Isa frowned. "Why are you so nice?" he snapped.

"I'm _decent _at best," Lea said, looking at his feet and scratching his head.

"You sell yourself too short," Isa said quietly.

"Said the pot to the kettle."

Isa paused, turning the phrase over in his mind before understanding what he meant. "I am not a pot," he finally said.

Lea smiled at him. "Come on. Let's just get you to bed. You must be exhausted."

* * *

"I'm home!" Lea called out as he closed the door behind him. The house was in its usual state of mess, but eerily quiet. Usually, he'd be able to hear Roxas' loud rock music from his room and Xion talking loudly over the phone. "Roxas? Xion? You guys home?" As he set down his keys on the kitchen counter, he found a note on the fridge. It read, '_Going to the skate park with some friends. Will be back before 10 -Rox'_

He headed upstairs and listened through Xion's door to see if she was home. "Xion?" he called, knocking on the door. No answer. He tried the doorknob, finding it unlocked, and went in. "Xi? You home?"

There was light coming from the bathroom door. He walked warily toward it and knocked. "Xion?"

"Go away," croaked her voice from the other side.

That didn't sound good. His heartbeat raced and he knocked again. "Xion? Are you okay?"

"I said go _away_."

"Hey, no, is everything okay?" Alarms blared in his head. "I'm coming in, alright?"

No response. If she was on the toilet or undressed, she'd surely say so. He opened the door.

Xion stood hunched over the sink, an electric shaver in her hand, and... half of her head shaved off.

"Xion!" Lea exclaimed. "Hey, what's going on?"

She didn't respond as she examined the locks of raven hair scattered in the sink. With the tank top she wore, Lea saw her bare arms, the burn marks on her hands from holding Xemnas’ laser blades—and then he saw bruises that weren’t there before.

"Whoa, what happened to your...?" said Lea. He came closer, heart heavy, blood pumping loudly in his ears as he pieced the picture together. "Xion..."

"I just want to feel real," Xion whispered, tears spilling down her cheeks. "I just... want to feel human."

Without hesitating, Lea pulled her away from the sink and the shaver and held her tightly as she sobbed into his chest.

"I'm sorry," she said, voice muffled. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"It's okay," he hushed. "I'm here. Come on. Let's sit down, okay?"

She nodded, face still pressed against his chest. He slowly peeled her off and led her to her bed, sitting her down. She sniffed, rubbing her nose with the palm of her hand. "I must look like a mess, huh?" she said.

"Well, the half-shaved look is kind of trendy now." He shrugged, offering a smile. "I guess you could use a trim here and there to neaten up, but all in all, not bad."

Xion snorted. "You're just saying that to make me feel better."

"Is it working?"

She smiled. "Yeah. Little bit."

"When did you..." He gestured to the bruises on her arms.

"Just now. With my Keyblade. But don't worry about it."

"Yeah, right. Of _course _I'm gonna worry!"

"It was stupid. It's just that I... get these _moments_. Where I don't feel like myself. Like I'm staring at myself from the outside. And it feels _awful_, and I just need to get back into my body again. I don't usually... hurt myself. I could just do without the episodes." She shook her head. "I won't do it again, okay?"

"Promise?"

She snorted. "C'mon, Lea."

"Hey, I'm serious."

"Yeah, yeah, I promise. There, you happy?"

"No, but it does make me feel a little better. I don't... Don't want you doing that stuff to yourself. You should talk to someone instead of just... suffering on your own. Hurting yourself. You're not alone, you know."

"Roxas has his own problems. And my friends... They don't really get it. It's not like _they_ are replicas made by a bunch of evil scientists or whatever."

Lea wrung his hands. "You can always talk to me."

"Yeah? When?" She raised her brow at him. "You're never around."

"Oh." He picked at his fingers. "Yeah, I realize that. I'm really sorry, I should --"

She shook her head. "Lea. Don't. Look, I get it, alright? And I don't blame you."

"Maybe you should."

"_Lea_."

"What?"

She sighed. "Maybe I should get a therapist."

"What about the school counsellor?"

"Tried it. They're awful."

"Oh."

"Maybe we should _all_ get a therapist."

"You know, that's not such a bad idea."

Xion laughed. "Thanks, Lea. For being here."

Guilt welled up in his chest, and he sat there, not knowing what to do with it. "I should've been there earlier," was all he could think to say.

"You're here _now_."

"Hey, look, even if I'm not around, and you need to talk. I'm just a call away, alright? Even if I'm at work or anything. Just... Just call me, okay? Please?"

"Okay, Lea."

"Yeah. Good." Worry still weighed heavily in his chest. Xion seemed so eerily casual about it, and that only made him feel worse about it. He made a mental note to himself to find a good therapist around town.

"So," Xion said softly. "How was Isa?"

He gulped. "He was... Okay. At first. Then he... Had one of his, er, how do I say it?"

"Berserk episodes?"

"Uh, well... Sort of? You can say it's _something_ like that. Before the whole… _everything_ with Xehanort, Isa always had these things—they’re called meltdowns. Moments where he'd just get too overwhelmed and he'd need time to calm down. He can't control when it happens, it just does. At first it’s a little tricky to tell what sets it off. But after knowing him for a while, you can tell. Intense emotions, crowds, loud noises. Stuff like that. Most times he just sort of shuts down. He'll just blank out and becomes unresponsive. But sometimes he'll kind of freak out, lash out, that sort of stuff."

"That sounds a little like berserking."

"A _little_… I guess...? Except this isn't violent. He only started berserking after… Xehanort.”

Xion's expression turned solemn. "What about him?"

"He triggered the whole berserk state thing." Lea paused. "I think it was the weapon. Remember Saïx’s claymore?

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, well, the first time I saw him use it was also the first time he went berserk. It was terrifying to see him just… so angry, so violent. To see him lose all control like that. They turned him into someone else entirely."

"Oh…” said Xion. "That's terrible."

"Yeah." He cleared his throat. "So anyway, he had a meltdown at the hospital. He calmed down and was exhausted after, so I let him rest. And I left."

"So... No progress?"

"Huh?"

"In getting him to talk? To mend things with him?"

Lea pursed his lips and stewed in that question for a long while. Finally, he said, "You don't mind? That I want to... fix things with him? You don't hate him?"

Xion paused, considering the question. "Like I said before, Saïx was awful to me. His words hurt a lot, and I still remember them. I'm not going to forget the pain he caused. Especially not any time soon." She took a deep breath. "But... I'm willing to move on. If he's really the good person you say he is, I'm willing to forgive him." Her expression hardened. "But I want to hear it from _him_. I want him to look me in the eye and apologize. That's the only way I'll forgive him."

* * *

Isa's hands moved like clockwork, humming along to the soft music coming from Lea's phone as he worked. He'd been moved to his own room a few days ago after a sensory overload from all the other patients he shared the last room with. While he'd enjoyed the company at first, all the other sounds and smells coming from the other patients made it difficult to rest. But he didn't get too lonely. Lea still visited every day, bringing along different activities to keep him occupied.

Isa made the last fold of the paper and set his work down on the overbed table, next to the rest of the paper frogs he'd made.

"Man, you work fast!" Lea said, still fumbling to fold his piece of paper correctly. "Isn't there an easier animal to do?"

"You're doing a bird," said Isa. "I think that's the easiest one in the book."

Lea groaned, crumpling the paper into a ball and grabbing another one from the stack.

"That's the twentieth one you've used," Isa said, suppressing a smile.

"I suck at origami."

"I recall you were quite good at it. Back in pre-school. You made paper planes all the time."

Lea gaped at him. "That doesn't count!"

"If you can fold a paper plane, why not a paper crane?"

"This paper's a lot smaller, for one," Lea mumbled.

"Maybe if you stopped man-handling them..."

Lea laughed. "Well _sorry_ for having fat fingers."

Isa took the many rocks Lea had brought him during the course of Isa’s stay in the hospital. He placed it on the overbed table, then arranged the frogs around the rocks.

"Here," said Lea, handing him a piece of blue paper.

"What's this for?"

"For the pond! You've got your rocks and your frogs. You need a pond for them to sit around and swim in."

Isa smiled. "How could I forget?"

"You didn't get it memorized, that's why."

"Oh, be quiet." Isa placed the blue paper under the rocks, then put a frog onto the paper.

"A lovely pond you've got there," said Lea, mimicking an accent similar to King Ansem's. "Very quaint."

Isa laughed. "You're such an idiot," he said quietly, but he was smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. "When are you going to finish your bird? It can join the pond habitat."

"And eat all your frog-babies?" Lea put his badly-folded paper aside. "Maybe it's better without any birds."

They sat there in comfortable silence for a while, listening to the calm music Lea had put on, a warmth settling in Isa's heart that he hasn't felt in a long time. Then that feeling slipped out of his fingers, replacing itself with something else. Something uneasy. He shifted uncomfortably.

"Hey, you okay?" said Lea.

_What is this feeling? _It felt like a wrench in that small instance of happiness, bringing back old memories. Terrible memories. He swallowed and fidgeted with the fabric of his hospital gown. His stomach twisted. Then he realized: it was guilt.

"Isa?"

Who was he to have an ounce of happiness? After everything he did. The pain he'd caused. Every second he had held that claymore had him become a ticking time bomb. He recalled the splurt of blood and the cracking of bones, and he remembered that they were at the hands of him and that cursed weapon. He was an awful, awful person. He didn't deserve to be happy. He inhaled a shaky breath, hands trembling and vision blurring.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Lea asked in that voice of his; the voice just above a whisper, the one that snuck past all the obstacles in Isa's head and made its home in his heart.

"I... I don't deserve this," Isa choked out.

Lea looked between the origami pieces and Isa.

Isa buried his face in his hands. Lea stayed quiet. They sat still that way for a long time until Isa's mind absently registering the song changing. After a while, he finally heard Lea sigh.

"Come on," Lea said.

Isa uncovered his face, blinking from the sudden brightness. "What?"

"Come on," Lea said again, standing up. He offered a hand to Isa, which Isa hesitantly took.

Once Isa was on his feet, Lea pulled him closer, left hand intertwined with Isa's and the other resting on Isa's waist. Slowly, they began to sway to the lilting music.

Isa closed his eyes as he let Lea move him along to the slow melody. "Why are you doing this?" Isa said, voice hushed as he pressed his forehead against Lea's shoulder. "You should hate me. I’m a monster."

"I told you," said Lea. "I don't hate you and you’re not a monster. And I won't leave you no matter what you say."

"I maimed you in the side with my claymore. I remember it. I remember how - how angry I felt." Isa hiccupped. "That you left me. I thought you abandoned me. Wh-When you promised. You left, and I... I did that to you. I hurt you. You and Roxas and... and Xion. I didn't know... I didn't know. I promise, I didn't know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm _sorry_." Lea held him closer, the hand on his waist moving up to his back. He smelled Lea's cologne over the thick scent of cigarettes in the wool of his sweater. The hand Isa had on Lea's back rubbed the wool of Lea's sweater between his fingers. "And everything Xehanort -- Xemnas? -- everything they said," Isa continued absently. "I believed them. I followed their orders. I hurt people. And everything they said about you, about me, about Xion… I believed it all. I was so alone. I didn't—couldn't... All I felt was anger. And when it wasn’t that, I just…” He inhaled shakily. I-I know it's not an excuse but... I'm sorry," he whispered. "For everything."

“We both did awful things, Isa.”

“But—”

Lea peeled Isa off of his shoulder and leaned their foreheads together.

"Hey, I'm sorry too," said Lea. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry that Xehanort was doing all that to you and I didn't even realize." He wiped Isa's tears with a gentle hand. "Xehanort had us both fooled. He made us believe we didn't have Hearts and that we couldn't feel so he could keep us under his thumb. Hey, if it weren't for Roxas and Xion, I would've ended up the same as you. But look. We're both free now, yeah? We're here. We can heal now, Isa. You can be happy again. You deserve to be happy again."

“Even after everything I did?”

“That wasn’t _you_.”

Isa stopped, pulling away and crossing his arms against his chest. "How would you know? I remember everything I did as Saïx. That’s proof that I _am_ him. I’m a monster, Lea."

"No, you’re not!" Lea snapped. “That was Xehanort and Xemnas _using_ you. That was them controlling you with that fucking weapon they gave you. The fact that you’re free now, and you can feel guilt over it? That’s proof. You weren’t you when you did all those things. They got into your head and used some fucking magic claymore to make you go batshit. I know you, Isa! You’re kind and smart and gentle and you’re the strongest person I know. But what _Saïx _did in the Organization? That _wasn’t _you.”

Isa scoffed and turned away, eyes still puffy. “Stop it! Stop lying just to make me feel better!"

Lea scoffed."I'm not lying, alright?! I'm serious! Look... The shit you've been through. I don't fully know what Xehanort said to you. What he did to get inside your head. But it worked for all of us. He used us all. But now we finally get a second chance! We can finally move on from everything that happened to us."

Isa choked out a sob. “And what if I can’t? What if Xehanort was right about me? What if I really am a monster? Would you stay then? Of course, you wouldn’t. No sensible person would. _I_ wouldn’t.”

Lea took a deep breath. "You _aren’t _a monster. But you are _strong_, Isa. Stronger than you think, and stronger than you know. We’ll get through this, Isa. Together. I mean yeah, life may be full of shit. And all that terrible stuff, all your demons, they might seem like they're drowning you. But you want to know something?"

Isa stayed silent, but Lea came closer, standing in Isa’s personal space. Lea tilted Isa’s chin up and met his gaze with a hardened look.

"You're the moon, Isa. You might think that your light is weak, but your light shines on the darkest of nights, ‘cause it’s the light that reveals the demons in your bedroom as a trick of your eyes, just a lump of clothes on a chair. They can't drown you. _You _control the tides."

Isa took a sharp breath and pushed Lea away. “This isn't some fairytale where everything ends happily ever after, Lea. All that stuff we went through was _real. _And everything right here, right now, all the consequences of what Xehanort made me do? They're _real_. And all those stories my dad fed us are just that: stories."

Lea threw his hands in the air. “Gah! Can you just _listen_ to me?! Fuck.” He began to pace, hands on his hips. He bit his cheek, gaze lowered to the floor. After a moment, he sighed. "Look, I'm not gonna lie!" Lea said. "It's not going to be _easy_. I never said that, alright? Yeah. Some days are going to be hell. Some days, we're gonna wake up wishing we were never even alive. Because yeah, we've been through a lot of _awful _shit, Isa. I'm not an idiot! That shit haunts me too. And yeah, life is just a fucking ordeal most of the time! It hurts! So_ bad_. But you know what? We're going to have to deal with it. We've got no _choice!_ But the choice I _am _making? It's working it out —_together. _With you_. _Even on the worst days. Even when everything is falling apart and _we’re_ falling apart. 'Even when Darkness shall pervade and the last star fade'. I made that promise to you a long time ago. Alright? Got it memorized?”

Lea stopped for breath, shoulders heaving. "I'm _not_ leaving you,” Lea continued, his voice cracking. “I'm not going to let anyone separate us again. We’re going to get through this together." Lea let out a broken laugh, eyes shiny with tears unshed. "I want to learn to be happy again. And I want to do it with _you_." He sucked in a shaky breath. "So… let's grow together, Isa."

"Together," Isa echoed, meeting Lea's eyes. "Is that a promise?"

Lea took a deep breath and let it out as a sigh. "No, you big idiot, it’s not a fucking promise. It’s an oath." He dropped his hands from his hips and came closer to Isa. He held Isa's face in his hands, leaning their foreheads together and wiping Isa's tears with his thumb. "It’s an oath,” he repeated, softer. “So don’t you forget it.”

Isa closed his eyes, falling into Lea’s arms and letting the warmth embrace him. He cried. They both did. Their sobs mixed with broken laughter as they held each other, the radio still playing a gentle melody in the background. What a mess they were, Isa thought. His heart hurt, the pain akin to stitching skin without anaesthetic. But when it was done, it felt like catharsis. Like relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated as always. Seeing all your lovely comments from the last chapter really made a tough week better so a huge shoutout to all of you guys, I love you all <3


	16. Closure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa puts the past behind him.

"Sorry I'm late!” said Lea, rushing into the hospital room. Visiting hours were almost over and Isa was already prepared to sink into the pillows and sleep. At the sound of Lea rushing into the room, however, Isa sat up in the bed once more and eyed Lea as he set down a gift bag onto the bedside table and sat down.

"What's this?” said Isa, staring at the gift bag. He wondered if Lea just came back from a party or some sort.

"Happy birthday!" said Lea. He dug his hand into the bag and pulled out two things: a cupcake and a nicely wrapped box. With a sheepish smile, he put them both on the overbed table.

Isa’s breath caught in his throat, words not coming to him. Gingerly, he took the box and stroked his fingers against the wrapping paper. It was matte red with shiny gold specks and a gold ribbon tying it all together. A million things popped into his mind. _You remembered_; _even I didn’t remember, _and _I don’t deserve to celebrate my birthday_, and thoughts about how this marked his twenty-ninth year; a brand new chapter in his life. The years never seemed to matter when he was in the Organization and birthdays had been totally out of the question. Yet now, he was finally free to celebrate his birthday. After a decade, he was finally allowed to revel in the passing of time like a complete person. His thoughts continued to swim in his mind. And among all those thoughts was even a love confession. Isa settled on something simple to say instead. "Did you wrap this yourself?"

"Nah," said Lea, leaning back into his chair. "You know I'm terrible at that stuff. I asked the shop to do it. The cupcake is all me though! I, uh, wasn’t sure what flavour you wanted so I just went with chocolate. Hope it’s okay."

Isa swallowed thickly and stared at his gifts. “Of course it’s okay,” he said, voice hushed.

"Open it!"

Isa did. Slowly, he pulled on the ribbon and untied it, then searched for the edges of tape and peeled it off. Lea watched, leg bouncing and his fingers picking at the skin around his nails the whole time. Isa pulled the item out from the wrapping paper and his eyes widened, already filling with tears. "This is..."

Lea grinned, though it didn't reach his eyes as he watched for Isa's reaction. "Do you like it?"

The book in Isa's hands was thick and leather-bound with gold lettering that read, '_Tales Across the Worlds, version 2.0: A collection of short stories, poems, and songs from this World and beyond.'_

"I didn't realize it was still in stores," Isa muttered, fingers feeling every edge. It was so different from his father's copy that had been faded and creased. His heart clenched at the sight of it.

"It's a new edition," said Lea. "Basically the same. But with a few different stories, some new illustrations and… a new foreword."

Isa opened the book to the front page, finding, instead of a typewritten foreword, a handwritten note in scrawled ink. _'It's a promise_.' He sucked in a deep breath and stroked his fingers over the thick ink.

He then flipped the pages, finding them all to be in the same style as the first page: handwritten in coloured inks in a cursive that grew messy in some places, with hand-drawn scribbles at the bottom of the pages. The words spoke of familiar stories and poems: _The Man Who Turned to Stone,_ _The Bunny and The Moon, The Star-crossed Lovers,_ and of course,_ The Ballad of Twilight_. He closed the book and held it tightly against his chest, feeling his face burn like a furnace.

Isa's cheeks hurt from smiling, and he tasted his own tears as he did. "You made this?"

"Yeah," said Lea, rubbing the back of his neck. "I know it's not the neatest thing in the world but—"

"I love it," Isa said. "Thank you_." _He tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "_Thank you_," he said again.

"I'm glad you like it." Lea smiled the softest of smiles, his hand just a hair's breadth away from Isa's. "Oh!" Then he shot up straight, taking his hand away. Isa tried his best to contain his disappointment. "I forgot one more thing."

Lea rummaged his coat pocket for something, then his eyes lit up and he pulled out a small wrapped box and held it out to Isa. Isa considered it for a moment then tentatively took it from Lea's palm.

"Open it!”

Isa did. He couldn't control his smile when he saw what was inside.

"A fidget box," said Isa. "Lea. Thank you." He held the box close to his chest, cradling it in his palm. His smile fell and his voice came out as a whisper. "Lea, this is… I don’t… You… Thank you.”

Isa's heart fluttered, and he frowned. He didn't deserve such kindness, and he definitely didn't deserve to have these feelings addressed. It was overwhelming. He didn't even know what to say. What _could_ he say? _How long had Lea spent making this? Why would he put so much effort into all this when a simple cake from the store would have sufficed?_ There were so many questions, so many emotions that coursed through him. It was so _much_ all at once. He didn't even have any of the words to address them all.

It might have been ages when he finally cleared his throat and wiped his tears, still clutching the book tightly against his chest. His eyes felt heavy and he nestled into his pillow and turned to look at Lea, smiling softly. "Lea," he said.

"Yeah?"

Isa peeled the book off his chest and passed it to Lea. "Tell me a story."

Lea chuckled and took the book. "Okay. What kind of story you want?"

"Any. I don't mind. A happy one."

Lea hummed and flipped through the pages until he landed on one. "Alright, I've got one.”

Isa smiled as Lea began the story, speaking slowly in the same way Yerik always did when he told them stories as children. He couldn’t control his joy at the sound of Lea’s voice reading to him.

“'Once upon a time, there was a little girl named Kalua. She was small for her age and she lived on an island with beautiful beaches and thick jungle. She had no family to call her own, but she loved her home and every day, she would walk around the island to talk to her neighbours and peers. However, everyone else thought she was strange. 'You're too talkative!' one said. 'Your hobbies are too weird,' another said. Kalua was lonely and wished on her lucky star for a friend every night.

"'Then, one day, a strange beast arrived on her island. He walked on two legs and spoke, but he was a terrifying creature that loved to wreak chaos everywhere he stepped. Everyone was afraid of him and wanted to capture him. But Kalua saw the good in him and tried to befriend him. He fought back at first, but Kalua was determined. Slowly, Kalua showed the beast the beauty in nature and life. Little by little, the beast learned to stop destroying. Instead, Kalua taught him to build. And build he did. The beast created ships and harbours and fortresses with Kalua's help. Together, they helped the people of the island and everyone grew to accept them.

"'After helping the island with all his work, the beast gifted his last creation to Kalua. It was a simple, modest house. 'But this is not just a house,' said the beast. 'With your love and guidance, I have built for us a home.' From then on, Kalua found a family of her own. Though not tied by blood nor fate, they were tied by something stronger: their love. And they lived happily ever after.' The end."

Isa smiled from ear to ear, though his eyes barely stayed open now. "I liked that one. I like how it says that family can be anyone you want them to be."

"Yeah." Lea smiled. "Me too."

Isa hummed and wiped his eyes. They grew heavier by the second. "Speaking of which... how are Roxas and Xion?"

"Oh. Um. They're fine. We, uh, had a bit of a falling out for a bit actually. But things are mostly fine now." He scratched his nose. "I mean, things are still difficult sometimes. It’s harder to help Roxas especially. He tends to just lash out instead of telling me what’s really going on. But they're kids, you know? I wasn't exactly the easiest kid to deal with either. Hell, I'm still difficult now."

"Mm. Everyone called you a handful."

"A nuisance to all my foster parents." Lea laughed. "But, uh, I'm trying my best, you know? To do right by them. They deserve it."

Isa nodded. "I'm sure you're an excellent parental figure."

Lea's face paled and he let out a high-pitched laugh. "Uh, not quite. I'm not their dad or anything... I'm just... There. To take care of them. Man. I don't know."

Isa smiled softly, feeling warm at the thought of Lea running after his own kids one day. "A big brother then."

"Ah, come on, Isa," Lea laughed, face turning red.

They sat in comfortable silence. It was peaceful. Almost. Isa closed his eyes, feeling sleep beckoning, though his mind still swam with questions. "Lea," he said. "Do they..."

"What?"

"Do they hate me?"

Lea took a deep breath. "No. No, they don't hate you. I mean, they understand. What happened to you. To us. But, uh..."

Isa opened his eyes again, though they were heavier than before, a new type of tired sinking in. "I want to apologize."

Lea sat still, eyes wide.

"I want to apologize to them," Isa continued. "I never… Never got the chance. I'd like to see them and do that. If that's alright with them. I know it might not mean much, but it is the least I could do after all the pain I've caused them. I think it would be better for all of us."

Lea nodded, mouth agape. "Yeah. Yeah, sure. I could get them to come over and visit."

"Perhaps I should go to them instead. It doesn't feel right to have it the other way around."

"I... Alright. I'll ask the nurse. You could come over on a weekend. See our house. Have dinner together."

"Only if they are fine with it."

"Okay." He smiled. "Isa?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For offering to do this. You don't have to, you know."

"...It's what's right."

Lea nodded and smiled. His hand tentatively reached out and stroked Isa’s hair. “You look sleepy,” he said softly. “Maybe I should let you rest.”

“Mmm, no... Stay. Until I fall asleep...” Isa’s eyes fluttered shut as he mumbled, “Birthday present...”

“Oh, yeah, here,” said Lea. “I’ll put them all on the bedside table so you don’t knock them over.”

“No… You.”

“Me?”

“You,” Isa mumbled, nodding into his pillow. “You’re my birthday present.”

Lea chuckled, then pressed his lips to Isa’s head. “Happy birthday, Isa.”

* * *

"Roxas!" Lea shouted from the foot of the stairs, loud enough to hopefully be heard over the intense rock music coming from the boy's room. "Dinner! Come down!"

The music stopped. "Coming, hold on!" Roxas' voice came through the door. Then the music resumed.

Lea grunted and shook his head, making his way back to the kitchen, where Xion had already set the plates for the three of them.

"Thanks for helping out, Xi," he said, going to give a quick stir to the curry in the pot before turning off the stove.

"It's cool," Xion said absently, giggling at something on her phone.

"Who you texting there?" Lea said.

"Nah, no one. Look at this." She turned the phone to Lea as he poured the curry into a bowl.

He craned his neck to get a good look at what was on the screen. It was a picture of a potato with large, red-rimmed eyes and jagged teeth, the quality of the image distorted, with large bold text reading 'SHUT THE UP.' Lea squinted at it, then brought his face away from the phone and cocked an eyebrow at Xion.

"Isn't it hilarious?" Xion said.

"Oh, yeah." He laughed. "Man, that's comedy gold right there!" He didn't understand how that could be funny at all, but Xion seemed to find it really amusing, so he figured he'd play along.

"I know, right?" Xion cackled to herself, taking the phone back and typing furiously into it.

Lea chuckled and shook his head. He put the curry onto the table and headed back to the stairs. "Roxas!" he yelled. "Dinner!"

"Yeah, I said alright!" The music stopped, followed by stomping footsteps and the door flinging open. "Geez," Roxas said, stomping down the stairs. "I said I was coming, didn't I?"

Lea sighed, biting his tongue and following Roxas back into the kitchen.

As they sat down and ate dinner—Xion constantly laughing at something on her phone and Roxas looking sullen as he bit into his rice—Lea debated on whether or not to ask them about Isa coming over. His leg bounced under the table and he pushed his food around on his plate. _Alright. Guess it's now or never._

"Hey," Lea started.

Roxas looked up with disinterest, and Xion didn't seem to be paying attention.

"I was wondering," Lea went on, "if you guys would mind having a guest over for dinner sometime."

"A guest?" Roxas frowned.

"Oh!" Xion looked up from her phone, eyes bright. "Who is it?"

"Well, um." Lea cleared his throat. "You know him."

"Oh, Lights," Roxas mumbled. "Don't tell me..."

"It's Isa," Lea said.

Xion seemed to deflate in her seat. "Oh," she said.

"Look. He just... He wants to apologize, so we can all move on from what happened—start over, you know?"

"Over _dinner_?" Roxas said.

"I mean... why not?" said Lea.

"Looking at his face and having to listen to what he says is all I can tolerate," said Roxas. "But sitting down for a whole dinner? Hard pass."

"I... Fine, what do you suggest?"

Roxas shrugged. "We meet him. Hear what he has to say. Go our separate ways."

"Roxas..." Lea sighed.

"What?" said Roxas. "I don't owe him anything. Alright, maybe I can _forgive _him. But that doesn't mean I have to be his friend and have dinner with him."

Lea took a deep breath, then turned to Xion. "Xion?"

"I... I do want him to apologize. And I appreciate him offering to come to us to do it. But maybe we should take it one step at a time. So, um… No dinner. At least not yet."

Lea swallowed, pushing back the restless electricity in his veins, then forced himself to nod. "Alright. Yeah. Fine."

* * *

After days of planning—and yes, Lea planned things now—the day for Isa to come visit Twilight Town finally arrived. The plan was to meet in an open, public place. Not too many people, but with enough escape routes should anyone feel too uncomfortable and need to leave. He needed to cater to both Isa's comfort as well as Roxas' and Xion's. Lea's heart raced as he waited outside the hospital for Isa to come out. This was make or break. The most important people in his life, all coming together.

Isa came out the hospital's front entrance, wearing the new clothes Lea had bought for him; a thick woollen turtleneck with a dark brown trenchcoat on top and a thick scarf. It looked good on him. Really good. Lea couldn't help but feel a little proud of what he's picked out. It was a nice winter outfit, but Isa could shed the layers when it got warm. It wouldn't be too cold in Twilight Town, but even with the armour on, traversing the Lanes Between got pretty chilly. And with Isa's pneumonia, Lea wouldn't take any chances.

"You look nice," Lea said when Isa finally came down the steps from the entrance, breathing into his gloved hands. "The clothes fit you nicely."

Isa smiled weakly and mumbled a thanks.

"You all set?"

Isa nodded.

Lea handed him the retractable armour. "You put it on your arm. See?" He gestured to the gold pauldron on his own shoulder. "Then once it's on, you just press it." He demonstrated the action on his own armour, and the armour began to materialize, forming around his body until he was suited up from head to toe. "You try."

"Whose is this?" Isa said, eyeing the armour piece.

"A spare I borrowed from Aqua. The Land of Departure has a few that's just there for display, but they work just as well as a custom-made one."

"Aqua... She's…?"

"The Keyblade Master that's friends with Ven. You remember Ven, right? We met him in Radiant Garden as kids."

Realization dawned on Isa and he nodded. "I see." He looked at the armour hesitantly.

Lea laughed. "Here, I'll help you." He took the armour back from Isa's hands and strapped it onto Isa's arm and shoulder with ease, ignoring how his heart fluttered when Isa's face turned red at the close contact. "There ya go."

"So now I just... press it?"

"Yup."

Isa did so, and almost fell back in shock when the armour began to materialize around him.

"Ha, look at that!" Lea exclaimed with a light laugh. "And it's blue, too! Fits you perfectly."

Isa didn't say anything and just shifted nervously in the armour.

"Alright," said Lea. "You ready to go?"

Isa nodded. Lea summoned his blade into his hands, the fiery weapon materializing in seconds, then threw it up into the air, creating a flash of light as the weapon transformed into his glider. It flew down, stopping squarely in front of him, ready to board.

"What d'ya think?" said Lea, grinning.

"I think it's excessively flashy."

"So you think it's cool."

"Stop putting words into my mouth, Lea." Isa stared at the glider. "It's shaped like a motorcycle." He then turned to Lea. Through the helmet’s visor, Lea saw Isa raise a brow at him. "Of course you chose a motorcycle."

"Who said I get to choose what form my glider takes?" Before Isa could answer, Lea mounted the glider and gripped the handlebars. "Alright, hop on!"

Isa did, shifting for a full minute to get comfortable.

"You better hang on."

"I... Fine."

"Tighter, or you're gonna fall off."

"You’re insufferable."

Lea laughed and stamped on the accelerator, zooming them through the sky. Isa screamed, and it sounded like both a mixture of joy and fear.

"Th-This is is really high up," Isa stammered, his arms tightening around Lea's torso. Lea pushed aside whatever giddy feeling he had about that and laughed.

"We haven't broken through the atmosphere yet. Buckle up!"

"But there aren't any buckles for—Whoa!"

They sped through the sky, soaring higher and higher, passing clouds and the light of day until they were cruising through a midnight sky that swirled with neon hues of greens, blues, and reds. The glider began to slow down then, and Isa gasped.

"It's beautiful," Isa breathed. "Exactly like the northern lights in dad's books..."

"Yeah," said Lea, smiling at the sight of Isa's flushed face. "Hey. Didn't you always say you wanted to travel through space?"

Isa's breath hitched.

"Isa?"

"Huh?"

"You okay?"

"I'm just... Overwhelmed." His voice was thick. "In a good way." He took a deep breath. "In the best of ways." A pause. "Lea?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

Lea nodded. "We've still got a ways to go before we reach Twilight Town though. You gonna be alright?"

Another deep breath. "I'll be just fine."

The rest of the journey went by in near-silence, save for the sounds of the winds and Isa's occasional gasps whenever they passed by meteors or dove under large gummi structures. Every now and then, Isa would reach his arms out to feel the clouds of space dust. Lea had been through the Lanes Between countless times already. And each time, he'd never savoured the view. He craned his neck around to look at Isa's face. Splashes of colour reflected off Isa's visor and behind it, Lea saw the sheer wonder sparkling in Isa's bright eyes as he watched the stars and space dust that passed them by. It was a picture that deserved a place in a fine arts museum; a scene right out of a fairytale. Lea wished he could remember it forever.

Then Isa yelled. "Lea, watch out!"

Lea panicked and whirled around just in time to see the incoming asteroid and swerve to avoid it.

"Sorry about that," Lea said, feeling his face burn.

But Isa just laughed. And if it wasn't the most beautiful sound Lea had ever heard, he didn't know what was. Lea made sure to keep his eyes on the road ahead after that, dodging rocks and debris, swooping over and under, Isa whooping all the way.

When they finally descended through Twilight Town's atmosphere and stepped off of the glider, Isa stood frozen in place. Lea took Isa's helmet off for him. "You okay?" he asked, seeing Isa's flushed face and wide, shining eyes.

"That was..." Isa shook his head and shivered. "Breathtaking."

Lea smiled. "Hey. You're gonna get to see that again afterwards."

Isa beamed, eyes bright with wonder and excitement. He was radiant, and the sight of such pure joy in Isa's eyes was enough to melt Lea on the spot. Then, Isa's face changed. The thrill morphed into determination now.

"First things first," Isa said, clearing his throat. "Where are we meeting Roxas and Xion?"

"Never one to get side-tracked, are you?" Lea said, smiling fondly. "You haven't changed at all." He took the armour off of Isa's arm and stashed it into his bag, slinging it over his shoulder. "Come on. It's a nice place overlooking the park. You'll love it."

* * *

Lea brought Isa to a nice establishment on the corner of a street across a park. Lea took Isa's coat and scarf for him as they took their seats. They sat outdoors underneath a wide umbrella that kept them shaded from the bright light of the setting sun. Children's laughter and light chatter hung in the air. Honey-coloured leaves moved listlessly across the cobblestone ground, pushed around by a light breeze.

"It's nice here," Isa said. "I can see why you chose to stay here. Instead of Radiant Garden."

Lea pursed his lips. "It’s alright. Seemed a nice place to start over at the time."

"Is that what you're doing? Starting over?"

Lea shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "I… I guess. Honestly, I just really wanted a change in scenery, I guess. Plus, Roxas really likes it here."

Isa nodded and looked over the menu.

A waitress came to their table. "Hi, what can I get you today?"

"Coffee for me please," said Lea.

Isa stared at the menu for a long while, debating between the options listed.

"Sir?" said the waitress. "Drinks?"

He bit his lip, then finally said, "Earl Grey, please. Thank you."

A little while after they got their drinks, Roxas and Xion appeared in the distance, walking towards them. Immediately, Isa straightened himself and fidgeted with the sleeve of his sweater. He couldn't help but stare at Xion. Half her head was shaved, the other half still maintaining the black-haired bob he remembered from the infirmary. She wore colourful makeup, a crop top and shorts. She looked like... just any other teenage girl. Guilt welled up in his belly, but he pushed it down.

He looked at Roxas then. He still sported the same messy blonde hair, but it was longer than Isa remembered. He wore a school sweatshirt and ripped jeans. It was jarring to see him in anything other than the all-black Organization cloak. He looked like a normal boy. No one would even think to imagine him as anything related to chosen ones and magical prophecies.

They both arrived at the table and greeted Lea half-heartedly. Xion then smiled at Isa politely while Roxas narrowed his eyes at him.

"Hello there," Isa said, lifting a hand to wave. "It is nice to see you both."

Roxas and Xion exchanged looks before Xion turned to Isa and smiled, but didn't say anything in return as they took their seats.

"I'm grateful you both agreed to see me here today," Isa continued. He took a shaky breath, repeating the lines he'd prepared in his mind. He looked away from their faces. He couldn't take seeing what expressions flashed across them. "I know I am not owed forgiveness. Nevertheless, you are both owed an apology. And that is why I wished to meet you. To apologize. So here it is. I am deeply sorry. For… the hurt I have caused you. I can't begin to imagine how much pain I put you both through." A lump formed in his throat. "But I am sorry. And I wish... I wish nothing more than to be able to take it all back. To make amends. To take back the words I spat at you. I... I wasn't myself. But I know that is no excuse."

"Isa," Lea whispered, followed by a hand on his shoulder, anchoring him.

"I hope..." Isa continued, "I hope you can forgive me."

A long silence filled the air, emphasizing the sound of Isa’s own blood pumping in his ears.

Then, finally, Xion took a deep breath and said, "I forgive you."

Isa almost let out a sigh of relief. Almost. He looked to Roxas.

Roxas crossed his arms. His face was unreadable, and Isa had to take back his own thoughts of the boy. From afar, yes, he may have looked like an average teenager oblivious to the troubles of higher powers. But up close, Isa saw the dark circles under his eyes, hardening his face and ageing him. After a pregnant pause, Roxas uncrossed his arms. "I forgive you too," he said.

Isa let out the breath he'd been holding since they'd arrived. "Thank you," he breathed. "Thank you."

They both nodded. After a quick farewell to Lea, stood up and left.

"You okay?" Lea said.

Isa nodded, then smiled, trying to sort out all the sensations swimming in his mind: the shining lights and the astral winds he'd seen on his way here, the smell of his tea, the sweet relief of burying a hatchet he'd never intended to wield, the warmth of Lea's hand on his shoulder. "More than okay," he said. "I think... I'm happy."

* * *

When they landed in Radiant Garden again, Isa felt drunk in the best way. Even after stumbling off the glider and taking off his armour, he clung onto Lea, hoping to never stray from his warmth.

"You alright?" Lea asked, tanned face flushed from the closeness.

"I feel good," Isa said, smiling so hard that his cheeks hurt. "Do you think we can go again sometime?"

"To Twilight Town?"

"Anywhere. On the glider."

Lea laughed, a hearty sound. "Ah, I get it. You're high from space travel."

"High from space travel," Isa repeated. He giggled. "Oh, I get it."

"Wasn't meant to be a pun, loony-head."

"Loony-head... Lunar head..."

"All right, that's enough interspatial flying for one day, mister." Lea chuckled. "We need to get you back to the hospital soon. Otherwise, the nurses will kill me."

"So? We've died once... twice?"

"Four times for you, I think." Lea fastened the scarf around Isa's neck. "I think that's why your immunity's fucked up."

Isa hummed. "I'm getting better you know. You don't have to be so worried over me."

"I'm your friend. It's my job to be worried about you."

"I thought your job is to save the Worlds."

"That's my part-time job. My full-time job is to look after the people I love."

Isa stopped short. "The people you love," Isa echoed. "You love me?"

Lea turned bright red and coughed loudly. "W-Well, duh! You're my best friend, aren't you?"

Isa smiled, feeling a warmth spread in his chest. "Oh, I see."

"Now hurry up already! Let's go."

Isa giggled and followed after Lea as he stomped away, ears tinted a bright red and almost blending in with his hair.

But when they arrived at the hospital's front steps, a crowd had gathered there, blocking the way in. Most of them were guards, clad in official uniform and equipped with spears and large shields with the city emblem emblazoned on it.

"Oh no," Lea said, voice low.

"What's happening?" Isa said.

"Don't know. But it doesn't look good. Come on. Stay behind me."

Isa huffed, about to insist that he didn't need Lea shielding him, but Lea pushed Isa behind him and marched towards the row of guards blocking the entrance.

"What's going on here?" Lea demanded.

"Lea MacRoy," said one of the guards—their captain, by the looks of the badges on his uniform. "Isa Sahar. You are both to come with me."

"What?" Lea said. "What's this for?"

"You are to be held for questioning," said the guard. "Guards! Take them!"

"Wait a minute, you can't—"

The guards surrounded them and cuffed their wrists before Isa could even blink, dragging them away through the snow towards the castle.

* * *

Isa blinked rapidly, adjusting to the dim light of the interrogation room. He made a mental note of everything in the room. There was only him in the room, seated at a plain table with an empty chair across him. A single light hung from the ceiling. To the right, a wide mirror took up most of the wall. No, not a mirror. A window. They were looking at him through that window. They had to be. Next to it was a single door. The other walls were blank, stark white.

He held his head in his hands, exhausted from what must’ve been another shutdown on the way here. He vaguely registered the sound of the door opening, followed by footsteps. The sound of the chair grazed against the floor. A soft thud—most likely hands placed on the table.

"Isa," said a voice. It was deep. A man, maybe. When he didn't respond, the voice came again. "Isa."

With a deep breath, Isa slowly pulled his hands away from his face, blinking at the light. Across from him sat Squall, just as Isa remembered him from the infirmary.

"Do you remember me?" Squall said.

Isa nodded. "Squall."

"Leonhart," Squall finished. "I go by Leon now."

Isa nodded.

"Do you know why you're here?"

"Questioning," Isa muttered. "That was what the guards said."

"That's right. We're investigating all the apprentices. The allegation of human experimentation. According to Lea, you and him are both victims of this. Is that true?"

Isa remembered the labs. He remembered Xehanort’s harsh words. The training sessions. Wearing that black cloak before he even knew what it all meant. The terror of being surrounded by countless ink-black creatures with glowing eyes, being exposed to the awful stench of Darkness and then having Even run tests on him after he’d passed out. Sometimes the tests were akin to simple checkups. Other times they were much worse. Isa squeezed his eyes shut, forcing the memory away.

_It was a good day today_, he reminded himself. He forced himself to remember the feeling of Lea's warmth, the light of Twilight Town's eternal sunset, the feeling of flying through the cosmos. But the memories of the dark still crawled out between the cracks; bringing back the violent echoes of other people’s screams and the image of his own crimson-stained hands.

"Isa."

"Yes," Isa said, feeling very far away.

"But you were both apprentices as well, were you not?"

"On paper." His own voice sounded foreign to Isa.

“On paper. What do you mean?”

“We were hostages. Prisoners. They… caught us sneaking into the castle. And kept us there as punishment.”

Squall was silent for a moment. Isa registered the sound of pencil scratching against paper and absently realized that Squall was writing it all down. “But they called you apprentices?” Squall said after a long moment.

“Yes.”

"And they experimented on you while you were kept hostage?

“I didn’t know that they were experiments. But they… made me do things. And then they ran tests on me. I didn’t realize..."

“I see. What sorts of things did they make you do?”

The air felt thick. He swallowed, nauseous. "First, they… they exposed me to the Darkness. Made me stand face-to-face with Heartless. In the Heartless Manufactory." Isa remembered the fights there. Being surrounded by hordes of the rabid creatures without so much as a weapon in his hands.

"And the Heartless Manufactory is where they produced all the Heartless that would attack the city and destroy our World. Am I correct?"

Isa nodded.

"Okay. And then?"

"Then they… gave me a weapon. And made me use it.”

“To fight Heartless?”

“At first. And then they… made me fight people. Castle guards. And then… they made me fight Lea. And then…”

“And then?”

“The missions…”

“The others mentioned these missions as well. Missions to fight Heartless, right?”

“Not those missions,” Isa said, voice barely audible even to his own ears.

“Then what missions?”

_“Number Seven. There are those in this castle who say that Eight has been taking most, if not all, of your missions. Is this true?”_

_“No, my lord. I assure you that I—”_

_“Silence. Whether these rumours are only that or carry truth behind them, I will not stand by and let them fester. So, since you are so averse to carrying out these missions yourself, I am assigning a very special mission. Just for you.”_

_“M-My lord?”_

Xemnas had handed him a file then. Inside it, Saïx had found information on a man from another World he’d never heard of before. The file had told him that the man had a family. He’d lived on a farm. Lived a peaceful life.

_“That is your mission. I want you to find that man. And I want you to kill him.”_

_“M-My lord, I—”_

_“Or are you too weak for such a task? Do you need Eight to do it for you? What could possibly be holding you back besides your own pathetic weakness? You have no heart to feel, Seven. You could not possibly feel pity for that man whom you know nothing about. Now, I gave you that weapon to make you stronger. So put it to good use and carry out this mission._”

"Isa?" Squall said, his voice dragging Isa back to the present.

Isa blinked slowly and took a staggering breath.

“What missions, Isa?” said Squall, leaning in closer.

Isa swallowed. “Terrible missions,” he rasped, staring at his own hands, seeing an invisible red stain on them. He remembered the blood splattered on walls, the maimed body lying limp on the ground. His hands shook and without warning, a tear dripped down his chin and onto the table surface. “I’m so sorry,” Isa whispered, choking out a sob. “I’m sorry.”

“Isa,” Squall said. “You need to tell me what happened. What did they make you do?”

“I…” He squeezed his eyes shut. “I killed him. I didn’t even know him. I don’t know what he did. But I couldn’t… Couldn’t disobey. I’m sorry." Isa remembered how the man had screamed right before it all happened. He curled into himself now, hugging his arms and pressing his knees against his chest. He rocked, letting his eyes fall shut as he took deep breaths. Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth.

Squall stayed silent for a long moment. After a while, he took a deep breath and sighed. "Okay. Besides the experiments, and… the missions, did they do anything else to you?"

_‘As your flesh bears the sigil, so your name shall be known as that...of a recusant.’_

Isa held in a breath as his trembling fingers reached for the scar between his eyes.

Squall stayed quiet for a moment. "I see," he said. "...Anything else?"

Isa clenched his fists so tightly his nails dug deep into his skin.

_"You have no Hearts. You cannot feel. Repeat after me. 'I am a Nobody. I can feel nothing. I am born from nothing. I am nothing. And when I die, I will turn to nothing." _

Isa balled up the fabric of his sweater, twisting and wringing it as the mantra replayed in his head over and over. Saïx had gone to bed every night with those same words on his lips until he'd been convinced of their meaning. But Saïx had never been fully convinced, no matter how hard he’d tried.

"_The mission was to take out the Heartless in the area, and that was what I did,"_ Saïx had said to Xemnas once. He had been alone in Xemnas’ chambers. And despite all he did to convince himself that he had no heart, Saïx had felt nothing short of fear in that moment.

_"Pushing a civilian out of harm's way was not part of your mission_," Xemnas had said. "_We are not to interact with locals from any of the Worlds we visit. If civilians get harmed in the process, it is none of our concern. Had I not made myself clear on this?"_

"..."

"_Am I talking to a wall now? Answer me when I speak to you_."

"_Yes_."

"_Yes, what?_"

"_Yes... My lord._"

"_What is it then? What made you disobey a direct command?” _And Xemnas had stared at him and smiled. It was a smile that haunted Isa’s nightmares. “_...Oh, I see. Is it a fledgeling of sympathy I detect?_"

"_...No. My lord."_

"_Of course it isn't. You are a Nobody. You have no heart to feel anything.”_

_“Yes, my lord.”_

_“Say it.”_

_“I am a Nobody. I have no heart to feel anything.”_

_“Do you believe that to be so, Seven?”_

_“Of course, my lord,” _Saïx had said quietly—meekly.

_“Then why does it seem otherwise? Do you think I am lying, Seven? Well? _Seven_?”_

"Isa?" Squall said, dragging him back to the present. “Isa?”

Isa opened his eyes. His hands tightened his hold around the fabric of his sweater, the feeling of the soft wool in his hands grounding him. "They lied," he croaked.

"They lied," Squall repeated, crossing his arms. "What did they lie about?"

"Everything."

"What kinds of things?"

"Who to trust. About ourselves. What we were."

"What do you mean by that?" Squall said, voice as even as ever.

Isa bit the inside of his cheek and rubbed the wool between his fingers. "They made us doubt everything. Made us doubt the people around us, made us doubt ourselves, our decisions, our memories. Then they told us that we didn't have Hearts. That we'll be free once we did. And the only way to get our Hearts back was to follow orders."

Squall nodded. "The ones who did these things to you. Were _all _the apprentices involved?"

Isa shook his head, tasting blood.

"Who was it then?"

"Xehanort. Or Xemnas. Same person."

"Besides him?"

"Braig."

"Anyone else?"

"Even."

"Just those three?"

"As far as I know."

"Okay." Leon nodded. He uncrossed his arms. "Alright. Thank you, Isa. For your time. If there's anything you need, we'd be glad to help you out."

"Thank you." Isa swallowed. "Is it over?"

Squall looked at him quizzically. 

"Will it all be over? The investigation?"

"We should be able to go to trial soon. Hopefully, with everything we've uncovered, they'll face the justice they deserve."

Isa sucked in a sharp breath and nodded. "Good. I... I would like to put this all behind me now. I just want it to be over."

"Yeah." Squall offered a small smile. "Don't worry. You've been a great help. Thank you."

"I just... want to go home."

* * *

“I’m sorry, Lea,” Aerith said quietly outside the guard station. They both stood out in the cold as Lea waited for Isa to come out of questioning. “I really am. I had no idea all that happened to you and I hate to bring back all those terrible memories.”

Lea sighed. “It’s fine. I mean, if it’s what needs to be done for justice to be served. Then… Yeah. How’s it going, by the way? With this case and… everything else.”

“Well… It could be worse,” she said. “We’re really understaffed right now with all the arrests we’d had to make. So many soldiers and staff were part of the entire cult the apprentices had formed. We let Ienzo go under probation though. He was only a kid when it all happened. So he’s been helping us out as much as he can. He’s been a huge help.”

“Yeah? That’s good to hear.” He smiled. “He’s a good kid. Raised by a bunch of bad people. But he of all people deserves a second chance.”

Aerith nodded and smiled. “Yeah.”

“Right… Hey, I’m… I’m sorry. For being so dismissive before.”

Aerith raised a brow.

“If you need any help…” Lea cleared his throat. “I’d like to, um… I mean I can—” He sighed. “I’d like to help, is what I’m saying.”

She blinked a few times. “Really?”

“...Yeah. I mean… You need all the help you can get, right? It feels wrong to just sit back and watch you guys do everything on your own. Especially since I’m always coming here anyway.”

Aerith grinned.

Lea swallowed and nodded. “What do you have in mind for me anyway? What do you really need a Keyblade wielder on your team for? Seems like you were doing okay without one.”

“As we mentioned earlier, we want to up our defences. Mostly on our borders, so we won’t get attacked again. When the Organization attacked the last time, it left us having to rebuild from scratch all over again. We don’t want that to happen again this time. We’d like your expertise in building the new anti-Heartless mechanisms. And your help installing them further past the gates. We also need supplies. Ever since everything that happened to our city, resources have been harder to come by."

"What about the old village?"

"Harvest is slow, providing too little at a time. Our technology isn't what it used to be, though with Ienzo's help, we hope to fix that. But we've faced too many losses already. We need to catch up. Our people need more than we can give them. You have the means to go off-World, so we could really use your help to get supplies from outside."

“I could do that, no problem.”

Aerith beamed. “So you’ll join us?”

Lea scratched the back of his head. “With a few terms.”

“Which we’d be happy to negotiate. We’ll get some people together and sit down to outline a proper contract. If all this works out, you might even be a proper knight. How does that sound?”

Lea chuckled and nodded. “Yeah, yeah.”

“Nice to have you onboard then,” Aerith said as she held out her hand and smiled, “_Sir_ MacRoy.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading~ Comments and kudos are appreciated as always. I hope you all enjoyed :) 
> 
> Edit: the book Lea gave to Isa was completely handwritten by Lea himself but he sent it to the shop to get it bound and wrapped.
> 
> Man, there's only a few more chapters to go. I'm kind of sad to see it end (even though I technically finished writing this months ago). These last few chapters were my favourites to write though, so I can't wait for you all to read it till the end!


	17. Language of Flowers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa learns to grow. He makes some new friends along the way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _You say there's so much you don't know, You need to go and find yourself_   
_You say you'd rather be alone, 'Cause you think you won't find it tied to someone else_   
_Who said it's true, That the growing only happens on your own? They don't know me and you_   

> 
> \- _Grow As We Go_ by Ben Platt.  
Listen to this song and the rest of this fic's playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/234COsoTb64DxkAmkm51E6).

Lea was waiting for him when Isa came out of questioning.

"Hey," Lea said, rushing over to him, almost as if to pull him into a hug, before stopping himself. "Are you okay?" he said, hands fidgeting awkwardly at his sides.

Isa nodded, the terrible memories still swimming in his head.

"You—I..." Lea looked him over, brows furrowed together. Isa didn't meet his eyes. When Isa made no indication to reply, Lea sighed. "Let's get you back to the hospital."

Isa nodded and let Lea lead the way. When he was back in his room, Lea hung around for a bit, repeating the same questions over and over again. "Are you okay? Sure you don't need anything? Will you be fine on your own?" Isa just kept nodding his head, annoyance building with each nagging question. It wasn't until the nurses came in to scold Lea about visiting hours that he finally said a soft goodbye and left. Alone, Isa heaved a sigh of relief. Then he stole away to the bathroom and puked.

* * *

It was a week later when Lea told Isa he'd be discharged from the hospital in a few days.

"Do you know where you want to stay?" Lea said. "I could pay for a motel until we figure out something more permanent."

Isa played with the fidget box Lea had gotten him. It looked a lot like his old one. He wondered if Lea had chosen it for that very reason, and he wondered just how much Lea remembered from their past despite constantly forgetting the smallest of things. "I don't want to be a burden," Isa mumbled, staring at his lap.

"You're not, Isa. But you need a place to stay."

"I don't want you paying for me. You have two mouths at home to feed. You don't need one more."

"Isa—"

"I can pay for it myself."

Lea gaped at him. "You don't have a job, Isa! Look, it's really no—"

"I'll get a job then. I'm sure there are plenty of ‘help wanted’ ads in the newspaper."

"Yeah but—"

"But _what_? You don't think I can work? If I'm healthy enough to be discharged, I'm healthy enough to get a job."

"Of course! But I don't know if just any job's gonna pay enough for you to afford your own place. Maybe you could stay with me in the meantime while you—"

"No, Lea. I'm not going to Twilight Town. I'm staying here."

Lea straightened, face lighting up. "Oh! What about your parents? You could—"

"No."

"But—"

"I said _no_." Isa frowned. "I'm not... I'm not ready to meet them yet."

"But if you get a place in town, you're bound to bump into them eventually."

"Maybe not. Radiant Garden is a large city. I'll stay away from the North Borough. Or I could get a place out of the city entirely. Like in the old village."

"But—"

"Lea."

"I just—"

"_Lea_."

Lea stared at him long and hard, chest puffed out in challenge. Isa met his stare. He would not back down. They glared at each other for a full minute before Lea finally deflated and heaved out a long sigh. "Alright," said Lea. "Fine. But I'm helping you house hunt."

"_Lea_."

"What?"

"I can do this on my _own_," Isa snapped. "You don't need to coddle me like a child."

"I _wasn't._ I just wanted to help!"

"Well, I don't need you to! So you can just... Just leave me alone!"

"Lights, Isa!" Lea spat. "Why are you so—" Lea scrunched up his face, clenching his fists in the air. "—_stubborn_? I already told you I'm not leaving you."

Isa groaned. "I don't need you there _all_ the time! I just... Just let me be my own person for once!"

"Since when haven't you been your own person?" Lea said, voice raising higher.

"Since _forever_!"

"I thought the whole fucking reason we fought was because _you_ were mad that I _left_ you!"

"This isn't the same!"

"How?!"

"It just... It just is, alright?"

"Lights, Isa, you are so... You are so..."

"So what?"

"I'm trying to _help_."

"And why can't you get it that I don't want your help in this? I'm not weak, Lea! I can do things on my own so just let me _be_!"

“I just thought…” Lea pulled away, staring at him with wide eyes, eyebrows knitted together. He then looked at his feet. "Alright," he muttered. "Fine. I'll let you do this on your own."

"_Good_," Isa huffed, crossing his arms as he looked away. He felt Lea stare at him but refused to look.

"Lunchtime, Mr. Sahar!"

Isa looked up to find his nurse, Miss Wu, had come in with his tray of food. Isa nodded, letting her come closer to put his food on the overbed table. Lea watched her through his lashes, lips pursed as he sat hunched over his knees. As the nurse gave Isa his medicine, Lea sighed and stood up.

"Well," Lea said. "I guess I'll leave you to it then."

Isa bit the inside of his cheek.

"See you tomorrow," Lea said lowly, then left.

Isa sat there, looking at his food as Miss Wu looked over his vitals. She was a pretty young woman with jet-black hair always tied neatly into a bun. "Did something happen between you two?" she asked.

"Lea's being overdramatic," Isa said.

"Oh?"

"He treats me like a child," Isa grumbled. "He doesn't think I can do anything on my own. Just because he's a parent figure to Roxas and Xion now, doesn't mean he can treat me like one of his stray puppies too. He thinks I'm _weak_. Just because I was… I mean I know that—_argh_! He doesn’t have to be there _all _the time! I can have a life of my own!"

"What did he do?"

"He wants to pay for my housing."

Miss Wu laughed. "I wish someone would pay for _my _housing."

"No! You don't understand. He doesn't think I can work and earn a living for myself. He wants to do everything for me. I can get a job and work. I can go house-hunting myself! Why does he think I need his help? Even when he brought me on his Keyblade glider, he had to put the armour on for me. I am not some bumbling idiot. I know how to put armour on for myself. And don't get me started on all the gifts."

"You mean the fidget box, the origami, the books, the clothes, the puzzles, the—"

"Exactly! I'm not some wounded animal or a baby. I won't die if he doesn't visit for _one_ day. What does he want from me anyway?" Isa buried his face in his hands and sighed heavily. "I can't keep... _relying _on him. I don't... I don't even know how to begin repaying him. For... everything."

"You know, I think it's sweet of him."

Isa lifted his face from his hands and glared at her. "What?"

"Well," she said, "he's doing all that because he cares about you. You don't _need _someone to help you find work or look for a place to stay. You don't _need _someone to buy things for you or come check up on you. And I'm sure he knows that." She smiled fondly. "You know, sometimes he comes earlier than usual when you're still asleep. When he's waiting for you to wake up, he talks to me."

Isa frowned.

She laughed. "Don't look at me like that!" She shook her head, a smile on her face. "He talks to me about _you_. You're all he ever talks about. You should see the way his eyes light up when he talks about you. During the first few days you were here, when you were sleeping a lot more, he would just sit there for hours waiting for you to wake up. No matter how tired he looked, he would stay as long as he could until I had to shoo him out. He's there because he _cares _about you."

Isa felt his face grow hot and frowned, turning the words over in his head. Then, something clicked. "‘To gain is to give,’” he muttered, reciting familiar words, “‘but to love is to give without gain, for love is selfless'."

"Hm?" said Miss Wu. "What's that?"

"Just... an old fable." Isa looked at the book of stories on his bedside table.

Miss Wu smiled and said nothing more. She finished checking all his vitals and turned to leave. "Is there anything else you need?"

He shook his head, warmth growing in his chest. He leaned back against his pillow and stared out the window, thankful for some space to think.

* * *

"Not too shabby," said Lea, standing in the doorway of Isa's new room, looking the place up and down from where he stood, hands stuffed into his pockets. His head touched the ceiling even though he stood slightly hunched over; it was a funny sight to see.

"Isn't it?" Isa smiled, inspecting his own handiwork. He'd cleaned and dusted the room himself. It was wood from floor to ceiling, with a window that looked out into the large garden flowers grew despite the winter cold still hanging over them. Isa had fixed the bed with new bedsheets and cleared the cupboard of all the dust and thoroughly cleaned it of cockroach droppings. Now, the few clothes Lea had bought for him hung neatly inside. Isa had rented the room from a nice old woman who lived in the cottage. It stood in the village on Radiant Garden’s outskirts, outside the oppressive city walls that loomed in the distance.

Lea smiled softly. "So to pay your rent, the old lady's got you working for her, huh?"

"That's right. She runs a lovely little flower shop downtown in the South Borough. It's quite far by foot, but there are rickshaws going to and from the city every morning and evening."

Lea nodded. "Oh, right. I guess there's a bunch of people coming to town to sell produce and stuff." He ducked as he walked through the doorway and into the room, his boots stamping loudly against the floorboards. "Place is pretty small though."

Isa hummed.

"Well, if you're happy..."

"I am," said Isa, smiling. He looked out the window again, taking a deep breath of the fresh air out here in the village.

"Good." Lea inched closer and after a second of hesitation, placed a hand on Isa's shoulder. "That's what's important."

Isa coughed, feeling his cheeks grow warm and turned away. "Well. Thank you for seeing me in. I'll, um, see you tomorrow."

Lea scratched the back of his neck. "Oh. About that... I won’t be able to visit tomorrow. I’ve got a mission.”

“Off-World?”

“Right here, actually.” Lea coughed. “Well, not _right_ here but I mean, on this World. Not in the city but—” He shook his head. “It’s out in the forest. The Committee’s got me on a mission to clear out any remaining Heartless within a ten-mile radius of the city. Put up the defence mechanisms and help build the new watchtower. There’s also errands I need to run off-World to get all the supplies for the city’s construction. Ever since the Organization tore this place up, resources have been pretty scarce.” He sighed. “And things are getting really busy down at the castle so I guess it’s up to me to do all the leg work.” He gave a humourless laugh, then cleared his throat. “Anyway… I can’t get back until I have it all done. So… it’ll be a while."

"O-Oh. What about Roxas and Xion? Won’t you have to go back home to them too?"

Lea pursed his lips. “I’ll be going to and fro to check on them. Don’t worry. They're good kids. They’re seventeen now so they can handle themselves for those days in-between visits. I did want to leave them with Barret, but they insisted they'd be fine on their own. So I'll be leaving them cash for food and emergencies. Allowance money too, though I really hope they don’t spend it all. Roxas sure does shop a lot these days. Tell me, who needs a skateboard that costs five hundred bucks?"

"Lea. Are you sure they'll be okay on their own?"

Lea gave a small smile. "Hey, don’t worry about it. I asked Merlin to stay with them when I'm gone."

"Merlin..."

"You remember him, don't you?" Lea chuckled. "We always used to prank him back when we were kids."

Isa nodded.

"Yeah. He stays in Twilight Town these days. Man's obsessed with the bistro there. Anyway, I asked him to look after the kids while I'm gone. At the very least check on them every few days, you know? I mean, I know they're capable of taking care of themselves, but..."

"You worry," Isa finished. He nodded, then smiled softly. "I see. What about work? With the police in Twilight Town?"

"About that..." He cleared his throat. “I kind of… resigned.”

“_What_? When? Why?”

“The Restoration Committee’s paying me for the work I’m doing for them. It’s not as much as what the MDB offered, but it’s enough to get by. And when the city’s back on its feet again, the pay should get better.”

"Oh."

"Yeah. And I figured, now that you're all settled in your new place, it's not an issue for me to start this new job."

"Oh." Isa pursed his lips. "Of course."

"Yeah... I don't want to overstep boundaries. I mean you were right. All those things you said. I shouldn't treat you like a baby. I'm..." Lea cleared his throat. "I'm sorry. For treating you like you're incapable. I didn't mean to—I mean, I get it. You need your space, so. I'm sorry."

Isa blinked and looked up to see Lea looking sheepishly at his feet. "It's fine," Isa said, shaking his head.

Lea nodded, then cracked a grin: the one that Isa knew enough to know was only a mask. "Well, I should get out of your hair now."

"Okay."

"See you."

"Lea. Wait."

Lea stopped at the doorway. "Yeah?"

"Thank you. For everything. For all your help."

"Geez, you say it like this is goodbye for good," Lea muttered with a half-hearted laugh.

"It isn't," Isa said quickly. "I just... I appreciate it. You. Appreciate. You. And... everything else. So... thank you."

Isa saw Lea gulp, ears turning red as he nodded. "O-Okay. It's not a big deal."

"See you, Lea. Stay safe."

"Will do." Lea smiled, walking away, waving his hand as he went.

"No heroics!" Isa called out.

"No promises there!"

* * *

Isa swept the front porch of the flower shop, a smile on his face. All the snow had already melted, the early days of spring on the horizon. The sun shone brightly in the sky, clear clouds for miles. The streets were quiet at this hour, but then again, they were always quiet in this side of town. So far, Mrs. Haruka, the woman who owned the flower shop and rented out her room to Isa, had been nothing but kind to him. Her wife had died years before The Fall and she'd been living alone ever since. That was, until Isa came along.

She always served breakfast and dinner for them both, but Isa insisted on cooking dinner every other day. He cooked his mother’s recipes and found the flavour of home in them. Mrs. Haruka had a dog too. She named her Waffles, a big fluffy poodle that Isa walked every morning. Waffles always alternated between sleeping in Isa's and Mrs. Haruka's room every other day. She was also a particularly intelligent dog, Isa had quickly realized, as she often came to check on Isa and cuddled in his bed on particularly bad nights.

For the first few days staying at Mrs. Haruka’s cottage, he'd learned the ropes of gardening. Before the early rays of dawn lit the sky, Mrs. Haruka dragged him out into the garden and made him work. His father had loved to garden, he remembered, but Isa had never actually bothered with it besides memorizing the plants’ scientific names. It had always just been a hobby of his father's that Isa never had any interest in. But with Mrs. Haruka's help, he learned the ratio of soil to plant the flowers in, the fertilizers to use, the right way to prune them. They watered the plants every morning before work and every evening after.

It captivated him how the plants grew under his care. He supposed this was how his father felt.

"All it takes is effort and commitment," Mrs. Haruka told him. "Some days you might get lazy to wake up so early and tend to them. But otherwise they'll wilt and die and you have start all over again."

"But what if you just skip out for one day?" he'd asked. "The plants won't die after one day without water."

But Mrs. Haruka had shaken her head. "Skipping out once just leads to another and another. That's what commitment's all about. Sticking to it even on the days you don't feel like it."

After they tended to the garden in the mornings, they took the flowers that were ready to be sold and headed to the shop in the city.

At the store, Mrs. Haruka made him do any number of things like clean and get people's orders ready. It fascinated him how many people came to buy flowers. Whether it was just coming in and taking something off the racks or placing an extravagant order, there were always customers. Isa had thought something like fresh flowers was so impractical and that business would be slow. Oh, how wrong he was. Orders came in for all sorts of things every day. Birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, congratulatory parties, apologies, condolences—you name it.

And every day, Mrs. Haruka made him recite the 'meanings' of various flowers.

"It's so you appreciate the work we're doing here," Mrs. Haruka had said.

"And what work is that?" Isa had asked.

"Expressing thoughts. Conveying feelings. We're being messengers. Writing the perfect letters in the language of flowers."

But Isa had just stared at her.

"Don't worry. You'll get it."

Isa had nodded. But the next day, he'd bungled up an order. The angry customer had stormed in and demanded a refund. "I said I wanted flowers to say 'I'm sorry'! Not 'I'm sorry _for _you!' She thought I was breaking up her!"

Mrs. Haruka made sure Isa stuck to cleaning duty since then. Still, Isa didn't mind. He liked the routine the work offered him.

So he happily hummed a song while sweeping the sidewalk outside the shop. Then his ears picked up on the chatter around him growing into noise. He looked up and cocked his head. Across the street, people flocked to a television store, where TV screens all showed the same news channel. Out of curiosity, Isa wandered from the shopfront to get a closer look at what people found so interesting.

"Ah, if it isn't Mrs. Haruka's new hire!" said a man standing at a stall adjacent to the television store. He was an old chubby man with smiling eyes and a straw hat on his head. His stall was full of all sorts of vegetables.

Isa gave an awkward smile. "Uh, hello."

"Name's Addair. Old friend of Himari's. It's nice to see Himari finally accepting some help."

"Himari?"

"Mrs. Haruka." Addair laughed. "Don't tell me you've been workin' and livin' with her without knowing her first name?"

Isa chuckled sheepishly.

"So what's your name?"

"O-Oh. I'm Isa."

"Well, nice to meet you, Isa. I make it a point to make friends with my neighbours."

Isa blinked. "You're from the village as well?"

"Born and raised." Addair grinned.

Isa nodded awkwardly, then glanced at the rest of the crowd. "Um. What's going on here?"

"Ah, some political stuff goin' on." Addair waved a dismissive hand. "Not too big a fan, personally. But you can see for yourself if you like."

Isa nodded and turned towards the crowd, then stopped in his tracks and turned back around. "I-It was nice meeting you."

Addair chuckled and grinned. "You too, Isa. Stop by again sometime, huh? And tell Himari I said hi."

Isa nodded and gave a small smile, then walked over to the crowd. He stood at the edge of it, peering over the many heads at the TV screens displayed through the shop window.

"The Restoration Committee has still yet to set an official date for elections," said the announcer on TV. "This election will be the first-ever of its kind in the history of Radiant Garden, soon to usher in a new era of democracy. From multiple surveys and interviews, the majority of our citizens have expressed excitement at the prospect of electing their own leader. As of now, all proposed candidates from the people are among the members of the Restoration Committee. Initial voter polls show that Squall Leonhart, known to most as simply Leon, is the most popular candidate for president. Now, onto the weather—"

A crack sounded in the sky. Children came running into the streets.

"He's here! He's here!" they exclaimed, giggling as they ran past him.

"It's the Chosen One!"

"I want him to sign my Keyblade!"

Isa stared at them. One of them indeed held a Keyblade, shaped like the Kingdom Key but made of cardboard.

The crowd gathered in front of the TV shop whispered amongst themselves.

"Oh, that's right," said one woman. "They said the Chosen One was coming to town today."

"Oh? What for?" said an old man.

"Something about the investigation of those apprentices," said another woman. "I suppose he knows something about them."

"He did fight them off the last time they attacked our city," said one man.

“Was _that_ the apprentices?” said another. “I had no idea…!”

"The Chosen One..." Isa muttered. "Sora?"

He hadn't realized Sora had earned a reputation as a celebrity here. But considering that he had saved Radiant Garden countless times before, it made sense. And he was friends with Squall and the others, who had become the de facto leaders of the city by now. Did Sora remember Saix? Isa felt his hands tremble. _Saix was awful to Sora. _I_ was awful to him._ He gulped, the feeling like swallowing nails. His breathing grew shallow, his lungs forgetting how to breathe. He fled from the crowd and burst back into the shop.

"Isa?" Mrs. Haruka's voice came, but it sounded distant.

He opened his mouth to respond, to say that he was fine, but he couldn't.

"Isa," Mrs. Haruka said again. "Are you alright?" She cooed, shushing him and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Maybe you should go sit down. Take a break."

He nodded and let her lead him to the back room. The meltdown passed an hour later. He stuck to dusting the shelves for the rest of the day.

* * *

A few days later, Isa stood at the counter on cash register duty when the bell over the door dinged.

He looked up to greet the customer when a familiar face entered the shop.

"Hi, Isa."

Isa gawked for a moment before regaining his senses. "Xion. Hello."

The girl smiled. And that's what she was. A girl. Not a faceless puppet, not a vessel. Just a regular girl.

"Hello," Isa repeated, not knowing what else to say. "U-Um. What are you doing here? I thought..."

"Merlin had to come back to Radiant Garden to run some errands and deal with all the political stuff going on at the castle. The Organization _really_ did a number on this place, didn’t it? Anyway, he didn't want to leave us unattended so he brought me and Roxas along." She shrugged. "My guess is we'll be stuck here until Lea's done with his work here. And who knows how long that will take? But I guess it makes it easier for him to visit—I mean like, even if that's only once every two weeks." She sighed, gaze dropping to the floor. 

Isa nodded. "I... I see. Where is Roxas?"

"Moping somewhere probably." She shrugged. "So." She looked around the shop. "You work here now?" She walked over to a flower display and leaned in close, bright eyes wide as she inspected the bouquet.

"Yes. I work here now."

"It's so..." She giggled. "No offence. But I didn't expect you to work in a flower shop, of all places."

"Why not?"

"I dunno. I guess I imagine you'd be in some stiff office job or something."

"I don't have any qualifications to work in something like that."

Xion chuckled. "Yeah. Lea had the same problem when he was trying to get a job at first. Did he tell you that he had to work three jobs for a while?"

Isa blinked. "No. He never told me that." _Lea? Working three jobs?_ Back in school, all the teachers had admonished Lea for his laziness. He had always struggled with even completing simple tasks. Isa had never imagined him to work three whole jobs. He wondered what else he didn't know about Lea during their time apart.

"Yeah," said Xion, laughing a little. Then she perked up and pointed at him. "Hey, I like your sweater!"

"Huh?" He looked down and stared at it. It was one of the ones he'd bought for himself. It was dark blue with moon and star patterns on it. "I... Thank you."

She smiled. "You really like the moon, huh?"

He nodded.

"Why is that?"

"I find astronomy fascinating."

"Ass... Straw-knaw-mee?"

"Astronomy."

"What's that?"

Isa frowned. "They don't teach astronomy in your school?"

"No?"

"Well. It's a natural science that studies space and celestial phenomena."

"What?"

"Like the moon. And Sun. And stars."

"Oh." Xion stroked her chin. "Oh! I guess that's why they don't teach it at my school. Twilight Town's the land of eternal sunset, remember? The rules of science work differently there."

"That makes sense." Isa nodded.

"Hmm. I think I should get a hobby." She looked at him. "So do you plant all these yourself?"

"Mrs. Haruka does, in her garden. I only help her."

"So do you know anything about gardening?"

"I'm still learning. But I know a few things. Why?"

"Wondering if I should take up gardening."

"Why do you need a hobby?"

"Everyone needs a hobby."

"Don't you already have Keyblade training as a hobby? I thought you were a Master."

"Yeah, but I don't really want to make a hobby out of fighting. I like hands-on work but I also like reading and studying and problem-solving, you know?" She blinked. "Wait. How do you know that? That I'm a Keyblade Master?"

"Lea told me."

"Lea talks about me?"

"And Roxas. Sometimes. I think he avoids it, but I always ask."

She stared at him. "You do?"

"It's nice to hear. That you and Roxas are both doing well." _Now that I'm not there to ruin your lives._

"Oh."

He watched as Xion continued to wander around the shop, inspecting different flower displays. "Xion?" he said.

"Hm?"

"Why are you here?" He quickly added, "Not that I mind. It is just... Unexpected."

"I'm in town, so I figured why not? Besides, I don't really know anyone else in town."

"You're being nice to me," he stated.

"I... Well... Yeah." She stuffed her hands into her pockets. "Does it bother you? I can... I can leave."

"No. Please. I just..." He fidgeted with the sleeves of his sweater. "Why?"

"I forgave you, didn't I?" She sighed. "I just want to move on from everything that's happened."

"I do too," he said quietly.

"Did they make you say all that stuff to me?" she said, looking him straight in the eye. “Calling me a useless puppet and referring to me as an ‘it’? Was that you? Or did they make you?”

"Yes… and no. Calling you an ‘it’ was mostly due to Xemnas. He always corrected me if I didn’t. But… it wasn’t just him. Not all of it. I… was also... I was jealous of you. I think you acted more human than I did. Xehanort’s influence only brought out the worst of myself. I didn't know how else to express how I felt. I was... lost. Alone. And confused. I'm sorry."

She nodded, then paused. "Did you hate me?" she said, voice low.

"...No. I don't think so... I was just angry. And I took it out on you. Wrongfully." _I didn't even know you had a face,_ he didn't say.

"Do you hate me _now_?"

"No. No." He met her eyes. "No."

"So you’re not angry anymore?" she said, flicking a leaf of a sunflower, watching it bounce.

"...No. No, I'm not." He took a deep breath. "Mostly, I'm just tired." He looked at her then, smiling. "But it's getting better."

She took a flower stalk and walked over to the counter. "I'm glad to hear it." She smiled, then passed him the flower. “Now, I’d like to purchase this, please.”

Isa looked at it. A daffodil. He lifted it with a gentle hand and inspected it, recalling its meaning. _Forgiveness. New beginnings. Rebirth_. He smiled and wrapped it nicely, then passed it back to her. “Free of charge,” he said. “Consider it a gift. From me to you."

Xion smiled, eyes twinkling.

* * *

One night, Isa stayed late at the flower shop to go over the month's sales and accounts.

"You really are a lifesaver, Isa," said Mrs. Haruka before walking out the door.

"Your accounts are quite frankly a mess, Mrs. Haruka," said Isa.

"Well it's a good thing you're here, aren't you?" Mrs. Haruka laughed. "But really, thank you for all your help."

Isa smiled awkwardly. "It's not a problem."

After she left, Isa stayed in the shop's backroom, reorganizing Mrs. Haruka's account books until an hour before midnight, then closed shop. As he walked back home through the quiet streets, he heard someone yelling.

"Come on, already!" the voice was shouting. "Ugh, stupid phone. What d'you mean there's no reception here? Argh!"

There only seemed to be one voice, and Isa followed it, recognizing who it belonged to. "Roxas?" he said.

Roxas jumped from where he sat on the cobbled steps outside the city gate underneath a lone streetlamp, phone clutched in hand. His shoulders tensed as he realized who it was. "Saix?"

"Isa."

"Right, whatever," Roxas grumbled. He turned away and sat back down, facing away from Isa.

"What's wrong?" said Isa.

"None of your business."

Isa stood there, hesitating on whether to just leave or not. In the end, he walked over to Roxas. "Where is Xion?"

"Sleeping."

"You're both staying at Merlin's house, aren't you?"

"Yeah. So?"

Isa nodded. "Can I sit here?"

"No."

"Okay." He fidgeted with his sleeve. "You aren't going to get reception here. I suggest getting closer to the castle. The reception there should be stronger."

"Why would I want to go there?"

"If you're having trouble with your phone—"

"I don't care about the phone!" Roxas snapped. "I just want to get out of there."

"Out of where?"

"Being surrounded by everyone else," Roxas mumbled.

"Ah, I see. It is less crowded here. Compared to there."

"Yeah. No shit."

"Who?"

"Huh?"

"You said you don't want to be surrounded by 'everyone else.' Who is everyone else?"

"Ugh. I don't know. Everyone. A bunch of the other Keyblade wielders are in the city, didn't you know?"

"Oh. I do recall there being some talk about that."

"Yeah. They're trying to figure out the whole transition of power thing and yada-yada-yada. I just want to go home!"

Isa nodded. Politics wasn't exactly a hot topic among teenagers. It made sense for Roxas to grumble about this.

"Ugh," Roxas said. "And I have the school Struggle competition coming up. It's the finals! I have to train! I shouldn't be here." Roxas sighed, burying his face in his arms. "I wouldn't even have to be here if Lea wasn't off doing some stupid missions. But _no_. Merlin's taking care of us and he had to drag us along for this thing."

"I'm sure Lea will be back soon."

Roxas shrugged. "Who knows? Sometimes I think he doesn't even _want _to come home."

"That isn't true."

Roxas looked up and glared at him. "Yeah? He's always away 'cause he's visiting _you_. And even now, he’s busy fixing shit in _this_ place. Not in Twilight Town. But _here_."

Isa gulped. "He cares about you very much. And Xion."

"So much that he's never home, huh?" Roxas sighed.

"I think... He's just finding it hard to juggle so many things at once."

"Yeah, right. I'm sure it's so hard for him. That's why he's all happy-go-lucky all the time. He never even told us about everything that happened to him… We had to find out about all that from him yelling about it to Leon and Aerith after you woke up. And even now, he still doesn’t wanna talk about it. Does he not trust us or something?"

Isa breathed out a sigh through his nose. Finally, he cracked and sat down a few feet away from Roxas. From the corner of his eye, he saw Roxas glaring at him as he sat, but he paid the boy no mind.

"I think," Isa said, "he does that because he wants to be strong. For you and Xion."

"How does pretending that everything's all good and happy help anything?"

Isa pondered the question. _How, indeed_? He remembered drawing on the upside-down tears for Lea as children. “_You think I’ll become stone now too?_” Lea had said. Isa remembered Axel waking with those marks glued to his skin, for Nobodies took the form most desired by their human selves. Lea had died wishing to turn into stone. And now, even with a second chance at life, Lea still seemed to hold on to that wish.

"I suppose it doesn't help anything," Isa said at last.

"I just feel like I can't talk to anyone," Roxas muttered. "No one understands me."

"I understand. It's an awful feeling. But you'd be surprised how common a feeling it is. So I guess, you might say, that many understand how it feels to not be understood."

Roxas scoffed. "No one told me living was so hard..."

"Mm. It isn't quite all ice cream and summer vacations."

"Yeah... Go figure." Roxas sighed, leaning his chin on his knees. "I feel like I've been scammed or something."

"I know how that feels. If only you could demand a refund from the forces of nature."

"Screw the refund. I wanna sue."

"Can I be your witness? We might get quite a lot in damages if we work together."

Roxas laughed. "You think so?"

"Indeed. Do you know a lawyer well-versed in existential tort law?"

"Nope. I wish I did though. That sounds badass."

"Perhaps it could be a career for you to aspire to."

"Me?" Roxas cackled. "A lawyer? No way."

"You just said it's—and I quote—‘badass’."

Roxas burst out into laughter. "Just the title! The work sounds boring as hell."

Isa laughed. "I suppose it does. Though I also suppose the 'existential' part of the job might make it more interesting."

"More headache-inducing, maybe."

"Though perhaps not as headache-inducing as being used as some old man's vessel for ten years or being born at the age of fifteen."

"Fourteen, actually," Roxas said.

"You were practically born skateboarding."

Roxas laughed. "Yeah, I guess."

"Imagine… coming out of the womb on a skateboard."

"The skateboard must've been painful as hell to push out."

Isa burst into laughter. "Oh Lights. Thankfully that wasn't the case. I'd pity whoever had to birth you in that case."

Roxas shook his head, smiling. Then the smile faded and he sighed. "Do you have parents, Sai—Isa?"

"I do," Isa said softly. "I miss them very much."

"What… what happened to them?"

"They're well, from what I hear."

"Then… where are they?"

”The North Borough. My father's still working at the Academy too."

Roxas frowned. "Then what's stopping you from seeing them?"

"Myself," Isa said. "I haven't seen them in over a decade. I don't even know what to say."

Roxas stared at the ground and threw a pebble. "I wonder what it's like. To have parents. To be a normal kid."

"It must be confusing. And scary."

"Huh?"

"To not fully understand who you are. _What_ you are."

"I… Yeah." Roxas blinked and stared at Isa for a moment, then turned to face forward at the forest instead. "It sucks. It especially sucks when I just have to pretend that everything's fine and that I'm fine." Roxas sighed. "People don't get it. They either just ignore it and try to pass it off with 'oh, but you _seem_ normal!' or they think I'm a total freak for it."

Isa nodded. "Yes. And because you pass so well as 'normal', they completely forget that you're different from them until you act differently and they remember again. Except _then_ it becomes awkward—"

"Because people don't know what to say—"

"And start apologizing too much and acting _too_ nice to you."

"I know, right?! It's so…" Roxas gripped his head and groaned. "It's just…"

"Frustrating," Isa finished.

"Exactly." Roxas sighed. "I mean I don't_ blame_ them for not knowing how to react but… I don't know. It just ends up making me feel even more alien."

"I suppose you are an alien. You're not from this World after all."

Roxas snorted. "Shut up."

"If it's any consolation, I've always liked aliens. Though those aliens were from movies and were more green and bug-eyed and had three fingers on each hand. But I suppose you're alright too."

"Hey!" Roxas laughed. "Asshole."

"I do have one, yes." Isa tilted his head. "Do you?”

"Right, 'cause if I was made in a lab that means I can't poop, right?"

"I genuinely cannot tell if you're serious or not."

Roxas burst into laughter, and that compelled Isa to join in. When their laughter died down, they both continued to sit there, staring ahead at the forest as a chorus of chirping crickets rang in the cool night air. A long moment passed, both content in the silence they both offered each other. After a while, Roxas said, "Hey, Isa?"

"Hm?"

"You're… You’re not so bad."

Isa blinked, processing the words. Then he smiled. And underneath the light of the streetlamp, he found Roxas' blond hair exceptionally yellow. It reminded him of the yellow roses in the shop. "Roxas?" he said.

"Huh?"

"I don’t actually think you’ll be a good lawyer. Sorry."

Roxas laughed, and Isa joined in, their laughter sounding in the midnight air.

* * *

Isa stared at the front door of the house, feeling a chill from the early morning air. There it stood. The yellow paint was chipped and faded, but it was there. He had been the one to choose the colour. He didn't remember it, but his father had told him about it once. Isa had been two years old and his parents had been mulling over several cans of paint and debating on which one to choose. Then Isa had crawled up to the can of yellow paint, and the rest was history.

_What if they aren't home? _He took a deep breath, sweaty palms gripping an intricately decorated bouquet. His fingers brushed over the flowers in his bouquet: pink and blue hydrangeas._There's only one way to find out._ He stepped forward and rang the doorbell. His heart pounded in his ears, and he counted every thump.

Then the door opened.

"Yes, how can I—"

Yerik Sahar stood at the door, his mouth agape as he stared at Isa with wide eyes, unmoving. The glass of water in his hand slipped out and broke, but he didn't even flinch. How Yerik had aged in all those years. Where had he been all those years? Isa wondered Had he been trapped in the Realm of Sleep too? Or had he washed up in a different World until the city was restored? He had a full-grown beard now, his hair grey and the wrinkles on his forehead more prominent than Isa had ever seen. Isa blinked back tears.

"Hi," Isa choked out. _Remember what you practised_. "I know..." He gulped. "I know it's been a long time and... and I know you might not want to see me. O-Oh no wait." _Shit_. He'd messed up the order of his speech. It was so hard to focus when his vision was blurred from the tears and his mind was clouded from the sight of his father in front of him. "I... Do you remember me? I-It's me. It's Isa. I..."

His father continued to gape at him until finally, he stepped forward. He reached a shaky hand out, hesitantly touching Isa's cheek. "Isa," his father whispered. "Isa. It is you."

"It is me," Isa echoed. "It's me, dad."

His father laughed, a deep sound from his stomach. Then tears fell down his cheeks, still laughing.

Next thing Isa knew, he felt warm arms around him, and his nose filled with smell of his father's old cologne.

"Idana!" his father cried. "Idana! Come here! Our son! Our son... Our... Isa. Our Isa's come home."

Loud, rapid footsteps came running their way, and then a scream. "Isa!" cried his mother.

Isa peeked over his father's shoulder and saw her. She'd aged just as much as his father did—maybe more. She was balding, her hair almost completely white.

"Isa!" she sobbed, wrapping her arms around him until the three of them were huddled together. "You... You’re here. You're safe," she wept, voice broken. "I thought... I thought..."

"I'm here, mom," Isa said softly, tasting his own tears. "I'm here. I'm sorry. I’m sorry I took so long. I missed you. I missed you both so much."

"Oh, my son," she whispered.

And at that moment, all his wounds seemed to fade as he let himself sink into the warmth of his family's embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!
> 
> The yellow rose Isa associated with Roxas symbolizes new friendship and starting anew. The pink and blue hydrangeas Isa gave to his parents symbolize apology, family, and heartfelt emotion.
> 
> Also, if you noticed that the number of chapters is now listed as 21 instead of its original 20, it's because I split the last chapter into two. I might split it into one more if I go back and see that it needs an additional chapter, but eh. We'll see.
> 
> Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter! Comments and kudos are always appreciated~


	18. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isa helps Xion find a new hobby. Lea comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _One by one the knots we've tied will come undone_   
_Like picking locks, we'll sow our seeds beneath the sun_   
_Our accomplice is the rain, with patience, that of saints_   
_It grows and grows, our home sweet home._   

> 
> -_From The Ground Up_ by Sleeping At Last.
> 
> Listen to the rest of the fic playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/234COsoTb64DxkAmkm51E6). Or alternatively, you can listen to the [Wolf Children soundtrack](https://open.spotify.com/album/45TMVFOmgDYUkRvhhjbJn1) which also fits the mood of this chapter. 
> 
> There's also [a song](https://open.spotify.com/track/7utRJ4BeYx85khzP3lKoBX) sung in this chapter.

“Fine, what do _you _think I should do?” said Xion. She crossed her arms, legs swinging from where she sat atop the counter of the flower shop. The sunset outside the shop’s window washed her in warm colours.

“Let’s see.” Isa looked up from the ledger on the counter and hummed, tapping the pen in his hand against his chin. “What about building things? Lea said you were very good at smithing when you built your Keyblade armour.”

Xion’s eyes lit up as she uncrossed her arms. “Really? He said that?”

“He did.”

“Okay… So what would I build?”

“Anything you like.”

“Gee, that helps a lot.”

“I'm glad to hear it.”

Xion groaned in that over-dramatic way that Lea always did. “Isaaaaa. Come on. Give me some ideas.”

Isa leaned against the counter and closed his eyes. When he opened them again, he looked at her and opened his mouth, then shut it again. He turned away and shook his head. “Sorry. I’ve got nothing.”

Xion sighed.

Then the bell over the shop door dinged as the door opened.

“Sorry, we’re clo—oh,” said Isa. "Hello, Roxas."

“‘Bout time you show up,” said Xion. She jumped down from the counter and walked over to him, taking a bag from his hands. “What’s this?”

“Groceries,” said Roxas. “Merlin’s all out.”

“Do you two cook for yourself?” said Isa, tilting his head.

“Nah,” said Roxas. “Merlin cooks. And I hate to say it, but compared to his, I actually miss Lea’s cooking.”

“Hey!” said Xion. “Lea’s cooking is a lot better than what it used to be.”

“Meh." Roxas shrugged.

“Hmm,” said Isa, “why don’t you two come over to my house for dinner? But, um, you don’t have to. It’s… just a suggestion.”

“You cook?” Roxas said.

Isa played with his fidget box on the counter and shifted in his seat. “Yes, quite a bit, actually.”

“You wouldn’t mind if we came over?” said Xion.

“No… Why would I?” said Isa.

“I dunno.” Xion chuckled. “Always pegged you as a closed-off kind of guy.”

Isa cocked his head and pondered her words, thinking of what to say. “Well… I don’t mind. You can come over once I’m done with my work here. If you’d like.”

Roxas blinked, eyes wide.

Xion grinned. “We’d love to.”

* * *

“I’m home,” Isa called as he walked through the front door. Waffles rushed over and yipped, standing on her hind legs to greet him. Isa chuckled and pet her head, letting her lick his hand. “I missed you too, Waffles.”

“Awww!” Xion squealed. “Isa! Is this your dog? He’s adorable!”

“She,” Isa corrected. “Her name’s Waffles. She’s Mrs. Haruka’s. I do walk her most days though.”

Xion crouched down, babbling affectionately as she scratched and petted Waffles, who happily rolled over to welcome her new friend’s pets. Roxas only shook his head and walked past them, following Isa into the narrow hallway that led to the kitchen. They had no dining area, only a round wooden table with four chairs a small distance away from the kitchenette.

“Sorry,” Isa mumbled. “I know this is more cramped than what you’re used to.”

“It’s fine,” Roxas said quickly. His eyes were wide as he stared at all the painted landscapes and embroidery covering the walls. “Uh, where’s Mrs. Haruka?”

“In her room,” said Isa, taking ingredients out from various cupboards. “Either working on her latest embroidery piece or watching her soaps.”

Roxas chuckled.

“Um, you can sit down,” said Isa as he put the stove on. “While you wait for dinner.”

“Okay.”

A while later, Xion came bouncing into the kitchen. “Isa!” she said. “Waffles is adorable!”

“I know,” said Isa.

“Roxas,” Xion said, taking a seat at the table. “Do you think Lea will let us have our own dog?”

“Last time you asked, didn’t he give you a long lecture about responsibility?” Roxas shook his head. “I doubt he changed his mind.”

“But that was so long ago!” said Xion. “Besides, he let me keep Pluto back when we were in the Organization. Remember?”

“That was different,” said Roxas.

“How?” said Xion.

“We lived in a castle with a bunch of Dusks as our servants,” said Roxas, “and we never had to worry about money.”

“Yeah.” Xion sighed. “Guess you’re right.”

“I don’t see why you can’t have a dog,” Isa said over his shoulder. “You’re both responsible enough.”

“Ugh, tell that to Lea,” said Xion. “I swear, he can be such a nag sometimes.”

Isa snorted, then burst into laughter. “What?”

“What, you didn’t know?” said Roxas. “ ‘Roxas! Xion! Do your homework! Wash your dishes! Why didn’t you call to tell me you’ll be out late?’ Lights, his fussing can get so annoying.”

Isa continued to laugh as he turned the stove off. He served the noodles into bowls and set them in front of Roxas and Xion. “It sounds like he’s changed a lot,” Isa said softly as he took a seat.

“Huh?” said Roxas.

Isa smiled as he stared at his bowl of noodles, remembering how Lea used to be as children. “Nothing,” Isa said. Then he faced Xion. “Now, I recall we were trying to figure out a hobby for you.”

“You said I should build things,” Xion said around a mouthful of noodles.

“We haven’t figured out what,” said Isa. “Maybe…”

Footsteps came from the hallway, distracting Isa from his train of thought. He looked up and saw Mrs. Haruka appear through the archway to the kitchen. “Ah, Isa, you’re finally home,” she said with a smile. “And you brought guests!”

“Yeah,” said Isa, fidgeting with his shirt sleeve. “You remember Roxas and Xion. I invited them over for dinner. Would you like to join us?”

“No, that’s alright,” Mrs. Haruka said, ambling into the kitchen. “I already ate, though I would like some tea.”

“Allow me!” Xion shot up from her seat and went to fill the kettle atop the stove.

Mrs. Haruka chuckled and took a seat next to Roxas. “Oh, Isa, before I forget. Could you please give Mr. Azar a call tomorrow?”

“Sure,” said Isa. “Why? I thought we just fixed the pipes a few weeks ago.”

“Yes, but—”

The kettle whistled, cutting her off.

“Sorry!” Xion said once the whistling died down. She hurried to pass Mrs. Haruka her cup of tea. “Please, continue.”

Mrs. Haruka smiled and shook her head. “It’s fine, my dear.” She brought the cup to her lips with a shaky hand and took a sip. “Anyway, it’s not for us. It’s Mr. Ton! His sprinklers stopped working for whatever reason. And as you can imagine, it’s terrible for his crops. He’s had to irrigate his farm manually for the past week! The poor man. And he doesn’t have a telephone to call anyone to fix it.”

“Oh, that’s terrible,” said Isa.

“Yikes,” said Roxas. “He did that all by himself?”

“He had his children to help, of course,” said Mrs. Haruka, “but still.” She sighed. “They’re the same sprinklers he’d used from before The Fall. Can you imagine?” She tutted her lips, taking another sip of tea. “This village really isn’t what it used to be. And all the reconstruction efforts have been concentrated in the city. They forget about us out here.”

Xion gasped, making Isa jump.

“Sorry!” Xion said. “I just… I had an idea.” They all exchanged looks as the corners of her lips tugged into a smile. “I think… I think I just figured out what to build.”

* * *

Isa knocked on the front door of the familiar yellow house. A moment later, Idana opened the door, a big grin on her face.

“Ah, Isa, you’re just in time!” She reached out to give him a tight hug. “I just finished making cookies. Come help me decorate them.” Then her eyes widened as she glanced behind Isa’s shoulder. “Oh! And you brought friends!”

“Hi!” Xion said from behind Isa’s shoulder.

“Hi,” Roxas said with an awkward chuckle.

Isa smiled, stepping to the side. “Mom, this is Roxas and Xion. Roxas and Xion, this is my mother.”

“It’s nice to meet you both,” said Idana with a warm smile. “You can call me Mrs. Sahar. Or Idana. Whichever you prefer. Any friends of Isa’s are welcome here. Oh! Since you’re here, you can help us decorate the cookies.”

“We’d love to, mom, but…” Isa cleared his throat. “Is dad home?”

“He is.” Idana cocked her head. “What’s wrong, dear?”

“We were wondering if we can use the library,” said Isa.

Idana’s eyes lit up.

A moment later found them all in the Sahars’ library. Isa smiled, breathing in the smell of the old books, recalling memories from his childhood; days of reading and being read to, side-by-side with Lea during summer days and winter evenings. It had been too long since he’d stepped foot here.

Yerik sat on his usual chair and smiled at the sight of him. “Isa,” he said. “Oh. And who are the two young friends you’ve brought with you?”

“This is Roxas and Xion,” Isa said. “We need your help.”

Yerik smiled.

They spent the rest of the day in the library, Yerik flitting around the room to find different books on agriculture and engineering. He piled them into a neat stack for Xion to use, alongside rolls of blueprints and maps Isa had gathered. Roxas wandered the room, finding books on his own and flipping through them with wide eyes.

Xion laid out maps of Radiant Garden and the old village flat on the ground as she gushed about her plans, asking Isa a million different questions about the old village. Isa answered them all with the best of his knowledge, writing notes for further research and anything he could ask the villagers later. Xion paced the room as she brainstormed aloud, Isa and Yerik throwing their own ideas and two cents here and there. And every so often, the dots would connect and their faces would light up, leading to hasty scribbling of equations and notes.

All the while, Roxas sat leaning against the shelves, immersed in a book while Idana came in to serve them all cookies. They were warm. And they tasted like joy.

* * *

Months after Lea had first set off on his mission, he stepped foot on the dirt trail outside Radiant Garden’s city gates. He took off his helmet, breathing in fresh air after long hours stuck in his stuffy armour. He shook his head, fixing his hair, then grinned as his eyes caught sight of the flowers in full bloom around him. As he walked down the trail towards the old village, he wondered if he should've taken one of the rickshaws instead of walking. But he figured he needed to stretch his legs anyway. Birds chirped in the trees, singing songs of a new day. A rickshaw drove up the trail in the opposite direction, driven by an old man with two passengers in the backseat.

“Sir MacRoy!” one of the passengers called. “Nice to see you back in these parts!”

Lea grinned and waved. “Hi there. It’s been a long few months, I’ll tell you that.”

“Thank you for all your hard work,” called the second passenger. “It’s nice to finally grow our crops without any pesky Heartless sneaking into our farms and eating half our harvest.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Lea said, putting on a wide smile.

“Take care now!” they said, driving past towards the city gates. Lea waved until they were a good distance away, then resumed his walk down the path.

Lea checked his phone as he walked, finding no new messages—at least none from the people who mattered. He sighed, pocketing his phone again. All his phone calls with Roxas and Xion for the past few months had him worried. He’d tried so hard to mend his relationship with them before he’d left. But from the way the calls had went, he feared they were drifting apart again. His last phone call with them had been almost a week ago.

“How are you two holding up?” he had said. “I’m almost done here so I should be coming home soon.”

“We’re fine,” Xion had said, bored.

“Where’s Roxas?” Lea had said. “He doing okay?”

“He’s out right now. He’s fine.”

“What’s he up to?”

“Skateboarding around town.”

“How’s tutoring with Merlin going?”

“It’s okay.”

“You’re doing your homework and attending all your lessons, right?”

“_Yes_.”

“Do you need anymore allowance money?”

“No, we’re good.”

“Okay. Tell Roxas not to spend so much. I know a bunch of shops are probably having sales around this time of year. The last time Roxas encountered a sale I had to pull an extra shift to pay off that limited edition skateboard.”

“Yeah, okay.”

“Oh, and remember to take your meds. Roxas too.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t forget your appointment with Dr. Zhang tomorrow.”

“Okay.”

“I know they’re just online sessions,” Lea went on, “but it’s important that you two still get that time to speak with her, even if it’s not in person.”

“Okay.”

“Remember you can always go back to Twilight Town to attend the sessions if you prefer it.”

“I know. It’s fine.”

“Just remember to tell Merlin before going off-World anywhere.”

“Okay.”

“Because I know Roxas was upset he couldn’t attend training for his Struggle match. But it’s fine if he goes off-World for that! He just has to tell Merlin and then come back before it gets too late.”

“Yeah, I know. Already told him.”

“Okay, good.”

Then Xion had mumbled something to someone off-screen, followed by a giggle before she returned to face Lea through the phone. “Hey, Lea. I have to go now. There isn’t anything else you need, right?”

“Uh, no. That’s fine. Take care, okay?”

“Okay. Bye!”

Xion had promptly hung up then. It was common for calls with her and Roxas to end that way. It made Lea wonder who they were talking to. He guessed they had to be new friends. And that thought was enough to make him smile. After all their trouble making friends back in Twilight Town, knowing that they were making new friends here was a relief.

He couldn't wait to pick them up from Merlin's today. If his plans went accordingly, he’d treat them to a big meal at their favourite restaurant back at Twilight Town. They’d finally get to catch up with them and spend some quality time together. But now, it was far too early in the morning—on a weekend no less. He was fully aware of Roxas and Xion's sleeping habits. So picking them up would have to wait until later in the afternoon.

In the meantime, he decided to visit someone else he'd missed dearly.

As he walked into the old village, he passed by a sea of green pasture that stretched out for miles, meeting the clear blue sky on the horizon line. Farmers worked in the distance, their backs to the sun, as flocks of sheep and herds of cows grazed. All was quiet here save for the wind and the birds. Lea couldn't help but smile, wondering if this was why Isa opted to stay in the village. He couldn't imagine Saïx ever appreciating anything like the simple life. Xemnas' right hand man had always been so rigid and stuffy, buried under paperwork and his own schemes. Or had he? All that time Lea had been lamenting about having lost his dearest friend, Isa had been suffering too, alone and without a means of expressing himself. Lea frowned and pushed the thought away, rubbing his eyes. He had enough terrible thoughts in his dreams. He didn’t need them while he was awake too.

He reached Mrs. Haruka's house and knocked on the door.

"Coming!" came the old woman's voice from the other side.

After a few seconds, the door opened. She blinked at him, then finally smiled.

"Ah, you're Isa's friend," she said.

"Heh, yeah," he said, kicking the tip of his boot against the ground. "I came to see him. I just came back and—"

"Oh, dear. I'm sorry. But Isa isn't home right now."

"Oh. Wait, huh? It's a weekend. Isn't the shop closed today?" He groaned. "Don't tell me he's working on a weekend..."

"Oh, no, no. He's visiting his family today."

Lea froze. _His family?_

"I could give you the address if—"

"No," Lea said. "It's fine. I know where it is." He put on a smile. "Thank you, Mrs. Haruka."

"It's not a problem," she said. "Oh, wait! If you're on your way there, could you pass him something for me?"

Lea later walked back to the city gates with a basket slung over his arm with the smell of fresh bread and cookies lingering in his nose. _Isa's visiting his family_, he thought. _That means he finally worked up the courage to see them while I was gone. _He smiled, breathing out a sigh of relief. _That means everything went well. I knew it would._

When he finally reached the front gate of that familiar yellow house, Lea took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before letting go. His heart beat loudly in his chest, the sight of the house bringing back old memories of children's laughter and late-night stories, warm bellies and hot chocolate in his hands. With uncertain steps, he walked through the open gate towards the front door. He paused, staring at the door.

_What if Isa still doesn't want to see me? Maybe I should give him his space. What if his parents are mad at me for not telling them earlier that Isa was back? Lights. They must've grieved. Thinking they'd lost their son forever. What if... What if..._

He hung his head, wondering if he should just turn back now and act like nothing ever happened. Go pick up Roxas and Xion from Merlin’s then head back to Twilight Town and just visit Isa another time. Then he caught sight of the basket in his hand. _Crap_. He'd forgotten he was even holding it. If he turned back now, Mrs. Haruka would be wondering why Isa never got the food if she asked about it later. _Okay. Okay. I'll just come in to pass the bread and head out so Isa doesn't think I'm bugging him. Make some excuse. Say I had to just drop by for Guardian of Light duties. Play it off._

He rang the doorbell. He adjusted his grip on the basket's handle, his palms sweaty. Then the door opened.

"Can I help you?" Mr. Sahar said, squinting at him through his glasses.

"I—Um." Lea gulped. "Hi, Mr. Sahar."

"Do I..." Then Mr. Sahar's eyes widened. "Hold on... Lea?"

Lea grinned awkwardly. "Heh. Yeah. It's... It's me."

Mr. Sahar laughed for a long moment, eyes looking him up and down before he finally pulled him into a quick hug. "Thank you," Mr. Sahar whispered.

"Huh?"

"For bringing my son back. _Thank you_." He pulled away from Lea and beamed. "It's good to see you again, son."

Lea swallowed thickly, feeling his eyes begin to tear up.

Mr. Sahar pulled away and grinned, shaking his head. “My boy… Why, look how big you’ve grown! So tall and strong.” He grinned, the corner of his eyes crinkling. “I’m so proud of you,” he said quietly.

Lea could only manage a tight smile.

Mr. Sahar stepped aside, beaming. "Please! Come in!" He ushered Lea inside before Lea could even come up with a response. "Please, make yourself at home. It was never a problem for you before! Come in, your timing is impeccable. And oh, what is that with you?"

Lea chuckled half-heartedly. "Yeah, I... O-Oh. This? It's bread. And cookies. From Mrs. Haruka. She's—"

"Oh! How kind of her." Mr. Sahar laughed. "Come along, bring that into the parlour. My, Idana will be thrilled to see you. I’m so glad you’re finally back."

Lea nodded and followed Mr. Sahar inside. The house looked _different_. The furniture, the wallpaper, even the pictures that hung on the walls and the knick-knacks he had loved to play with. They'd all been painted over or removed or replaced. Even the layout was different. A complete remodel. But none of it seemed all that new either. He wondered if they'd decided to renovate everything after Isa had gone missing all those years ago, or after The Fall and the restoration of Radiant Garden.

"Here we are!" Mr. Sahar said. "Everyone, look who it is!"

Lea was just about to wonder who 'everyone' meant when he walked into the parlour and found himself dumbfounded at the sight before him. On the floor in front of a makeshift puppet theatre box, surrounded by all sorts of metal parts and tools, sat Isa, Mrs. Sahar, and... Roxas and Xion.

"Lea!" Xion said. After blinking with her mouth hung open for a long moment, she scurried onto her feet and raced towards him, tackling him into a hug. “You didn’t say you were coming back today.”

"Xion," he stammered, absently returning the hug. He looked at Roxas, who didn't move to get up, but smiled at him. "Wha... What are you guys doing here?" Lea said, not believing his eyes.

"Mr. and Mrs. Sahar are helping me with my new hobby," Xion said, grinning from ear to ear.

"New hobby?" Lea said, his voice small to even his own ears.

"Inventing stuff," said Xion. She pulled away from him and bent down to pick up a roll of paper off the floor. "See?" She unrolled it and held it out for him to see. "This is the design I came up with."

"Oh? What is it?" Lea said, tilting his head to make sense of the blueprint.

"It's an irrigation device to help the villagers with their farming," said Xion.

"The latest prototype has been very popular among the other villagers," Isa said. "Xion's invention will also help boost the fertility rate of the soil and make harvesting crops a lot easier. That way, the city can make its own resources again. And you won’t have to go back-and-forth to other Worlds to get us supplies."

Lea grasped for words. "That... That's great!" he said. He laughed and pulled Xion into another hug, lifting her into the air. "You did _all_ this?"

"Not alone." Xion smiled. "Mr. Sahar's library has been a huge help. And Isa helps the consultation process with the villagers."

"Yeah?" Lea smiled, feeling tears forming in his eyes.

"And, oh!" She turned around to look at the puppet theatre box. "Mrs. Sahar was just telling us all a story."

"The kids enjoy it just as much as you both used to," said Mrs. Sahar with a laugh. "It keeps the morale up whenever they've hit a wall in the innovative process."

"I have _not_ hit a wall," Xion said. She looked at Lea. "Don't listen to her. Unless it's to her stories. Mrs. Sahar's a _great_ storyteller."

"Oh?" said Mr. Sahar. "And what about me?"

Roxas shrugged. "Meh. You're okay."

Isa laughed, and the rest of them continued to joke and throw banter back and forth. Lea couldn't believe any of what he was seeing and hearing. All his favourite people here, in one room, getting along like old friends. It was a picture so sweet that even dreams couldn’t imitate. This was _real_. And it was his. He didn't even realize that he was crying until Isa looked at him, whatever he'd wanted to say stuck in his throat. "Lea? What's wrong?"

Lea shook his head, unable to control the surge of tears that made up for every single feeling he'd held back for so long. The deepwater that drowned him every night drained out; for here he found the dry shore, a safe harbour after a decade of sinking into turbulent seas. He choked out a sob and opened his mouth to apologize for the sad display. But warm arms enveloped him before he could say anything, offering him solace in the comfort of home.

* * *

Dinner was cooked by Isa at his insistence. Mrs. Sahar stayed in the kitchen for extra guidance and assistance. Lea insisted on helping too, but Isa was adamant that he could do it on his own. Still, that didn't stop Lea from sitting at the island counter and watching them work. Smooth, jazzy music floated throughout the house from Mr. Sahar's grammophone in the parlour adjacent to the kitchen, where Roxas and Xion sat laughing over some joke on their phones, and Mr. Sahar read in his armchair.

"So, Lea," said Mrs. Sahar. "How was your trip?"

"It was fine," said Lea, shrugging. "Tiring."

"Oh my," said Mrs. Sahar. "You mean to say you haven't gotten to rest since you’ve come back?"

"Yeah, but it's fine," said Lea. He was more tired than they could ever know, but he put on a grin and waved it off. "I had enough caffeine to keep me up for a while."

Mrs. Sahar clicked her tongue. "Too much caffeine is bad for you, you know."

"Tell him about cigarettes too, mom," said Isa.

"Cigarettes?" Mrs. Sahar exclaimed, almost dropping the pan in her hands. "Lea? You smoke?"

Lea coughed. "I mean..."

"Lea!" Mrs. Sahar said, shaking her head frantically. "Those things can kill you!"

"Oh, hey!" Lea said, wracking his mind for something to switch the topic to. "Uh, that chicken smells amazing!"

Isa chuckled. "See what I have to deal with?"

"Hmph," said Mrs. Sahar. "So stubborn. But I suppose he always was."

"I'm right here, you know," Lea groaned. Then he sat up straighter when he heard a familiar guitar chord from the gramophone. "Hey! Isa! Remember this song?"

"Hm?" Isa paused, listening to the change of song. "Oh." He laughed. "Wasn't this the song they played at almost every wedding back then?" His smile turned soft, but it was still bright enough to light up the room. "I remember you singing it during the karaoke session at my neighbour's wedding once."

"Oh," Mrs. Sahar said. "I remember that. It was Mrs. Paxton's daughter's wedding, wasn't it?"

"I think so," said Isa, shaking his head despite still smiling.

"Yeah," Lea chuckled. He stood up and walked over to Isa and bowed, holding out his hand. "May I have this dance?"

"Lea!" Isa's eyes widened, cheeks turning pink. "I'm cooking."

"So?" said Lea.

Mrs. Sahar giggled. "Go ahead, Isa," she said. "I can take over from here."

Isa turned a bright red, hesitantly setting the oven mitts aside and taking Lea's hand. Lea grinned, whisking him into the parlour to dance, Isa laughing and yelping protest.

"_Would you knoooow my name?_'" Lea sang, purposely out-of-tune. "_'If I saw you in heaven?'_"

Roxas cackled from where he sat on the couch. Xion gasped and giggled. "Dude, what?" Roxas exclaimed in between his fits of laughter.

"_'Will you beeee the saaaame?'_" Lea continued, rocking Isa from side to side as Isa laughed, ducking his head to hide his red face. "Come on, Isa!" Lea said. "I know you know the lyrics!"

"Must you be so embarrassing?" Isa said, shoulders shaking as he laughed.

"Isaaaa," Lea whined.

Isa groaned. Then he grumbled out, "_'Would you hold my hand?'_"

Roxas and Xion gasped. "Isa!" Xion exclaimed. "You're singing!"

"_'I'll find my way'_," Lea sang, voice comically low and flat. "_'Through night and day'_."

" _' 'Cause I know'_," Isa continued.

"_'I just can't stay, here in heaven'_," they sang in unison.

"_'Time can bring you down!'_" Lea belted. "'_Time can bend your knees!'_"

"'_Time can break your heart',_" Isa sang through his fit of laughter. "_'Begging please'._"

"_'I muuuust be strong'_," Lea sung in his terrible bass voice. "_'And carry oooon'_."

"_'Cause I know'_," Isa sang. "'_I don't belong...'_"

They laughed and swayed to the music. Absently, Lea registered Roxas and Xion snapping photos. But Lea didn't care. His cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. Lea rocked Isa to the music, their dance slowing down as Lea hummed the rest of the melody.

"_'Here in heaven'_," Lea sang softly, the song reaching its end and fading out into the next one.

Isa rested his chin on Lea's shoulder and closed his eyes, swaying to the slow music. Maybe he didn't belong in heaven, Lea mused, but as he held Isa in his arms and danced a decade's old dance, it felt like he'd already found it all on his own.

* * *

"Are you staying the night?" Mr. Sahar asked after dinner.

"I..." Lea looked at Roxas and Xion, their eyes wide and pleading. "You guys want to stay?"

"_Yes!_" Xion cried. "Please? It's too late to go back to Twilight Town anyway."

"We could always go back and stay with Merlin," said Lea. "I mean, that's where you two have been staying this whole time you've been here. Right?"

Roxas and Xion exchanged a look. Lea turned to Isa, eyes wide. "They've been staying at your parents' house this whole time?" Lea said.

"Not the whole time," said Isa. "Just... lately."

Lea blinked. He still couldn't believe it. The last he'd known, Roxas and Xion were both hesitant to even hear out Isa's apology. How much had changed since he'd been gone?

"Well..." Lea said. "If you guys want to stay, we'll stay."

"Yes!" Roxas said, punching the air. When he caught Lea staring, he coughed and straightened himself. "What? Merlin's house just smells like old person. And the bed's softer here too."

"Mmhm," said Lea. "Alright then. Off to bed then, you two. It's late."

"Aw, come on!" said Xion. "Mrs. Sahar always tells us a story before bed."

Lea gawked. The whole time he'd lived with Roxas and Xion, they'd both acted like cranky teenagers who were too cool for any of this stuff. And now, here they were, demanding a bedtime story like little kids. Lea couldn't help but smile. "Alright, alright. Mrs. Sahar can tell you guys a story."

"Hmm," said Mr. Sahar, stroking his beard. "Why don't _you _tell them a story, Lea?"

"Me?" said Lea, startled.

"Him?" said Roxas and Xion in unison.

"Why not?" said Mr. Sahar.

"Oh, yes." Mrs. Sahar clapped her hands together. "All the Worlds you've been to and the adventures you've been on; I'm sure you have plenty of excellent stories."

Isa hummed. "Didn't you used to do that trick with the fire? You used to make the fire into figures that could move and dance around."

"O-Oh," said Lea. He chuckled when he saw Roxas and Xion's expectant faces. "Alright, fine. C'mon. Sit down. I'll tell you both a story."

But when they were all sat down on the parlour floor, anticipation clear in their eyes, Lea had nothing.

"Come now," said Mr. Sahar. "I'm sure you have something."

"Or you could just tell them one of the stories from the book," said Isa.

Then Lea remembered a story he’d heard in Olympus. He took a deep breath and summoned flame figures over his palms, each one the size of his hand. "Okay," he breathed.

"Once upon a time… Many aeons ago,” he began, “the Worlds were ruled by these powerful people called Titans.” The flame figures flew high into the air and grew to half of Xion’s height. “For all the power they had, these Titans were cruel and evil. They destroyed the Worlds and wreaked Darkness and havoc everywhere.” The figures transformed into monstrous creatures, each one with giant jaws and hollow eyes. “The worst of them was Kronos.” One of the creatures stepped forward and grew larger than the others, taking on the appearance of long, spiky hair. “Kronos was the newest of the Titans. But his power was immense, and he disposed of the old king of the Titans.

“But then one day,” said Lea, creating another flame figure and sending it to fly above the monstrous creatures, “came Zeus.” The new figure shone with a brilliant light. “Zeus saved others along the way to defeat Kronos. As a token of appreciation, they granted him with the Thunderbolt.” A blade-like weapon appeared in Zeus’ fiery hands. “With this, Zeus waged war against the Titans. Zeus swept through the Titans’ castle and defeated the Titans one by one, banishing them into the prisons of the underworld.”

Lea controlled the flames like puppets, making Zeus and the Titans clash in a dramatic battle. The flickering lights from the flames reflected off his audience’s faces as Xion and Roxas gasped at the fluid motions of the battle above. Finally, the Titans’ flame figures billowed off into smoke, leaving Zeus and one more Titan. “But there was one Titan that Zeus did not banish. His name was Atlas.”

The remaining Titan stepped forward. “No,” said Lea. “Zeus had another punishment for Atlas. So Zeus sent Atlas to the edge of the Worlds and said, ‘Atlas, Celestial Titan of Strength, I command you to hold the weight of the heavens upon your shoulders until the light of the sun no longer shines on the earth.’ To atone for his crimes, Atlas held out his arms and accepted the punishment.” Lea summoned a giant sphere of fire and dropped it onto the Atlas’ shoulders. Lea made sure to make the flame figure’s knees stagger under the weight of the sphere. “From that day onwards, Atlas stood at the edge of the Worlds and bore his burden in silence, earning him the name of the Titan of Endurance. Aeons passed until the earth took his body, turning him to stone.” Atlas’ knees stopped shaking and he turned still. Slowly, the figures of Atlas and the sphere morphed into one, transforming into a mountain. “Time turned the stone into a mountain. And that mountain carries the weight of the sky until this very day.”

The flames extinguished, leaving the room in darkness.

“The end.”

* * *

Roxas and Xion took the guest room, each getting a single bed separated by an end table in the centre of the small room. They both lay on their respective beds, all snuggled up in the warm comforters the Sahars had provided for them. Lea stood at the edge of Roxas' bed, leaning against the bedpost and taking the sight of them in. He smiled softly, feeling warm inside.

"You don't have to tuck us in you know," Roxas grumbled.

"Yeah," said Lea, "but I figured since I already read you both your bedtime story—”

"Ugh!" said Roxas. "Shut uuuup! Isa never made fun of us for it."

"Hey, it's okay," Lea chuckled. "I'm just teasing. I'm glad you two are having a good time here."

"Are you gonna stay?" Xion said quietly. "Or do you have more work to do?"

"Nah," said Lea. "Not for a while at least. That means I can stick around for so long until you guys get sick of seeing this ugly mug."

Xion giggled and Roxas snickered.

"I won't get tired of seeing you around," Xion said. "I missed you."

Lea blinked, then walked over to her to lean down for a hug. "Hey," he said, "I missed you too. I'm sorry for being away so long." He pulled away, seeing her smile, then ruffled her hair, earning another giggle from her. She seemed to have shaved it again, but this time only the back instead of one full side of her head. “Why didn’t you guys tell me what you were up to this whole time?”

Xion shrugged. “Figured you’d come back and find out anyway.”

Lea chuckled, shaking his head.

"Hey, Lea?" Roxas piped up.

Lea turned around and saw Roxas fidgeting with the covers.

"Do we have to go back to Twilight Town?" said Roxas.

"Huh?" said Lea. "Don't you wanna go back? All your friends are back there."

Roxas frowned and gave a nonchalant shrug. "I guess..."

"Rox," Lea said softly. "If you don't want to go back, we don't have to. We could always get a place here if you really wanted."

Roxas' eyes widened and he met Lea's gaze. "Really?"

"Sure," said Lea, scratching the back of his head. "But why the sudden change? Don't you like it in Twilight Town?"

Roxas pursed his lips and stared at his lap.

"I think Twilight Town has a lot of bad memories," Xion said when Roxas didn't respond. "It had good ones too but… I think a fresh start would be good for all of us. And besides, Isa is here!"

"And Mr. and Mrs. Sahar," Roxas added.

Lea beamed. "And you guys want to stay here with them?"

"A-And because of all the work Xion's doing here," said Roxas, avoiding Lea’s gaze. "This city needs us more than Twilight Town does."

"And the people here understand us more." Xion crossed her arms. "This place has fallen to Heartless so many times, has seen so many battles and hardships… Twilight Town is just… too…"

"Normal," Roxas finished.

"Exactly!" said Xion. "The kids there are so mean."

"They're assholes, that's what they are!" Roxas huffed. "They call us freaks and no one wants to hang out with us. And Hayner's mom looks at me like I'm an alien or something. Don't get me started on the shit she says about _you_!"

"Me?" Lea said.

"Yeah!" Roxas said. "I almost threw her own apple strudel in her face for all the crap she said about you! Hayner had to physically hold me back."

Lea couldn't help the grin that stretched on his face. "You defended me against Lenne Ross? Really?"

"I wanted to," Roxas mumbled. "If only I could've."

Lea laughed and went to pull Roxas into a tight hug. Then he called Xion over too. She scrambled out of her bed and ran to pile onto Lea's lap. He laughed some more and pulled her into the hug.

"I love you both," Lea said, "so, so much."

"Ugh, come on, dude," Roxas groaned, trying to push Lea off him. "Don't get all sappy on me."

"I _will_ if I want to, alright?" said Lea. "I love you both. And I promise I'm not leaving you two alone anymore.”

Xion laughed and returned the hug. "Does this mean it's a 'yes'? We can stay here?"

"For now," said Lea. Before they could protest, he quickly added, "_Because_ there's a lot of paperwork to do before we can actually _move_. We'd have to sign some forms to get you out of that school, and sign even more to settle everything with the mansion. But. For now, yes, we can stay."

"_Yay!”_ Roxas and Xion cheered, laughing as they hugged him tightly.

* * *

Once Roxas and Xion headed up to sleep, Lea went back downstairs, finding Isa sitting alone in the kitchen as he nursed a mug of hot chocolate.

"Hey," Lea said, taking a seat across from him.

"Hi," said Isa. "How are Roxas and Xion doing?"

"They're fine," Lea said with a wide smile. "All tucked in."

Isa smiled too and nodded. "They're good kids."

"Yeah," Lea said, staring down at his own hands.

"That was a nice story back there."

"Huh? Oh. The story. Yeah. It's pretty popular. I tweaked some things here and there though." He chuckled as he remembered it. "Gods can be cruel, huh?"

Isa nodded, taking a sip. "Shouldn't you head to bed too? You must be tired."

Lea grimaced. "Nah, it's fine. I'm not that sleepy." The truth was, he was more exhausted than Isa knew. He'd barely slept all those nights away, worrying and waking from nightmares still haunting him.

"Lea," said Isa. "Are you okay?"

"Huh? Of course I am." He smiled, looking at his hands on the table. "I mean... I have everything I've ever wanted. Why wouldn’t I be?” He laughed, and it sounded strained even to his ears. “I got Roxas and Xion back. And you got your parents back. I even got a house of my own, a job that pays well, and a gig doing what I love! I don’t see why I—"

"Fighting."

"Huh?”

“A gig doing what you love,” said Isa. “Fighting, you mean?”

“Yeah. Fighting." Lea took a deep breath. "And... I have you. You're here. And safe. And happy."

Isa looked up at him, his cerulean eyes laying him bare. "But what about you?"

"I told you. I _am_ happy."

"No, you're not." Isa shook his head. "You smile and laugh and joke around. But I _know_ you, Lea."

"I'm fine."

"Lea."

"What?"

"You don't have to be." Isa set his mug down. "You don't have to fight all the time."

Lea snatched his gaze away from Isa, his leg bouncing under the table. He wanted to get up and leave. Just get out of this conversation.

"Lea. Listen to me. Please." Isa reached his hand out on the table until his fingers were barely touching Lea's. And that slightest touch alone was enough to pin Lea to the table. "You don't have to hold everything on your own shoulders. You aren't Atlas, Lea. You're a man. No one should ever bear that sort of burden. Not alone. And you're _not_ alone, Lea."

Lea ducked his head. "When did you get so wise?"

"I'm always wise." Isa smiled, placing his hand directly on top of Lea's and squeezing.

"I know." Lea smiled, squeezing Isa's hand back.

"Besides, I learned a lot while you were gone. I'll tell you all about it some time."

Lea laughed, taking Isa's hand in both of his. "I missed you, Isa." His voice cracked. "Lights. I missed you so much."

"Weren't you the one who told me we're going to get through this together? We can't do that if you don't talk to me, you know. You can't hold it all in, Lea. You can't keep wearing a mask in front of the kids either. You have to start being honest. With us, and with yourself especially."

Lea let out a wrangled laugh. "I'm just scared that if I… if I let go, I'm gonna break everything. One crack in the dam and the next second, everything I built gets flooded."

"Then we rebuild. That’s why we prune old leaves. So new ones can grow."

"Speaking in plant metaphors now?"

"I learned it from Mrs. Haruka."

Lea laughed, voice thick and broken.

"Hey," said Isa. "Remember when I used to draw the upside-down tears on your face?"

"Yeah?"

"And remember how you asked me if they would turn you to stone? Like in the story?"

"Uh-huh."

"And do you remember what I said to you?"

"...You said 'no'." Lea wiped his face and took a deep breath. "You said I'd turn into something stronger."

“Exactly. You don’t have to turn into stone to be strong, Lea.”

Lea shifted uncomfortably, then stood up. "I need some fresh air."

“Hey!” Isa stood up as well. “Lea, I’m not done talking. You can’t just ignore me—”

“I’m _not_, okay?” Lea waved a dismissive hand. “Come on. I know the perfect place to go.”

“_Lea_—”

Lea grabbed Isa’s hand and headed for the door.

* * *

Lea brought them to the lookout in the woods, the light of the moon shining on them, lighting their way. When they arrived at the cabin, Lea took a seat outside at the same place where he and Isa had watched the sunset all those years ago.

"It's a beautiful night," said Lea.

"It is," said Isa, taking a seat next to Lea. He looked up at the stars and smiled. "It's funny. I used to think stars were like suns miles and miles away. Now it turns out they're the light of distant Worlds."

"Yeah..."

"I'd like to learn more," Isa continued. "About them. The stars and other Worlds and gummi blocks and all of it. When we were on your glider, that was the first time seeing it all up close. It’s unbelievable that all of that exists beyond our own little Worlds. And so many people don’t even know about the _existence _of what’s out there. Besides Ansem's research, there's no research on it that we know of, though there are clues that inter-World travel has existed far longer than even Ansem has lived. I thought about it. I think that the book we read as children was literally about other Worlds. The Ballad of Twilight sounds an awful lot like Twilight Town, doesn't it? It's amazing, really. Imagine what else we still don't know."

Isa took a deep breath. “I want to study it," he went on. "Radiant Garden has all the facilities available. Just think about what new discoveries we could make. Maybe what we discover could help you and the other Guardians protect the Worlds better. Maybe there could be a better way of moving between Worlds too. So everyone could travel between Worlds, not just Keyblade wielders. That way, you won’t have to be the only one able to go off-World for supplies.

“And what's the point of ‘World order’ anyway?” Isa continued. “All it does is restrict communication and advancements. Imagine if we could establish proper connections with other Worlds and form actual trade deals. Just how much it could help people. And not just our people either. There are Worlds out there who don't even have sanitation and water supply. People out there suffer and live in pestilence because they don't have the knowledge. _We_ do. We could help them. Teach them."

Lea stared at Isa in awe.

"I would like to propose it to Squall," Isa said. He took a deep breath, then turned to Lea. “What do you think? Do you think it’s a good idea? Would he consider it?”

“Hey, yeah!” said Lea. “That’s an amazing idea, Isa. So, yeah. There’s a _huge _chance he’d consider it. And, oh! You could get Ienzo's help. He's working for the Restoration Committee now."

"Oh?” Isa blinked. “He’s not in jail. That’s good to hear. What about the others?"

"Well, Dilan and Aeleus were officially convicted and put into jail. Lifetime sentence. You should’ve seen the look on Dilan’s face. I should frame it on a wall but then I’d have to look at his stupid mug everyday. I’m pretty sure the fuss he made went on the news. He went on this whole TV-villain-like spiel and was all like, ‘You’ll pay for this! Stupid street urchins! I'll get my revenge! Muahaha!’"

Lea laughed, Isa joining in with a small chuckle.

"What about Even?" said Isa.

"In prison, but his research is too valuable to lock him up entirely. So they kind of have him on a leash to work for them."

Isa frowned. "Oh…” He shook his head. “Anyway... I was talking about my plans. Of course, it needs a lot more work. This is all just a very rough idea. I'd need to resume my studies and graduate properly to properly delve into research but… I think it's a start."

Lea smiled, fondness blooming in his chest. "I think it's a great idea. And I think it's amazing how you're trying to help all these people."

Isa cleared his throat, his face red. "So… What about you?"

"Huh?"

"What are your plans?"

"Plans?"

"For the future."

"Future..." Lea laughed wryly. "I... I guess I don't have any as of now. I'll just keep doing what I'm already doing. Help the Restoration Committee and… hopefully, take better care of Roxas and Xion."

"Roxas and Xion aren't going to be teenagers forever, you know. And when that happens, you won’t have to just worry about taking care of them. Soon they'll grow up and graduate high school, head off to college, get jobs, get _married_..."

"Whoa, whoa, slow down! They haven't even entered senior year yet!"

"It's going to happen eventually, Lea." Isa cleared his throat. “Life keeps moving on, whether we’re ready for it or not.”

"Says the guy who wanted to stay in the Realm of Sleep forever."

Isa smacked Lea lightly on the shoulder. "Shut up. I mean… It would always be nice for things to stay the same all the time. But... I told you. I had a lot of time to think and to… process everything. I learned a lot of things."

Lea stared at Isa, drinking in the sight of him smiling as he talked about life and the future with bright eyes. It was so rare and difficult to get Isa to truly start opening up and talking. So when he did start, Lea wished he wouldn't stop. Looking at him now felt like falling in love all over again. Except he’d never experienced ‘falling’ in love at all. All his life, he had taken deliberate steps, knowing full well where he was going, having every intention to dive head-first into love and never let go.

Isa turned to him, his face suddenly turning a deep red. "What are you looking at me like that for?" he said.

_I love you_, Lea almost said. "Nothing," he said instead, his voice a mere whisper. He smiled and shook his head. "I'm just… amazed. By you. You amaze me, Isa." Isa flushed even more and looked away but Lea continued, "Where did you learn all this?"

"Everywhere… Everyone. And you'd be surprised how much flowers can teach you." Isa smiled sadly. "Everything changes. The seasons, the water that flows through rivers, ...people. All of it. I guess... I'm learning to accept that. After all, I suppose I have changed too. I suppose we both have. And... that's not always a bad thing."

"There is one thing that hasn't changed though."

"Oh? What's that?"

Lea took a deep breath to calm the loud drumming of his heart. He took Isa's hand and intertwined their fingers together. Quietly, he said, "Remember my promise? I said I'd wait for you."

Isa's breath hitched. "Lea..."

"I lived through two lifetimes waiting. I'm ready to wait even more if I have to."

Isa stammered, mouth opening and closing without anything coming out.

Lea leaned in, bringing their faces so close that Lea felt Isa's breath against his cheek. Lea closed his eyes and—

_CLANG!_

The sound of shattering glass and metal falling against each other startled both of them to their feet. The sound came from inside the cabin.

"What was that?" Lea exclaimed. "You stay here. I'm going in to check."

"Hey, no! I'm going too."

"You don't even have a weapon anymore."

"What if it's just a rat?"

"Yeah but—"

The noise came again. Before Lea could say anything else, a large ink-black creature hurtled towards him, slashing him across his arm. He shouted, summoning his weapon just in time to strike back.

"Lea!" Isa cried. He grabbed something off the floor and beat the Heartless with it, leaving it scurrying back into the shadows of the cabin.

Lea snapped his fingers, lighting a ball of fire in his hand. He hurled it like a bowling ball towards the Heartless. The creature hissed.

"Alright, show me what you've got," Lea said. Then he charged.

* * *

The Heartless poofed into the air, leaving Lea and Isa heaving for breath. Lea flinched when he saw the gash on his arm.

"Lights," Isa gasped. "Lea, are you alright?"

"Don't worry. I've got a potion." He patted his pockets, finding them empty. "Crap. They were in my coat."

"You're bleeding a lot. Hold on, there has to be a—"

"It's fine." Lea ripped off a section of his shirt and wrapped it around the wound on his arm.

"Was that necessary?" Isa huffed. "I'm sure I could've found a cloth somewhere."

"It's an old shirt. And covered in Heartless gunk anyway." He looked up to find Isa glaring at him. "I took the clean part of it, okay?" Lea said, shaking his head.

"Here, let me get a look at you."

"Isa, I'm _fine_."

"Would you stop and just let me help?"

Lea bit his tongue and scoffed. "Yeah, yeah. Fine."

Isa came over and held his arm out to see. "We have to get you to the hospital."

"No need."

"_Lea_."

"It's not a big deal, alright? We'll just head back to your folks' and grab the potion in my coat. Done. Come on, you big worrywart."

Back at Isa's parents' house, Isa sat Lea down on the couch and dabbed his arm with the potion's contents. Lea winced at the touch.

"Shh," Isa said. "Stay still. This wouldn't be a problem if you had the drinkable potion."

"I'm all out, okay? Used it all up on the mission."

Isa frowned. "How bad does it get out there?"

"Huh?"

"The wounds. I imagine the Heartless you have to fight out there are far more dangerous than the one we just encountered."

"Yeah, but I'm usually more careful. I'm not always in the middle of an almost-kiss when a Heartless attacks."

Isa's face turned red as a tomato.

"Speaking of which..." said Lea. "Could use a kiss to make it better."

Isa rolled his eyes and gently slapped Lea's cheek. "Yeah. Right."

"Ouch. That _hurt_, Isa. Really."

"I'm so sorry," Isa said flatly.

"_Ow_." Lea laughed.

“You have to stop rushing into everything.” Isa shook his head. “See, if you didn’t just brush me off to rush off to the lookout, we wouldn’t have gotten attacked. Speaking of which, I’d like to resume that conversation—”

“Wait a minute. Hold on.” Lea sat up straight, a light bulb flashing to life in his head.

"What? Lights, Lea, you can’t just—”

"A Heartless _attacked _us. What the hell was it doing there?"

Isa rolled his eyes. "So what? Isn’t there always Heartless in the city? Wasn’t that what your whole mission was for? To clear out the remaining Heartless?"

"Yeah, exactly! That's why there shouldn't_ be_ any anymore! Especially now with all the defences up and running." Lea stood up and paced. "There shouldn't be any Heartless within a ten-mile radius of the city. This doesn't make sense. If that Heartless made it past our defence systems, that means—"

"Wait, Lea—"

"I have to tell Squall.” Lea rushed to put on his coat, wincing from the wound on his arm. “If they managed to hack the security outside the city, they can do it inside too." He paused at the door and turned around. “Isa. Wake Roxas and Xion up. Your parents and all the other citizens can't fight them off. If Heartless come in—"

Isa nodded, his eyes wide.

"And find something—anything—to protect yourself with. A baseball bat or a knife or something."

"I got it, Lea." Isa swallowed. "Go. Just... Please, be careful."

Lea ran up to kiss Isa’s cheek. Then he sped out the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> There was a bit of a timeskip before the scene where Lea arrived back in Radiant Garden, which means Xion and Roxas were getting along with Isa's family for maybe around a month or so.
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated~


	19. The Battle of the Midnight Hour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea deals with his problems through the only way he knows how: battle and near-death experiences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Here's](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLkdaoegEmKkFeZLW4z01m9hWljxawZOpv) a neat mini playlist to get into the mood.
> 
> **Warning:** Violence and blood

Lea rushed out into the street, heartbeat drumming rapidly as he ran towards the castle, shaky fingers dialling the numbers on his phone. He held out his other hand to summon his Keyblade and slashed it through an incoming Heartless before his blade even finished materializing in his hand.

"Hello?" came Aqua's voice from the other end.

"Aqua.” He slashed through another Heartless. "We need backup. Stat. It's an emergency. Heartless managed to breach Radiant Garden's defence system."

"What?!”

Lea dodged a bolt of lightning overhead.

“I'll dispatch the other wielders right now,” said Aqua. “How many are there?"

Lea threw a slice of fire into the air, blasting all the Heartless circling above him into pools of smoke. The smell of the Darkness in the air assaulted his senses. It was almost enough to distract him from the large Heartless rushing in from his right. He rolled away from its line of attack and pierced his Keyblade into its back. Just as he straightened himself to take a deep breath, he noticed more glowing yellow eyes creeping towards him from every unlit crevasse—out from dark alleys, through the vents of the drains in the streets, under the shut doors of shops with displays featuring mannequins that now stirred to life.

Lea swallowed. And he ran. "Can't say for sure,” he said lowly, slightly out of breath as he tried to find a clear path. But to no avail. “A _lot_.” Heartless lurked at the ends of the street. They snarled and leapt out to attack him. He kicked them off him and summoned a ring of fire around him. Glass shattered behind him, followed by the clamour of metal and broken ceramic. The stillness of the city at midnight was gone. His breath quickened. “They're swarming the streets by the dozens. They're probably _everywhere—_” His heart dropped. “_Shit_.”

“Lea?” Aqua said.

“The village," he muttered. “We need all the help we can get.”

"I'm sending for everyone."

"Hurry." He hung up. Then he ran.

What came next was the challenge of trying to get through the city without alerting every Heartless to come swarming after him. He couldn’t take all of them. Not alone. He took a deep breath and slunk through the streets as silently as possible. He got to watch them as he did. Big and small, he saw them creep through the streets, amassing around any light offered by the dim streetlamps.

_Where’s Squall and the others? How can they not know this is happening? _How _is this even happening? _Xehanort’s face flashed in his mind. _No, he's dead._ But what about... _Braig_. Lea’s pulse raced. _It can't be. Didn't he...? _Lea shook his head. His arm hadn't fully healed. His legs were wobbly from hours without rest. He'd stayed awake for more than twenty-four hours. _Looks like I’ll have to stay up a few more. _He took a deep breath. _Get it together, MacRoy._

He just made it safely to the central square when a swarm of Heartless appeared in front of him, blocking the entrance to the castle. He cut the Heartless down as they came, but more kept coming. He had to alert the others. Innocent lives were in danger. The usual thrill he found from battle was lost to him as a million different thoughts raced in his mind. He took heaving breaths with every swing of his blade, blood pounding in his ears.

He snapped his fingers, throwing out billows of fire one after another, lighting up the dark streets and burning the creatures to ash. They kept coming.

_It's a giant swarm. _His mind flashed to the Battle of A Thousand Heartless from over two years ago. _Of course. This has the Organization written all over it_. He growled, form-changing his blade into his chakrams and hurling them at the creatures.

Spotlights flickered to life, blinding him for a split second. He blinked and looked up as he parried a blow from a Heartless. He saw a silhouetted figure on the castle parapet.

"SOUND THE ALARMS!" Lea screamed as loud as he could, hoping whoever it was up there would hear him. "SOUND THE ALARMS!"

A Heartless struck him down. He kicked it off him just in time and thrashed the Heartless with a flame-covered arm, hitting its head against another Heartless, then blasting them both into ashes.

The alarms blared. _Good_.

Sweat dripped down his face from all the fire he created, his hands covered in soot. _How many are there?_

"Lea!"

He dodged an attack just as he saw a giant shuriken pierce into the Heartless' body, poofing it into thin air. He whirled around and saw Squall, Aerith, and the others racing down from the castle.

"Took you long enough!" Lea said.

"The fuck's going on?" Cid yelled, stabbing a row of Heartless with his spear like a kebab.

"What happened to our safety mechanism?" Squall growled, shooting at the Heartless. "Lights. How many are there?"

"Someone got to bypass the system," said Lea. "Where are the apprentices?"

"You think...?" Squall's eyes widened. "Fuck! Someone get in there and find them!" Squall barked. "They must've escaped and messed with the system from the inside."

"That's what I said, genius!" said Lea.

"I'll go," said Aerith, summoning her staff into her hands. She turned to Squall. “Whatever it takes, keep the people safe.” Squall nodded. She ran towards the castle.

"Listen!” said Squall. “We have to spread out! All the boroughs and the village are in danger!"

"There's not enough of us to get all of them," said Yuffie.

A beam of light blasted into a Demon Tower, incinerating it. Lea turned around, breathing a sigh of relief at the sight of Roxas rushing in with his dual blades.

"Where's Xion?" said Lea.

"She went to the village!" said Roxas. "What the hell are you all gathered here for? There's a whole city under attack!"

"There's not enough of us to cover all our bases, kid," said Cid. "Our weapons don't work as well against Heartless."

"Help's on their way," said Lea. "But right now, there are civilians in danger."

"Right," said Squall. "Yuffie! You take the North with Cid. Tifa, get Cloud and take East. Roxas, go with Merlin and take West. Lea, you're coming with me to South."

"What about Central?" said Cid. "You gonna leave the castle defenceless?"

Lea shook his head. "If the attack's coming from inside the castle, we shouldn't have to worry about the castle getting under attack."

"Aerith is in there!" said Cid.

"Yeah," said Tifa. "Alone! Maybe I should—"

"Aerith can handle herself," Squall gritted, "and what other choice do we have? Now _go_!"

* * *

Isa's pulse pounded in his ears as he watched the scene outside his window with bated breath. He'd blocked all entrances with furniture and boarded up the windows. His parents should be safe. But each flash of light and scream and thud that came from outside put a crack in his certainty. What if they came in? Isa had no weapon. No claymore. No berserk. He was helpless. And suddenly he was a boy again, crying and wondering why he was born a weakling.

The ground quaked. Then came scraping at the door. _They're trying to claw their way in._ A full minute of the sound of nails against chalkboard. Isa felt vomit in his throat. Then the door shook and shuddered as the creatures tried to push it open. His sweaty palms gripped the axe in his hands tighter. He’d found it in the basement with its edge now blunt; it was no weapon, just a long-unused tool. But what other choice did he have?

Isa swallowed, blood pounding in his ears. He’d never felt silence so loud.

Then the door slammed open.

All the furniture that he'd pushed against it sent flying through the hallway. The giant Heartless crouched through the doorway and paused, almost seeming to sniff the air. Then it turned his way. Its yellow eyes glowed. Its hand reached for him.

With a desperate cry, Isa swung his axe. It met with the creature’s inky skin; a thick pool of darkness. And it swallowed the weapon whole.

* * *

Aerith sped through the castle hallways, staff gripped in hand. She slammed the keypad buttons of the control room. The doors slid open and her breath caught in her throat.

Dilan stood there, his back turned to her, hands trembling where they lay pressed onto the control panel. All the indicator lights flashed red, all the switches and buttons haphazardly turned on where they should've been off, off where they should’ve been on.

Aerith grit her teeth. "What have you done?" But she knew exactly what he'd done.

He hung his head in silence. Aerith held her staff to the back of his head, ready to strike at any sudden movement.

Finally, Dilan turned around. His face was beaten into a pulp, a brand on his forehead reading "MONSTER", bleeding and infected as the blood streamed down his face. He sneered. "I have lost everything," he snarled. "My home. My status. My powers. Everything that had made me strong. Gone. Because of you and your lot of lowly barbarians who think you can come in and take it all for the sake of your so-called 'justice.' Well… Here is my justice."

Aerith saw red. She smacked him in the face with her staff. Then she let out a cry, raising her hands above her. With all the force of her anger, she threw her hands forward. Light shot through the room and Dilan flew across the room hurling onto the ground.

He growled and stood again. He thundered towards her. She waved a hand to unleash another bout of magic, but his monstrous mitts grabbed her wrist and punched her. She fell.

* * *

Lea didn't know how long he could last. He was hitting a caffeine crash, and his body weighed a thousand tons. Every swing felt like pushing through tar. His body was drenched in sweat and he could barely breathe with the pungent smell of Darkness suffocating him. He forced himself to keep going, no matter how much his muscles ached.

"Squall!" he yelled. A Heartless shot a beam of dark aura Squall's way. Lea jumped in front of him and reflected the shot off his blade. But not quick enough. Some of the Darkness sliced through his abdomen.

The Heartless kept coming. _How many more?_ He heard people scream from inside their homes.

The masses of Heartless continued swarming in. Demon Towers upon Demon Towers. Darksides. He jumped in between one before it could snatch Squall up. But it wasn't enough. A cluster of Neoshadows dogpiled onto Squall and Lea could barely fight them off of him. His magic was running low. Smoke streamed off his skin as he tried to summon a ring of fire around him. He snapped his fingers. Again. A tiny flicker of light in his fingers, then nothing. He was out. He let out a cry, swinging his blade through the Heartless. His body was jelly and every noise sounded distant to him. He kept fighting, head throbbing with the pounding of blood in his ears.

Then a flash of light surged through the alley and blasted all the Heartless in the radius to dust. Squall gasped for breath as came to, staggering to his feet. Just in time too. In seconds, new Heartless emerged. A Keyblade glider zoomed into view and blasted the Heartless as they appeared, each shot precise and timed perfectly, killing the Heartless off before they could even move.

Lea stood up and found it in him to grin. "Master Aqua!" he called out. "Nice to have you in Radiant Garden!"

"I've got to be honest!" she shouted over her shoulder as she continued to rapidly fire at the Heartless from above. "I wish I was here under better circumstances!"

"Well," Squall said, shoulders heaving as he wiped his face, "what better way to welcome a Keyblade Master than a good fight?"

Lea heard Roxas' voice somewhere in the distance. He sounded like he was in pain. Lea startled, all senses coming back to him in laser-sharp focus.

"Go to him!" said Aqua. "I'll take it from this end!"

Lea nodded and slashed through the sea of Heartless. He trudged towards the sound of Roxas' voice, claws digging into his ankles and weighing him down. He found Roxas fighting off three Darksides. Alone. Roxas was on the floor, shoulders shaking with each breath. One of the Darksides swung its giant claws, throwing Roxas into the air until he landed on the ground near Lea with a loud thud.

Lea growled, throwing himself to the Heartless and cutting his blade through its foot.

"Lea," Roxas panted behind him. "There's... too many."

"Come on!" said Lea over his shoulder, dodging an attack. "You have to get up, Rox. Come on! Are you the Struggle champion or aren't you?"

"I'm rusty," said Roxas, still breathless.

"Then go. Find shelter and rest. I’ll take care of it." He took a potion from his coat and tossed it over. "Use that."

"I'm not leaving you!"

Lea rolled under the Darkside’s giant arm as it reached to grab him. He stabbed it in its wrist. It wailed as black smoke coiled from where Lea had struck it. Its other hand lifted and slammed onto the ground—Lea leapt away just in time. The earth shook. He whirled around and found Roxas still laying on the ground. "Roxas! _Go!_"

"No!" Roxas stood up and summoned his dual blades back into his hands, shoulders heaving.

Lea opened his mouth to protest.

Then the Darksides unleashed an explosion of dark aura, sending them both hurtling into the air. A boom echoed throughout the city. Lea hit the ground with a loud crack. His body screeched. He felt around his coat for potions. But nothing. He'd ran out. _Tired. So tired_. Every movement was pain, every breath a million knives in his chest._ Broken ribs._ He choked, coughing and hunched over on the ground until he sputtered out blood. _Internal bleeding._

Static filled his mind. _Fuzzy. Everything’s fuzzy._

To his right, he saw Roxas stumbling to his feet, one side of his face drenched and red as he charged in with another attack. The Darkside brought is hands together, summoning a large orb of Darkness.

“_Roxas!_”

The orb hit the ground. The cobbled stone of the streets broke apart like puzzle pieces, flying through the air just as Roxas did. Gravity pulled them down into a rain of debris. Lea ran for cover. Roxas hit the ground like a limp doll.

Lea screamed. Then he charged.

* * *

"Go, go, go!" Xion screamed, gesturing wildly to the citizens to run into the shelter.

A Heartless stabbed her shoulder from behind. She screamed and swung her blade over her shoulder, hearing a loud splattering sound. Whatever had maimed her disappeared, accompanied by a sharp pain that left her gasping as she rushed to cover the wound. She took a potion from her pocket, uncapped it with her teeth and drank. Slowly she felt her shoulder numbing. Relief—quickly replaced by fear as she heard the sound of a hundred or more footsteps marching her way.

She whirled around. An ocean of Darkness was rushing towards her, ready to drown the entire village whole.

A Keyblade glider in pink armour swooped in, shooting at the horde and setting off explosions that forced them to fall back. They zipped in an arc through the sky, blasting more Heartless, wiping out whole sections of the oncoming army. But still, it wasn't enough.

A high pitched ringing screamed in Xion’s ears, muffling out everything else. She grasped the grip of her blade until her knuckles whitened and took a deep breath. She barrelled through the air and let out a battle cry, unleashing an explosion of light.

* * *

Aqua's magic was a tornado, but the enemy was a mountain.

She sent shocks of lightning raining down, flung flurries of fire, summoned hail and tidal waves. But it was no use. She breathed heavily, standing back-to-back with Radiant Garden's prospective leader. She thanked the Lights that her armour protected her from the Darkness, but it couldn't protect her from her own exhaustion. With every spell and thrash of her blade, her energy drained from her.

_I've survived ten years of the Realm of Darkness. _This was just a daily occurrence in the Realm of Darkness. _I can survive this._

But once when she'd only had to look out for her own survival in a no-man's-land, here, she had thousands of citizens to worry about. A leader of a people to protect. Every second she spent catching her breath meant putting the lives of innocents' in danger. That thought alone made every swing of her weapon a million times heavier.

A Heartless cut Leon down. Aqua leapt, roaring a guttural sound as she sent a million volts of lightning raining down.

* * *

More Heartless came. They didn't stop. Lea's head spun. He couldn’t even focus on the Darksides that relentlessly attacked Roxas with so many of these other Heartless glueing him here and pulling him down with their claws.

There were so many. There was only one of him. They surrounded him, clawing onto his skin and sinking him to the ground, trampling him until all he saw was pitch black, smothering him and squeezing his windpipe. It was an all too familiar feeling. It reminded him of Dilan’s wind magic on his lungs and all those punishments he'd gotten for misbehaving when he'd been an apprentice. It reminded him of the water they’d drowned him with. They'd called it discipline. That was the excuse his first foster parents had used too. What happened to them now? Had they survived The Fall, only to die from this?

If he could breathe, he might have laughed. _Why now? Why am I thinking of this now?_

His mind muddled, every string of thought coming apart at the seams and fading out into nothing.

They'd called the last ambush The Battle of A Thousand Heartless. If that was a thousand, what about this? A million? More? What was higher than a billion? He couldn't remember. Funny how forgetful he could be sometimes.

_"When I'm gone, I want everyone to remember me."_

_I said that._

_ If I die here, will people remember me? What myth would I become?_

_"You aren't Atlas, Lea."_

_No. No, I'm not. I don't carry the weight of the skies, and yet I'm still getting crushed._

_Whose fault is that? Mine. It's mine._

Crybaby. Liar. Runt. Not man enough.

_“You think I’ll become stone now too?”_

_“No. Something stronger.”_

What did that mean?

_Isa..._

It didn't matter now anyway.

_This is how it all ends._

Exhausted. Aching. Alone.

_"You're not alone, Lea,"_ Isa had said.

But in the distance, through the gaps of light in the darkness surrounding him, he caught sight of a Demon Tower piercing through the air. It swallowed Roxas whole.

_Roxas..._

Where was Xion? And Isa? And the Sahars?

_Gone._

_No…_

_They’re gone. They’re all gone._

_Why do I keep losing them?_

_It’s my fault._

_I couldn’t protect them. I wasn’t strong enough._

_I’m sorry._

Lea closed his eyes, letting the Darkness engulf him.

* * *

The giant Heartless grabbed Isa, squeezing him like a toy in its meaty hands, pressing his airways shut. He gasped for breath, struggling to pull his limbs out of the monster's grasp, but he couldn't. His thoughts slurred, vision blurring. He wheezed, desperately trying to claw his way out. It was useless.

Memories surged. Flashing images of his training sessions with Xehanort. He'd screamed then. He couldn't even do that now.

He shut his eyes, wishing to be away from here. Wishing for safety.

The Darkness drowned him, stealing his oxygen and filling his lungs with fear, pain and emptiness.

After everything that'd happened to him, is this where it would end? Being choked to death by a monster? Perhaps it fitted him. All that happiness for the past few weeks were just a cruel sweetness, a reminder of what he wasn't allowed to have. Why should he? After everything he had done, unwillingly or not.

_Mom... Dad... _Where were they? Had the Heartless gotten them too? All because he was too useless to do anything?

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry..._

He let it take him. He'd died four times. This would be his fifth and last. And perhaps for the better. He would finally succumb to everything he'd fought against for so long, and he would become one with his demons, another pair of yellow glowing eyes in a sea of hundreds.

He thought of his mother and father, terror flashing across their faces. After a decade of wandering a World of refugees, they'd come home. Only to have their home invaded again. And again, Isa couldn't protect them. Faintly, he thought he heard his father shouting. He thought of Roxas and Xion, two children fighting for their lives, risking everything they'd fought so hard for. They’d never asked for any of this. For a life of non-stop fighting and powers beyond their control. And yet they still fought. He thought of Lea. _My Lea... My sunlight._ Where was he now? Was he safe?

_"You're the moon, Isa."_

_I'm not._

_"They can't drown you."_

_But they can. They are. _

_"You control the tides."_

_I don't. I control nothing. I’m just a weakling. ...Aren’t I?_

He heard his father's voice. "Stay back!" Yerik shouted.

_Dad..._

Idana screamed.

_Mom..._

_"You control the tides."_

_I have to protect them... I have to save them. They're counting on me. _

_"You're the strongest person I know."_

_I have to... help them. I have to fight. Please... I have to save them. I can't lose them again. All of them. Please. Let me save them._

But only darkness and nothingness greeted him. He felt his pulse slow down, the pounding in his ears gradually turning into absolute silence. On the back of his eyelids he saw his own ECG monitor come to a stand-still.

_“How pathetic,_” came Xemnas’ voice.

_Pathetic… No… I’m not. I fought the ones who scorned me when I was little. I fought pneumonia for months. I fought against myself and the man who used me for over a decade. I’ve been fighting my whole life. _

_I’m not going to stop now._

He counted his heartbeats. _I can’t die here._

One. _I don’t want to keep fighting my whole life._

Two. _But I have to._

Three. _If not for the ones I love—_

Four. _Then for myself._

Five. _I am not weak._

Six. _I am no puppet._

Seven. _I am Isa Sahar._

Eight. _And I will live._

A beam of light shot through his vision, piercing through the black and opening his eyes to an endless white canvas as a surge of energy coursed through his veins, his senses flaring back to life. He screamed, his muscles breaking through the tension around him until he was loose. Everything exploded, blinding him in a flash of light.

He blinked rapidly. He looked around. He was back in his house. A bright white light glowed in his hands until he found himself gripping a weapon: a Keyblade.

Idana screamed from upstairs. He bounded to his feet and ran up the stairs.

In a blast of light, he shot the Heartless that surrounded his parents. They hissed and recoiled, charging up to him instead. He struck them easily with his weapon.

"I-Isa?" said Yerik. He trembled from where he sat crouched at the corner of the room.

"No." Isa smiled, helping his parents up and hugging them. Then he pulled away and beamed. "I am the moon. And tonight, I shall bring light to this darkness."

* * *

A blast of light filled the entire city, destroying all the Heartless in its wake.

"What was that...?" said Leon.

Aqua gasped, mouth agape as she saw a pillar of pale light shoot into the sky. "It's coming from the North Borough," said Aqua.

At the sound of more Heartless coming, she shot back into focus. _This isn't over yet._

* * *

"What the fuck?" said Cid, blinking back at the sudden rush of light in his vision.

A glow of light came from around the corner, making its way towards their street.

"Whatever it is," said Yuffie, gripping her shuriken tighter, "it's coming this way."

"Yeah, but is it friend or foe?" grunted Cid.

"Time to find out."

At the end of the block, a figure turned around the corner, walking calmly in their direction. He looked like he was made of light itself, and even his eyes glowed.

"Is that...?"

"Isa," Yuffie gasped, standing up straight.

Isa approached them, a large blue-and-silver Keyblade in his hand. His breaths were visible in the air, glowing a faint blue. Yuffie gawked at him, frozen in her spot.

"_What_?!" she said. "What... happened?"

Isa smiled. "The clouds have parted.”

Yuffie’s jaw hung to the floor. Isa always had been strange. But this was a whole _new_ level of strange.

"Now," said Isa. "If you don't mind. I am searching for my sunlight. It's high time for dawn, isn't it?"

He walked past them ever so casually, as if he had just discussed something as mundane as the weather. As if he wasn't _glowing_.

"Again," said Cid. "What the _fuck_?"

* * *

Roxas panted for breath, watching drops of red fall to the ground, dripping from his forehead. The streets spun, round and round and round. He tried to stand. He had to get up and continue fighting. But as he tried to push himself off the ground, his body collapsed. He outstretched his hand, willing his Keyblade into his hand, but when it appeared it was faded, and the image only lasted for a split second until he was gripping his hand around nothing.

A ray of light radiated from the corner of his vision. His vision still spinning, he forced himself to turn, the sensation sending bile up his throat.

Then he saw it.

A man walking onto the street, his entire person basked in light, radiating it so strongly that every Heartless that came near vanished into nothing. The man approached him, and finally, Roxas saw the man's face. He must've hit his head far too many times. The man looked exactly like... Isa. Except… the X-shaped scar seemed to be missing. And it couldn’t be. _How…? _The man smiled, kneeling down and putting a gentle hand on Roxas’ shoulder.

"Rest," said the man.

"Wh-Who... Isa...?" said Roxas.

The man nodded. "Where are Xion and Lea?"

"Xion..." Roxas didn't know. Where was she? Was she okay? _Please... Let her be okay._

"Roxas," said the man. Roxas still couldn't believe it was Isa. It _couldn’t_ be.

"Lea is..." Roxas pointed to the pool of Darkness in the ground where Lea had sunken into.

Isa nodded and stood up.

* * *

Lea felt like he was sleeping. Trapped in endless midnight, the pressure of the black sky pressing against him. The sensation of claws and pain and teeth registered only absently in his mind. The weight atop him crushed him, pushing him into the depths of nothingness, where he would fall into the deepest trenches, and there he would find hell. For all his affinity for fire, perhaps that was where he belonged. Instead of the cruel water, he would drown in flames.

Then a voice came.

"Lea," it said. It was the voice of his dreams, and it almost seemed to sing to him.

"Isa?" Lea said, voice small and broken. "Is that you?"

"Lea. It's time to wake up."

'Wake... No... I can't."

"You have to. Please."

"It's too much, Isa,” Lea said, less than a whisper. “I… I can't. You said... I was strong. Stronger than stone. I'm not. I'm not even Atlas. I'm not the Abominable Grit. I'm not any of them."

"Lea, please."

"I'm not a hero... All those stories... that's all they are. Stories. Myths. Lies."

"We're all just stories, Lea. When we die, that's all we are. That's all we'll be remembered by. You told me that once. We live forever in memories. In the stories they’ll tell about us."

"I'm just a runt.” Lea laughed wryly, his eyes still shut. “They don't write stories about runts."

"No. But we'll write our own stories. About courage. About failing and getting up again. About _hope_."

"Hope… What's the point? No matter how hard I try… it still hurts. It hurts, Isa. It _hurts_."

"The point is that you're not alone. These stories. Our stories. One day a lost little kid who thinks he's not good for anything is going to hear these stories. And he'll know that it's going to be alright. You're not alone in this Lea. You were never alone. I'm here. "'Even when Darkness shall pervade and the last star fade'. Got it memorized?"

"...I... Yeah. Yeah..."

"It's time to write a new chapter, where we can be happy. Don’t you think?"

A glimmer of light shone in the midst of the black sky and Lea reached out to grab it.

"It's time for the sun to rise, Lea."

The weight on Lea's chest lifted. And he could see again.

* * *

Lea shot up, gasping for air.

Isa's face smiled down at him. "Are you okay?" he said.

Lea nodded. "Yeah... Yeah. I will be." He looked up at Isa, whose face seemed to glow a pale light. He looked like heaven itself, his cerulean eyes twinkling. "You saved me," Lea said.

"I had figured I'd return the favour. All things considered."

Isa offered him a hand, and Lea took it, rising up to his feet.

The Heartless were still closing in. Lea held on to Isa's hand, his free hand summoning his Keyblade again.

"Together?" said Lea.

Isa smiled, his free hand stretched out at his side, glowing. Then a Keyblade appeared in his grasp. Lea's jaw dropped.

"Together," said Isa.

* * *

Xion looked up, seeing the early rays of dawn in the sky. They'd been fighting the whole night, and the Heartless were still coming. Her body was bruised and bleeding, but she kept fighting, her breaths getting shorter and shorter.

"Are you alright?" cried out the glider overhead.

"No!" she said.

Then she saw, coming from the forest, a tornado of fire incinerating all the Heartless in its path. Two more Keyblade gliders sped through the air from the tornado's direction and blasted all the Heartless that surrounded her. Xion stood there, stunned and gawking at the newcomers.

_Wait_... She narrowed her eyes.

"Lea!" she cried, grinning for the first time since the battle started.

Lea descended from the air and landed next to her. He grinned at her, his red hair wild. "Sorry we're late," he said.

The other glider descended too. Xion almost fainted when she saw him up close.

"_Isa_?" she exclaimed.

"Hello, Xion," Isa said with a small smile. "I hope we can lend some assistance."

"Wait, what?" Xion said, staring at the Keyblade in Isa’s hand. "Since when...?"

"Hey!" shouted the glider from above. Xion still didn't know who they were. "This reunion is nice and all, but we've still got unfinished business here!"

"Wait," said Lea. "Kairi?"

"Nice to see you too, Lea," the glider—Kairi—called back. "Now come on! We've got Heartless to kill!"

They fell back into position. Adrenaline pumped through Xion’s veins once more.

She fought back-to-back with Lea and Isa. Together, they coordinated their attacks and moved in sync. She took Isa's hand and let him swing her and charge her at an incoming enemy. Lea sent bout of flame one after another into the mass of Heartless. He was a monster on the battlefield. He snapped his fingers and hundreds of enemies would burn into ash just like that. Xion had fought with him for all those months before. But she had never seen him like _this_. Something had changed, and she saw it in his eyes. He always smiled in battle, but the face he had now looked like a completely different man. Now when she shouted a warning or offered a hand, he took it.

Xion and Lea hooked their arms over each other's and spun like a top through the countless army of Heartless, shooting blasts of fire and light out of their weapons. She jumped over his shoulders and sent waves of Light slashing through the creatures that came for Lea from behind. From above, Kairi circled them and sent laser beams that cut through the enemy forces.

The sky grew brighter, the sun coming up over the horizon.

Xion smiled, feeling hope blossom in her chest, ridding the dread that had plagued her through the night. But the Heartless didn’t stop coming. She roared and slashed her weapon through them. _This isn’t over yet._

* * *

Aerith kicked and punched the air as Dilan's grip tightened around her neck. She wheezed, hands going behind her back to search for something. Anything. She felt something sharp and grabbed it, the pain slicing her hand and sending a shock of pain up her arm. She stabbed it in Dilan's forearm. He yelled, releasing her. She dropped to the floor, gasping for air, hand flying to her neck. The pain in her other hand screamed at her as she used it to push herself back onto her feet.

She kicked Dilan's shin just as he stood back up, knocking him off balance for a split second, then stabbed her staff to his groin. She struck the staff over his head and summoned a wave of magic that pounded him against the wall.

"You," Dilan growled, "_pathetic_ peasant woman."

She struck him with her staff again.

"That's for my home," she said.

She struck him a second time.

"That's for all those people you experimented on."

A third time, harder.

"And _that's _for calling me pathetic."

He lay on the floor, the shard of glass she'd stabbed him still sticking out of his arm. His hand pawed the ground for something to hold on to, but she stepped on his hand, making him shout.

"I think it is _you _who is pathetic," she said. "And I don't think you know who you're messing with. I worked too hard rebuilding this city. I'm not going to let you ruin it."

She took the handcuffs from her belt and chained him to one of the pipes sprawling through the control room. Heaving heavy breaths, she staggered towards the control panel. She took a second to analyze all the buttons. She took a deep breath.

Then she flicked the switch.

* * *

All at once, the Heartless surrounding him disappeared. Like bubbles popping, they vanished into thin air, leaving Lea staggering backwards midway through swinging his blade.

He stood there, stunned as he watched all the Heartless dissipate into the air one by one. Until they were all just… _gone_.

The early morning sun shone its light on the village. It was a wreck, buildings and structures toppled and burnt, plantlife stamped to dirt. After all that fighting, everything was now still. The only sounds came from his own heartbeat still drumming in his ears.

Kairi descended to the ground, looking around at the wreckage. She hopped off her glider and pulled her helmet off. "Is it over?" she said.

Lea breathed.

"Yeah." Lea looked up at the sky. After so long living in eternal sunset, the sight of the sunrise made his heart swell. "Yeah.” He then looked at Isa and Xion, who had taken a seat on the ground, panting for breath. Lea smiled. “It's over."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Look, I don't write fight scenes often and it's something I'm still learning to do, so. Go easy on me...
> 
> "Why is Isa so OP????" Because I said so (just kidding...unless..?)  
"Why is Dilan like That?" He's just taking his revenge for his lack of lines and screentime in KH3  
"Isn't this a little overboard and on-the-nose?" Yeah. And?


	20. The Dawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lea looks up towards the light of a new day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> > _This is the first day of my life, Swear I was born right in the doorway_   
_I went out in the rain, suddenly everything changed, They're spreading blankets on the beach_   
_Yours was the first face that I saw, I think I was blind before I met you_   
_I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been; But I know where I want to go_   
_And so I'd thought I'd let you know that these things take forever, I especially am slow_   
_But I realized that need you, And I wondered if I could come home._   

> 
> -_First Day of My Life_ by Bright Eyes. Listen to the rest of the fic playlist [here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/234COsoTb64DxkAmkm51E6).
> 
> A huge, huge shoutout to all my readers for sticking with this story and for all your lovely comments. I love you all loads!

"What the hell?" said Roxas, laughing. He sat up in the castle infirmary bed, wincing. "I can't believe I wasn't a part of that!"

"Hey," said Lea from the next bed. He was in about the same state Roxas was in, covered in bandages and waiting for the potions to take effect. Lea smiled. "You fought good, Rox. We're just glad you're safe."

"How's your head?" Isa said to Roxas. He sat on the stool between the two beds. Xion stood behind him, leaning against the wall, her arm and shoulder covered in bandages as well.

Roxas gently touched the bandage around his forehead. "Meh," he said. "I'll be fine. The potions will heal me up in no time."

"It's going to leave quite a nasty scar though," said Isa with a frown.

"Isa," Lea muttered, nudging Isa with his elbow.

"Well," said Roxas, smiling, "that's not too bad. I know a guy who's got a facial scar. I think it looks pretty cool."

Lea and Xion grinned, but Isa cocked his head. "I suppose Squall does look quite cool," said Isa.

Xion and Roxas laughed while Lea shook his head despite his smile.

"How 'bout you, Lea?" said Roxas. "Your ribs okay?"

"I've dealt with worse," said Lea with a dismissive hand.

"Lea..." Isa frowned.

"Don't _worry_," said Lea with a wry chuckle. "If I’m in pain or anything, I'll tell you, 'kay?"

Isa crossed his arms. "So you won't lie and pretend everything's alright when it isn't?"

Lea grinned, holding up his palm. "Cross my heart and hope to die."

"Oh!" said Xion. "Sorry to interrupt. But did you guys hear?"

"What?" said Roxas.

"About who it was," said Xion. "The one that caused the Heartless invasion in the first place. After the nurses bandaged me up, I overheard Leon and Aerith talking. Apparently, it was _Xaldin_."

"You mean Dilan." Lea scowled.

"Yeah, they're the same guy," said Xion. "Anyway, they threw him in jail for _good _this time."

"I hope so," Lea muttered, glaring at nothing. He leaned back into his pillow.

"Yeah," said Roxas. "I don't want to have to go through that again."

Xion nodded. "They're calling the invasion the Battle of the Midnight Hour. Isn't that silly?"

"Sounds like a cheesy action flick," said Roxas.

"Agreed," said Isa. "Much like something you would've loved as a child, Lea."

"Hey!" Lea exclaimed. "I mean... It doesn't sound _that _bad."

Xion laughed. "It does though." She shook her head, smiling. "Oh. Isa, how are your parents doing?"

"They're fine." Isa smiled. "No major injuries, which I'm very thankful for."

"What about the villagers?" said Roxas.

"No casualties," said Xion, sighing. "Thank the Lights. We managed to block most of the Heartless from reaching the shelter. Most of the Heartless were concentrated in the city I think."

"I think they're attracted to the lights there," said Isa.

"That doesn't make sense," said Roxas. "They _die _in the light."

"Lights cast shadows,” said Isa. “The brightest lights cast the largest of them all."

"Alright, alright," said Roxas. "Know-it-all." He turned to Lea. "How did you put up with him since you were kids?"

"Eh," said Lea, beaming. "He's not so bad." Lea took Isa's hand and laced their fingers together, placing a soft kiss on Isa's hand.

"Yuck!" Roxas sputtered as Xion giggled. "Gross!"

Roxas continued to make barfing noises as the others laughed, the sound mingling with the chatter from the other patients in the infirmary and the chirping of birds in the morning air.

* * *

The central square was a mess of rubble and scattered structures of stone, water from pipes leaking onto the ground, mixing with dust and fallen debris. Even just watching from above the ground, Lea could smell the stench of rotten eggs from the battle’s residual Darkness. The whole city must have reeked of it. Lea stared at the scene from the window, feeling helpless in nothing but a hospital gown.

Gone was the usual noise of the city. No merchants selling their wares, no joyful bells ringing. Instead, there was the clangour of metal and hammers, the drilling and whirring of machines, and the shouting of orders as people worked to pick the piles of wreckage and piece the city together again. The Restoration Committee headed the efforts of course. At the castle’s front gate, Squall spoke to construction workers with rolls of blueprints in their hands. Aerith spoke to families, leading them into the castle with blankets and boxes of supplies.

Behind Lea, doctors and nurses bustled about the infirmary. The other patients’ voices floated about, their laughter and conversation mixing with the din of construction down below. Lea couldn’t help but smile.

“Hey.”

Lea didn’t need to turn around. He only smiled wider. “Hey yourself.”

Isa stood next to Lea at the window, joining him to watch the efforts below. Lea pulled him closer by the waist. Isa hesitated for a split second, then rested his head on Lea’s shoulder.

“Thank you,” said Lea.

“For what?” Isa said. His voice was quiet. He sounded tired.

“For saving me.” Lea turned to press his lips against Isa’s hair. “My hero.”

Isa chuckled. “That’s what we do, isn’t it?”

“As heroes?” Lea laughed.

“As us. You save me. I save you. It’s how it’s always been.” Isa hummed, adjusting positions so he could wrap his arm around Lea’s waist. “Back when we were kids. You would stand up for me against the bullies. And I would stand up for you.”

“Yeah.”

Isa hummed. “What now?”

“Hmm.” Lea nodded towards the scene outside the window. “That.”

“Hm?”

“You asked what happens next.” Lea gestured to the people down below. “That. We build and rebuild. Start again. We keep going.”

“Look who the wise one is now.” Isa poked Lea’s cheek.

“Yup, I’m very wise.” Lea turned in Isa’s embrace to fully face him, then kissed his forehead. “Thanks to you. You make me better. Stronger, wiser, all of it.”

“Someone’s sentimental.”

“I almost died. That does things to you.”

“Oh, I know.” Then Isa lowered his voice to a whisper. “I died four times, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah. And I died twice.”

“I win.”

“As you always do.”

Isa smiled proudly and Lea just rolled his eyes, grinning all the while. He then turned them around to walk back to Lea’s infirmary bed, squeezing between the other patients and visitors and doctors on their way.

“It’s far more crowded than it was when you were in here, huh?” Lea said.

Isa blinked a few times. “I was the only one in here, Lea.”

Lea chuckled. “Ah, forget it.” Then he spotted his bed. To his surprise, someone already sat there. Several someones. A group of kids sat on his bed, facing the adjacent bed where Roxas sat. Lea exchanged a look with Isa and approached them.

“And then whoosh!” Roxas said, his eyes wide, arms outstretched and fingers wiggling to enact some dramatic effect. “I flew in and stared the evil monster in the eye and — BAM! I defeated it with one fell swoop and it fell to ashes. Whooooshh...”

Lea’s face hurt from smiling so much.

The children on Lea’s bed all clapped and gasped.

“Wow, that was amazing!” said one of them.

“That’s so cool,” said another. “I wish I had a Keyblade!”

“Nah, it’s not that cool,” said Roxas with a sheepish laugh. “I don’t really like using mine anymore.”

“What?” the children all whined.

“But why?” said one girl, small fists hitting the mattress. “But you’re a hero! You’re gonna stop saving the day?”

“Yeah!” One boy pouted. “If I had your powers, I would do so much things! Like… Like… Giving cookies to everyone or… Hmm...” The boy crossed his arms, thinking hard.

“Well,” said Roxas, “there are more ways to be a hero than just fighting, you know. Like what you said. Giving cookies. Besides, my powers gave me more trouble than I need for a lifetime.”

The children all stared at him, confused.

“Nevermind,” Roxas said quickly.

At that, the children all shrugged and moved off the bed, talking among themselves about something completely different as they walked off.

Roxas sighed and stared at his lap. Then his gaze lifted and met Lea’s. He sat straighter, eyes going wide. “O-Oh, hey, you guys.”

“Hey,” Lea said. He reclaimed his own bed and grinned at Roxas.

“What?” Roxas grunted and crossed his arms.

“Oh, nothing,” said Lea, still smiling uncontrollably.

“Don’t look at me like that, okay?” Roxas huffed, scratching the back of his head. “Look, the kids were all making noise so I thought…”

“That you’d tell them a story,” Isa finished. He had a soft smile on his lips as he moved to sit at the foot of Roxas’ bed. “Good idea.”

“Guess Mr. and Mrs. Sahar rubbed off on me,” Roxas muttered.

“Where’s Xion?” said Lea.

“Vending machine.” Roxas shrugged.

Isa stared at Roxas, a sad look on his face. “I’m sorry you have to stay here for so long.”

“Huh?” Roxas frowned.

“Your next match is coming soon, isn’t it?” Isa said.

“O-Oh.” Roxas blinked a few times. “R-Right, yeah. Um. It’s fine.”

“Oh no!” said Lea. “You didn’t miss it, did you? Oh Lights. Maybe I could call the principal and they can reschedule or—”

“No, no,” said Roxas. “It’s fine. Really. There’ll be other matches.”

“Yeah,” said Lea. “But this was really important to you. I’ll just tell them there was an emergency, maybe they’ll consider—”

“Lea,” said Roxas. “I told you, it’s fine!” He sighed. “It was just a dumb trophy. There were people here who needed me.“

Isa stroked his chin, his other hand fidgeting with his sleeve.

“What?” said Roxas.

“I just… I had an idea,” said Isa. “But it might be silly. Nevermind.”

“What’s silly?” came Xion’s voice. They all turned to find Xion walking towards them, taking a sip of canned coffee. She took a seat on Lea’s bed. “What are you guys talking about?”

“Isa has an idea,” said Lea.

“It’s… Just forget about it,” said Isa.

“No, what is it?” said Roxas.

“Yeah, Isa, tell us,” said Xion. “Your dad’s the one that told me there’s no such thing as a bad idea.”

Isa’s ears turned red. “It’s just… Maybe we could… hold a Struggle tournament here. In Radiant Garden.” He bit his lip. “And, I don’t know, invite people from other Worlds and sell tickets to raise funds for the city’s reconstruction. Something like those tournaments in Olympus.”

Lea blinked, taking a moment to imagine it. “Isa!” he said. “That’s a brilliant idea!”

“Yeah!” said Roxas, nodding vigorously. “That would be awesome. We could get everyone to join! Imagine how epic a tournament full of Keyblade wielders would be.”

“I agree!” Xion grinned, then her smile quickly fell. “But... there’s one problem. What about the World Order and the borders between Worlds?”

“Well,” said Isa. “It would take some time to organize. But I think it’s doable. You see, I’ve been thinking about inter-World travel. But not just for Keyblade wielders. For everyone.”

“Like with gummiships?” said Roxas.

“Yes,” said Isa. “Except gummiships are useless with the barriers between Worlds still intact. To bypass these, you use a ‘back door.’ You summon a Dark Corridor or hop on a glider to go through the Lanes Between. If you want to use a gummiship, you need to open up Gates in the barrier—”

“—which can only be opened by a Keyblade wielder,” Roxas sighed.

“And only stay open for a while,” said Xion.

“Exactly,” said Isa. “So we need a way to permanently open the Gates so anyone can access them.”

“How do we do that?” said Roxas.

“I was thinking…” said Isa.

As Isa continued to divulge Roxas and Xion with his plans, Lea’s mind drifted, gawking at them. It was amazing to see them getting along, to see them with faces full of excitement, planning to work together on something they were passionate about. Lea felt his heart grow a million times bigger as he watched in awe.

The sudden wave of silence that reached his ears alerted him from his thoughts.

He turned around, finding Squall, Aerith, and Aqua entering the room. The chatter in the infirmary settled down into a quiet awe as everyone turned to face the three entering the room. Squall and Aerith walked side by side, standing straight and regally despite the plainness of their clothes. They smiled at those they walked past and earned bows in return. Aqua walked behind them still dressed in her armour like a true knight from the tales Lea had always listened to.

The three of them approached Lea’s bed. But to his surprise, they didn’t even face him. Instead, their eyes were focussed on… Isa.

“Isa,” Aerith said, smiling. “I’m sorry to interrupt. But we would like to speak with you.”

Isa stared at her, his face unreadable. “Me?”

“Yes,” said Aerith, “you.” She reached for a chair, pulling it to face Isa. She sat down as Squall and Aqua stood behind her on either side.

“It was you, wasn’t it?” said Aerith, her voice soft. “That beam of light in the sky. During the battle. That didn’t just _come_ from you. It _was_ you.”

Isa blinked slowly, not lifting his gaze to meet her. His face didn’t move a muscle. It was so _Isa _to react that way, and so often it had people peg him as cold and unfeeling. Lea knew—and probably Roxas and Xion did too—that what it actually meant was that he was processing the words, slowly and carefully, just as he always did. Lea smiled.

“I suppose it was,” Isa said at last.

“How?” Aqua said then. “That power… I’ve never seen anything like it. It was Light. That much I know. But everything else? How did you do it?”

“I… don’t know,” said Isa slowly. “It just happened.”

Squall scoffed. “It ‘just happened.’ Right. Somehow, I find that hard to believe. How does something like that ‘just happen’?”

Isa looked up, meeting Lea’s gaze. Lea could only shrug in response. Isa glanced at Roxas and Xion, and they did the same. He dropped his gaze back down to his lap, one hand preoccupied with the fabric of his shirt. “I don’t know.”

“How can you not know?” said Squall.

“The workings of the Light and Darkness have always been mysterious,” said Aqua, shooting Squall a stern look. She then looked back at Isa and gave a soft smile. “I don’t blame you. The way the Keyblade chooses its wielder at all is still unknown. People like me and my friends from my World—the power was passed down to us. But for you and… Lea? And Sora, Roxas, and Xion? That power is your own. Even us Masters have yet to figure out how the magic works.”

Aerith nodded slowly.

“Then maybe we can try to,” said Squall. “I’m sure there’s a way, right? To study it, to—”

_“No!_” Lea and Isa both said at once.

Squall frowned. He turned to look at Lea and narrowed his eyes.

“No,” Isa said again, softer.

“Why not?” said Squall.

“‘Study’ it?” Lea said, glaring at him. “Study _him_, you mean. Experiment on him, run tests—”

“That’s not what I said,” said Squall loudly. “All I’m saying is—”

“That you want to ‘study’ his power,” said Lea, “so you can exploit it. So you can use it however _you_ want—”

“That isn’t—”

Aerith slammed her hands against her lap. “That’s _enough_!”

Lea gripped the sides of his bed and continue to glare daggers at Squall, but said nothing more. Squall returned the glare for a second before turning away, huffing.

“We aren’t going to force you to do anything, Isa,” Aerith said softly. “But with your power, you could do a lot of good on our Committee.”

“You already have Lea on the Committee,” said Isa.

“And the work he’s been doing has been remarkable,” said Aerith. “But imagine if we had two Keyblade wielders. The good _that_ would do.”

“The good that would do,” Isa echoed, his voice soft. “I do want to do good.”

Aerith perked up.

“But,” said Isa, “not with a weapon in my hands. There are other ways to do good. I’m done fighting. I’m done searching for power. For strength.”

“Then how about teaching?” Aqua piped up. “You could train other wielders. Instead of searching for power, you could help others to—”

“My father is a teacher,” said Isa. He gave a tiny smile. “But he is not a fighter. And neither am I. I’m not a Keyblade master either. It came to me when I was desperate. And that’s all.”

Aerith exchanged looks with Squall and Aqua.

“So that’s it?” said Squall.

“That’s it,” said Isa.

“But—”

“I have other plans that could help the Committee,” said Isa, “if you would like to hear them.”

Aerith stared at him for a long moment. Then she smiled. “We would love to.”

After a brief discussion of a time and date for a formal meeting, Aerith thanked him, stood, and left, Squall following suit. Aqua hesitated. “You don’t have _any_ clue how you got those powers?” she said. “You’ve never displayed anything like it before that?”

“No,” said Isa.

Aqua sighed, gaze lowered. She nodded. “Okay.” She smiled. “Well, if you ever change your mind… and you decide you want to find out more about your powers, then… I’d be happy to help. You know where to find me.”

Isa nodded. And with that, she left too. With the three of them out of the room, the chatter in the infirmary resumed its regular loudness.

Lea turned to look at Isa, who looked at Roxas and Xion. “Where were we?” said Isa.

“Dude, _what_?” said Roxas, laughing. Xion joined in too. “I can’t believe you just shot them down like that!”

“Wouldn’t you?” said Isa. Roxas and Xion only continued to laugh.

“Aren’t you curious at all though?” said Lea. “About your new powers?”

“Not really,” said Isa. “To be quite honest, I’d really just like to forget about all that.”

Roxas doubled over, wincing through his laughing fit. Lea couldn’t help but laugh too. “Seriously?” Lea said. “‘_Phenomenal cosmic power_’—and you just… don’t even bat an eye?”

“Oh, come on now.” Isa crossed his arms and huffed, cheeks growing pink. “It’s not _all_ that.”

“You were _glowing!_” Xion cackled, falling backwards on the bed.

“How is that so surprising?” Isa frowned. “I used to glow when I was berserking.”

“Not like _that_!” said Roxas.

“And that gigantic beam of light through the sky?” said Xion. “Lights, what _was_ that?”

“Exactly!” said Lea.

“Oh, okay,” scoffed Isa, “so Roxas can use two Keyblades, Lea can summon a giant tornado of fire, Xion can replicate anyone’s abilities at will, and _Sora_ can use his magic to summon giant flashy theme park rides in battle instead of using his magic like a normal person. But when _I _glow and summon a big beam of light in the sky, it’s suddenly so ridiculous?”

Lea barked out a laugh, joining in with Roxas and Xion’s laughing fit as Isa hung his head and groaned.

When their laughter finally died down, Isa shot the three of them with a glare.

“Aw, Isa,” said Lea. “Come on, don’t look at us like that.”

Isa pouted, saying nothing.

“Isaaa,” Lea said, chuckling slightly, “come on. Don’t be like that. We’re just messing around. Come here.”

Isa rolled his eyes but went to sit next to Lea anyway. Lea put his arm around Isa’s shoulder and pulled him closer. “We’re just amazed by you,” said Lea. “That’s all.”

“Right,” Isa mumbled, fidgeting with his shirt sleeve.

“Yeah.” Xion grinned. “I mean _sure_, we can do other stuff but… Isa, the blast of Light you summoned wiped out all the Heartless in a five-mile radius.”

“Not permanently,” said Isa. “They came back right after.”

“You sell yourself too short,” Roxas said with a shake of his head. “It was _awesome!_ Hell, I couldn’t even believe that that was _you _walking towards me. For a split second it seemed like your scar was missing too. I thought the concussion had me straight-up hallucinating.”

Isa bit down a smile. “Well… I suppose… if I’m being honest, I am quite surprised with myself. I didn’t know I had that kind of power at all.” He took a deep breath, voice dropping to something serious. “All the powers I had before—my strength, my claymore, the power to berserk… That was all given to me by Xehanort. I always thought… I always thought I was weak. And that all my strength wasn’t my own. Just Xehanort’s, lent to me. That was what he always said.”

“Well,” said Lea, “Xehanort lied about a lot of things. And he lied about that too. Because I’m pretty sure all _that_ was all _you_.”

Isa smiled, his ears red. “A power all of my own… Hmm.” He took a deep breath and shook his head, then turned to Roxas and Xion with a smile. “Hey. It’s almost summer soon. Have you two ever been to the festivals here?”

Roxas’ and Xion’s eyes widened. Isa proceeded to explain all the festivals held each summer in Radiant Garden as Roxas and Xion enthusiastically bounced questions and ideas off him. Lea leaned back into his pillow and smiled, still holding Isa close. As he listened to their excitement, he put down the weight on his shoulders. He breathed. Sorrow could wait.

* * *

The light of the sunset washed the houses and scaffolding that occupied the village in honey. The bustle of a long day’s work to rebuild began to settle down as people retired into their temporary homes. Lea found Isa sitting on the small hill in the shade, overlooking the village. Isa smiled as he came, though his face was red, shoulders moving with each deep breath. With all the work Isa had been doing in the city's reconstruction, he was thicker again, regaining his muscle after all that time in stasis and recovery. And in the sepia tone of the sunset, Lea found him absolutely stunning.

Lea passed him a bottle of water. “Drink up,” said Lea. “You need it.”

“Thank you,” Isa said as he took the bottle. He uncapped it and gulped it down.

“Looks like everyone can start moving into their own houses in no time,” said Lea, flopping down on the grass next to Isa. “It’s amazing how useful magic can be when it’s not all being used up to enchant the waterfalls to fall in reverse.”

Isa snorted. “The Sage-King never did seem to have his priorities straight. He only ever seemed to care about making the city look pretty.”

“_Parts_ of the city.”

“The parts of the city he could look at from way up atop his throne.”

“Guess it’s a good thing they’re changing things up around here.”

“Xion’s contributions are helping a lot too,” said Isa with a smile.

“Yeah!” Lea laughed. “Who knew she had a knack for inventing?”

“Innovating, actually,” Isa corrected. “She’s incredibly smart.”

“I know! Did you know she gets C’s in class? With her mind? It’s ridiculous.”

“Reminds me a lot of a certain someone, actually.”

“Huh?”

“You.”

“Me?” Lea snorted. “No way.”

“Yes, way. It’s the way schools evaluate you that’s the problem.”

“Hmm. If only your dad could teach everyone, huh?”

Isa smiled, but said nothing in response.

“So,” said Lea. “Are you going to still stay with your parents after this? Or are you going to move back in with Mrs. Haruka?”

“I’m… not sure. I’m still deciding.”

Lea nodded. After a stretch of silence as they watched the sun sink behind the village houses, Lea took a deep breath. He bit his lip, wiping his sweaty palms against the grass. “You know… I was thinking.”

“That’s a surprise.”

“Hey!”

Isa laughed. “I’m joking, Lea.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”

“So what were you thinking about?”

“I was just… wondering. Maybe… I don’t know. Maybe we could move here. ‘We’ meaning, me. And Roxas and Xion. And ‘here’ meaning… Radiant Garden.”

Isa blinked a few times, then turned to face him. “What? Why? Roxas and Xion still need to go to school, Lea.”

“Hey, it was their idea in the first place. Roxas and Xion… They weren’t all too happy in that school. Or in that town. But they like it here. A lot. I mean, you said it yourself, look at all the work Xion’s done for the city. And Roxas, I think he just needs to find himself. To start a new life that isn’t based on old memories or fake ones. He doesn’t need to keep reliving the days in the Organization, sitting on the clocktower eating ice cream, you know?”

“That’s a good idea.” Isa smiled. “But what about you? I thought you liked Twilight Town.”

“It’s just that… I don’t know." Lea sat up straight, one leg bouncing. "Twilight Town is a nice place and all. I mean, there’s a sunset that’s really pretty and we have a big mansion to live in and I had a job there and everything but… You know, the sunset lasts forever there, right?”

“I am aware.”

“Yeah and I don’t think sunsets should do that, no matter how pretty it is. Things shouldn’t just be stuck in time like that. Everything should change and grow. Maybe I want to see the night-time for once, you know? Maybe I want to see the moon and the stars and count all the constellations.”

Isa stared at him, eyes wide.

“And,” Lea continued, “I’ve lived there for so many months already. Lived as normal a life a guy like me could live. Even have my own family there.” He laughed. “Roxas and Xion — they’re everything to me. They’re my family. But living there, it’s just… It’s never felt like home.” He took a deep breath. “Not without you there.”

Isa's mouth parted, his cheeks red. "Lea…"

Lea turned to Isa, finding his hand and lacing their fingers together. “You’re my home, Isa.” He scooted closer, leaning their foreheads against each other. “I want a home with you. It doesn’t even have to be here. It doesn’t have to be Twilight Town either. It could be anywhere. As long as it’s with you. I want to wake up with you every morning and kiss you every night. I want to come home to you every day after work and tell you stories about my day and listen to stories about yours. I want us to grow old and grey together and I want to be there for you for all the best times and the worst times. And more than anything, Isa… I want you.”

Isa blinked a few times, dropping his gaze. “You want me,” Isa echoed.

“Yes.” Lea swallowed. “Yes, Isa, I do.”

Isa shook his head, frowning. Then he lifted his gaze to meet Lea’s. “Is that all?”

Lea blinked. He felt something shatter inside him. “What? What do you mean ‘is that all’?”

“Is that all you want?” Isa’s brows furrowed together. “A life with me? And what about you?”

“What _about _me?”

“What do you want for _you_? The last time I asked about your plans for the future, you didn’t even have any. Lea, I…” Isa swallowed, turning away and fidgeting with the fabric of his shirt. “Don’t you have anything you want for yourself?”

Lea frowned, pulling away. He looked around him, at the sight of the village under reconstruction. “I always… I _have _what I’ve always wanted.”

“You mean being a hero. That’s what you always _thought _you wanted.”

“That _is _what I’ve always wanted! And now I have it! So—”

“So you think that the only thing missing is me. You have everything else. And now I’m the only one who can make you happy? Is that it?”

“Lights, Isa,” Lea scoffed. “Is it so wrong that I want to be with you?”

“No, but you’re missing the point.”

“And what is the point?” Lea said, voice rising. “Shit, Isa. You’re not some fucking _prize _to me or anything if that’s what you—”

“I know that.” Isa shook his head. “That’s not what I mean.”

“Then _what?_” said Lea, exasperated.

“Do you really think me being with you will make you happy?”

“Of course it will, what are you—”

“I’m talking about the long-term, Lea. Let’s say I say ‘yes’ right now. Then you get your dream job and your family and your _me_. Will that be enough to make you happy? Or will you still continue to be sad and hide it from us just like you did when you were living with Roxas and Xion?”

“Fuck.” Lea stood. And he paced. “What do you want, huh? What’s so wrong about me wanting that?”

“Nothing!” Isa stood too. He walked over to Lea and grabbed his hand, stopping him from pacing. “Lea. Look at me.”

And there was that voice. Lea had never been able to say no to that voice. So he turned and met Isa’s gaze, staring into the steely teal eyes. “What?” Lea said, voice quiet and cracked. “Tell me… Tell me what to do. Tell me what you want me to do and I’ll _do _it, just—”

“See?” Isa squeezed Lea’s hands, smiling sadly. “That’s what I mean. I can’t tell you what to do. And I don’t want to. I can’t be your purpose, Lea. And neither can Roxas or Xion. A _person _can’t be your purpose. Believe me, I know.”

Lea’s breath hitched. He stole his gaze away, focusing on the grass beneath his feet instead. But his vision was a blur, making it appear as just a blotch of green in his vision.

“I know, that’s what heroes do,” Isa said softly. “They save people. But you need to save yourself too. I can’t be there _all_ the time. And you can’t be there for me all the time too. And that’s okay. Lea, it’s _okay _to live for yourself.”

Lea chuckled wryly, a broken sound. “I don’t know how to do that,” he said softly.

“That’s what learning is for.” Isa tilted Lea’s chin up to meet his eye. Isa smiled. “I never said you have to do that part alone.”

Lea cracked a smile too, tasting salt on his tongue. He leaned forward. And then he was holding Isa in his arms, his face in Isa’s hair as he let out a mixture of a laugh and a sob. “You were gone for so long,” Lea croaked. “A whole year, Isa. A whole year I was going fucking crazy looking for you. Trying to find you and bring you back. I thought you didn’t want to come back. Thought it was my fault. But it wasn’t, was it?”

“No,” Isa said softly.

Lea swallowed thickly, then continued, “You know, the only time I felt anything in those ten years we were in the Organization? It was when I met Roxas and Xion. They… They reminded me so much of us. Who we were. What it was like. To love, to be happy. And when you—when Saïx—I felt so guilty. I didn’t _want_ to abandon you.” He gasped around another sob. “I’m _sorry_.” He shook his head. “But you _changed_. You changed and you weren’t you. What else was I supposed to _do?_”

“I know.” Isa rubbed circles on his back, his other hand stroking Lea’s hair. “I know. It’s not your fault.”

“I _wanted_ to stay. I wanted to be with you. Even then. But you made it so fucking hard. I just… I couldn’t take it.”

“I know, Lea. It’s okay.”

“And when you came back, you didn’t even talk to me for weeks. And when you did, you were so quick to kick me out of the room. I _know_ it’s not your fault. I _know_ you needed your time and your space but _fuck_, it _hurt_. I wasn’t wanted at home. I wasn’t wanted when I was with you, I just… I felt so helpless. And I _know_ you were dealing with your own shit and that’s fine! You don’t—don’t have to apologize or anything. I just…”

“It’s okay,” Isa cooed, holding him tighter. “Just let it out.”

“It was so exhausting. And with _work _too. Did you know I had to take up three jobs to provide for Roxas and Xion and me before I got the job with the MDB? I ran on like… fucking, three hours of sleep every day. Sometimes less. Lots of times less. When it wasn’t work it was the fucking _nightmares_ and the constant worrying that I wasn’t doing anything right. And I had no idea how to help Roxas and Xion at the time—they didn’t even tell me anything that was going on with them so I just felt… lost.” He paused for breath. “All I wanted to do was give up,” he whispered.

“But you didn’t. You’re here.”

“That feeling hasn’t gone away completely,” Lea said lowly. “Sometimes, I just… I get these thoughts… I can’t help it, I feel like I’m going insane. I feel like I have been for a long time.”

“You’re not insane.”

“I heard voices, you know. Your voice. When you were gone. Roxas’ friends thought I was fucking possessed or some shit. I just… I had no one else to talk to. You weren’t _there_. I was so lonely, Isa. Couldn’t talk to anyone about it.”

“But you can now. I’m here now.”

“No, you don’t get it. I mean I _couldn’t_ talk to anyone. It’s like I physically couldn’t bring myself to. Like there’s something wrong with me.” Lea laughed lowly. “There _is_ something wrong with me. ...Isn’t there? And I don’t… I don’t know how to fix it. I just want to fix it.” He cried into Isa’s hair. “Lights, Isa. I just want to fix it. I just want to get better.”

Isa continued to hold him as Lea let himself release every shred of hurt and confusion he’d kept bottled up, unabashed through each choked sob in all its ugliness and glory. And he did it all selfishly, pouring out every ounce of pain and loneliness. It was the breaking of a dam he’d been building and reinforcing for most of his life. Now, all those stone walls he’d worked so hard to raise now crumbled in the flood. But at the end of it all, the river found its way back home to the sea. And for the first time in a long time, he didn’t see raging waters that could drown him, but calm waves that gently carried him to the shore.

* * *

For the months that followed, Lea learned to talk—about his feelings, about his past. He opened up to just Isa at first. Then he finally told Roxas and Xion the whole story of everything that happened to him. It had been a long night filled with tears and the pain of memories that never quite left him—scars that never quite faded. But at the end of it all, Roxas and Xion had hugged him. It felt like another step in filling that hollow in his soul. It was a long and slow process, but every step counted. Eventually it came to a point where he even talked it over with the Sahars.

“You’re like the only parents I’ve ever known,” Lea had said, voice thick as he avoided their gaze. “I just wanted you to know that. And I wanted to thank you. In the Realm of Sleep, when I wanted to wake Isa up, I saw you, Mr. Sahar. And what you said has helped me a lot. Through everything. So… thank you.”

Yerik and Idana had both hugged him then. And Lea wasn’t sure if it was just him overthinking, but after that, it seemed like the frequency of them calling him ‘son’ had tripled.

Along the way, Lea had tried to confess his feelings to Isa. _Again_. His third try had been a bust, though Lea figured there was no harm in trying again. But when Lea had finished his long and rambling speech, Isa had only hugged him. “That night at the lookout,” Isa had said, “you said you would wait longer if you had to.”

Lea had swallowed thickly, feeling his heart drop into his stomach.

Isa had brought his free hand to stroke Lea's cheek. “This is not a rejection,” Isa had said. He had then pressed his face closer until their noses touched. “But there’s so much more work to be done, things to think about. I’m still learning things about myself. And you’re doing the same. I just… I don’t want to rush this. I want you. I do. I have wanted you since that first summer that you came with us to the lookout. But…” He took a deep breath, breathing a puff of air against Lea’s cheek. “I just… I just want things to settle first. I think we just need time.”

“Okay,” Lea had said. “I’ll wait.”

After that not-rejection, they’d spent the evening watching the sunset. Then they’d watched the moonrise. In the stars above them, they had both drawn out patterns and made up names of constellations just as they had done as boys.

During those months, Lea also learned to build a home for himself, Roxas, and Xion in Radiant Garden. There was even some extra room for any off-World guests—and Isa, should he ever change his mind. Lea, Roxas, and Xion had built it together, brick by brick according to Xion’s own design.

So after his long days at work, Lea found his way back to that house he called home, and found refuge in the attic, or as Lea liked to call it: his studio. Unlike the mansion in Twilight Town, the house wasn’t all that big. He shared most of his space with Roxas and Xion. But here, he had all the space to himself. It was a mess of course. If Isa ever stepped foot here, he might just have a heart attack. Or claim that a hurricane had swept through it. But it was Lea’s. And it was here that he tried everything he could possibly ever try. He tried painting. And sewing. And woodworking. And the drums. Isa would say it was a little excessive. Maybe not quite what Isa meant by ‘finding his purpose,’ but it was definitely a start. And it was fun to just come home and go absolutely ham on something he’d never done before. He never stuck to any of his crafts for long of course. But he was sure he’d find one eventually.

And that was when Lea found a guitar in a pawn shop. It felt like destiny.

“You’re writing songs?” Roxas laughed one evening over dinner.

“I bet they’re all love songs for Isa.” Xion giggled.

“They are _not_,” Lea said, even though most of them were, in fact, love songs for Isa.

“Lights.” Roxas shook his head, smiling. “You are _such _a sap. Anyone ever tell you that?”

“Well, I’ve been called a cry baby for most of my life,” said Lea. “So I figure that’s close enough.” He shrugged.

“I think it’s sweet,” said Xion. “Are you planning to ever perform any of them to him?”

Lea’s face grew hot. “Well… Not anytime soon…”

“Maybe you could let us listen to them first,” said Xion.

Lea shifted uncomfortably in his seat. “Uh… Okay.”

That night, Lea brought his guitar down from his studio to their small living room and sat himself on the couch across Roxas and Xion. He only had half the song written and the melody definitely needed work, but he performed it the best he could anyway. When he was done, he looked up and peeked at Roxas and Xion’s faces, heart beating rapidly in his chest. To his surprise, their faces were completely unreadable.

“Well?” Lea said, blood pounding in his ears.

Roxas and Xion exchanged glances. Then they burst into laughter.

Lea groaned. _So much for destiny_.

Still, that didn’t stop him from wanting to try any other thing he could get his hands on. When he told Isa about it, Isa smiled. “Everyone needs a hobby," he said. "I’m happy for you, Lea.” And really, that was all the encouragement Lea needed to keep going.

In the meantime, he still helped with the city’s rebuilding efforts. Aqua and the other Guardians dropped by Radiant Garden every now and then to help too. This time, when Aqua approached Lea as he worked with his back to the sun, exhausted, he didn’t bother to fake a smile.

“How’s everything going?” she said quietly, brows knitted together in concern.

“They’re going,” Lea said. “And they’re… getting better. Slowly.”

Aqua cocked her head and gave a small smile. “You seem… different, Lea.”

“Huh?” Lea heaved out a sigh and wiped the sweat off his forehead. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that you look just as tired as the last time I saw you. But… in a different way.”

“O-_kay..._?”

“In a good way.”

“How is me being tired a good thing?”

“Well, being tired means that you’re working. And now it finally looks like that work is going towards something.”

“And what’s that?”

“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you?”

“You’re the one that brought it up.”

Aqua sighed. “You’re still as evasive as ever.”

“And you still love speaking in riddles.”

“I’m a Keyblade Master. It’s my _duty _to pass on the wisdom of the—”

“Nah, don’t use that on me. I may not be a Master yet but I know what pulling shit out of your ass looks like. And _I _think that every drop of ‘wisdom’ you spout is just a passive-aggressive way of telling me to get my shit together.”

“Well… Yes! I mean… Of course!” she sputtered. “You can’t expect a Master to just say something so rude and—”

“When _I’m_ Master, I would. It’d save the headache from my students, I’ll tell you that. I’ll make history as the first Master to ever make some fuckin’ sense!”

“Lights!” Aqua groaned, sighed, then grunted as she tried to maintain as much composure as possible. “You know what? You are so…”

“So what? If you give me _one_ more metaphor, I swear, Aqua—”

“You’re such a pain in the ass!” Aqua exclaimed. The rest of the words poured out of her in a rush. “You want me to be blunt? Fine. Teaching you was aggravating and you never listen to any of my advice even though it would really help you if you did! I was actually really looking forward to being your friend when I first met you since you’re like the only other living adult I know in this field besides Terra. But then I actually got to know you and it was _really _disappointing because you are. Just. So. Annoying. And I kept trying to help you and give you the benefit of the doubt but you just wouldn’t _listen_ and—_ugh_, you are so infuriating! So there! I said it!”

They stared at each other then, Aqua’s face a mix of exasperation, bewilderment and irritation as she gathered her breath, while Lea’s remained as nonchalant as ever. After a long moment, Lea burst into laughter.

“Well, finally!” Lea laughed.

“Lights, help me,” Aqua sighed. She cast Lea a sideways glance as his laughing fit continued, and then she began to chuckle too.

“It’s nice to finally know how you truly feel.” Lea bowed. “_Master_ Aqua.”

“Lights, do you ever shut up?”

Lea cackled. “Whew! I gotta say, I’m really liking this new Aqua!”

“Look,” she grunted, “it’s exhausting enough to keep up the kind-hearted-mother-hen and wise-master image back at home. I mean, please don’t get me wrong. I love spending time with Ven and Terra. They’re my best friends. And I love teaching the apprentices back at the castle. But I’m still in my twenties… technically. And I just...” She sighed.

“Tired of wearing a mask all the time?”

“You have no idea.”

“I have a pretty good idea of it, actually.” Lea grinned. “Hey. Want to go out for drinks after this?”

Aqua chuckled. She shook her head as she sawed a board of wood in half. “Only if you’re paying.”

They had a drinking contest at the bar that night. Aqua won.

* * *

“Good job, everyone!” said Aerith. “Today marks the day where every Radiant Garden citizen has a roof over their head!”

Everyone in Merlin’s house cheered, raising their mismatched cups and gulping down apple juice, of all things. It was a small group of them. Less than half of the Restoration Committee and a few Keyblade wielders. Merlin wasn’t there, despite it being his house. The rest were either back in their respective Worlds or finishing up work at the castle. Roxas, Xion and Kairi sat on one couch, laughing together. Sora and Riku stood in one corner, exchanging soft words and sneaking glances at each other. Namine finally got to come along thanks to the King lending his gummiship. She sat at the table, chatting with Tifa and Aerith.

Lea sat in the back corner, leaning against a table of various books and ornaments, nursing the plastic mug of juice in his hands.

“Someone’s looking gloomy,” came Kairi’s voice. She approached him and hopped onto the table behind him, crossing her legs as she sat. “Let me guess. Is it because Isa isn’t here?”

“He’s at his parents’ place,” Lea said. “And no, that’s not the reason. I’m just tired. It’s been a long day.”

“Yeah, right.” She rolled her eyes. “Xion keeps us updated in our group chat, you know. She said you’ve been moping ever since Isa rejected you for the millionth time.”

“_Not_ moping and he did _not_ reject me.” He crossed his arms and huffed. Then he frowned, stood straight and faced her with wide eyes. “Wait. You have a group chat where you gossip about me?”

“Uh, duh.”

“What do you mean ‘duh’?” he yelped.

“How else do you think we all cope with our issues? We talk to each other. All the people at school or back home don’t know what we went through. But since we all live in separate Worlds, we have a group chat to keep in touch.”

“Wait just a second. Who else is in this group chat of yours?”

“Me, Xion, Namine, Aqua, Daisy. Oh, and Ven.”

“Ven? And who’s Daisy?!”

“Donald’s girlfriend.”

“Oh, Donald’s girlfriend, makes perfect sense—_What_? Why is she in your group chat?!”

“She likes to stay in touch with gossip.” Kairi shrugged.

“Lights above,” Lea muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose. “And you all gossip about me in there?”

“Hey now. It’s not _all_ gossip,” Kairi huffed. “I told you. It’s also a support group. And a friendly space to talk among friends.”

“You just said that Daisy's there because likes to keep updated with gossip."

Kairi crossed her arms. “She also gives a lot of good advice.”

“Right.”

“But, yes, to answer your question, we do _occasionally_ gossip about you. And we really think that you shouldn’t sulk about this. I mean, Isa _did_ say that he wants to be with you too. You shouldn’t take it personally. Besides, things are settling down around here. He should be coming around soon.”

“Argh. Great. Just what I need. An eighteen-year-old girl giving me love advice.”

“Hey, unlike you, I am very in touch with my feelings. I think I’m a very credible source of love advice.”

“Really? Give me your credentials then. How many dates have you been on?”

“How many dates have _you_ been on?”

Lea froze, any other comeback withering in his throat and crumbling to dust. Here he was, Lea MacRoy, thirty years old, absolutely slaughtered by a five-feet-tall teenage girl. Kairi cackled, holding her stomach and doubling over as Lea stared at his feet in defeat.

Once she calmed down and Lea collected his dignity, they stood in silence, just listening to the soft music from Merlin’s gramophone.

“Thanks for coming over today, by the way,” Lea said quietly. “To help out. I know you’re busy with school, so it means a lot that you could make it today.”

“It’s no problem,” she said, wiping a leftover tear from her laughing fit from earlier. “My school break just started anyway, which is why I got to come. I just wish I could’ve helped out more. The others do too. It’s just, travelling back and forth? It’s hard, especially when school was still on. Plus, I don’t like leaving Namine behind all the time. And everyone _else _has their own schedules.” She sighed.

“Yeah. I guess that’s just life.”

Kairi hummed. “But it seems that Roxas and Xion are helping out plenty. That’s good.”

“Yeah. They’ve been really important to the whole process. I think Xion’s officially part of the Restoration Committee now too.”

“Oh, really?” Kairi giggled. “That’s amazing. What about you?”

He shrugged. “Well, I’m part of it too. Just more of the, uh, hands-on bits. Not much of a planning kind of guy. I’ll leave that to the pros.”

“Right, the ‘_pros’_,” said Kairi. “And you’re not one of them.”

“Thanks a lot, Kai.”

She snickered. “Though… I have heard some things.”

“Have you?”

“I have, _Sir_ MacRoy. Or should I call you Lieutenant General? Hmm...”

Lea snorted. “You're really nosy, you know that?”

“Oh, I assure you: the nose knows.” Kairi laughed while Lea rolled his eyes. Then her smile fell. “You know,” she said, voice quiet. “This is the second time I remember coming here. _Not_ counting when Riku kidnapped me and brought me here of course. I mean, to Radiant Garden. Not Hollow Bastion.”

“Oh yeah? And?”

“And… I don’t know. You see, the first time I came here was during that Heartless invasion. What do they call it? The Battle of the... Night-Time?”

“I think they're calling it the Battle of the Midnight Hour actually.” Lea chuckled.

“Right, right. So at that time, the city was all under attack and it was super dark at night, so I couldn’t exactly see much of the city. And when the battle was over, everything was destroyed. But this time, I see everything all fixed again.”

“O-_kay_? And?”

“Before we went to fight Xehanort at the Keyblade Graveyard, I talked to Aqua. She said she met me in Radiant Garden before. I didn’t know that. I couldn’t remember anything from before I washed ashore on Destiny Islands. But… I think I’m remembering things again.”

“Oh. That’s good.”

“It is, and… I can’t help but feel we met before, Lea.”

“Huh?”

“I don’t know. It’s still all really hazy.”

“Oh… huh. You know, I feel the same way.”

“Funny, huh?” Kairi chuckled. “Well, I guess there’s no point in dwelling on it too much.”

“R-Right. Yeah.”

“Oh, by the way, the election is coming up soon. Are you going to vote?”

“Well, my name is still registered in the city’s system, so I guess so.” He shrugged. “Not really into politics, but if it ensures that no one like Ansem or Xehanort rule this place again, then what else can you do?”

“Hmm. I wish I could vote. Do you think my name is still in the system too?”

“We could always check. It might take a while since everyone’s so busy, but I don’t think there’s a need to rush it before the election anyway. You’re too young to vote, kiddo. You gotta be twenty-one to vote here.”

"What?" Kairi pouted. “Aw, man.” She sighed. “But still. I guess it’d be nice to know. Maybe I can find out where I came from...”

“Yeah! I’ll help you if you want. Hey, since your break just started, maybe we could do some investigating, huh, Little Miss Detective?”

Kairi laughed. “Really? You’d do that for me?”

“Yeah. I’ve got a place here, you know. It's got a guest room too. You could always stay with us if you want.”

Kairi smiled. “I’d love that!” She hummed. “_But_ I kind of want to take a break before getting into my cool backstory. Finals just ended. Right now, I really just want to take a break.”

“Hey, I getcha.” Lea chuckled. “We all need a break sometime.”

“Maybe all of us could go hit the beach. What do you say?”

“Kairi, you live at the beach.”

“I live on an _island_, not a _beach_. Besides, we don’t have to go to Destiny Islands. I could check out the beach here! I saw a pamphlet that said Radiant Garden imports its fish fresh from a fishing village located past the forest.”

Lea scratched the back of his head, remembering old plans. “Hey, sure. Why not, right? It’d take the whole day to get there though. Unless we ride our gliders, then—”

“Road trip!” Kairi squealed. “Screw the gliders! A road trip sounds amazing! Come on, Lea. It’ll be so fun!”

“Yeah. Roxas and Xion did always want to go to the beach. And we never did get to go. And hey, I think we could all use a mini vacation.”

“Oh, oh, _and_… You could even bring _Isa_ along,” she said in a sing-song voice.

Lea sighed. “...How’s this weekend sound?”

* * *

Lea checked the rental car’s trunk, checking off everything in his list. _Picnic basket? Check. Blanket? Check. Umbrellas? Check. Towels? Check. Extra clothes? Check. Sunscreen? Check._

“Come _on_, Lea!” Kairi yelled from the front passenger seat. “Hurry up, you big mama bear. You checked the trunk like a million times. Let’s _go_ already!”

“Yeah, Lea, come on,” Xion said. “If we don’t go now, it’ll be too hot by the time we arrive.”

“We’re just waiting for Namine to come back from the bathroom, alright?” said Lea. “We can’t go without her, can we?”

“Can you at _least_ start the car?” Roxas groaned.

“Yeah, yeah, okay, fine.” Lea shook his head and closed the trunk. He started up the car then walked back to the Sahars’ house, where Isa stood at the doorway, arms crossed. The early rays of morning shining on him made Lea’s heart flutter.

“Are you _sure_ you don’t want to come?” said Lea.

“I have some work to finish up here,” Isa murmured. His hands fidgeted with his shirt sleeve, then moved to fix Lea’s collar. “But you have fun, okay?”

“Yeah.” Lea smiled. “But I’d have more fun with you there.”

“You’ll get to spend time with the kids,” said Isa. “That’s something. Make memories. Have lots of fun. Take tons of pictures. Then you can tell me everything when you come back.”

“Okay.” Lea’s hand lifted Isa’s hand away from Lea’s collar and kissed his knuckles, then laced their fingers together. “The kids are probably going to have a field day posting everything on social media.”

“Oh, yes. I suspect Kairi will make you her personal photographer for the day.”

“I _guarantee_ that’s what will happen.”

Isa chuckled.

“Thanks for preparing the food,” Lea said. “You didn’t have to do that. I would’ve just grabbed something on the way there.”

“They’re just sandwiches, Lea. And I feel bad for not being able to come.”

“Nah, it’s fine. There’ll always be next time, right?”

“Right.” Isa smiled.

Behind Isa, Namine appeared in the hallway. “Sorry,” she said. “I don’t mean to interrupt…”

“It’s fine,” said Lea. Isa moved out of the doorway, letting Namine pass. They both watched her walk down the path to the car.

“Namine’s here!” Kairi called. “So get your skinny ass in here already, you giant ginger!”

“But _you’re_ a…” Lea sputtered, then shook his head and turned back to Isa. “I’ll see you, Isa.”

“See you, Lea.”

Lea took the opportunity to peck a kiss on Isa’s cheek before running to the car. “I’ll bring souvenirs!” he called from the car.

Isa said nothing. When Lea turned to look at Isa through the car window, he found Isa’s face flushed. Lea grinned at him, receiving a weak wave in return.

With that, Lea hit the accelerator and drove off. Theirs was the only car in the city, rented from the Ansem’s royal garage. The only reason Lea knew how to drive was because he taught himself out of boredom during his time in the Organization. Skateboards and bicycles and rickshaws were common in Radiant Garden, but no one else drove cars here. There was no need when things were walking distance to each other. For that, they gained a lot of stares as they drove through the streets and out the city gates. With the car roof retracted, the kids smiled and waved at everyone they passed by.

As they drove out of the main city and into the woodland path, Kairi turned on her radio. Light music filled the air as they drove through the trees. The fresh, cold breeze of morning blew through Lea’s hair, leaving it a mess as tufts of it flew into his face. Beside him, Kairi snapped endless photos on her phone while Roxas, Xion and Namine chatted in the backseat.

They drove past the village and through the forest, passing by rivers and creaks and the gorgeous sight of the mountains. Then they drove past trees for hours, the kids singing along to pop songs Lea didn’t recognize and then switching back to talking about all sorts of things. Lea smiled, humming along to the soft tune on the radio, feeling a contentment he hadn’t felt for a long time.

They arrived at the beach a little before noon. The kids zoomed out onto the car onto the warm sand, kicking off their shoes and going barefoot as they raced towards the lapping waves. Lea took his time to unload the trunk and unpack everything.

“Come and get your food!” he called out to them once he was settled under the shade. “You better eat all this. Isa actually took the time to make all this!”

Kairi ran up to him. “As if I’ll ever turn down the offer of food.”

Lea chuckled and handed her a sandwich. She wolfed it down in no time, then ran back to the water. Lea shook his head and watched them all laugh and chat as they played in the water. Roxas and Xion had their pants rolled up way up high past their knees while Namine clutched the skirt of her summer dress as she waded in the shallow water. Kairi came prepared, already wearing shorts. Lea sighed happily and closed his eyes, letting his head rest against the blanket.

He awoke with a jolt to the sound of something slicing through the air. He rubbed his eyes and looked around frantically for signs of danger. But there was none. The kids watched the sky in awe, gasping and cheering. Lea looked up too. A Keyblade glider descended from up above, landing a short distance from Lea.

The glider stepped onto the sand and waved at the kids. They came running to greet him. Then he turned, flashing a smile at Lea.

Lea stumbled to his feet, mouth hanging agape. “Isa,” he breathed. “What are you doing here?”

“I finished my work early.” Isa shrugged, unslinging a bag over his shoulder. “I thought I’d come by.”

Lea laughed, feeling lighter than he’d ever felt. He rushed to hug Isa, who squeaked in Lea’s tight hold. Then he lifted Isa off the ground and spun him around, both of them laughing all the while.

“Lea!” Isa said, voice light with laughter. “Put me down!”

Lea did. Then he took a deep breath as he drank the sight of Isa in. The ocean breeze tangled through Isa’s hair and—_Lights, _Lea thought, _I can never get enough of him_.

“Now,” said Isa, digging into his bag. He fished out a frisbee from his bag. “Let’s get down to business.”

“Ooh, I wanna be on Isa’s team!” said Xion with her hand raised in the air.

“Well, have fun losing,” said Roxas.

“We’ll beat them together, Roxas,” said Namine with a grin.

“I wanna be on Isa’s team too!” said Kairi. “Lea that means you’re with Roxas!”

The kids all ran in anticipation of the frisbee and squealed as Isa threw it. They gave chase immediately. Isa followed suit, racing through the sand and calling out to them and laughing as Namine caught it. Lea took a long moment to fully relish in the sight. It was a _beautiful _sight, a sight of dreams. But it was real. They were real and this was real and it was all his. He fumbled for his phone and snapped as many pictures as he could. It was a moment that deserved a place in a frame, hanging on a wall to be remembered forever. Then he took a deep breath, smiled, then raced after them.

“Hey!” he called. “I’m open! Pass it to me!”

Later, when the sun was close to setting, the kids all raced back to the water to take pictures, dragging Isa along. He laughed as they instructed him how to pose, asking "Like this?" and giving a dorky grin. Lea retired to the blanket under the umbrella and watched them splash around, smiling until his cheeks hurt, basking in their joy and laughter.

After a while, Isa let the kids be as they continued to make videos to post online. He walked over to Lea and sat with him under the shade. They didn’t say much as they nibbled on the rest of the sandwiches in the basket, watching the kids have fun.

“This is nice,” Isa said softly, leaning his head on Lea’s chest.

“Yeah.” Lea beamed. “Oh, by the way, how’d the meeting with Ienzo go? That’s what you were doing right?”

“Yeah. It went well. I’m too tired to talk about it now though. Tell you later?”

“Yeah, sure. You don’t have to talk if you don’t want to.”

Isa hummed in response. They continued to lay on the sand together, watching the sunset over the waves, the sound of the kids’ laughter carried by the wind that blew from the sea. Eventually, the kids trudged back to dry sand and joined Lea and Isa on the blanket.

"Hey, Isa," Lea murmured.

Isa angled his head to show he was listening.

"Thanks for coming today."

Isa hummed, snuggling in closer. "I didn't want to miss it for the world."

Lea smiled, wetness in his eyes building up. Isa said nothing else for a while. They sat in silence, content. They stayed that way until well after the sun sank below the horizon, watching the stars together. Isa pointed at the sky, naming every constellation. That led to Isa telling the kids a fable about the deities that lived in the stars. They all listened intently, their eyes fixed on the night sky.

Lea had his eyes fixed on the moon. But not the one hanging up above, but his moonlight, sitting right beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you liked this chapter. Only one chapter (+ an epilogue!) to go! Comments and kudos are always appreciated~ Thanks to everyone who've been reading from the start (and those who just started reading too of course), all your support for this fic and your kind encouraging words mean so much to me <3


	21. The Man Who Loved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Radiant Garden is restored. Lea and Isa celebrate.

The people of Radiant Garden flooded the central square. Squall Leonhart stood on the castle balcony that overlooked the entire city. His face was plastered on every screen in the city as he spoke into a microphone, standing behind a podium and dressed in the finest suit a tailor could make.

"Citizens of Radiant Garden," he said. "After many months since the Battle of the Midnight Hour, our city has recovered once again. This would mark the third time our city has fallen. And yet, here we stand, stronger. Every single time enemies have destroyed our homes, we have won, and we have managed to get back up and rebuild. This is proof that Radiant Garden is a city not only of Light, but of strength as well. It is not the strength of our borders, nor our walls and armies. But it is the strength of the people, of our dedication to protect our loved ones. It is the strength within our hearts.

"My fellow citizens, you have made your choice and elected the person who will lead us into a new era of democracy and transparency, peace and harmony." Squall cleared his throat. "I am honoured to stand before you, to present our _Madam _President."

The crowd roared. Behind Squall, the president stepped forth, dressed in a simple pink dress and a red ribbon in her hair. President Aerith smiled, her face radiant, carrying herself with the poise of a queen. She took Squall's place at the podium and waited for the cheering to die down before she leaned into the microphone.

"People of Radiant Garden," said Aerith. "I am honoured to serve you as your president. I promise you, our work here has only just begun. Yes, we have rebuilt our glorious city and we do not see enemies marching at our gates. But our enemies never did come from _out there_. They come from inside, as they always have. And I see them every day when I walk through the city. I see it in the East Borough, in the alleyways where mothers sit with their babies without a roof over their heads, in our foster care system that leaves our youths vulnerable to exploitation and abuse, in our education system which continues to fail our young minds. I promise you, I will do everything in my power to make our city a better place. For everyone. And for our children and the generations to come. Now, let us march together, hand in hand, as we move forward into a new day."

The crowd shrieked and whooped and clapped, but Aerith held out her hands until they settled.

"However," she said, "before we can move forward, we must look back. Remember our history so we may never forget what has brought us so far. My people, today, let us honour our heroes, who have helped us get this far."

She moved from the podium and stood to the side as a group of Keyblade wielders came filing onto the stage; the Masters from the Land of Departure, the Chosen One and his two closest friends, Lea MacRoy—given the title as Lieutenant General, The Fiery Knight of Radiant Garden—and his two teenage charges. And at the very end of the row, stood Isa, face lit with a luminous smile.

* * *

The after-party was held in the castle, extending from the great hall to the castle vestibule and to the outer gardens. For the first time ever, all that large empty space in the castle was open and warm with the laughter of all the city's people.

Lea was happy in a way he couldn't describe.

Aqua approached him and smiled. “Look who it is. My least favourite pupil.”

"Hello to you too, _Master_." Lea chuckled. "How are you? You look great. Love the dress."

"Thank you. And I'm fine, thank you for asking.”

“Up for another drinking contest tonight?” Lea smirked.

Aqua rolled her eyes despite her smile. “I’d love to say ‘yes’, but I’ve got early-morning classes tomorrow.”

“Classes?”

“That’s right. We got some new students back in the Land of Departure. We're passing on our master's legacy, but changing some of the old ways.”

“Is that so? So no more confusing riddles?”

Aqua chuckled. “Among other things, yes.”

“Other things, huh? Like what?”

“Our views on the power of Darkness, for one thing. My master failed when he banned Terra's use of Darkness. _Everyone _has Darkness in them. It isn't right to try to get rid of it. That's what makes us human."

"So you're going to integrate both Light and Darkness in your lessons, huh?"

"Something like that. Riku's been a big help in organizing our new syllabus."

Lea smiled. "That's good to hear. He’s a good kid.”

"And what about you? I remember the last time we were at a party like this, we talked about the road to inner peace. It looks to me like you've found it."

Lea shrugged. He gave a smug smile. "I guess I have.”

She nodded, beaming. A short while later, Yuffie and Tifa came by and sparked up a conversation with her. Lea nodded along as Aqua enthusiastically answered Tifa and Yuffie's questions about her work. Lea stood there and listened absently, paying more attention to his drink. It seemed everyone loved Aqua, drawing many others into the conversation as she spoke passionately of her work. She might as well have been a motivational speaker.

Lea's focus drifted elsewhere and he watched what everyone else was up to.

Xion discussed future plans for the city with Aerith and Namine, even catching the attention of some rich townsfolk eager to invest. Roxas mingled with some local teens, gushing about Radiant Garden's booming skateboarding scene. Kairi took pictures of just about everything, flitting about the hall and dragging everyone to the dance floor. And Isa? He remained standing at the side of the room, quietly speaking with some villagers.

"Hello?” said Yuffie, waving her hand in front of Lea. "Are you listening? Earth to Lea!"

"You haven't changed much, have you?" Tifa chuckled.

"Heh, yeah," said Lea. "I think I'm just going out for some fresh air."

Yuffie quirked an eyebrow. "And by that do you mean 'going to poison your lungs'?"

"Let him be," said Aqua smoothly. She smiled at him. "Just don't go through the whole box. It's a nice suit. Don't make it smell bad."

Lea rolled his eyes and took his leave. He wandered the hallway until he found an alcove overlooking the sprawling gardens outside. He leaned against the bannister and breathed in the cool night air. Up above, the sky twinkled with stars and the moon shone brightly. He relished in the sound of crickets from the gardens.

He fished out a box of cigarettes and popped one out.

Then he paused. He stared at the cigarette in his hand, fingers twitching as he bit the inside of his cheek. He groaned. Then he put the cigarette back in its box.

He put the box on the bannister ledge and left it there.

"Hi."

Lea almost jumped. But he recognized the voice instantly. He turned around and saw Isa standing at the doorway.

Isa came forward to stand next to Lea and looked up at the stars._ Lights._ He was so handsome. Dressed in a deep blue suede suit hugging his figure, his blue hair tied back into a bun, Isa looked like he'd stepped out of a dream.

"So," Isa said. "Should I call you 'sir' now?"

"Huh?"

"I mean you _are _a knight now," said Isa, nudging Lea's side.

Lea chuckled. Isa had been offered knighthood as well, but he'd rejected the offer without hesitation. When Lea had asked, Isa had just said that he’d had enough adventure to last a lifetime.

Isa cleared his throat and mimicked an announcer's voice, "'Behold, The Fiery Knight of Radiant Garden'!"

Lea laughed. "No, you can just call me Lea. I mean, unless you'd _like _to call me 'sir'—"

Isa snorted and smacked his hand against Lea's chest. "You wish."

Lea snickered, taking Isa's hand off the railing and kissing his knuckles, seeing Isa’s ears turn pink. "My liege," he said, voice low.

"Oh, shut up," Isa said, rolling his eyes.

"I will not shut up," said Lea, keeping his voice low. He stepped closer, putting his hands on Isa's waist. "Never, ever."

"You are insufferable," said Isa, looping his arms around Lea's neck.

"So I've heard."

Isa hummed. "Where are the kids?"

"Partying their butts off, last I saw. Kairi seems to have made it her life's mission to show Roxas and Xion how to break it down. Of course, Roxas was terrible at it and Kairi took a bunch of pictures to post on social media while Xion made weird edits of the photos."

"So, business as usual."

"Yup." Lea leaned his head down, bumping his nose against Isa's.

Then Isa's eyes widened.

"What?" said Lea.

Isa leaned in close, narrowing his eyes. He gasped, exaggeratingly dramatic. "Is that lip gloss?"

"Lip balm, actually. It's cherry flavoured. You wanna taste?"

Isa laughed, pulling Lea closer and nuzzling into his neck. "I believe you are what they call ‘a dork’."

"Says the nerd."

"Who?"

Lea said nothing and waited. Finally, Isa looked up and glared at him. "Hey!"

Lea chuckled, a hand brushing through Isa's hair. "You're beautiful."

Isa’s breath hitched, pink dusting his cheeks. "And _you're_ infuriating."

"Am I?"

"Yes," Isa said flatly. "Always have been." Isa pulled his head off Lea's shoulder and met his gaze. Lea looked into Isa’s cerulean eyes. They shone as bright as gemstones. Isa smiled. “Although,” Isa said, “you did save the day multiple times at this point. I guess I can give you a pass for that."

"I didn't save anything." Lea shrugged. "You saved me."

Isa huffed, but his face was bright red. "You talk too much."

"Oh yeah? Well, I—"

Isa kissed him.

It was a chaste kiss. Maybe even a little awkward from Isa's lack of practice, but his lips were soft and he tasted like blueberry ice cream.

When Isa pulled away, his eyes were wide and bright, his cheeks flushed. He swallowed. “Sorry, was that oka—”

Lea kissed him again, angling his head and pulling him deeper into the kiss. Isa hummed contentedly against his lips, practically melting into him. Lea’s hands gripped the back of Isa’s coat, bringing them even closer until their bodies were flush against each other. It was nothing like the kisses in movies. It was better; it was real. Everything else seemed to fade away, and it was just the two of them in this World and all the ones beyond. Together at last after what might as well have been a million lifetimes. Lea had died twice, but he lived four times: once when he was born; once as Axel the assassin; once again as a broken shell of a man just learning to heal; and once more here and now—as a hero, a friend, and a man who loved and was loved in return.

* * *

Lea brought Isa back home a short while after. The kids would come back later in the night. Isa had protested at first, saying that it was inappropriate and not very good ‘big brother’ behaviour for Lea to just leave them at the party like that. But with Lea staring at him like he had hung up all the stars in the sky himself, Isa figured that the kids were all practically adults now. They’d be fine on their own.

Isa and Lea giggled like a couple of teenagers the entire walk up to Lea’s bedroom, sneaking kisses and touches, snaking under each other's clothes. When they finally got through the door and locked it shut, Lea twirled Isa around, humming a nonsensical tune as he dipped Isa into a deep kiss. When they pulled apart, Lea pulled Isa upright again, making him dizzy.

"Isa," said Lea.

"What?" Isa giggled, feeling drunk despite barely touching his drink at the party.

"You're beautiful," Lea whispered, leaning their foreheads together and brushing Isa's hair out of his face.

Isa felt his cheeks warm as Lea leaned in to kiss him again. And again. And again. And again, until Lea had them falling against the plush bed. They giggled as they pulled apart and Lea rolled over on top of him and kissed him again.

"You're so greedy," Isa muttered against Lea's lips.

"Not my fault you're so delicious."

Isa laughed and gently kicked Lea off of him, leaving Lea tumbling and cackling. Maybe someone had spiked their drinks. That would explain things.

"Lights, Isa." Lea got up from the floor and tackled Isa on the bed, wrapping Isa in his arms. "You... are..."

"What? What am I?" Isa said, voice low, nuzzling his nose against Lea's shoulder.

"You... are…” Lea’s voice turned serious. “The light of my life."

Isa blinked in surprise. He'd expected a joke answer. Butterflies fluttered in his stomach as his face grew warm. "Lea..."

"I mean it," said Lea. "You're my moonlight, Isa. Lighting up the darkest of nights. 'When sun and moon meet; they dance and kiss, tender and sweet; cradling the stars above and life below; their nurturing embrace sows and lets grow'. You're amazing. Everything about you. You just… amaze me."

Isa felt his breath catch in his throat, any sarcastic remark dying on his tongue.

"I'm yours, Isa. Now and forever." Lea swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing. "Will you be mine?"

Isa breathed in deeply. "I already am. I always was."

They kissed again, the motion slow and languid, Isa's heart full and his body on fire as Lea enveloped him in his arms and kissed him senseless. Lea's hands roamed over Isa's body, feeling the naked skin under Isa's untucked dress shirt, stroking his back and then moving back to the front to unbutton the shirt altogether. Isa let him, pulling at Lea's crimson tie to bring him closer. Dressed in a black velvet suit emphasizing broad shoulders and a crimson tie to match the hair he'd pulled back into a ponytail, Lea was _gorgeous_. It was a shame to take it all off really.

But soon enough, their clothes lay strewn all over the floor as they explored each other’s scarred bodies, feeling every inch and basking in each other's tender touches. Lea had a huge scar running from his right rib cage to the small of his back. Isa hesitated to touch him, knowing that he had been the one to mar the beautiful freckled skin. But Lea didn’t mind. He encouraged every touch with moans and breathy murmurs, the sounds enough to drive Isa insane.

“You’re _stunning_,” Lea whispered, prodding strokes and caresses working to disentangle every worry in Isa's mind. Lea continued to whisper sweet nothings, his breath hot against Isa’s ear while Isa could only gasp as Lea continued to explore his skin, each touch slowly unravelling him until he was all but putty in Lea’s arms. Lea made love to him in the dim light of the table lamp, the moon watching over them through the open window.

Every kiss and bite, every thrust and moan, unbridled in their affection for each other, spoke of feelings left unsaid for decades. In the soft cool silks of the bed, Isa learned just how hot the fire of Lea's love burned. And he couldn’t wait to learn it again and again, this night and the next and all the years left of his life.

* * *

Isa sighed happily, letting his eyes fall shut, sated and spent as he sunk into the soft pillow. It smelled like Lea—not of the cigarettes he so often reeked of, but his shampoo and soap and the natural scent that hid under all that smoke. Isa breathed in deep, savouring it. Then he felt a dip in the mattress and opened his eyes, seeing Lea had settled against the pillow next to his, smiling that stupidly fond smile of his.

"You good?" Lea said softly.

Isa nodded and shifted himself to get closer, leaning into the crook of Lea's neck and nuzzling his jaw. "You've got stubble growing," Isa murmured.

"Yeah," said Lea. "Forgot to shave. Sorry 'bout that. Does it bother you?"

"No." Isa wrapped his arms around Lea's bare torso, breathing in his warmth as Lea stroked his hair. "You don't smell like cigarettes. And I know it's not because you covered it with cologne. I know when you do that."

Lea cleared his throat. "Yeah... I'm... I'm trying. To quit."

Isa blinked in surprise. Then he smiled. "Hey, Lea?"

"Yeah?"

"Nevermind."

Lea chuckled, placing a kiss on Isa's forehead and leaving his mouth to rest there. "C'mon. What is it? Tell me."

"You already know."

"Do I? And what is it that I know?"

Isa paused and thought for a moment, struggling to find a good excuse through his own drowsiness. "That you're a doo-doo head," he finally said.

"Surprise, surprise, look who’s the childish one now." Lea laughed. "Fine. If I’m a doo-doo head, then you're a poo-poo head."

"Stop plagiarizing whatever I say. Copycat."

"I'm paraphrasing."

"You're a thief."

"Yup. And I’m after your heart next.”

Isa groaned, smacking Lea's cheek. "You are _so _cheesy."

"You love it."

"No, it's not endearing. It's annoying."

"Is it now?"

"See? Annoying."

Lea laughed and Isa felt the sound vibrate from his belly. Isa joined in, then leaned up to kiss Lea's jaw. He pushed himself onto his elbows until he was flat on top of Lea.

"Oof," Lea said.

"Am I too heavy for you?"

"Nah. I can take you. If Atlas could hold the weight of the heavens, this is nothing."

Isa smiled. "You're silly."

Lea looked at him through half-lidded eyes. "Mmm. But I'm yours."

"You're falling asleep."

"Mmm."

"Should I turn off the lights?"

"Mhmm."

Isa chuckled, getting off of Lea and turning off the bedside lamp. The sudden darkness startled him, but his eyes quickly adjusted. The faint light from outside their open window illuminated Lea's silhouette on the bed.

"C'mere," Lea mumbled.

"So impatient," said Isa, resuming his place cuddled at Lea's side. His index finger traced circles on Lea's chest, then trailed along to the jagged scars on Lea's skin until he felt the large uneven scar that extended from Lea's other side. "Does it still hurt?"

"No. All healed. Told ya. Nothing to worry about."

"I'm sorry," Isa whispered.

"Hey. I said you don't have to worry." He kissed the top of Isa's head, then his forehead, then the scar between his eyes. "Okay?"

"Okay."

"Isa?"

"Yes?"

"I love you."

Isa's heart fluttered, his face flushing at hearing the words uttered for the first time. After deciding against saying the words himself, here Lea was saying it for him. Lea had always let him know of course, even since they were children. So it was no secret. But it was never spoken, just told through other ways. Through his constant selflessness, through his consideration and care, through his worry. It made it odd to actually hear those three words. And yet, it was also the most natural thing in the world—like it was a known fact of the universe; _water is wet, the sky is blue, Lea loves Isa, and Isa loves him too_.

Isa chuckled at the thought of the silly rhyme.

"What?" said Lea.

"Nothing. I just thought of something."

"Well, you gonna tell me?"

Isa smiled, then leaned up to capture Lea's lips in a kiss. "I love you too."

* * *

The days that followed were, to Lea’s surprise, just the same as the days before their first kiss. Work and life continued as usual. The only thing different now was that Lea got to kiss Isa whenever he liked without the worry of rejection or interruption. Well, almost.

One fine day found Roxas yelping in disgust as he found them entangled in each other's limbs on the living room couch, in the middle of a kiss. A book was spread open on Isa's chest, completely forgotten after Lea decided to distract him.

“Ugh!” Roxas said. He covered his eyes as he walked into the living room, scrunching up his face. “Do you guys have to be all lovey-dovey here? This is a _public _space! Get a room, geez.”

Isa pulled his lips away from Lea's and turned to look at Roxas. "But this is a room."

"Get another room!" said Roxas.

“Ignore him," said Lea. "Roxas is just being dramatic.” He chuckled, pulling Isa in for another kiss.

“Ugh,” Roxas said. He flopped onto the chair adjacent to the sofa. “I’m suddenly regretting Isa moving in with us.”

Isa pulled away and picked his book up again, face flushed. “Well, in that case, I guess I should move out and take my cooking with me, hm?”

“Whoa now,” Roxas said sheepishly. “I never said _you_ have to move out. Maybe Lea should move out instead. At least that way I don’t have to hear all the noise he makes in the attic.”

“It’s called _music, _Roxas,” Lea drawled. As Isa resumed his reading, Lea resorted to petting Isa's hair instead. “Maybe _you’ve_ never heard of it after destroying your ears with that electro shit you blast for the whole neighbourhood to hear.”

“Yeah,” said Roxas, “to drown out your awful singing.”

“My singing is _not_ that bad,” said Lea. “Right, Isa?”

Isa didn’t even look up from his book as he shook his head. “Lea, you know I love you, but a hyena sings better than you.”

“What’s a hyena?” came Xion’s voice. She bounded into the room then, hopping over the back of the couch and stepping over Lea’s and Isa’s legs, then jumping down onto the floor. She grabbed the TV remote off the table and sat down on the carpet, leaning her back against the couch.

“A hyena is an animal with a beautiful laugh,” said Isa flatly.

Lea rolled his eyes. “It basically sounds like a cackling ghost from those old-school horrors I showed you guys.”

“And they sound better than your singing?” said Xion, laughing.

"No!" said Lea.

“A million times better,” said Isa.

Roxas and Xion burst into laughter. Lea groaned and flicked Isa’s forehead. “You,” said Lea, “are the worst.”

Isa hummed absently. “Mm. Love you too.”

“Now what movie should we watch?” said Xion, flipping through movies on their TV. “And Isa doesn’t get to vote this time.”

“Hey!” Isa looked up from his book. “I can put down what I’m reading if you want to watch something, you know.”

“Not because of that,” said Xion.

“Because you chose the lamest thing ever the last time,” said Roxas.

“What was lame about it?” Isa said, frowning. “I thought it was very good.”

“It was black and white,” said Roxas.

“And four hours long,” said Xion.

“_And_ they didn’t even have voices!” said Roxas.

“Hmph,” Isa said. “You all just don’t appreciate the classics. Right, Lea?”

“Yeah,” said Lea, pressing the sarcasm in his tone, “that movie sure was _great_.”

“I disown all three of you,” said Isa with a shake of his head, returning to his book.

“You can’t disown us!” said Xion.

“Yeah.” Roxas tutted his lips. “What would your parents say?”

“They’d say ‘good’,” said Isa.

They continued to argue over nonsense for the rest of the afternoon, laughing at each other’s expense and whatever else came off the top of their heads. They never did settle on a movie.

It was just an average day in the house they called home.

* * *

“Where are we going?” said Isa.

It was dusk in Radiant Garden. The setting sun reflected off the clouds and the curtain of night slowly descending over the city, painting strokes of rose and lavender in the sky. Lea held Isa’s hand as they strolled through the gardens.

“Nowhere in particular,” said Lea. “It’s just nice to walk around with you like this. Get some time for ourselves, you know?”

Isa gave a small smile, leaning in closer. He let go of Lea’s hand and hooked their arms together instead, pressing his body at Lea’s side. “It is nice,” Isa said. “I had a good time tonight. On our—” He cleared his throat. “—_date_.”

Lea laughed. “That’s good. Considering it’s our first proper date. Glad I got to make a good first impression.”

“I don’t know,” said Isa, the sarcasm dripping from his voice. “There were times you came across as quite sloppy. Not sure if I should proceed with the second date. Can’t really see myself going long-term with a savage who can’t tell what each different spoon is for.”

“Hey!” Lea laughed. “Look, how should _I _know? I mean, I knew that restaurant was fancy, but not _that_ fancy. Why do you even need that many spoons anyway?”

“Right. I’m sure you’d just prefer to stick with a spork as your only cutlery.”

“Lights, no. I hate sporks.”

They laughed. Lea had never felt so light before.

They reached the bridge over the pond. Isa leaned his head against Lea’s shoulder, breathing a contented sigh. Lea smiled as he wrapped his arm around Isa, feeling warmth grow inside him.

“Remember this place?” said Lea. “It’s where we had our first slow dance together.”

“Yes. It was also the first time you confessed to me. And the first time I rejected you.”

“The first in a series of many,” Lea sighed.

“Aw, don’t feel so bad about yourself. You’re actually quite charming. Despite what all those rejections may tell you.”

“You think so?”

“Well, not personally. But surely some other sad sap out there must think so.”

Lea laughed, then pulled Isa in for a kiss. “You’re awful,” he murmured against Isa’s lips.

“Takes one to know one.”

Isa leaned up and kissed him again, cradling Lea's face in his hands, opening his mouth for Lea to explore. When they pulled apart for breath, they stared at each other, eyes glinting as they beamed. And then they delved back in for another kiss. Again. And again. And again. Lea might have called it bliss. He might have written a million different ballads about love and passion and yearning; about how powerful it could be; about how it moved and defined you; about the pain and desperation and self-sacrifice that came with it. But here in this moment, he felt none of that. Because what they shared, here and now, was like breathing. It was the easiest thing in the world.


	22. Epilogue

**TEN YEARS LATER**

* * *

"Alright,” said Isa, “that's it for today's lesson." He set the whiteboard marker down and walked back to the desk. He faced the class, all eyes in the lecture hall trained on him. "Any questions?" A few hands raised up. He pointed at the girl at the back of the class. "Yes, miss?"

"Did you really turn down knighthood?" she said.

Isa sputtered. "Come now. Are there any questions about the _lesson_?"

Another hand raised up. He pointed at the boy to speak.

"Do you still keep in contact with Master Aqua?" the boy asked.

"I'm here to teach you about inter-World aerospace engineering," said Isa. "Not to tell stories."

"But you have so many good ones!"

"Come on, professor!" said another student, leading to the clamour of the rest of the classroom.

Isa sighed, clapping his hands together. "Alright. Class dismissed."

Disappointed whines sounded throughout the hall. The students packed up their things anyway, filing out the class, some of them saying goodbye to him on the way out. As he packed all his notes and laptop into his bag, a loud clapping startled him. He looked up and sighed, the tension in his shoulders disappearing. At the top of the hall stood Lea, dressed in a simple suit, unruly red hair tied into a bun atop his head. Isa had cut his own hair short a while ago, but Lea's was still as long and unkempt as ever.

"What are you doing here?" Isa said, shaking his head despite the smile that crept onto his face.

"Just came back from a mission," said Lea, grinning as he walked down the steps of the hall, hands in his pockets. "Figured we could do lunch since you don't have a class until four."

"Got my schedule memorized, hm?"

"Of course." Lea met him at his desk and leaned in, pulling him into a kiss. Isa pulled away before Lea got carried away.

"Did you get to visit Roxas on your trip?" said Isa.

"Yup. Here." Lea took something from his pocket and passed it to Isa. It was a photograph. "From the last inter-World struggle match at Destiny Islands."

"Oh!" Isa smiled at the photo. "I'm guessing he won from the looks of this."

"Nah, that's just the participation trophy--Of course he did! Come on, Isa."

"It isn’t like I didn't expect it. Hard not to considering they call him the 'Strugglemaster'." Isa tucked the photo into his coat.

"Ah, shit," said Lea.

"What is it?"

"I forgot to cancel all the bookings for the wedding! Crap, Xion's gonna kill me. If anyone calls asking about wedding plans that never were, she's _never _gonna stop moping."

"Oh, no. There's no need to cancel. She called me yesterday. She said it's back on."

“Really? Lights, that's great! Phew, I swear I thought I was going to die for a second."

"You are so dramatic."

"Look, I'm just glad they patched things up. They make a really good couple! Would've been a shame to cancel the wedding.”

"You just don't want to let go of your dreams of walking Xion down the aisle."

"Well, that too." Lea laughed. "Anyhow, I'm starving. Where d'you wanna eat, professor?"

Isa hummed. "Is there anywhere that still sells sea salt ice cream?"

Lea grinned. "I'm sure we can find one somewhere." He cleared his throat and bowed, then held his arm out. "Shall we?"

Isa rolled his eyes and took Lea's arm as they walked out of the building together. "You are so cheesy.” He sighed.

"The best type of cheesy. The gouda-st."

Isa smiled and shook his head.

Things weren’t always as easy as this. They still had nights when they couldn’t sleep and days when their inner demons grew too strong, threatening to ruin everything they worked so hard to build. But not today. Today was going to be a good day—Isa could tell. He smiled.

"So," said Isa, "how was your mission? Anything interesting happen?"

"Oh, Lights. More like 'what _didn't_ happen.' Where do I begin?”

"Hmm… You could start with ‘once upon a time’.”

They laughed, stepping out the building into the bright afternoon sun. It was a good day. And even if it turned out not to be, they would get through it all the same. And they would do it together.

**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap! Thank you so much for reading! I hope you all enjoyed this monster of a fic as much as I did writing it and reading all your lovely comments. Your support for this story means so much to me and I appreciate all your kind words throughout the posting of this fic! To whoever out there who might stumble upon this fic in the near/distant future, hi, I'd love to hear your thoughts too!
> 
> Comments and kudos are of course wholly appreciated. If you have any questions or anything you'd like to add, feel free to do so in the comments or in my [Tumblr ask box](http://haidadraws.tumblr.com/ask) or [Curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/malazyian). You can also find me on Twitter [@malazyian](http://twitter.com/malazyian) / [@haidadraws](http://twitter.com/haidadraws). 
> 
> Shoutout to [Nic](http://twitter.com/myed98) and [Hippodog](http://twitter.com/hippo_dog) for making such lovely art for this fic, and of course to _all_ my readers for your endless support and even for recommending this fic to others 💖💖
> 
> Cheers and have a good day!


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